


The Prettiest Girl in the Morgue

by Ittaby



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Accidents, Angst, Attempted Suicide, Blood and Gore, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Domestic Violence, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Lovers, Graphic Description, Homophobia, Hospitals, Internalized Homophobia, Love Triangles, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Aquors charachters, Multi, Murder, Power Imbalance, Rape/Non-con Elements, Roomates, Self-Harm, Self-Mutilation, Slow Burn, Suicide, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unprofessional surgery, Unresolved truama leads to unhealthy coping, all that jazz, botched surgery, ptsd in parts, smutt?, time skips to move the story along so its not that slow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2020-09-27 09:27:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 42
Words: 127,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20405443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ittaby/pseuds/Ittaby
Summary: The elevator door dinged and Maki had no other choice but to step out. This floor smelt far more different than the rest of the hospital. It smelled metallic, like stainless steel and blood, with the lingering scent of formaldehyde.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I got this idea by seeing a picture with the title of this work in a horror font and I got a spark of creativity so I decided to make a thing. sorry if its rushed i just needed to get my idea down and I'm not the best at writing anymore, also sorry if there are accents on some letters my computer automatically adds them oops. Also I know jack shit about hospitals so sorry if things aren't exactly accurate

Maki sighed entering the dormitory she had been calling home for three years now. Her feet ached with every step she took before throwing herself ungracefully onto the preowned couch that smelled so much like her roommate Nozomi’s incense. She loved helping out in the hospital but dammit doing rounds with the nurses was really killing her legs. The redhead could swear up and down that all the walking made her lose at least five pounds this month. 

A pile of unfinished schoolwork sat piled high on the coffee table. The mere image of it made Maki want to burn the documents in the sink, she didn’t have the energy to do anything let alone use her brain. Instead she pulled out her phone choosing to scroll through social media.

All her old high school friends seemed to be having fun. A picture of Kotori new dress designs, she was apprenticing abroad learning the fundamentals of fashion from experts. A picture of Rin in a cat cafe somewhere in Tokyo. One of Honoka playing karaoke with her little sister.

God she missed her friends. Sure she had Nozomi but she was always volunteering at the hospitals shrine. Work and study really made Maki’s social life non existent, and even though she did like time to herself, she didn’t like feeling completely lonely.

With a huff Maki turned over on the couch, the spring wire squeaking underneath her uncomfortably. With nothing to do, and exhaustion creeping in she decided the best thing she could do was sleep. Nozomi wouldn’t be home for another three hours and it was the elders turn to bring home dinner. 

\----------------

Maki woke up to a shove on her shoulder. Opening her eyes to see her roommate looking tired but smiling nonetheless, plastic bag in hand. 

“I’m home, I brought your favorite.”

“oh , thanks” 

“No problem, let’s eat at the table.” 

“Maki nodded in agreement, getting off the couch stretching. Her back popped loudly, a pleasing but painful sensation going through her spine as she walked to the small eating area. 

The redhead sat on her side of the table. Nozomi was parting the take out onto two paper plates in front of her, putting more of the tomatoes onto Maki’s plate knowing the redhead liked them more. It was almost an unspoken rule that whenever they ate something one of them favored that person would get a little bit more. This time though she didn’t seem to be stopping, the first plate almost overloading with food. 

“Uhm, Nozomi are you ok?”

“Huh?” She looked up at Maki confused before looking down at the mess being made on the table. “Oh crap..” The younger handed her a napkin and Nozomi embarrassed, picked it up, tossing the soiled napkin into the bin.

Although her display was amusing it was a bit worrying. Nozomi never acted like that, she was always grounded but she seemed a bit frazzled, like her mind was occupied with something else. 

Maki helped her roommate transfer some of the food onto the other paper plate setting one in front of herself and the other in front of the bustier girl. “Is something wrong you seem a bit, I don't know, out of it?”

Nozomi’s eyes widened slightly, dropping her chopsticks, her cheeks blushing a light pink “Oh, is it really that obvious?”

Maki wanted the laugh at her, “Yes, extremely obvious, whats up?” 

The purple haired girls face fell slightly, it was unnerving to see her roommate that always smiled look so glum it made Maki sit up straighter anxious about what could be wrong to make her look like that. It had to be pretty serious.

“Well,” Nozomi shifted in her seat smoothing a napkin over her lap, “There was an accident after you left the hospital. They wheeled in a girl with serious injuries. It was pretty severe. Her siblings were at the shrine with me when they got the news she passed. It was pretty heartbreaking but that stuff happens all the time but.. I don’t know something just felt off, it felt bad.”

Maki’s appetite suddenly disappeared, hearing about death still got to her even though it was a constant thing in her life. Hell she even performed surgery on a cadaver once and almost passed out. “Oh...”

“Yea, I know it shouldn’t be a big deal but..the aura was just so dark.” Nozomi seemed to notice the uncomfortable look on Maki’s face. She cheered up instantly putting on a fake but sincere looking smile, “Sorry, I made a big deal out of nothing, lets eat.”

They both ate in relative silence, Nozomi spacing out every once in awhile. Despite not being hungry after that story Maki still managed to finish her meal. Throwing the plate away she excused herself and gathered her papers from the coffee table before going to her room to finish her assignments.

\------------

The familiar smell of antiseptic and cleaners greeted Maki as she walked in the doors of the hospital. Nurses and doctors milled around, the sound of beeping filling almost every room. She had no idea what they had planned in store for her today but hopefully it wouldn’t be too labor intensive. Her feet still hurt and her shoulders and neck were as stiff as a corpse from laying on that dumb bed wrong. 

The day had started off bad but it couldn’t possibly get worse right?

Wrong.

Very, very wrong.

She had morgue duties today with a mentor. Despite loving working at a hospital there was one thing Maki could go without and that was working with dead bodies. It was uncomfortable and awkward. She had been pushing the thought of having to learn a morticians job out of her mind, but she had to learn it eventually. 

The elevator ride down to the morgue was an uneasy one. No one else went down to this floor leaving Maki alone in the elevator. The music doing little to calm her nerves.

The elevator door dinged and Maki had no other choice but to step out. This floor smelt far more different than the rest of the hospital. It smelled metallic, like stainless steel and blood, with the lingering scent of formaldehyde.

It sent shivers down her spine. Besides the smell, it wasn’t dark like she expected it to be it looked normal. Like another floor. But the only patients in these rooms were dead. And it was cold. The blue scrubs she wore no longer felt sufficient in keeping her warm but she pushed on walking into the correct room the paper had instructed her to go to. 

To her surprise a cadaver was already on the table in the center of the room. A white sheet slung over the body. 

Maki walked closer. Her gut clenching and churning. 

The body was small. Not like a child but that of possibly a teenager, but it was still considerably tiny.

It made Maki feel sick, like she wanted to vomit, faint, to run away. 

But it also made her curious, she wanted to see, wanted to know why this person had died, what they looked like. She wanted to remove the white sheet, but she knew she should wait for her mentor.

Instead the redhead tried to distract herself with other things in the room, looking over the various instruments that were to be used on the small body.

With every minute passing Maki’s desire to lift the sheet grew. Her mentor had still not shown up after ten minutes. Talk about being unprofessional.

Purple eyes moved from the door frame to the small body on the autopsy table.

It wouldn't hurt if she took one peek would it. Just a small one to see the extent of the damage. She didn’t want her mentor to show up later and take the sheet off only for Maki to get sick mid lecture and leave. No it would be better if she found out now. To save time.

Nervously the redhead walked up to the table. She grabbed one corner of the sheet slowly tugging it up, her hand shook and she scowled at how anxious she was. She was going to be a surgeon she needed to get over tiny things like this.

With a swift movement Maki pulled the sheet back letting it go, stopping just before the lower waist of the cadaver.

“Holy shit..” There before Maki had to be the prettiest girl in the morgue.

The prettiest girl with gaping holes in her abdomen. A fresh body, a body that still had blood seeping from the wounds pooling the inside of the table some dripping into the drain at the bottom of the table. 

But despite the gruesome wounds the girl looked to be peacefully sleeping. Her black hair still in pigtails, not yet cut out, framed her soft childlike face. Her skin pale still looked soft to the touch. She looked angelic in a morbid way, a fallen angel laying in her own blood.

The prettiest girl in the morgue definitely.

What Maki didn’t expect was for the prettiest girl in the morgue to move.


	2. Preparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She rummaged through the drawers, she took sutures and needles, everything that she could possibly need, throwing it all into her bag in a hurry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really didn't expect so many people to click on this story the day it went up. Some of you guys even liked it so here's another chapter. I liked how this one turned out a lot more. Enjoy and please excuse any errors in my writing.

Maki screamed.The cadaver had shot straight up sitting on the autopsy table making flecks of flood fly inches away from her . This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t right?

Right before her eyes was a girl who had been pronounced dead the day prior, sitting up, looking terrified. The cadaver was definitely breathing Maki noted. She was breathing rapidly, wheezing, à gurgling noise coming from deep in her throat, the only thing she could akinly compare it to was the noise zombies made in movie. Holy shit was this a zombie?!

The redhead back up till she felt the counter hit her lower back. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, “fuck..” 

Talking was a big mistake, The cadaver turned her head facing Maki straight on. It gurgled something unintelligible and coughed spewing blood out that dribbled down her chin and naked body. It’s eyes were a dull red as if not all the color had been drained from them yet. And it held a shaky hand out to her. 

“No, no no!” The cadaver moved again lifting herself off from the table slowly in a crawl. Maki panic, she looked around for anything to help her keep that thing away. She scrambled to pick up the largest scalpel, holding it firmly in front of her. “Stay back!”

It had made its way to the floor, picking itself up before it hunched over again coughing and vomiting chunks of blood onto the floor, it looked to be holding itself. Maki noticed that with each cough the multiple wounds had been sending trickles of blood down the girls legs, her eyes followed the blood trail down to the tag wrapped around the girls toe. 

This girl was dead, she was dead so why was this happening. It had to be a nightmare, it had to. Either it was a nightmare or Maki was going to die.

The bloodied girl kept walking towards her, partially slipping from the blood pooled on the floor. She was still in a fit of coughing, the last cough spraying her scrubs with blood from how close she was now.

Maki raised the scalpel up higher, “I mean it stay-stay away from me!”

The cadaver breathed in another forced wheezy breath, heaving a foot away from the blade. “Please ...please..help me.”

She froze, dropping the scalpel that hit the floor with a dull clank. The cadaver continued to stare straight at her, convulsing in a way to keep herself from coughing anymore. Her small frame was trembling, more blood oozing from.

“Home..,”she couldn't hold it in anymore and coughed violently, covering Maki’s shoes in dark red liquid. Tears or what seemed to be tears ran down the girls cheeks. She was gurgling again and Maki couldn't tell if it was because the blood or tears, but she heard it clearly, “Home please..I’m scared!”

Her stomach clenched. She was really talking, she was scared too, she was crying and bleeding and confused. Maki felt conflicted on one hand she had tried to imagine waking up like this in an unknown place but on the other hand, this girl was dead. Dead. This wasn’t normal. And the cadaver still posed a threat. 

Maki couldn’t say anything. In an act of cowardice she knelt down grabbing the scalpel. 

A bloodied hand covered hers. The redhead looked up. The girl was face to face with her, she couldn’t move, the smell of death wafted from the girl, half cloudy gaze looking right through Maki, tears still hanging onto her dark lashes. “Help”.

She nodded quickly, she had no other choice, what was she supposed to say when she was face to face with this thing. The cadaver seemed to breath out in relief letting itself fall to sit completely on the floor.

Maki rose to her feet, suddenly running as if she were on autopilot. Her brain was doing circles, thoughts jumbled and scattered. She took one more look at the pitiful girl in front of her before taking action. 

Maki grabbed the sheet that had been draped on the girl prior wrapping it around the girl. She tried to rationalize the situation.

If her and this girl were caught it would be bad, she would be questioned relentlessly, held in custody, sworn to secrecy or who knows what and the girl...Maki froze mad walk. The girl would be put through hell, dead or not. She would probably be pricked and probed and tested on in every single way possible. Maybe they’d kill her again to see if she would come back or not, they would do all sorts of morbid things to her.

In a moral sense it was wrong for them to do that, it made Maki angry.

With newfound vigor the redhead quickened her pace. She grabbed her purse from the hook by the door and made her way back to the medical cupboard. She rummaged through the drawers, she took sutures and needles, everything that she could possibly need, throwing it all into her bag in a hurry.

There was one problem though, she realized. Maki couldn’t carry the girl all the way back to the apartment. She needed something, a wheelchair. But she would have to be fast at getting one and not be caught covered in blood. 

She made her way over to the girl. Her small body was still shaking, the sheet fisted tightly in her delicate hands. “I'll be right back.” Cloudy eyes met Maki’s and the girl nodded mustering up a halfhearted smile that cracked the dried blood around her mouth.

Maki ran for it. 

The Elevator ride back up was far more anxiety driven that the previous one going down. She had to do this and had to do it fast. She knew there was a hallway that had halted renovation, the nurses liked to use it to store the big equipment on the second floor. If she took the long way around there’d be a chance she could get there without being spotted.

Once the doors opened Maki made a beeline towards the hallway, she couldn't hear anyone coming but she couldn’t be too sure. She kept her pace at a fast walking brisk in case anyone showed up. 

Turning the corner she heard some chatter coming from inside one of the patient rooms. It sounded like a nurse speaking with a patient about his heart condition. Dammit. Now she had to hurry, she didn’t want to get caught on the way back. If she was caught she would have to lie and Maki had to admit she was a terrible liar. 

Around the next corner she finally made it, with a sigh of relief she opened up one of the wheelchairs locking the parts in place. 

She had done it, phase one was almost complete.

“Darling what’re you doing up here?”


	3. Preparation pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maki had to push down her anxiety, she nodded to other nurses and said hello to a few patients, sticking as close to the wheelchair as she could trying to hide the stains of blood that were splattered on her pant scrubs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw guys thank you all so much for the support and leaving such nice comments. I'm so glad to know some of you like this, when I came back from my trip I was surprised to see all the comments, I'm glad you all want me to continue, here's a sort of filler chapter. Next chapter there will be more interactive moments between Maki and Nico!

Maki’s shoulders tensed at her moms question towards her. Her hands gripped the bars of the wheelchair nervously.

“Oh I’m just...bringing a wheelchair down for a patient.” Fuck her voice cracked didn’t it. She was definitely going to notice something was up. God Maki was going to break a sweat.

“I see hurry on then.” Relieved she turned her vision from the tiled floor to her mother who was smiling at her, “Remember to clean up after yourself though, you can't go around spreading bio hazard.”

Maki blanked, her mom really wasn't even going to question all the blood? She was just telling her to clean it up? Well that certainly made things a lot easier.

She nodded, “Of course, gotta go.” 

With a silent sigh she began wheeling the chair back down towards the elevator. That small conversation made her lose some time, hopefully the morgue would be just as devoid of life as when she left it.

The elevator dinged and she entered pressing the basement floor button. 

What was she going to do once she got the girl out of the building. She could just drop her off and let her fend for herself but that seemed a little too cruel. At the same time though, she couldn’t stay with Maki and Nozomi, she didn’t like entertaining the idea of living with an animated corpse and she doubted her roommate would like to either. Maybe she could bring the girl to her family. 

Yes that was the perfect idea!

Except she didn’t know the girls family, or where they lived. Hell she didn’t even know the girls name. Maki hadn’t even bothered to check the tag on the girls foot. 

The girls foot, her tag, that was it! She’d look at the tag and find her name, her name would have to be in the records folder along with all of the small girls personal information. Although Maki would somehow have to get into the records department which could be tricky without permission. But once she had that information she could bring the girl back to her family and let them deal with it.

The downside though was that would probably take at least three days maybe a week if she wanted to play it safe, In the meantime, she would have to hide the girl somewhere, probably her apartment where she’d have to try and keep her hidden and out of Nozomi’s sense.

God this was already such a headache. 

The elevator door dinged and the redhead stepped out she was back to sprinting towards the room, before entering she peeked through the small window on the door. 

She hadn’t realized what a mess the sterile room looked like. Bio hazard was all over the place, pools of blood and spray of it scattered around along with chunky bits of coagulated blood the girl had vomited. It was disgusting and would look completely horrifying to someone walking in. To Maki’s luck though it seemed nobody had been down here since she left. 

Thank god her mentor was late.

Maki prompted the door open pressing the large button on the side of it and wheeled the chair in. The cadaver looked up at her, eyeing the wheelchair up and down.

“Ok c’mon let’s get you in.” 

The small girl made no plans to move, she continued staring blankly at Maki, still trembling under the white sheet. “You were walking all over the place earlier let’s go it's like two feet away.” Still nothing.

The redhead grumbled under her breath, she really didn’t want to have to touch her, she was still a dead body in her eyes. She didn’t seem to have a choice though, as the girl just kept staring à low gurgle coming from her throat like an annoyed cat.

With all the courage she could muster Maki picked the girl up bridal style hooking her arms under her knees and supporting her back. Up this close the stench became unbearable, Maki had to hold her breath or she was absolutely going to vomit on the girl.

The blood from the open wounds bled through the sheet and further onto Maki’s scrubs, a few droplets falling to the ground. The taller girl tried not to focus so much on all the blood and set the girl down in the wheelchair. Trying not to stare directly into the cloudy red eyes she readjusted the sheet around the girl tucking it in and trying to cover up the bits that were stained with blood.

“Alright we’re all set, lets get the hell out of here.” Another gurgle came from the girl, Maki pushed the wheelchair forward back towards where she came.

She was surprised the girl sitting in the wheelchair felt like nothing. So light that it didn’t even feel like Maki was pushing anyone. A small feeling of envy filled Maki, when this girl was alive she was definitely a gorgeous girl, Small, dainty, thin and pretty, Maki would have absolutely loathed her. But here she was now, dead at such a young age, and mutilated. Her feelings were immediately switched back to empathetic. Maki did feel bad for her.

Before she knew it they had reached the first floor. The busiest floor at that. The redhead decided they needed to take an alternate exit to the one in front of the building. She could use one of the side exits by the ICU and other patients room. The closest one to the parking lot would have to be the ICU exit. It was worth a shot. Besides that wing of the hospital was for patients who were in critical condition and needed to be monitored. She wouldn’t look too out of place there wheeling a extremely pale looking patient. 

The two of them made their way down the hallway. Maki had to push down her anxiety, she nodded to other nurses and said hello to a few patients, sticking as close to the wheelchair as she could trying to hide she stains of blood that were splattered on her pant scrubs. She noticed an older woman look at them critically and quickened her pace. 

Soon she had made it to a clear exit pressing the automatic open button wheeling them out. It was bitterly cold outside though the girl in the chair didn’t seem to care or notice. Maki was just happy Nozomi had let her borrow her car today while she went out Christmas shopping with Honoka. Not only did she not want to walk in the cold, but she did not want to get suspicious looks from onlookers.

Maki took out the keys as they walked unlocking the car with a beep. She brought the wheelchair up to the front passenger door opening it. She dreaded that she’d have to pick the girl up again, but she did it without much fuss, this time holding her breath before getting to close.

Gently she placed the girl in sucking in a breath of clean air before reaching over her buckling the twin tail up securely. Hopefully the smaller girl didn’t stain the interior, Maki would have a hell of a time explaining that one to Nozomi. 

Her fingers stung from the cold as she folded the wheelchair back up placing it in the backseat of the car. God it was cold. She entered the drivers side and immediately was immersed in the smell of metallic and festering wounds. She gagged turning off the heater that was making it worse and opened up the windows. 

Cold be damned she was not going to be suffocated like this. 


	4. Cleaning and setting of the cadaver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once she was sufficiently washed she turned the showerhead off. Now came the part she was most worried about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the support! You are all so sweet and thank you to Kuro_Hyou and NicoMaki for always commenting. You guys really motivated me to write.
> 
> As always please excuse my errors and I went through and edited last chapter a bit once I saw some things were out of order

The drive back to the apartment was an uneasy one. Maki stopped at the red light. She glanced at the girl in the passenger seat was still convulsing, the low gargle in her throat had become the same background sound as the honks of traffic. Her chest heaved with every inhale and exhale.

She seemed to sense Maki's gaze, turning her head from the snowy cityscape to her. The redhead inhaled sharply, quickly looking back ahead, a blush settling itself on her cheeks. The girl didn't care or at least didn't look like she did. Cloudy red eyes watched Maki's form nervously maneuver through traffic, before slowly turning back towards the window.

It was unsettling how despite technically being alive, the girl reacted in a dazed way, as if she wasn't conscious of the world around her. It confused Maki, when the girl first woke she was full of energy, she had fast paced movements hell the girl even crawled off the table and floor. 

But now she was docile, her movements slow, as if she had used all the energy she had. With another quick glance Maki took a look at her face. Eyes sunken in, bags prevalent under them, a dazed expression. If she were completely living it would be obvious that the girl was exhausted. But that wasn't the case here and the redhead couldn't come to the conclusion if the girl was just tired or just..dead.

The gurling had suddenly got more intense, the smaller girls convulsions getting larger as well, just as it had back in the morgue before the girl had heaved out blood.

The redhead pulled off to the side of the road, "Fuck, no please don't please!" Maki reached over the girl quickly attempting to roll the window down from the passenger side. Damn Nozomi for not fixing the drivers side window panel. It was too late though as the girl spewed another load of blood.

Chunks hit Maki's face a few managing to get into the girls open mouth. She was all but frozen for a second, staring wide eyed at the window button before her. Crap…

Coming out of her shock Maki was pissed. She sputtered trying to spit out whatever got in her mouth while her hands attempted to brush the blood from her cheek, effectively smearing it all over her forearm. "What the hell was that?! Couldn't you hold that in for a few more minutes!"

Maki aggressively sat back down in her seat, the girl beside her quite and still trembling. The red head was pissed off slamming her hands on the steering wheel frustrated. "Do you understand what you just did?! How am I supposed to give the care back to Nozomi in this condition?! Not only did your ass stink up the place but now you got your gross blood vomit everywhere!"

The twin tailed girl almost shrunk down in her seat, hiding more of herself in the sheet, eyes cast down at the mess in front of her. Maki sighed, head tilted back looking up at the polyester ceiling, "God, this is just great. Just what I needed."

With a grunt Maki put the car back into drive. The rest of the ride was quiet, the girl no longer gurgling audibly, just the sound and the windshield wipers and a strained breath.

\------------------

The drivers side door slammed shut, bag slung over her shoulder Maki made her way back around the car, snow crunching underneath her feet. 

She unloaded the wheelchair setting it up, cursing as one of the joints refused to lock up. She struggled with it, puffs of hot air filling up the space around her. Finally it clicked into place. Opening the door with no grace she went straight to work, unbuckling the girl and putting her in her chair.

Maki took one more look at the mess in the passenger's seat before closing it with a loud thud.

Her hands absolutely ached from the cold, the feeling intensifying as she grabbed the handlebars of the wheelchair. She would just have to suck it up, they'd be inside soon enough. 

Trekking the wheelchair through snow proved to be a harder test than she thought. Maki could no longer feel her nose or ears by the time they reached the front entrance. The door having no automatic opening button also made the task extra hard. The redhead had to awkwardly try to keep the door open with her foot while squeezing the wheelchair inside. 

Once inside she felt too hot after all the extra work. She wheeled them up to the elevator, the crappy old thing taking what seemed like ages to get down to the lobby. She pushed the chair in and pressed the number 5 on the panel. 

A Christmas jingle played in the background filling in the tense silence as they waited for the correct floor. Maki honestly hated it, it was too happy for her taste, she never really liked festivities and the aura it brought along with it. Parties were a hassle, buying gifts with her small amount of cash was bothersome. Not to mention the gaudy decorations. The only reason the girls had a Christmas tree, a small one that fit on a side table, was because Nozomi had pleaded, tears and all to have it.

With her arms crossed over her chest she looked down at the back of the small girl head in the chair. A barely audible gurgle was coming from her, and Maki could've been imagining things but the girls head bobbed slightly offbeat with the music. 

The doors opened and Maki shook it off wheeling them down the long hallway. She grabbed her keys out of her scrub pocket as they neared the apartment door. At door number 37 she rounded the wheelchair unlocking the apartment and opening the door wide before wheeling the other inside.

After successful rolling her into the main room Maki locked the door behind them fastening the deadbolt as well. She turned her attention to the twin tailed girl who was taking in her surroundings little by little.

"It's not much but hey it's probably better than anywhere you'd end up." The redhead wheeled the girl right outside the bathroom. "I need to set things up, stay still and try not to throw up again." 

The girl watched as Maki left, she was gone for a few minutes making a commotion somewhere in the kitchen before returning with an armful of garbage bags, bleach, some kitchen scissors and her bag. 

Maki had gone straight to work, cutting the garbage bags down the side laying them flat all over the bathroom floor and inside of the tub. She dumped the contents of her bag on the counter quickly putting on à medical mask and gloves.

She turned around and made her way to the small girl picking her up and setting her down on the toilet seat.

Maki's face flushed bright red as she removed the stained sheet from the girls body. Her eyes raked down the girls body from her delicate collarbones, to her tiny breasts and cinched in waist, all the way to the open wounds that looked incredibly disgusting.

It would take a long time to try and fix up everything. Maki had basic knowledge in performing surgeries but she had never tackled something this huge before. If she wanted to do things correctly it would take hours, but she would have to. The open wounds were what was ultimately causing the young girl to vomit blood. If she wanted to stop the vomiting she'd have to close the wound.

Maki took a large breath. She did a once over of all her materials before picking the girl up again. She was almost limp in her arms like a ragdoll as Maki laid her down. The girls size was a plus, her body fit laying flat in the tub. It would've been easier for her to perform the surgery on the kitchen island, but the cleanup would be harder and when Nozomi came home there'd be no hiding what she was doing.

After making sure the girl was positioned correctly Maki grabbed the showerhead, she knelt back down beside the tub her hand on the knob, "This might be a little cold at first."

She turned the knob midway. A stream of cold water hit the girl but she had no reaction to it. She sprayed the girls body down, blood washing down the drain. The small girls wounds became cleared then they were before. 

Maki could see now, nine stab wounds that littered the girls body, there was one just in the middle underneath her ribcage, two directly under, another three in the stomach and the rest in her lower abdomen. The one under her ribcage seemed to be the worst out of all of them. 

The doctors hadn't even tried to save her, it was apparent. She was probably almost dead by the time she got to the hospital. There was no point in trying. The wound looked as if someone had dug a knife into the girl and twisted it inside her. The redhead's stomach clenched just at the thought of the pain. It had to be enough to have made her pass out. At least Maki hoped it was.

Once she was sufficiently washed she turned the showerhead off. Now came the part she was most worried about. 

Maki reached over grabbing a curved needle and surgical thread, in her rush she had forgotten about the surgical stapler. The stitches would have to do for now. If they dissolved she would have to go back in and redo the entire thing. It would be tedious but anything worked for now. 

She found threading the needle hard, her hands shaking. She cursed frowning until she finally got the thread through the hole.

Maki turned back to the girl in the tub, she looked absolutely terrible. Wet tails clinging to her cheeks, body shaking slightly. She looked like a drowned rat. The taller girl sighed shaking her head, gaze falling on the tag still attached to the girls big toe.

"Shit" 

She set the threaded needle on the edge of the tub, quickly she grabbed the sopping wet tag. Turning it over she panicked, the letters were almost washed away. Her number no longer visible. Nothing was legible except for "yazawa". Only her last name was preserved. With a defeated sigh maki through the tag off to the side resuming her work.

Maki picked up the thread deciding to start on one of the minor wounds. "Well yazawa, let's get this started."

She slowly inserted the needle. What she did not expect though for the girl to let out a strangled gurgle. Maki winced, the girl hadn't reacted to anything so far she didn't think that stitching her up would be any different. All she could do was watch the small girl in front of her claw up the sides of the tub, letting out gurgles of groans, limbs twitching painfully with every stitch.

It was going to be a long procedure.


	5. Unresponsive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Maki was losing her? Was blood loss too excessive? Something vital further damaged? Or was it a problem that was just out of Maki’s hands?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a bit longer to come out, I've had a lot of social events come up. Forgive me if its not the best chapter in just trying to get something out.

Maki wasn’t a believer of a lot of things, fate, soulmates, and Nozomi’s tarot card readings. But she did believe one thing, and that was that the world absolutely hated her.

Being winter the daylight had started to fall all too quickly. She had been mid reconstruction when the bathroom light became too dim to see exactly what she was doing, stopping wasn't an option and neither was a messy job. So here she was scrambling about the apartment looking for a damn lamp.

A ring rung in the silent room, Maki’s head shooting up immediately and hitting the upper shelf of her closet. “Fuck!” 

Holding her head in one hand she dug her phone out of her pocket with the other. Nozomi’s name lit up the screen, along with a picture of the girl wearing her Yukata during last years summer festival. 

Fuck, Maki had forgotten about her roommate. She looked at the time in the corner of her ringing phone. 5:30. She would be home soon and Maki would be so dead. Nervously the redhead swiped the green button entering the call.

“Uh hello?”

“Hey Maki-chan!” Nozomi’s happy voice chimed in on the other side of the phone. She heard a muffled, “Hi Maki!”, somewhere in the background probably Honoka. There was an exchange of giggles between the girls and some more muffled talking. 

Maki's eyes wandered back to the door of her bedroom and down the hall. She bit her lip, a problem she had to admit had become a bad habit. This was crazy, absolutely terrible timing. She was nowhere near done, there was no one she could clean everything up in time and hide the girl. She was so screwed, she was going to get into so much trouble. She’d be kicked out of med school, hell she’d even go to prison. She was going to slow, being too careful, she-

“Maki-chan!” 

She was broken out of her reverie by Nozomi’s voice again, although this time a lot less cheerful and a little more annoyed.“Huh uh what?” 

An exaggerated sigh came from the older girl. She was going to be chastised wasn't she. “Don’t space off during conversations that's rude,” her pout was audible and made Maki feel a little ashamed, the redhead subconsciously rubbing the back of her neck. “Anyway like I was saying, don’t wait up for me tonight. The weather got worse so I’m staying with Honoka-chan for the night.”

Maki could’ve shouted in delight. She had more time!   
Instead she kept her demeanor as calm as she could, “Ok sounds cool, don't get too drunk tonight.” Two distinct laughs burst out from the other side. Nozomi made no promises, the two exchanging goodbyes.

Relieved Maki put her phone back into her pocket. She still had to find that damn lamp. 

After another good ten minutes of searching she finally found a lamp. It had been shoved underneath her bed behind many boxes of random crap from high school. Everything underneath here was covered in a thick layer of dust that made her cringe. She would have to do some cleaning later when she had the time.

She stood up wiping the dust off with a shirt from her dirty laundry hamper, tossing it back in haphazardly when she was done before continuing back. She passed a window, pausing for a minute to take a look. Nozomi was right. It was practically storming out there, snow aggressively blowing in the direction of the wind. Maki just hoped that the pipes wouldn’t freeze. 

Once back in the bathroom she set the light up, clipping the lamp to the edge of the sing and pointing it in the direction over the tub. 

It illuminated the space nicely. Maki could once again see the work she was doing on the girl. Pleased, she put on a new pair of gloves and another mask. Kneeling by the tub she did a once over of the small girl again. The twin tailed girl was staring up at the ceiling, eyes not moving and body still as well, a corpse. It worried Maki a little if she were to be honest. Before leaving to retrieve the lamp she had noticed that Yazawa wasn’t reacting once again. She didn’t claw at the tub, or try to sit up, she hadn’t even made a sound. 

She was unresponsive once again. Maybe Maki was losing her? Was blood loss too excessive? Something vital further damaged? Or was it a problem that was just out of Maki’s hands? She didn’t know, all she knew was that she needed to finish up.

Picking up the curved needle she resumed her work. Yazawa still unresponsive.

\---------------------

By the next time she was finished it was already into the early hours of the next day. Taking off her bloody gloves she dumped them into one of the plastic garbage bags that were all around. Maki was exhausted, but she was relatively proud of her work. It would scar over badly but at least she wouldn't be bleeding all over the place. 

She leaned back against the sink. She was hardly done in general and that alone made her want to cry and give up. But she couldn't. She still had to clean up and-fuck. She should’ve kept her gloves on. The redhead frowned closing her eyes. She just needed five minutes, five minutes and she’d get back to it.   
Those five minutes turned into ten, then fifteen, and then thirty. Maki woke up in a panic, cold sweat lingering on her brows as she scanned the room frantically. For what she didn’t know. She was left with an anxious feeling in her gut, probably a bad dream she didn’t remember.

She stood, her arms felt heavy and her knees sore, but she had to start picking up. Work area first and then the girl again. 

Maki shoved the various blood splattered bags into one big bag, making sure to wipe down every surface with cleaner for good measure. She then focused her attention to the girl in the tub, kneeling again by her side, her knees popping in a painful way. Turning the shower head back on she drained the leftover blood and thoroughly washed her, this time scrubbing down her body gently and washing the girls hair.

Getting Yazawa out of the tub was more of an ordeal than putting her in it. Exhaustion paired with a slippery grip wasn’t a good combination. Maki had almost slipped while propping the girl up on the toilet. She needed sleep, lots of sleep, or better yet for this all to have been one crazy dream.

Maki was smarter than that though, if this was a dream she would have woken up a long time ago. With a sigh, she wrapped a fuzzy towel around the small girl drying her off. After being in such close proximity with her for hours she found herself not as scared of the small girl as she used to be. Maki was also less flustered. She could probably say with confidence that she memorized what every inch of Yazawa looked like, she had been working on the body for hours.

Every birthmark and scar permanently etched into her brain.

The redhead muttered a quiet “Be back,” leaving the girl alone for a couple minutes while she brought back some old pajamas. Maki dressed her in long moo moo nightgown covered in musical notes before carrying the girl to her bedroom. She was too tired to make a bed on the floor for the girl and instead opted to let her sleep in her own. Maki would just take the couch even if it gave her the worst back pain and neck cramps in the world. 

After putting the girl “to bed”, could she even sleep, Maki went back to the bathroom. She wasn't done cleaning just yet. The entire place including the tub and instruments would have to be bleached down.

God, life really did hate her.


	6. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More tears welled in her eyes, rolling slowly down her cheeks and hitting the damp carpet. They kept coming, and Nico couldn’t find the energy to do anything but cry silently on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been itching to write in Nico's POV so here it is! Thank you all for supporting this work! And as always please excuse my errors.

Nico’s chest erupted in a surge of pain. She had been sitting in bed in an unfamiliar room for what felt like hours. She had no idea what was going on. Her mind felt fuzzy and like a blur. Bits of time felt lost. She couldn't even remember how she got here. 

She brought a small hand down to her abdomen feeling the bumpy texture of the sutures. The last thing she remembered was laying in that freezing tub. A blurry face stabbing her sore insides without mercy. God it hurt. It still hurt.

Nico was reminded of the pain by another cough that she attempted to muffle. It felt like she was still drowning from the inside. The pain in her lungs increasing tenfold every time she tried to keep her coughing down. 

The burning in her lungs became too much for her to handle once again. On shaky legs she attempted getting up from the bed, bow legged she managed to stand for a second making a feeble effort to walk towards the blue trash bin in the corner. Yes! This was good! She could do it! She could-!

Her legs tripped over themselves as another set of convulsions wracked through her small body.

She was on fire, it absolutely felt like someone had lit a flame in her chest. Her hands gripped the material of the moo moo. Nico couldn’t hold it in anymore she just couldn’t if she did she would definitely die.

Thick hot globs of coagulated blood hurled out of her mouth, she couldn't stop, she couldn’t breath. Painfully she choked coughing trying to get what little air she could and get whatever this was in her out. It hurt so bad, so so bad, 

It felt like ages before her body stopped convulsing. Her eyes were blurry with tears, she slowly brought the moo moo up rubbing them and wiping her mouth on the soft material. All energy that Nico had before was gone. 

She trembled staring at the chunks of dark matter on the floor in front of her. She was going to be in big trouble. Vaguely she remembered the incident in the car, where the blurry face person had yelled at her for making a mess. They would without a doubt be mad when they saw this too. 

More tears welled in her eyes, rolling slowly down her cheeks and hitting the damp carpet. They kept coming, and Nico couldn’t find the energy to do anything but cry silently on the floor.

Why had this happened to her? What was even happening to her? She was having fun, she was at the audition, it was going so well, what had happened? 

Now she was in hell. Everything hurt, she couldn't walk, couldn’t see straight. She was hungry and nauseous at the same time, she felt like she was dying, she was so tired too. 

The world felt so heavy and nothing made sense. It was like being trapped in the worst nightmare possible.

Nico let herself fall the rest of the way onto the floor. Her body could no longer support itself without excruciating pain in her muscles. She curled up into a fetal position next to the puddle of blood vomit.

Closing her eyes she tried to think back on everything that had happened.

Nico had left early in the morning, her audition for and idol position in a was being held in downtown Tokyo that day. She remembered getting on the subway and getting there early. She had been practicing her choreography in the lobby with some other girls that were there too. Nico got along well with another girl Hanayo who had been feeling very nervous that morning. 

After that she performed for the panel of judges, it had gone well from what she remembered. They had even praised her. Nico had basically been told she was accepted into the group. Then, then what happened? 

Oh yah she was leaving the agency studio. She was about to leave the premises when someone had called out to her. It was..uhm..a girl? Yea the voice was sickly sweet, super girly. She walked back over and then what?

It hurt her head trying to remember, but she could feel it, kit was on the tip of her tongue.

Oh yah that was it, it all crashed down on her. The girl had been excessively complimenting her. It made Nico puff her chest out with pride. She always loved attention and she especially loved compliments. The girl said she was so impressed with her performance and that she couldn't wait to see Nico on stage.

If only Nico had detected the annoyed tone in the girls voice before she had eagerly flung herself towards the girls open arms.

Instead of being greeted by a warm embrace she was embraced with pain. It didn’t register at first. Nico had looked down to find a switchblade in her chest. She had been caught by surprise, those blue eyes smiled down at her when she looked back up. 

An ache ran through Nico’s heart as she remembered.

The girl had twisted the blade doing an almost 180 in Nico’s chest cavity. It had been the worst pain she had ever felt. She remembered grabbing onto the girls sleeve, when she had started to register the situation and began panicking.

It had suddenly become extremely painful to breathe and Nico realized this girl was dangerous and was trying to hurt her. She stumbled back but the girl had stepped forward. It happened so fast. She was in the larger girls grasp, she smelled like chocolate, à scent that seemed to clog Nico’s sense hauntingly. She kept doing it over and over. 

She didn’t show Nico and mercy. She felt pain, lots of pain and the feeling of hot blood.

Nico had been slammed up against the building. The girl whispered something in her ear about-uh about something. The noirette did remember though the kiss she had laid on her cheek before vanishing. 

She was cold in a matter of seconds. It had begun to get hard to think clearly. Nico registered the sound of sirens going off and her hazy vision laid on her body. The blood had seeped through her red workout shirt. Had stained it an even darker shade of red. 

She was the blood pooling around her, she knew she was supposed to be scared. But she was just tired by then. And then it had all gone black. 

Nico frowned, It was a terrible memory but at least that part made some sense. What didn’t make sense was what came after. 

Waking up on a metal bed, feeling like she was drowning was terrifying. She knew she was at the hospital, but something was off. Nico’s memory of everything else was hazy. She could only guess her scenery by her other senses, the only thing she could see were blurry silhouettes of things. Her eyes had not been working for a frustrating reason that scared her.

She had been taken by someone from the hospital into a car and to this place. 

Although, ever since she woke up, she could see a lot better. Not a hundred percent but decently enough.

The pain in her chest subsided slightly, but her throat still felt sore. The smell of her puke had started smelling. Did that putrid smelling thing really come out of her mouth. It smelled like something had crawled in her and died. Absolutely disgusting.

With all the strength she could muster Nico pulled herself up into a sitting position again and looked down at at stomach. The moo moo absolutely drowned her. She had a lot of questions but her biggest one was why whoever brought her here was such a nerd.


	7. Ringing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nico set the phone back down hand brushing up against something soft.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post a chapter today before the site closed for maintenance, its a bit of a filler but its more of Nico's point of view. Thanks for all the lovely comments by the way! I have a lot planned for this piece, I just need to string it all together. As always excuse my errors and thank you!

That alarm.

That stupid fucking alarm had been ringing for ten minutes.

She had been in the middle of finally being able to rest when that god awful sound filled the apartment. The walls of this place had to be some of the most paper thin shit. But seriously, who doesn't wake up after ten minutes of their alarm ringing? Nico furrowed her brows looking at the clock hanging above the doorway.

Seriously? Five in the goddamn morning? 

Whatever, she could ignore it for now.

She turned over trying to focus on how tired she was, especially after having two other convulsion fits earlier. But that stupid alarm. Just the sound of the ringing was enough to get her blood boiling. It was the same sound she used, and hearing it just reminded her of all the times she had to get up when she didn’t want to.

For the love of god, if it didn’t turn off in the next few seconds she was going to go out there and do it herself.

The alarm continued to ring and Nico felt her left eye twitch in annoyance. That was it, she had enough.

She pulled herself off the floor, her legs still trembled and her knees were a bit weak, but she was feeling a lot better than she had a couple hours ago. Without to much trouble she was able to stumble to the door.

Nico paused in the doorway, the sound was coming from down the hall, it was kinda far but she could make it, probably.

She decided it would be best to lean against the wall for whatever support she could, and it worked. The noirette entered the living room. She raked her eyes around for where that dreadful noise was coming from.

On the arm rest of the couch she saw it, a phone lit up playing that annoying loop and buzzing like crazy. Limping over she picked up the damn thing and with a shaky finger swiped the dismiss button. Finally peace and quiet.

Nico set the phone back down hand brushing up against something soft. Red eyes looked down, there right next to her hand she could see strands of red hair peeking out from underneath a blanket. 

So this was the person huh? Whoever they were, they were laying on their stomach facing away from her. The blanket didn’t seem to really cover anything only the girls head and her torso, the blanket stopping around the thigh. 

Nico cringed at the position, they were way too tall for the blanket and for the couch. One foot resting on the opposite armrest and the other dangling oddly off the side of the couch, along with an arm. 

The phone buzzed next to her again, Nico took her eyes off the sleeping form and onto the screen. It was an incoming call from the hospital director? Weird.

It was probably important though. 

She took another glance at the phone and then the person in front of her. It was obvious they weren't going to wake up on their own anytime soon. 

Nico shook her head, she reaches out to the person in front of her giving à small nudge to their back. Nothing. She tried again a little harder this time, still nothing. God this person à heavy fucking sleeper.

She really had no other choice than to be a little harsher. Nico grabbed the blanket around the person's leg pulling it off and letting it drop haphazardly on the floor before nudging them probably a little for violent than necessary. 

It worked though the person immediately sat up. “What? What? What is it??” The person turned their head making eye contact with Nico, à sleepy confused and slightly shocked look painted on their face before turning into a stern expression. “What?”

Nico pointed at the still ringing phone. They picked it up rubbing their face, once they read the caller ID though all composure was lost. The small girl watched as the redhead frantically answered the phone. She lost track of dialogue between the two, both parties speaking way too fast for Nico’s mind to comprehend at the moment. Don’t get her wrong she wasn't stupid, she was just a little slow right now.

It hurt her head trying to make out everything, so instead Nico turned her focus onto the person sitting in front of her.

It was a girl, a young one at that but maybe older? Though she was sitting down Nico could tell she was taller than her, taller and a lot thicker in places than Nico was. She had curves in all the right places, the body of a matured woman. Her red hair was wavy, cut long enough to drape slightly on her shoulders. Slanted purple eyes, with slight bags under them. 

Overall though she was a very beautiful girl. Albeit very stressed looking as well. She noticed the girl bite nervously on her fingernails throughout the call. One of her legs bounced on the floor erratically. Nico guessed she was right, the call must’ve been important.

Maybe she shouldn’t linger around, even if she couldn't understand what they were saying, it was rude to eavesdrop.

She could feel the girl eye her as she went towards what she could only assume to be the kitchen. Her eyes landed on a container of water bottles by the fridge, it didn’t hit Nico that she was absolutely parched until then. The idea of water had suddenly become a wet dream.

Nico licked her lips, the faint tang of blood still lingered on her cracked lips. Water, yes. She’d help herself to some water.

Walking the rest of the way over she bent down, her upper body flared up in pain again, reminding her she wasn’t as fine as she thought. With a hiss she struggled to pry one of the bottles from the compact packaging. Damn those companies for sealing that shit tight, she was fucking thirsty, she didn’t want to fight for a drink.

Finally though she managed to pull one out opening the bottle and dropping the cap on the laminate floor in her hurry. She chugged down the water, almost choking on the flow, à few streams of the liquid falling from her mouth and down her neck where it drenched the neckline of the moo moo.

Fuck it was so good!

Before Nico knew it the bottle was empty. She drew it away from her lips breathing hard. She suddenly felt more awake and suddenly, the thought of food became very, very appealing.

Her feet moved before she could think, throwing open the fridge door. She scanned the inside contents, What was something she could eat right now? Hmmm.. ah-hah! 

Nico picked up a to go box that sat on the bottom shelf. She opened it up, to her disappointment it looked spicy, but honestly she didn’t even care. It could be anything at this point, she would happily eat it. Drool was pooling in her mouth by just the thought.

She sat on the floor in front of the open fridge and dug in. Picking up the cold spicy chicken with her bare hands she stuffed her face. It felt like she hadn’t eaten in years. 

Nico shoveled handfuls of the sticky white rice into her mouth. Good! Good! Good! It was all so good! She was so immersed in the food in front of her she didn’t notice the girl standing behind the fridge door watching in disgust. 

“What the fuck.”


	8. Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The minty smell was refreshing, small burst coming forth from between plush pink lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter! It's a lot shorter than I would like it to be but I got caught up with unexpected things so this will have to do. Thank you all for the comments, I'm glad to see you guys excited and supporting this, I really never thought it would get so much attention! Again thank you, and thank you to all the new people reading this as well, please excuse my errors.

The voice caught Nico by surprise. She jumped a little, white rice lodging itself in her throat. Dammit. 

The noirette coughed pounding on her chest with one hand to get the stupid food down. Finally when it did she looked up to meet the displeased looking redhead. Shit what should she say? Apologizing would probably be the most ideal thing, Nico had after all helped herself without asking. 

“I-” Well shit, “I’m so-”, another fit of coughs. This was annoying. Her throat hurt whenever she tried to get a word out, a harsh scratchy ache that made her throat tickle at the same time. She’d try it one more time.

“Sor..sorry.” That didn’t sound right at all. Nothing like how it should. She sounded like some dying old man, scratch that she sounded even worse. What the hell happened to her voice? Her voice used to make angels cry, now it wanted to make her cry.

Nico subconsciously grabbed at her throat with sticky palms. She traced over her lymph nodes, maybe they were a little swollen, was she sick now too? Her brows furrowed as she continued to rub at her neck, turning some patches a light pink.

A hand placed itself on her shoulder and Nico found herself startled again. She looked up meeting the narrow purple eyes again. This time the girl looked at her in pity. “It’s alright,” The redhead looked at the mess on the floor and back to Nico, “Head back to the room ok, I’ll clean this up.”

Now Nico really felt bad. 

She nodded, to her surprise the other girl lifted her up steadying Nico on her feet. She gave her shoulder an awkward pat which almost made Nico stumble followed by a small sorry. Nico attempted to wave it off, she hoped the other caught it.

At the threshold of the kitchen she turned back. The girl was already crouched down picking fallen food off the ground and back into the styrofoam box. a feeling unknown to her manifested in the pit of her stomach. She held onto the door frame watching as this mystery girl tucked a strand of red hair back behind her ear tossing the box into the tall bin. 

What was she doing? She was supposed to go back. Nico let go of the frame and hurried, as much as a girl in her state could, back to the light salmon painted room she woke up in.

She entered out of breath. Her wounds aching a bit from strain. Nico curled inwards on herself trying to get some of that damn pain to go away. The stain! Oh god she had completely forgotten about the giant dark red stain. 

The sound of footsteps echoed down the hall and Nico panicked. She didn’t want to get in trouble again, or worse, be further pitied. If there was one thing Nico Yazawa could not stand that was having people pity her. 

The girls footsteps were getting louder, she was getting closer. Shoot! Nico barely had time to quickly kick a black shirt over the stain before the other girl entered the room. The noirette stood straight up again. Hopefully the other wouldn’t notice the guilty look on her face.

Luck must’ve been on her side because she walked straight passed Nico and the stain to throw herself on her bed. She watched as the girl ran à hand through her dense hair looking straight forward at the ceiling. “What am I gonna do?” She sounded stressed definitely. 

She felt awkward standing in the middle of the room. Should she sit? Yeah she should sit. Not on the bed though. Beds were for people on a first name basis. Which they weren’t exactly on. But She guessed they did have the intimacy of the bond throwing up on someone made. No yah she should sit on the floor.

Carefully Nico sat on the carpeted floor, her legs ached as she tried to cross them, but she was able to sit without much more pain than that. 

“Well now what?” She cocked her head, did she say that out loud? No, she couldn’t have it didn’t sound like someone gargling glass. It had to have been the girl. Funny they were thinking the same thing.

She saw the girl sit up on her bed and look at her. For someone who loved attention, attention from this girl made Nico want to shrink back. Not wanting to make direct eye contact she looked down at her small hands, grimacing at the small bits of blood under her nails. 

“Nozomi is going to be home in a bit, and you..” What about her? She looked up at the taller who was eyeing her critically.,”You look a little worse for wear still.” How dare she! I mean Nico knew she didn’t look her best right now but c'mon! Cut her some slack.

Nico glared up at her, the redhead didn’t seem to care though. She got up going over to a small vanity at the bottom end of the bed. What was she doing? The girl picked up a small blue bag and a comb. “Come here, we at least got to make you look decent.”

The nerve of some people! Nico wanted to roll her eyes at the girl, but a hand found its way to her. Before she knew it Nico was being led over to the vanity. 

She was sat in front of a large mirror, the feel of the girls warm hand still tingling her skin even after the redhead had let go. The sort of nice feeling was brushed aside when Nico was able to catch a glimpse of herself. 

The girl was right she looked terrible! She had bags under her eyes, her beautiful pale skin had lost its luster, and her eyes, something was off. A tangled black mop completed the look of dying addict, She really let this girl see her in this state. No wonder she was pitying her.

Nico avoided looking in the mirror as her hair was brushed out. She could tell the girl was doing her best not to yank the knots out which she appreciated but wow she really sucked at it. She breathed an internal sigh of relief when the girl put her hair up in a clip. 

The chair she was sitting on was turned, Nico was now facing the other girl who had started spilling the contents of the bag onto the vanity. It felt a little like deja vu, weird. When she turned to face Nico again, Nico hadn’t expected the redhead to put her hands on her face. 

She was smothering it with something, moisturizer maybe? Nico didn’t really know, or care. 

Maybe she did care, just a tiny bit.

Nico let her have full reign. To be honest the feeling of someone else doing something for her was pleasant. Like having a personal maid, but different. It was pampering nonetheless. The mystery girls touch was delicate. It was obvious from the get go that she had been handling Nico with care.

Touches were fleeting and mindful. She would gently turn Nico’s face with a single finger. The smallest actions making her bashful. She wasn’t like this, ever, what was happening to her??

The girl moved in closer, Her breath hitting Nico’s face, it didn't smell bad, she must’ve brushed her teeth sometime earlier. The minty smell was refreshing, small burst coming forth from between plush pink lips. 

“There all done” Hands moved away from the noirettes face and she had to admit, she didn’t want it to be over with. Call her touch starved if you will, she went through a traumatic experience, it only made sense that she wanted to be comforted.

Before Nico could pout the chair was turned back around. The person in the mirror looked entirely different from the girl before. It was almost unbelievable what a little makeup could do. 

She found herself leaning forward taking a closer look at herself. “Better huh?” Nico nodded enthusiastically. She almost looked normal again. At least she would look completely normal if she had her twin tails. 

It was kind of nice having her hair up like this, she felt more put together. À little less childlike. 

In the corner of the mirror she saw something odd though, It looked kind of like à person. Shit it was à person. She whipped her head around. À girl slightly shorter than the redhead with light black hair tinted purple was leaning in the doorway. Arms crossed with à halfhearted smile on her face.

“Aw Maki-chan why don't you ever play with me like that?”


	9. Nice too meet you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It’s alright though I'm sure well become very close soon Yazawa-kun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small update, I've been so caught up with things but I really wanted to get something out there. Looks like some of you are catching on to what's happening :3 thank you for all the support and excuse any of my errors!

Maki froze. Dammit.

She had been too caught up thinking about the phone call and Yazawa she had totally forgotten Nozomi was on her way back. 

“You never told me you had other Friends Maki-chan.” The girl giggled, smiling with her eyes closed.

“She’s not my friend.” Dammit the words came out of her mouth without thinking. The noirette technically wasn't her friend.

“Oh really? Then who is she?”, although her lips were curled in a smile Maki could sense the inquisitive glare in those green eyes. She took one hand off the back of the swivel chair rubbing the back of her neck. A blush already making its way onto her face.

What was she going to say? What should she say? What could she even say? Dammit she was taking way too long to reply, she was being too suspicious! Just say something for fucks sake!

“Girlfriend.” No, no ,no ,no ,no, “she’s my girlfriend..”

Just great, this day was already just so fantastic this was the cherry on top of the sundae of stress. Why the hell did she say that? Of all things a girlfriend?? Her of all people having a girlfriend? That was unheard of, Nozomi was going to see right through this lie she was going to-

“Oh Maki-Chan that's wonderful! I was wondering when you were going to stop being so uptight and go for someone.” The green eyed girl chuckled behind her palm finding her own words amusing. It was a lighthearted jab to Maki but it was offensive nonetheless!

The redhead rolled her eyes, hand going back to holding onto the swivel chair. “Oh shut up.” Grumbling she looked down at the girl in the chair who was giving her a confused look. She really just said she was dating this girl. Would fake dating her make Maki a Necrophiliac? No. no, it didn’t.  
Nozomi walked into the room, situating herself on the disheveled bed. “Well don't be rude Maki-chan, what’s your girlfriends name, you're very bad at properly introducing us.”

Shit. She didn’t even know her fake girlfriends first name, this was bad. She could already feel her palms sweating. Should she make up à name? What was a good girl's name? God she was taking too long agai-

“Nico.” The small raspy voice seemed to catch both of them off guard. All attention was on the small girl. She was fiddling with her finger head looking down into her lap. Maki didn’t care that a girl who was dead 48 hours ago was talking. At least she was good at playing back up. 

The redhead put her hands on the girls shoulders wiping off some of the sweat and trying to play off the couple role a bit. An awkward laugh escaped her mouth, “Nozomi this is Yazawa Nico, my girlfriend and Nico this is my roommate Tojo Nozomi.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” The girl on the bed stuck her hand out to Nico, “Maki-chan never told me about you before. Quite selfish of her, you're adorable.”

Yazawa slowly shook her hand, Maki could tell she was uncomfortable. She would be too if she has Nozomi’s eyes pinning her down like that. What was up with the tarot reader today? “So where do you live Yazawa-kun?”

“I..I li-”

“She lives close to my work.”Maki quickly filled in for the girl, making up something on the spot. Yazawa’s voice wasn’t fit for speaking still. The pain in it was prominent whenever she tried to speak. “Also she’s got a bad case of laryngitis so if you have any questions direct them towards me.”

Nozomis leaned back on the bed, keeping herself propped up on her elbows,“Ever the professional as ever. Anyway, I can’t believe you kept this from me, how long have you two been going on?”

Fuck Maki was going to keep having to make stuff up on the spot, at least she was getting better at lying. “Two months, I met her on my way to work one day, we just hit it off i guess.”

Her roommate gave à halfhearted nod. It didn’t even seem like she actually cared that much about anything Maki was saying, her eyes were kept on the small form curled in the chair. Did Nozomi not like her? Did she think Maki has bad taste in fake girlfriends? 

“That's so cute! I wish you would have introduced us sooner. It’s alright though I'm sure well become very close soon Yazawa-kun.” The air was thick with tension that made both of the other girls feel uncomfortable.  
“Well you should probably leave the room Nozomi-san, I don't want you watching anything.”

Nozomi pouted dramatically pulling herself up off the bed. “You're no fun Maki-chan.” She made her way to the doorway turning back to flash à normal endearing smile brightly at them. “Bye bye.”

Once the door closed Maki let out a sigh of relief. Nico looked to be relieved as well no longer under Nozomi’s overbearing presence. 

“Sorry about that she can be a little much, but he means well, most of the time.” 

She took another look at the girl. The image she was going for was almost complete. Hair and makeup were applied and looking good. But the over sized moo moo that drowned the girl still made her look too small and sickly.

Maki doubted any of her current clothing would fit her without having to pin it a million times over. She had no smaller clothes she could lend the girl either. The redhead couldn't have her wear the same thing with blood stains on the collar. She noticed the blood and the stain on the floor. The smell was hard to miss.

It was unacceptable. Yazawa was a guest, cadaver or not she had to look out for her.

She walked over to her closet, pulling out a large fluffy jacket and a t-shirt, this would do well for now. Turning around Maki made her way back to the girl. Without much thought she maneuvered yazawa lifting her up to her feet. 

Maki pulled the soiled moo moo over the small girls head, taking a moment to look at the sutures before slipping the over sized shirt on the girl followed by the fluffy jacket. “Alright,” she pulled the zipper up to the girls chin, putting the hood on her head, “let’s get you some clothes ok Yazawa-san?”


	10. Apple Cinnamon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She suddenly felt a small pressure on her thigh and the smell of warm apple cinnamon directly in her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I've been distracted a lot recently but I don't want to give up on this. As always thank you for reading and please excuse my errors.

Nico’s nose crinkled as the smell of stale vomit hit her open sinuses. The car had been wiped down to the best it could be in a short amount of time. There was still brownish looking stains on some part of the interior. She had heard the other girl, Maki, talk about buying some soda for it. Both of them were uncomfortable sitting in the now warm stuffy car, but they'd have to deal with it for now.

The drive was long, it was lunch time and everyone and their dog was out congesting traffic more than what seemed humanly possible.

It wouldn’t be so bad if things didn’t feel so tense still. Red eyes looked to Maki who was tapping the top of the steering wheel with her middle finger, murmuring to herself in a passive aggressive manner. Nico had come to the conclusion that this girl could be a sweet savior at times at others a brooding witch, luckily most of what she knew the redhead next to her was usually nice or at least civil. A lot better than her roommate that's for sure. 

She leaned her head against the window, heading bumping it slightly when they passed over the occasional pothole. 

What was wrong with that girl anyway? Nozomi was her name right? Yeah, Tojo Nozomi, what a creep. The busty girl had been all up in her business, did she not know anything about personal space? Not only was being overly friendly disturbing, but the way it all felt so fake was unnerving. It was like the girl didn’t like her, she smiled at Nico sure but it never reached those turquoise eyes. 

Which was hard to understand, the small girl hadn’t done anything to her. Maybe it was because Maki said they were dating?

Maybe they were past lovers and now she was being brought into the middle of it. Either way it didn’t matter, the relationship was obviously fake, and even if it wasn’t it’s rude to pry.

The car lurched to a stop in the middle of a heavily occupied parking lot. Despite it being almost below freezing out, people were still milling about, which Nico understood, she loved the mall after all.

She waited idly in the passenger seat while Maki set up the wheelchair, she watched in amusement as the girl fumbled with the locking mechanism before finally getting everything in place. When that was situated the redhead opened the door, a chilly breeze entered making a shiver run down the petite girl.

Nico was picked up with ease and gently placed into the wheelchair. She hated to admit it but this girl, no woman, subconsciously knew how to pull all her strings. Being carried around like a bride was intimate, not at all like silly piggy back rides from friends. It made her cheeks warm, Nico just hoped she would get used to all this soon so she could quit being so bashful, that wasn’t part of her persona.

She suddenly felt a small pressure on her thigh and the smell of warm apple cinnamon directly in her face. Maki was leaning over the wheelchair, her bust almost right in Nico’s face.The twin tailed girl blinked a couple times perplexed before realizing she was reaching for the throw blanket. 

Said item was retrieved and fluffed out, the bigger girl squatting in front of Nico before carefully tucking it under her thighs.  
There it was again, the tingling sensation following everywhere the girl touch her and the hot coil in her belly. 

This g-Maki, Maki was a lovely caregiver. Nico was almost enchanted watching her meticulously fix her up. Like before delicate long fingers unwrinkled the blanket, moving up to the jacket and rolling the zipper up completely. Maki then set the fur lined hood atop the noirette's head, a cold hand brushed against her cheek as she did.

Nico felt like a doll about to be shown off on display, being pampered and fussed over, and although the weather outside was cold, she felt the warmest she’d ever been.

\---------------

Her anxiety was skyrocketing, Everyone was looking at her, absolutely everyone. All eyes on the girl in the wheelchair right? It made her uneasy, what the hell was wrong with her now?

She was supposed to be an idol, Nico loved all eyes on her but now? Now it seemed like everyone was looking at her like some pathetic creature, a girl to be laughed at, or worse, pitied. All she could do was look down. 

Blood was coming out from a hangnail, the small girl picked at it more, stripping away more flesh numbly and watching droplets smear the more she messed with it. 

Her grip was tight on the peeled skin when the wheelchair rode over a small bump at one of the various stores entrances, it caused her to tug at the flesh and a spike of pain went through her finger. Nico yelped, immediately drawing her wounded finger to her mouth. She sucked at the bloodied bit while taking in her surroundings.

They were inside a clothing store, by the looks of it not somewhere Nico would usually shop. The racks were full of formal looking attire and even the most casual blouses still looked like they cost an arm and a leg. It wasn’t mom fashion, and not totally business fashion. If Nico had to pinpoint the exact genre, it'd be somewhere along ‘daddies little business woman has stacks’.

They passed a nice skirt, and Nico looked at the price tag..This definitely wasn’t her kind of store. She turned around in the chair to face Maki, she had to tell her this was too much, she couldn't afford this stuff.

“I think this one would look good on you.” Maki held up a casual red wine high waisted skirt that had suspenders attached. “Oh wait look!” the redhead pulled another item off the clothing rack. This time a small white blouse with the same red wine ribbon. 

She held the two items next to each other. “What do you think?”

“I-I don't kn-”

“Nod yes or no, no talking or you’ll lose your voice again.”

“I can’t-can’t a-afford.”

Maki turned to look at a different rack. “Don’t worry about that, I’ll pay for everything. You’re my guest after all. Now how about this pink cardigan?”

Never did Nico ever think she’d dread shopping at the mall.


	11. Uneasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roadkill, the definite smell of roadkill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a quick chapter I put together with a new POV, I'm glad all of you still seem so invested in the story, thank you :) please excuse all my errors

Nozomi felt nauseated ever since she came home earlier. She couldn't pinpoint exactly why, but ever since Maki's girlfriend made an appearance she had an uneasy feeling. Like something heavy was resting in her gut. 

Not only that but she had the biggest deja vu moment, like she had seen those eyes and face somewhere, somewhere dark, and saddening.

She made her way to the kitchen. Maybe some peppermint tea would help ease her stomach. Nozomi poured some water into a kettle placing it on the small electric stove to heat up. The warmth coming from it was welcoming. Maki still needed to call the landlord about fixing the heating system, she'd make à note for the other girl later.

À couple minutes passed in relative silence, the only noise coming from the light traffic outside and the boiling kettle. À comforting background noise, or at least it it usually was. She just couldn't shake this feeling off of her.

It felt like she was standing in the middle of a graveyard and not her small apartment kitchen. 

Nozomi sighed, moving the kettle off the burner with à padded gloves when it whistled at her. Pouring the hot liquid into her tarot card mug and adding à pouch of tea leaves to steep. 

She circled the rim of the mug with her index finger, feeling where à small chip of glass had broken off. There was never anything fun to do in the confined space, besides watch TV or browse the internet, which she was trying to wean away from.

After the water turned à light honey yellow color she tossed the tea bag into the garbage can. It landed on a large black bag with a wet thud. 

The smell from inside the bin smelled rotten and copper like. It reminded her of the time Honoka had stumbled across the rotting corpse of à ran over bunny. The younger has spent a good half hour crying over the rotting corpse.

Roadkill, the definite smell of roadkill.

Nozomi's curiosity peaked. What the hell did maki put in there that smelt so bad? And why didn't the redhead throw it out back? It was already stinking up the small room from the lid being open for a minute.

She rolled up her sleeves, groaning to herself. Detaching the lid from the bin she began pulling the garbage bag out.

The smell intensified, all the green eyed girl could smell was putrid garbage. The garbage bag bumped against her leg as she went to set it down, leaving a moist spot on her pant leg.

Well then, this was gross. Nozomi looked down to have a closer look. The moist spot was an odd brown color, the same color was gathered at the bottom of the garbage bag dripping out a little from a small hole on the side. 

It was probably animal blood from the beef they cooked the other day. Although she didn't recall that much blood being in the meat packet. 

Shrugging it off she tied the top of the bag as tightly as she could. She'd have to take it all the way down the hall to the trash shoot without staining the floors too much.

With a huff Nozomi picked the bag up, trodding quickly in an awkward way to the door. She opened it with two fingers, she had the habit of always worrying about spreading bacteria on things. That was one downside to living with Maki, she was training to be a doctor, almost nothing disgusted her. Which made things like this all the more difficult for Nozomi.

The walk down the hall was an unpleasant one. The smell stuck around her despite the far more open area, and each time she took a step the bag bounced against her leg and the gross wet feeling became all the more noticeable.

Throwing the bag down the shoot never felt so great before. She made her way back to the apartment kicking the door shut behind her. 

The sink, first things first she had to wash her hands in the sink. Nozomi walked down the hall, the bathroom door was slightly left open, pushing it open this time she was assaulted with another smell. Bleach.

She turned the light switch on with her elbow trying to ignore the smell that made her nose burn and turned on the tap.Scrubbing her hands thoroughly in the warm water.

Things looked different here, smelled different too. The entire room looked like it had been deep cleaned from top to bottom. Everything was spotless, from the tub to in between the tiles. 

If anything it was nice of maki to do this but why? She always complained about never having time to clean because of work and school so Nozomi was usually stuck with chores. So why did she clean now? And so meticulously too.

She dried her hands on the nearest towel. The smell really was burning her nose. It was so strong, and yet the metallic copper smell was still there. Barely noticeable underneath all the bleach but there nonetheless.

The bathroom was giving her an eerie vibe, far worse than the rest of the house had. It felt clinical, cold, clean, like the morgue of a hospital.


	12. Yellow Nightgown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still the entire thing felt morally wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an update :) I hope you all like it! Please excuse any errors, but thank you for taking the time to read this <3

Maki’s eyes scanned the girl she had been calling her “girlfriend” for almost the past two weeks. She was sitting at the dining table, a small content smile on her face as she looked over the freshly baked cookies the redhead had set on the table. The tube of red frosting she held extended towards the taller girl.

Time had passed but Nico still hadn’t made a habit of talking often. It was alright though, Maki got the message, snipping off the tip of the tube, a glob of icing falling onto the noirettes finger causing the girl to shyly giggle and lick it off.

Yes, Nico was definitely doing better now. She rarely woke up or was interrupted by spurts of vomiting and bowel troubles, which Maki was definitely thankful for. Not only because it was convenient for the sake of keeping up the facade. But the taller no longer greeted by a tear and blood stained face, she no longer had to hold Nico as she trembled, giving the girl some semblance of comfort into the late hours of the night.   
It was a difficult process. Getting Nico to eat, and to eat successfully in front of Nozomi was a hassle. For the first couple of days the small girl would stuff herself only to vomit everything into Maki’s waste bin heaving. It got to the point where the nursing student had to monitor and disperse the girls meals for her. The problem seemed to go away on its own though, just yesterday Nico had managed to eat more than a normal serving of Nozomi’s pork stir fry.

Maki let a soft smile slip onto her face as she watched Nico fill in the outline of a stocking on one of the sugar cookies. Her hand still slightly trembled but she had regained a good part of her motor controls back with minimal damage. A great achievement if you take into consideration that the girl was dead for a whole two days.

Nico was well.

Subconsciously the redhead found herself gripping the container of gold and silver sprinkles in her hand tightly. Nico was well, but she was still here.

It’s not like Maki minded sharing a bedroom or taking care of someone. No, it wasn't that, she enjoyed watching Nico make improvement. Nozomi had even started warming up to her. There was no problem with the girls presence.

Except that she didn’t belong there.

A strand of pitch black hair fell into the frosting of the cookie Nico was currently leaned over working on, so focused that she didn't seem to notice. Setting the container down, Maki obtained a paper towel from the dispenser. She walked over to the sink wetting it in mild warm water wringing it out for the most part before walking back to Nico. She tenderly wiped the strand of hair off, doing what she could to avoid the sticky substance to dry in her hair.

Maki tossed the used towel onto the mound of plastic wrapping and cardboard from the cookies. She gathered Nico’s locks, drawing them away from her delicate porcelain face, putting them into a loose ponytail with the band around her wrist.

No, Nico didn’t belong here. She belonged back with her family, she made Maki smile, she could only imagine what happiness the small girl would bring her parents and siblings. They must miss her a lot. Probably more than she could even imagine, especially since the holiday season was drawing nearer.

The only problem was getting Nico’s information. For two weeks Maki had unsuccessfully searched for a way to gather the information she needed. It didn’t help that she was still currently on break from work and school.

The cover story had been that a break in had occurred. Some sicko had come into the morgue and robbed the cadaver before Maki had gone in. And when she had she was so disturbed and sickened she had to leave the hospital right away. 

To everyone around the redhead she was still coping with the situation and thus had her girlfriend with her at home. But she couldn’t keep it up forever. Things would need to change and hopefully for the better.

For now though she could distract herself, let herself enjoy this moment here with the noirette. The scent of sugar and strawberries draining the tenseness from her shoulders.

Maki looked down at the tray of cookies picking up a wreath shaped treat and the green icing.

\-----------

“I’m back

“Welcome home”, Maki and Nico harmoniously greeted their roommate. They were in the middle of cleaning up the mess they had created in the small kitchen, Maki washing the cookie sheet and mixing bowl while Nico cleaned off the surfaces with a soapy rag.

The redhead could barely see Nozomi over the barrier that separates the kitchen from the living room. The girl was in the midst of slipping off her shoes and coat, placing them neatly by the door.

“Smells good in here.”

Maki handed over a measuring cup to Nico. “Yeah, go ahead and have one. I think they turned out pretty decent.”

The green eyed girl plopped herself down onto one of the uncomfortable wooden chairs surrounding the table. She picked up one of the bell shaped cookies, specifically the glittery one the noirette had decorated, and took a bite out of it completely consuming the entirety of the red ribbon. “Why do you guys always do the fun things when I’m gone?” she said through a mouthful of cookie.

Maki rolled her eyes, the only person who was relatively cute talking with their mouth full was the small girl standing beside her. She placed à whisk in said girls hand, “It’s more fun this way, no one looming around threatening to grope us.”

Nozomi shoveled the rest of the cookie into her mouth licking the frosting off her fingers in such an obnoxious manner she had to know would drive her roommate insane. “You’re so cruel Maki-Chan, you know I only grope the people I love.”  
“Keep your love to yourself, I already get enough from Nico.”

These things still felt so foreign coming out of her mouth. They had been playing up the couple role long enough to the point sweet words dripped from her mouth like overflowing candy, it was easy, it was odd, and it felt kind of wrong.

Maki noticed the tinge of pink on Nico’s cheeks. Saying that kind of thing always sparked that kind of reaction, the redhead understood, if Nico was more talkative and said things such as that there’s no doubt Maki would look like a tomato. Still the entire thing felt morally wrong.

She always believed that such sultry sweet words should only be said to someone you truly loved, and well, she didn’t love the petite girl. Of course she cared for her, they had a fine relationship as friends but there was so much she didn't even know about her. The only concrete information Maki had to go on was her name, besides that she was clueless. She couldn't love someone whom she didn't even know their name, let alone someone who was dead.

There was nothing romantic about mending someone's wounds, and cleaning up their vomit. Nothing.

“No fair.” Maki heard Nozomi’s footstep grow near, when she turned her head away from the sponge and sudsy dishes her roommate was already hanging over Nico, the small girl getting even more red as the elders hands came to rest on her chest causing her to emit a small yelp. “I want some love too, don't leave me out.”

The redhead ran her hand under the water before flicking it towards Nozomi. The busty girl sputtered and pouted letting go of Nico. “Hands off.” 

The now wet girl crossed her arms walking away from them, held head up in a dramatic pout. “Fine, fine I see how it is, I’m taking living room TV.”

“Go for it, we-I have to go to bed early anyway.”

The high pitched voice of a lady advertising soda was heard from the opposite side of the room. So much for trying to wean off electronics. Oh well they all knew Nozomi would just try again for the new year and fail.

Once the remaining dishes were washed both girls dried their hands and the water spilled around the sink. Maki couldn’t recall a time she had enjoyed doing such small mundane tasks, but now everything was like she was viewing the world with tinted glasses. Of course she was probably reading too much into it, having someone’s company while doing these things probably made things all the better.

She grabbed the noirettes hand, a habit she had begun to pick up, and led her down the hall and into the bathroom. They both needed to shower before bed. Maki stripped Nico down out of the Jumper and leggings the girl had been wearing. This too had become a habit.

The redhead had become accustomed to dressing and undressing the noirette. Before her motor abilities had matured again Maki would bathe her, bathing with her just became easier. They saved money and time. 

Although she knew that Nico no longer needed her for such trivial things anymore there was a bit of Maki that was paranoid, that if she left the girl alone too long something bad would happen.

Maki opened the tap, adjusting the temperature just right to be hot but not scalding. As the water rose she undressed herself tossing the clothes into the hamper in the corner. She took the pins out of her hair setting them down on the vanity. 

Nico was sitting on the edge of the tub mindlessly grazing the surface of the water with her finger, a small hum leaving the back of her throat. It was endearing, the taller girl had noticed that the other had a knack for anything musical. She loved the Christmas songs played on the radio, the top 100’s chart list, and even Maki’s piano playing.

It had been a good four years since the last time she touched it but when the twin tailed girl saw the keyboard sitting in the closet she had to play it, and in all honesty she was pretty rusty. Nico didn’t seem to mind though, she had swayed to the simple melody tapping her fingers on the desk.

Yeah it was endearing.

Closing the tap Maki stepped in first situating herself before beckoning Nico to follow. The small girl obliged stepping in. She took her normal place between the redheads legs, it didn’t feel weird anymore. It was like bathing with a younger sibling.

She picked up a small cup from the side of the tub filling it with water and gently poured it onto the others head, careful not to get any on her face. Maki then grabbed the shampoo pouring some onto her hand and massaging it into the silky tendrils.

\----------------

The two girls were back in Maki’s room, towels wrapped around them and in their hair. Nico sat on the beige comforter, here feet swinging off the side as the redhead rummaged through countless bags on the floor.

Maki readjusted the towel, she finally found the bag filled with pajamas. It didn’t hit her till now just how much she had bought Nico.

She picked it up, revealing the still slightly visible vomit stain from weeks prior. With a huff the taller girl placed it on the bed, what pajamas should she wear today? It might seem childish but she really enjoyed being able to dress someone else up. It was like playing doll.

A yellow ruffle caught her eye, and she drew it out of the obnoxiously loud plastic bag. It was a yellow nightgown with frills embellishing the bodice and hem, one of the cuter things she had purchased. It wasn’t too lightweight Nico would be cold, but it wasn't too constricting either. 

The redhead flung the bag back on the floor and stepped in front of the noirette. She already knew what to do letting the towel fall to pool around her hips, reaching her hands up towards the ceiling. Maki swiftly drew the nightgown over her head with minimum difficulty from the towel.

Once Nico was dressed it was time to pick something out herself. Goosebumps were already covering her body and she wanted nothing more than to slip some clothes on. Usually, well before Nico arrived, Maki would sleep in her outing clothes. She was always way too tired to change or she would get home and pass out before she could. But with more time on the redheads plate and being in charge of not only clothing herself it was also becoming a habit.

She took less care in choosing her own pajamas opting for a plain black tank top and pink shorts with slight ruffle accents. Maki slipped them on, taking the towel off her head along with Nico’s. She took them back to the bathroom hanging them up to dry before grabbing the hair dryer and a comb heading back.

“Alright Nico, you first.” The small girl nodded and Maki took a seat next to her plugging the hair dryer into the closest outlet. She set the temperature to warm and high while the smaller of the two got situated in front of her. They sat similarly to how they did in the bath except with more room between them for Maki to be able to brush her hair out.

The process was relaxing, the hum of the hair dryer filled the room, the warm breeze coming from it heating up a small space surrounding them. Nico was tracing the butterfly patterns on the comforter, Maki brushing out the slightly damp knots.

Peaceful.

Tranquil.

Screaming?


	13. Paralysis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was she supposed to do? What could she do? Her feet felt like they were nailed to the ground. She couldn't move, couldn't find the right words, its like she was stuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to leave this here. (^-^;)
> 
> Please excuse all my errors and thank you all for reading!

Was she hearing things right? It definitely sounded like someone screaming. Maki looked to Nico, the small girl was also looking in the same direction as the noise. She looked back at the redhead, the two locking eyes with confused expressions.

Maki switched the hairdryer off.

There it was.

Without the hum of the machine the screaming became clearer, the voice wasn't one belonging to one of Nozomi's soap operas, no the voice sounded like the girl herself. Nozomi’s shrill guttural screams filled the now empty space.

The sound was enough to make goosebumps appear on the redheads arms, the hair on the back of her neck standing up as well.She was up in a second on instinct, her feet almost tripping over themselves in her hurry.

“Nozomi?!” There was no answer apart from another high pitched shriek. Maki could feel her heartbeat rise in tempo. It felt like she wasn't moving fast enough, their living room felt worlds away from where she stood.

When her feet touched the carpeted barrier between the kitchen and living room a sense of relief and anxiety filled her. “Nozomi what's wr-”

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Nozomi was cornered, pressed against the old second hand couch. A much larger girl was looming over her shouting in a gargled manor in her roommates face. Oh Nozomi, poor Nozomi, she was crying now, hiccuping between sobs and screams, she had her arm out attempting to cover her face and put a barrier between her and the girl. It did little to nothing, the intruder grasped her are in a menacing grip ripping it away from her and leaning in closer. 

They were manically shouting something, a language that Maki was unfamiliar to. But one thing was clear.

The blood.

There was some blood coming from the girls mouth, it ran down the side of her chin dripping down onto the floral blouse of the girl below her. It spattered onto Nozomi’s face with every shouted phrase.  
“Maki! Maki help me!” Nozomi was trembling underneath the stranger, her green eyes pleadingly burning holes into the redhead.

What was she supposed to do? What could she do? Her feet felt like they were nailed to the ground. She couldn't move, couldn't find the right words, its like she was stuck.

She watched her roommates lip quiver, her body language becoming more distressed as she watched her stand there. “Maki c’mon! Maki! Maki please!”

Tears pooled in Maki’s eyes, her breath coming out slightly ragged. She finally understood all those stories of people being paralyzed by fear. She had ridiculed all those people, demeaning them for not taking action, yet here she was. Helpless, watching her friend be dominated by an intruder. 

She felt something graze her arm and suddenly she was aware of Nico’s presence beside her. The small girls mouth gaped open, her brows furrowed and eyes wide. She reminded Maki of those rabbits caught in the headlights.

The sudden urge to protect was increased tenfold, but her body still wouldn't listen. It wouldn't move on her command. How was she supposed to protect them like this. She needed to move dammit!

“Help me please!”

Nozomi’s scream echoed in her ears so intensely, Maki couldn’t hold back a whimper looking directly into her eyes. She felt Nico’s slightly damp hair smacked her arm violently as the girl made an abrupt turn, it partially drew her out of paralysis. Her head slightly turning to see where she was going. Running hopefully. For the love of god run.

Her stomach clenched once more when the noirette returned. She was holding a large bottle of red wine. One Nozomi had brought back after another outing with Honoka. She fumbled with it awkwardly trying to keep a steady hold onto the neck of the bottle in her tiny sweaty hands.

Maki felt like she was about to have a heart attack, she wanted to protest, to drag her out of there. She watched completely horrified as the girl took a running start at the intruder.

In seconds the glass bottle made impact, but it didn't break.

The girl, slightly turned her head, her body tensing as she peeked at Nico from the corner of her eye. A blue eye glowed in the light emitting from in between the blinds. Maki felt her heart stop.

Nico was trembling but her grip on the bottle didn't waver. She swung it again. The awkward angle and height difference made the blow slightly ajar hitting both the back of the girls head and neck. 

The glass bottle shattered sending shards of glass and wine around the floor. Nozomi had screamed, her eyes closed on instinct trying to avoid shards getting in them. The girl above her went completely still, going limp.

The busty girl panicked attempting to get the girl off of her, wanting to get as far away as possible. Maki cringed as Nico stepped forward ignoring the glass underneath her bare feet and with all the strength she had left in her small body she helped pull the unconscious stranger off.

The intruder fell to the wine soaked ground with a thud. Maki watched as Nico immediately drew Nozomi into a hug. The bigger girl clung to her like à baby sobbing and burying her face in the noirettes neck. Her small hand cradled her head, soft words being whispered into her ear.

Finally after what seemed like ages the redhead's body released its tenseness. Slowly she walked forward, stumbling a little from the shock. Maki found herself standing above the girl. In the darkness of the living room it was hard to tell what was blood and what was wine. 

The girls blonde locks were matted, they clung to her face messily, accenting the bruises and scratches already decorating her clear complexion. Her eyes were half lidded and again Maki got a clear look at ocean blue irises. The girl didn't look like a local, she definitely was a foreigner. She was large, well not exactly. She was taller, way taller, her jawline was slightly defined and her nose was jutted out and was longer. Her face reminded Maki of those portraits of beautiful queens and princesses. But the girl was far from it, dressed in battered dirty jeans and a torn hoodie.

The redhead stepped over the girl mindful to avoid stepping on any glass. Although the feeling of wet carpet between her toes send a disgusting feeling throughout her she joined the two girls.

She embraced them both, holding them closely to herself, a mantra of apologies leaving her mouth as she cried with them.


	14. Limp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much, it was too much!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, here's more drama for y'all :) thank you for all the reads/comments/likes it means a lot to me!
> 
> Next chapter will either be more NicoMaki or possibly the start towards some NozoEli
> 
> As always please excuse any errors.

Nico’s heart was thudding loudly in her chest, She could hear that Maki had joined her and Nozomi, and that the girl was talking to them, but everything the redhead was saying felt muffled. The noirette couldn’t focus on anything but the beating of her chest and Nozomi’s fingernails digging into her back as the girl shook and sobbed.

It was like a dream, an ironic, horrifying dream.

She found her gaze drifting down to the girl on the floor, and with the smell of rich wine and iron surrounding the space, the phantom smell of chocolate filled her nose.

Oh god, oh god. 

Nico’s grip on the busty girl increased subconsciously, pulling her even closer to herself in a feeble attempt for more comfort. She wanted to vomit. It was all crashing back down on her again. The blue eyes, blonde hair, the sweet smell of chocolate.

A burning sensation grew in her throat and she felt tears slowly trailing down her cheek. Nico had been trying so hard to forget, some days she could go without thinking about what had happened. And now. This had been a slap to the face. The cruel reminder of what had happened, a haunting memory reappearing.

The girl had found her again. Was she going to be stuck in a never ending loop of reliving her trauma? Reliving the near death experience. Was that it?

She shook her head, strands of black hair sticking to her wet cheeks. Nico tried, she had tried to stay strong, the adrenaline had helped her in the beginning, but it was slowly falling away, the reality of the situation becoming all the more imminent, and she couldn’t help the hiccups coming forth. 

The hiccups soon turned into ugly sobs. The noirette felt hopeless, paranoia and anxiety skyrocketing. There was no escape. She was living in hell. Nozomi’s crying worsened her thoughts, she had brought this hell onto them right? She did this, she was the reason this all happened, it had to be.

Why couldn't she just be dead? Why didn’t she die that day? Why? Why? Why? Why did she have to live constantly suffering?

Nico let go of Nozomi. It was too much. Everything was too much. Her head was going to explode. She felt herself fall to her knees, shards of glass digging into them as she clutched her stomach. Saliva pooled in her mouth, not long after followed by vomit. Nico heaved out her dinner onto the carpet, narrowly missing the unconscious girl.

Her vision blurred, the room was spinning in circles, Nico's heart was aching, every scar on her body ignited in phantom flames. Too much, it was too much! 

\--------

Nozomi gasped as Nico slumped forward hitting the floor with a dull thud, her small body laying in her own vomit and glass. She was going to reach out to her when Maki shook her head.

"I-I got it, sit down ok." The redhead gently led Nozomi to sit on the couch, she couldn't find it in her to protest. Her throat was raw from screaming and her legs felt like jelly. 

She watched in stunned silence as her roommate lifted Nico up, glass and vomit falling to the floor, carrying her over to the other side of the sofa setting her down.

From this position she could see the full extent of the damage. Cuts of various degrees littered the girls body, some shards were wedged deeply into the soles of her feet and knees. It made Nozomi's stomach churn.

She looked away, Maki's dark eyes catching her own, they stared at each other, their gaze falling onto the intruder on the floor.

"Maki we need to call the police."

She saw a flash of panic run across the girls face. "We can't do that."

"What do you mean we can't do that?"

"We just can't!" 

Nozomi clutched onto the fabric of her soiled shirt. Maki never yelled at her like that before. The girl was glaring at her, she didn't look annoyed, but scared. Like what Nozomi had said was blasphemous, it made her bow her head. Being talked to in that tone made her feel ashamed.

She sniffled, rubbing her nose with her sleeve. She heard Maki step closer, stopping in front of her. The red head squatted down and Nozomi felt à soft hand brush her cheek and linger on the base of her neck.

"I'm sorry," her other hand came to rest on Nozomi's thigh rubbing small soothing circles on the innermost side, "look I.."

The green eyed girl looked up, her roommates face was scrunched up in thought her eyes looking down at Nozomi's thighs before looking up to speak to her. "I'll explain everything eventually ok? It's.. well it's tough to explain but we just can't call the cops."

Nozomi fidgeted, she couldn't look Maki in the eyes, not right now. "What about Nico?" Her voice came out small and hoarse, "Nico needs to go to the hospital."

Her roommate shook her head, hands moving to encase Nozomi's own trembling hands. She gave the busty girl's hands an affirming squeeze, à halfhearted smile etched onto her face.

"She'll be fine. I'm a medical student remember? Everything's going to be fine ok. You just need to listen to me."

She felt herself giving in, she always did when it came to the redhead. "Yah, yah..I'll do whatever you say." 

"Good," she pat her knee rising back up, "We need to move her."

Anxiety rose in her chest. "Move her where?"

Maki pondered for a minute, a minute that seemed way too long for Nozomi.

"Let's..let's put her in your room for tonight. We'll lock her in there and you can stay in my room. I'll figure out something to do with her in the morning, but I need to tend to Nico first."

"Ok."

The taller girl helped her to her feet. They no longer felt like jello, instead it was like she was being weighed down by lead. "You take her legs."

She watched as Maki walked over to the unconscious girl. Her demeanor had drastically changed in the last couple of minutes. All signs of tears and disconfidence were gone. 

The redhead carefully avoided the larger pieces of glass, she flipped the girl onto her back and for a moment Nozomi was sure she was dead. She looked dead but, she couldn't tell and Maki didn't seem to care.

Maki hooked her arms under the girls armpits lifting the upper part of her body. The girls head hung down limply, blonde hair covering the bruised face. Her roommate grunted gesturing her to come help. 

Nozomi walked over slowly, she starred down at the girls feet scared to touch her. The thought of the intruder waking up as soon as she touched her suddenly plagued her thoughts. "C'mon Nozomi-kun"

She nodded picking up the girls feet, they were surprisingly heavy. 

They managed to lift the blonde off the ground, Maki leading them to Nozomi's bedroom.

The two entered the dark room, shuffling further in. Maki unceremoniously dropped the girl in the middle of the room. The action making a sound that had Nozomi cringing. 

She placed the girls legs down carefully, making a run for a change of clothes. Her roommate hurried her, Nozomi grabbed whatever items she first touched, along with her pillow, bolting out of the room and away from the girl.

Maki shut the door, she grabbed the key to lock the inside doors from the junk drawer while Nozomi had gathered her things. 

The redhead locked her bedroom door, testing the handle. "Alright, " sliding the key into her bra she took a step back, "I need to take care of Nico now, get in the shower, I'll need to use it after you."

Nozomi nodded, and Maki gave her a soft smile. She walked away leaving Nozomi in front of the door. 

A feeling washed over her, that left the girl with a cold sweat. Something wasn't right. The feelings she had before towards Nico was covered over with a new sensation. A much more harmful, cold, and sad sensation.


	15. Landline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maki was always one step ahead of her wasn’t she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The drama continues to ensue. I've come to realize the more horror anime I watch the more I'm compelled to write. Things are going bad for all the girls, please don't be too upset with me (^-^;)
> 
> As always thank you for all the feedback and forgive any errors I make!

The door to the bathroom closed with a click leaving Nozomi in the darkness of the hallway. They didn't even allow her the time to dry off, Maki had rushed her out of the shower in a hurry, claiming the absolute need to clean and treat her girlfriend. Which meant she was shoved out without a towel to wrap her hair in.

Nozomi understood, she didn’t argue, she was running on autopilot. With all her belongings she made her way towards her roommates room. Her wet hair causing cold water to fall onto her shoulders and roll down her back. It was an uncomfortable feeling she wanted to fix as soon as possible. 

Cold.

Bone chilling coldness ran down her spine and Nozomi stopped in her tracks frowning. On her right was her room, door firmly locked. The chill seemed to be coming through there. Had she left open a window? It was doubtful, winter was in full bloom so it wouldn’t make sense.   
Something within her pulled her closer to the door. She pressed her ear up against the oak, listening. Nozomi wasn't sure what she was listening for but she felt the need to.

The busty girl was met with nothing but silence. Dead silence.

Another chill ran through her, accompanied by a heavy weight. For a second it felt like she couldn't breath, a sharp cold pain filled her head for a terrifying minute before passing like it never existed.

Nozomi stumbled back away from the door, her heart clenching. She held her clothes close to her chest bounding down the hall into Maki’s room, closing the door with a loud slam. 

What on earth was that? She noticed her legs trembling once again and slowly maneuvered herself to sit cross legged on the floor. 

That ghostly pain that had racked through her, what the hell was it? She never felt like that before. Like someone had their hand firmly gripped on her neck and then, well she imagined the pain to her head was akin to being shot, it hurt a hell of a lot.

It was mind boggling. Nozomi tugged her wet tresses in thought one hand biting on her thumbs fingernail. She didn’t know what was happening but she knew she didn’t feel safe. Thinks were not ok like Maki had said.

Time had passed. She wasn't sure how long she had sat on the floor in thought but it must've been awhile. The tip of her hair were dry and the familiar sound of her roommates voice was drawing nearer.

The door opened and Nozomi turned her head at the sound.

Maki was holding Nico close to her in a princess fashion. The amount of bandages that covered the noirettes lilthe arms were alarming, but the small girl was up now, so that at least was an improvement.

Nozomi was quick to her feet, she walked over to the redhead, from up close she could see the red puffiness around Maki’s eyes along with the large bags. The urge to say something about them caught at the back of her throat. Now was not the time to comment on that.

“How’s she doing?” That seemed like a safe enough question.

Maki set Nico down on the bed taking the utmost care to tuck her in snugly under the covers. The action making Nozomi’s heart flutter a tad, and then ache with guilt. “She’s conscious, her head is fine too, but she probably won't be able to get around east for a bit.”

Nozomi could see how the redhead bit her tongue at the end, a telltale sign she had more to say but didn’t want to say it. “Maki? Is that all?”

She sighed shaking her head, rubbing the back of her neck, “Well no, not really.”

“What is it?” Nozomi hoped it wasn't anything too bad. Well the night was pretty bad already, but nothing severe.

Maki took a seat next to Nico, she brushed her hand over the girls forehead moving slightly damp bangs to the side. “She isn’t talking again.”

Oh.

“Oh I...I’m sorry Maki-chan.”

Maki had told her about her girlfriend. Nico had suffered a terrible accident that left her mute for awhile. She began speaking again à year before she started to date Maki. When Nozomi met her she was sick and couldn’t talk often but now? Now the girl had gone completely mute again.

“It it because the-”

“Yes.” The redhead cut her off and Nozomi felt inclined to bite her tongue about the girls condition. It was obvious Maki wasn’t pleased talking about it. She never knew that her roommate harbored that much hostile feelings towards Nico’s returning condition. Maybe that's just what happened to people who fell in love. 

Not long after Maki called lights out. The room was still full of tenseness. Nozomi found it hard to sleep knowing a criminal was under the same roof as she was currently. For awhile she listened as Maki quietly whispered reassuring things to her lover, probably not knowing that she was awake to hear her cooing.

Guilt ate away at Nozomi’s heart. She yearned for sweet words to be spoken to her like that. Instead she laid on the stiff futon on the floor, cold, scared, and guilty.

\----------

Nozomi sat up sharply, pulling her arm away from whatever was touching her. Bleary eyes made out the color of red, and soon the face of Maki was hovering above her. “What?” She yawned covering her mouth with her hand.

“Lets go.” 

Maki strut out of the room before Nozomi could ask further questions. The busty girl groaned and got up following the mop of red hair dazedly. 

The two stopped in front of Nozomi’s bedroom door and suddenly she felt awake. That's what they were doing.

Nozomi peered around the hallway corner checking the time on the kitchen clock. 5:37 am. The earliest she woke up in what felt like years, and it was to figure out what they were to do with the girl inside the room. 

She was about to ask Maki about how they should go securing the situation when she caught a glimpse of a metal bat in redheads hands. Maki was always one step ahead of her wasn’t she? 

Maki had taken the key out of her bra shoving it into the lock and opening it with finesse. Nozomi was expecting to be charged at. To be attacked as soon as the oak door swung open. Instead the two were greeted with the same sight that they had last seen her in.

The blonde girl was still limp on the floor, her hair cascaded all around her messily, upper limbs in an odd position. She hadn’t moved at all.

They stepped in cautiously, Nozomi hiding behind Maki. Everything seemed safe and the taller girl lowered the bat. Maki walked up to the girls body squatting next to it and looking the girl over. 

Nozomi felt awkward just standing by and mimicked her movements squatting down and getting a closer look at the girl.

There was matted blood around the girls head and in the slight lighting the hallway gave the room Nozomi could see more blood around the girls mouth than she had yesterday in the dark. The bruises were evident too. A busted lip and brow, a black eye and the imprint of hands around the girls throat.

Nozomi felt sick. Something else about the girls state was throwing her off. She looked to the girls chest. Her white t shirts collar was stained with red wine and a dull red brown she could guess was blood as well. She couldn't tell if the girls jacket was causing an illusion but it didn't look like she was breathing.

Without thinking Nozomi’s hand reached out and she placed it over the top of her left breast. She waited with baited breath but she couldn’t feel a pulse underneath her palm.

“Holy..holy shit Maki I think she's dead!” 

Maki stared forward at the girl, no expression that was readable on her face. Nozomi felt irritation bubble up in her chest. “Maki?! This girl is dead!” She could feel tears start welling up in her eyes. They had killed someone! It was in self defense but it was still murder!

The cold from the corpse beneath her hand made her sick. She quickly withdrew it holding it close to herself. “Maki..”

“I know. I know but it doesn't make sense.”

Nozomi felt rising anger once again, she stood straighter, “What do you mean?? Nico hit her!” 

The redhead rolled her eyes and for the first time ever Nozomi felt truly angry at her. “The blood Nozomi.”

“Wha..” Nozomi tilted her head to the side. What about the blood? 

“There’s too much of it.” They both studied the carpet surrounding the blonde head. It was a fair amount of blood. More than a bottle would be capable of but it was still possible. Trauma and everything. She didn’t know she wasn't the medical student but it seemed plausible.

Maki turned the girls body over with no warning and suddenly Nozomi was met with the full extent of the damage. A couple shards of glass were embedded into the girls head small amounts of blood around the edges but that wasn’t what had been causing all the bleeding.

À small hole barely noticeable if you weren't looking closely enough laid under the blood. A gun? Maki reached over the limp girl, she dug a well manicured finger into the small hole.

Nozomi gasped as she watched her wriggle her finger around before scooping out a small bullet, letting it fall to the ground. “It was shallow, but it was enough. I think she died from that. Not the bottle.”

She couldn't tear her gaze away from the bloody round on the floor. “What are we going to do Maki?..”

“I...I don't know.”

Nozomi’s firsts clenched at her sides, she was really trying to will herself from crying again. This was all so stressful and scary! “Can we please call the cops..please?” Her plea came out weaker than she had anticipated and she hoped Maki heard her.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, “Look Nozomi I told you already we-”

Nozomi violently shrugged Maki’s hand off her shoulder, body tensing. “And why the hell can’t we?! It doesn’t make any sense Maki! I'm scared and you've done nothing about it! Just let me call the police! They can help us!”

In a hurry Nozomi got up to grab the land line phone hanging on the wall, nearly tripping over her own feet in the process. They never used the landline since they had cell phones but hers was still on the futon down the hall.

Her fingers grasped the cord just as she was pushed, Nozomi yelped, her arm taking most of the force. “Maki?!”

“Don’t do it!” Maki was on her pulling at the phone cord still in Nozomi’s hand. She reflexively tightened her grip pulling. The phone fell from its stand and she quickly scooped it up doubling over it in an attempt to keep the red head away from it.

She didn't give up though. She felt Maki behind her, the girls longer arms wrapped around her trying to pry Nozomi’s fingers away.

“Get off of me!” Nozomi stepped back causing both girls to stumble, still playing tug of war with the phone. Maki almost had her fingers pried off. Nozomi really didn’t want to hurt her but she was acting crazy.

The green eyed girl let go with one hand, swiftly she swung it back hitting Maki’s cheek. “I said get off!”

The redhead stopped struggling going to cradle her jaw, stepping away from Nozomi. She sighed internally happy that she was off. The two glared at each other out of breath. The room was completely silent except for the ragged breathing of the two girls.

Before Maki could try and stop her again Nozomi fumbled with the phone. She put it to her ear dialing the numbers quickly. She could feel her burning holes in the back of her head, but c’mon what other options did she have?! 

“Nozomi.”

“Nozomi.”

Her eye twitched, why wasn’t anyone picking up?

“Nozomi!”

“What?!”

Something cold pressed against her back. Something cold and close enough to be breathing directly in her other ear. An ugly ragged breathing that gurgled, the smell of iron engulfing her nose.


	16. Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why was she so useless in these situations?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad you all liked the last previous chapter. This ones a bit of a short one, consider it the prologue before Eli's story. Which will be shown in the next chapter.
> 
> Again thank you for all your support I love you all please excuse my errors <3

Maki watched petrified as the girl had pressed herself to Nozomi's back. The redhead's hand twitched and she became aware of how empty her hand was. The bat was feet away from her, she had dropped it in the midst of arguing with Nozomi. 

Once again she felt her body seize up. She tried to call out to her, she had tried to warn her!

The girl convulsed coughing and Maki heard a hard splat hit the wall by the landline, droplets of blood painting the wall.

Before either girls could make a move the blonde wrapped a shaking arm around Nozomi's throat effectively putting her in a choke hold. Maki could feel her blood run cold.

The sound of the police operator answering could be heard in the silence. Nozomi's mouth gaped open as she was about to say something. The girl jerked her arm around her roommates throat

"Hang it up." The girl whispered harshly, a familiar gurgling sound in the back of her throat. Maki was taken back to when Nico had first woken up, she had sounded exactly like that, except far more severe because of her injuries. The tall girl in front of her was able to form sentences but her voice was gravely like a smoker.

Nozomi's looked to Maki with wide eyes, she couldn't find the right words to say to her. What was safe to say. Why was she so useless in these situations?

For a moment Maki thought maybe it would be a good idea to scream for help into the phone. That having the police get involved would be fine, but it wouldn't be would it?

They would take them all in and question them on the situation. Nico's identity would most likely be figured out. Things would only get worse for her and everyone else involved from there. She could let that happen. She couldn't subject Nico to more torture. Maki didn't have the heart to.

"N-Nozomi ...put it down." The redhead made a gesture with her hand for Nozomi to set it down. She saw the conflicted look in her eyes and for a split second she thought Nozomi would pull something reckless. 

To their luck she kept her cool, or as much of it as Nozomi could muster. She had ended the call and slowly hung the phone back on the wall. Maki felt herself let out a breath she didn't know she was holding in. 

"You!" The girls voice boomed in the room making both Maki and Nozomi jump. She was pointing straight at Maki, and the redhead felt her mouth go dry. "Get against the wall hands over your head now!"

Maki's legs moved on their own, she shuffled back until her body hit the wall. Her hands shakily moving above her head. 

"Don't even think about moving!" 

"I'm not! I won’t!" God she felt pathetic. Here she was pleading against à girl who didn't even have a weapon, or at least à drawn weapon. Her eyes wandered back towards the bat, the blonde must've noticed, "Hey I said don't think about it!"

Maki hung her head, her heart racing, "s-sorry."

Nozomi's had started hyperventilating and a new fear was added to the growing list Maki was making, her breath coming more out wheezier as the seconds ticked. She was in the midst of an asthma attack..

Maki didn’t dare budge as the girl started scanning the room, destroying it in the process. The purple lava lamp that rested on Nozomi’s nightstand fell to the floor as she scavenged through the drawers.

A couple pens and pencils rolled next to the redheads foot. She looked up the slightest bit, the taller girl was frantically looking through the items she dumped on the black duvet, Nozomi still in a firm choke hold. Her hands clawing at the girls arm, leaving trails of red scratch marks drawing blood.

To Maki’s surprise the intruder completely ignored the lilac wallet and picked up Nozomi’s old inhaler. Her grip slackened as she forced her roommate to use the device, but as soon as she had her breath back her hold hardened.

She started rambling in a language Maki couldn't comprehend again her stare holding Maki’s. “I-I don’t understand.” She shook her head in confusion. A frown fell over the blondes face, she was still and looked to be focusing on what she was to say next.

The anticipation had the redhead sweating bullets. The person in front of her was unpredictable and herself unreliable. She learnt that about herself last night. Maki always wanted to imagine that in a dangerous situation she would be the one to take charge. But she didn’t. Her small girlfriend- no friend, had taken control and saved them the first time. 

But Nico wouldn’t be able to come to their rescue now. Not without putting herself through immense pain, both physically and mentally.

“Hide me.”

“What?” Maki was thrown off by the girls words. She cocked her head subconsciously.

“Hide me, they're going to kill me.”

“Who are?”

The girls frown deepened. “They are!”

“Whose them?” This girl just wasn’t making any sense at all. She barges into their apartment. Attacks her roommate, and now is demanding they hide her?

The blonde threw the inhaler across the room. It hit the wall beside Maki’s head with a violent crash that made her jolt. “My family!”

“Wait what?”

“Just hide me!” The girls obvious anger was building up. Her grip around Nozomi’s throat tightened at Maki’s persistent questioning. The smaller girl gasped out nails digging back into pale flesh as she tried to breath.

Panic filled Maki’s chest as she noted Nozomi’s face changing color. She needed to do something. She had to. No matter how much her body screamed at her to submit to the taller girl, she couldn’t stand by and watch her roommate suffocate to death. She could do this.

“Look why don't we..”Maki combers her fingers through her red hair in thought, “Why don’t you let go of Nozomi, and we can talk this out ok? You're hurting her and i'm not going to help you if you hurt her.”

The blue eyed girl looked torn between keeping Nozomi captive or letting her go. Her face was turning purple at an alarming rate, that concerned Maki. The girl huffed letting go of Nozomi and shoving her in Maki’s direction.

Maki rushed forward catching Nozomi in her arms haphazardly. She coughed violently in her arms taking in large breaths. The redhead held her head to her chest. She tried to ignore the wet teardrops sliding down her chest and soaking into her top. “Ok, ok good. Now I need you to explain what's going on? I’m not going to help if I don't know what happening alright?” What was she kidding she shouldn’t even help this girl in the first place, she sure as hell didn’t want to but the situation called for it. Sh had to put up a facade that shed be willing to help if Maki expected anyone to get out of this without injury, or well more injuries.

“They tried to kill me. I did everything that I could but they still weren't pleased.” The girl had her hands clenched tightly into fists, her direct eye contact made Maki want to squirm.

“I still don't understand, you need to tell me everything that happened alright..uhh..”

“Eli.” 

Maki nodded, “Tell me everything that happened Eli.”


	17. Last Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Look at what a mess you’ve made Eli."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okie dokie I got a random urge to write today so here's another chapter already (^_^;)
> 
> WARNING!! This chapter does contain harsh language and such because Eli's family is pretty shitty
> 
> Thank you all for the support it really motivates me to keep going I hope you all enjoy and of course excuse my errors <3

Screaming. Screaming Screaming. It was never ending screaming. She fucked up. The instructions were clear, make Alisa an idol at all costs. It was a simple task. Why couldn’t she do it right? Why couldn’t she do anything right.

Eli’s head pounded with a tear inducing migraine. She was sitting at her family's long ebony dinner table. Her Father in front of her. He had stood out of his chair knocking it back, leaning over the table as he hissed at his oldest daughter.

Her lip was trembling as she tried to hold back tears. If Eli started crying now it would only send her father into another fit of rage on how unfitting she was. How weak she was. Her eyes wandered to the small frame of her mother, she sat by her father's side. Meekly nodding her head in agreement with everything he said. Eli wasn't sure when her mother had turned into such a feeble woman, but she felt betrayed by her a mother was supposed to love her children so why didn't she love her? Couldn’t she see how hard she was trying?

A small squeeze around her finger drew her focus away. Underneath the table Alisa wrapped her small hand around Eli’s pinky. For a second nothing mattered. Not the ache in her heart, or the weighing guilt. All that mattered was Alisa was there, Alisa still loved her. Eli would do anything for her, no act was too big or small. She wanted to hand her the world on a silver platter.

“Are you even listening to me?!” He was spitting on her face and suddenly Eli was brought back to the hell of being dejected  
Subconsciously she lowered her head, hair falling over her eyes as she stared vacantly down at her lap. “Yes father.”

The man scoffed, “Then act like it!” The bowl of soup that was in front of her had been tossed off the table. The hot contents spilled onto the floor with a shatter of porcelain. Eli could feel her heartbeat fasten and she hoped to whatever god was out their that her father couldn’t hear the rapid beating. 

Her mother clicked her tongue distastefully and sighed. “Look at what a mess you’ve made Eli. After all we’ve done for a worthless girl like you. Don't you feel ashamed?”

There she went again. Twisting her words to make Eli the bad one again. It was her father right? It was him not her, right? Eli could try and rationalize her thoughts all she wanted but in the end her parents had planted a seed of uncertainty in her. At the end of the day it was all her fault. It was all Eli’s fault.

My fault. Eli’s heart squeezed in a painful way at her mother's words. After all this, after so many attempts to make Eli mature and proper, after all her parents hard work she still had the urge to cry. Blue eyes glazed over, a small tear rolled down her cheek

“That’s it! Pick everything up and meet me and your mother our bedroom is that clear?!”

“Yes father.” She willed her voice to be as strong as possible but as always she failed. It wavered and newfound embarrassment and shame coursed through her. Nothing, she could do nothing right.

Her father wiped his hands roughly on a cloth napkin, throwing it on his dirty dish before storming away from the dining room, curses stilling fuming at the mouth. Her mother trailed not far after him fretting over her “poor exasperated husband”.

Eli idly sat at the almost vacant table in thought. When did this happen. When had shining little Eli become such a failure, such a burden? 

Oh yeah, ballet.

Since she could remember she always danced ballet. She was elegant graceful, swift on her feat and beautiful on stage. Everyone applauded her, she was praised like a good show dog. Things were perfect. Until she lost the role of lead. 

Her mother and grandmother were furious, they pressured Eli to be better, perform better, but all the stress had done was make hr fumble. She was a wreck onstage, so much to the point they took her out of dancing out of shame. Her mother had nearly gotten over it though. And for awhile she was treated normally again.

But then came the beginning of secondary school, and of Eli’s newfound “interest”. Girls. Eli didn’t know she even liked them she still didn’t believe she did. She had never given it thought until her father blatantly in front of the entire family during new year, said he wished his daughter weren’t gay.

In his eyes, his daughter had been too close to her friends. Friendly kisses on the cheeks and foreheads, cuddling during sleepovers, holding hands. It was all stuff he deemed inappropriate for thirteen year old girls to be doing together. He condemned her a “faggot” a “useless lesbian”. The Ayase families greatest shame.

Eli had tried to reverse everything the best she could. She cut out any female that had been in her life, and surrounded herself with boy admirers, which she all hated. But the damage had been done. Her father had ruined her life-she ruined her life by acting like a fag and nothing she did could win back her parents affection.

Any mishap Eli made was amplified times ten. She couldn’t appease anyone. She was a mistake.

Alisa’s hand slipped from Eli’s and the blonde looked up to see her sister pushing her chair in. “I’ll help you clean.”

Eli shook her head standing up. She was far larger than her sister was, inheriting her tallness from her Russian grandparents while Alisa got the short end of the stick, but she was cuter that way, and Eli wanted nothing more than to dote on her.

“It’s ok I’ve got it. You should head on to the bath and then bed, you have your presentation tomorrow remember?” She gently placed a hand on her small shoulder, the other caressing her soft sandy hair.

Alisa smiled cheekily, “Oh yeah I forgot about that.” She awkwardly chuckled and Eli’s heart burst with endearment.

Eli halfheartedly smiled bopping her sisters nose. “Well go on then.”

“Ok, ok.” Alisa stood on her tiptoes and placed a kiss on her sisters cheek before heading out of the large dining room.

“Remember to practice your pronunciation.”

A faint “I will” ringed from down the hall. Eli turned back to the mess on the table and sighed. She should pick up the mess she made.

\-----------------

Eli wiped her brow as she looked over her handiwork. Her fingers red and raw from the scrubbing, she had wiped every surface clean. The dining room needed to be impeccably clean or she would be in further trouble, and she also wanted to waste more time. Eli was dreading having another conversation with her father.

But of course she would have to eventually. And eventually was now. 

Eli took heavy steps towards her parents bedroom. The large staircase seemed all too short tonight and she found herself standing in front of their door much quicker than she wanted to.

She took a deep breath mentally preparing herself for the worst before knocking.

Her mother opened the door and motioned for her to come in. Not a word was spoken as Eli was led over to the sitting sectional of the large room. It wasn't surprising, if it wasn't needed, or her mother didn’t have anything to say to back up her husband talking to her daughter didn’t have a purpose.

Eli’s fathered walked out of the attached bathroom in his robe, a concoction of whiskey and some other drink in his hand. “Eli. Eli, Eli, Eli. How you disappoint me so.”

He took the seat adjacent from her, settling comfortably in the velvet chair. Her mother immediately found her place standing behind him, her hands resting on either of his shoulders.

Already they had found a way to make her feel cornered and alone. “I’m sorry father I-I did the best I could but it wasn't enough.”

“It’s never enough is it? We asked one simple thing of you and you still cant deliver.”

Eli felt her palm itched and held back scratching it in irritation as she tried to think of her argument. “I didn’t know she still wouldn’t get the spot. How was I supposed to know after getting rid of her they still wouldn’t accept Alisa?”

She saw her father's eyes widen in anger but her mother smoothed a hand over his shoulder chiming in. “Well maybe if you made yourself useful and helped your sister practice she would've been better prepared. But i suppose that's too much to ask from a useless screw up.”

“You told me I was never to dance again.” The words came out of her mouth before she could register the. “You said that to me. I was terrible, à dying animal on stage so why would I help her if I was so bad?”

She had struck a nerve in her mother. The older went quiet, seemingly leaving the rest up to her husband. “Don’t speak to your mother with that attitude! You could have done more!” He was up out of his seat once again, stalking over to Eli’s chair. He trapped her, setting either of his arms on those of the chair.

Eli wanted nothing more than to sink into the seat and be swallowed whole. The alcohol in his breath made her want to reel. She hated it. “I’m sorry I won’t do it again.”

“You're damn right you wont be, not ever!” He grabbed her roughly by her hair and Eli shrieked as she was dragged out of the chair. “You fucking useless bitch! I’ve had about enough of you and your damn mouth! You think you’re so smart talking back!” 

He tugged at her hair shaking the fist full of blonde locks he had, as Eli cried out in pain. “I'm sorry! I’m sorry! Please forgive me! Please!” 

Eli’s pleas’ fell on deaf ears as he roughly tossed his daughter onto the king sized bed. “You ruined our lives! You did this to yourself!”

She couldn’t help the tears from falling. “Please! Please father! Papa!” 

Eli silently screamed as she felt the wind knocked out of her. “Don’t you ever call me that! I am no longer your father! I will not stand having such a disgusting! Useless! Pathetic! Worthless daughter!” He emphasized each insult with his fist. She tried desperately to cover herself. To get away. 

While he reeled back readying himself for another blow Eli scrambled across the satin sheets. She reached the end of the bed when a large calloused hand grabbed her leg. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her mother heading for her as well. 

She had to get out of here. She had to move quickly before her mother got a hold of her as well. With newfound strength Eli flailed her leg, successfully landing a solid kick to the mans face.

Eli heard her mother scream, she wasted no time to see what damage she caused him. Eli took the opportunity and ran. She had to go. Now! Now! She needed to leave now!

Her breath came out hard as she ran down the steps. She was almost there! She could do it!

The smile on her face disappeared almost as soon as it appeared. Eli felt her foot give way, her ankle bending in an unnatural, painful way. She bound head first down the stairs, rolling until coming to a still at the bottom. 

Her cheek lay on the floor, the room was spinning in circles but she needed to get up she had to leave now.

“Eli Ayase!” Her parents were catching up.

Eli willed herself up, the pain in her ankle throbbed and her whole body ached from being used as a punching bag but she had to keep going even if it hurt. She limped the ten feet towards the grand doors of the house. Shoes she needed to put on her shoes.

She rested against the wall kicking on the sneakers she left by the door. Anxiety was building up in her as she couldn't fit her injured foot in the shoe properly. Eli could already hear her parents at the top of the banister. They were shouting but she couldn't register what.

With a hard stomp to the ground the shoe finally slipped on, the momentary achievement ruined by the pain that shot up her leg. But that didn't matter. She was almost out the door!

Every step was pure agony but she made it! Eli swung the door open nearly tripping again as she took the first step outside. The chilly winter air filled her lungs and she could almost yell out in joy!

A bang. Yes, that was definitely a bang.

Eli’s head suddenly felt hot, too hot, burning hot! She felt something wet slide down her neck and reached back to feel what it was. Her fingers touched something wet and hot, it had the same thick feel she had felt before. She didn’t even have to bring her hand back to see what it was. There was no doubt in her mind. She had been shot.

The burning sensation gave way to pain. The worst pain she had ever felt, Eli couldn’t remember a time being in this much pain. Even having some of her toenails torn off for ballet hadn't hurt so much.

She sharply took in a breath before falling forward into the bank of snow at the bottom of the house steps. Her mind had gone blank, she was crying but why? As she breathed plums of condensation floated around her. Dragons. Yeah her and Alisa would pretend they were dragons when it got this cold when they were little. 

Eli stared at her breath, there would be no more of doing that now would there? There wouldn’t, she was going to die wasn't she?

Oh no, no! She hadn’t even said goodbye to Alisa, she didn't get to tell her good night! Eli felt more tears roll off her face and into the snow as her heart ached. Alisa, who was going to look after her? “Eli!” Alisa, sweet Alisa’s voice… Her voice!

Eli lifted her head from the ground numbly, she searched for the voice that was calling her name so sweetly so sorrowful. She found it, in the doorway standing behind her mother, “Alisa.” The little girl only cried more and Eli could feel her heart break with each sob. She had to live, for Alisa just for her.

She raised herself up on her elbows shakily. Eli’s entire front was drenched with snow, she was cold, it was so cold out tonight, Alisa would get sick with her hair wet. She managed to hold herself up, the effort was exhausting but she had to push through. This is what she got for trying to leave her, she did deserve this, but she wouldn’t submit to it.

Eli crawled as far as she could, her hands numb from the cold and her lungs burned. The shock was slowing her down and she pushed herself to move faster. She ended up eating another mouthful of snow whimpering pitifully.

She could hear her father say something about Alisa to her mother and the front door closed. All warmth from it gone in a second. It was quiet and Eli could hear the hum of far distant traffic in the silence.

Damn them, damn all of them, she had been trying and they betrayed her. They shot their own daughter in the back. Eli wished she could’ve at least have seen who had done it. She wanted to kill them for doing this to her and letting Alisa see.

Her thoughts were cut short when she felt herself being dragged by her feet. “You just keep finding ways to be a liability.” Her father's voice was full of malice but Eli couldn't find herself to care about it, or the snow going up her shirt. It burned like she was being cut by thousands of ice crystals but she refused her father the privilege to see her cry one last time.

The familiar sound of their car being unlocked rang in the quiet lot. Eli was thrown into the back, she hissed as her head bounced against the seat. Her father took his place in the driver's seat, speeding out of the gates that lead to their house.

He was surprisingly silent, the first few minutes of the car ride nothing but eerie quietness. It must've been too quiet for him, the radio flicked on and holiday music filled the car.

Eli was suddenly engulfed in sorrow. Christmas. Would she not get to spend Christmas with Alisa? What à dumb question of course she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t get to see her little sisters smiling face on Christmas morning. Or bake cookies with her. There would be no ice skating, no singing, nothing. Eli would be dead. She already had her last Christmas, her last meal, her last everything. Everything was over for her before it could even start.  
She accepted this surprisingly easily. She would not have her first kiss, her first love, she would never marry or see anyone she loved ever again. There was nothing she could do about it.

The car lurched as it came to a stop and Eli’s father exited the car. The last song she would ironically hear would be Last Christmas. She bitterly laughed to herself, body convulsing as her laughter grew in size.

Eli’s father opened the rear door. He watched his daughter bout of laughing with a frown on his face. “Crazy bitch.”

She was dragged out of the vehicle her laughter turning into groans as she hit the ground. By the time she was able to register where she was her father was gone. He had dumped her in an alley, the trash next to her stung her nose and she grimaced. What an awful place to die.

The sound of a door opening grabbed her attention. “Bye Honoka-chan! Goodnight!” a small girl walked passed the alleyway humming to herself.

Help. This was her chance to get help! If she got help she could save herself, she could save Alisa from those terrible people that were their parents! She had to at any cost!

With as much strength as she could muster Eli pushed herself up off the grimy alley floor. Stumbling to her feet she bit back the pain. She had to follow her, she needed to catch up, she didn’t have time.


	18. Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out. She wanted to get it out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a little bit since I've updated. Sorry for the longer waits, I've had other things come up so I can only write a little bit a day but I'm going to try to get on some sort of schedule. I'm also aiming to start making the chapters longer.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :) please excuse all errors!

Nico covered her ears trying to block out the yelling coming from down the hall. That girl was yelling at the top of her lungs, her voice so haunting. It sounded nothing like how it did when they first met.

Another shout shook the walls of the apartment and Nico curled in on herself further under the blanket. This wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be happening! She saw her! She was here to finish her off! There was no doubt about it! Oh god!

The scars underneath Maki’s borrowed t-shirt burned, Nico clutched at her torso with one hand, she felt over the ugly scars, each one burning in a pain she knew was all in her head. That girl did this to her, and she wasn’t going to stop till she was dead.

Tears soaked into the bed sheet as she cried silently. Maki! Why the hell did Maki leave her alone?! Alone! All alone!

Bile rose up in her throat and Nico tried to will it down, her throat burned from the acidity and crying, but she wasn't about to mess up the sheets. Nico could act as brave as she wanted but in all truth she was terrified, last night she got lucky. If she had been the one cornered…

Blood..so much blood, there was so much blood!

Nico glanced down at the hand over her stomach, red, blood red, her hand was covered in blood! Just like it was that day. She let out a shrill scream shutting her eyes tight. 

No! No! No! NO! The noirette chanced another glance, there was nothing there… but..she didn't even want to think about it.

She didn't want to, she didn’t want to remember it was too much!

Home! She just wanted to go home!

\----------------

Nozomi’s heart pounded rapidly in her chest. This stranger had followed her home all the way from Honoka’s apartment and she never even had the slightest clue. It made her stomach tie up in knots, had it been anyone else, someone with worse intentions, she would be like prey caught in a web.

Tearing her gaze away from the blonde she looked up at Maki. Her face was scrunched up in thought, frown lines apparent. She looked mad, which was totally reasonable. Her grip on Nozomi’s arm was tight. 

Eli was staring at them expectantly. Nozomi had nothing to say to her, her story had managed to surface some pity in her but last night kept playing in her head. This girl, although pitiful had admitted to killing someone and attacking them into complacency. The way she described her sister left her with a chilling feeling through her body. This girl was obsessive, obsessive and loyal to the point of murder.

Nozomi had to get out of this room, she needed to stop thinking about this it was making her stomach churn. The aura was unnerving, call her sensitive but she couldn’t handle all this tension and drama. 

“Breakfast.”

“Huh.” The two other girls cocked their heads in confusion as they stared her down.

Nodding Nozomi grabbed Maki’s hand drawing it away from her arm. The redhead’s grip had softened in her confusion. How would she explain all the bruises to her colleagues Tuesday? “Yah, I mean well..I don't think we should decide anything on an empty stomach and...you must be hungry right Eli?”

The blonde bit her lip starring again at Maki who was still just as tense as before. “A little.”

Nozomi flashed à fake smile and put her hand on her roommates shoulder in a poor attempt to soften the mood. “You’re always ravenous in the morning Maki-Chan. I’ll make breakfast and you two can talk more things over.

“Alright.” She sounded less than happy about the prospect of having to continue talking but hey, maybe some good food would civilize the conversation.

Nozomi walked out of her messy bedroom, a part of her was mad that Eli felt the need to go through all her things like that, but it was for the better in the end. Either way criminal or not she was going to have her help pick up the mess later. She needed to make breakfast, to take her mind off of things and just think about something simple like making eggs with furikake, yeah that sounded good.

A chill went down her spine as she stepped foot on the cold linoleum of the kitchen. She took notice of the cookies still on the table, Nozomi didn’t have the chance last night to properly put them away, they probably went stale. Picking up a gingerbread man cookie she frowned. How did everything get so hectic in one night?

She sighed taking a single bite out of the stale cookie before setting it back down making her way to the stove. Question kept crossing her mind and Nozomi willed them away laying out all the ingredients she’d need to prepare their meal.

The girls entered the kitchen not long after, they sat at the table. Maki was talking lowly to the girl, Nozomi wasn’t sure if she was doing it to ease her anxiety about hearing more grueling things or because of the sleeping girl down the hall. 

Guiltily she hoped it was for her own sake. Nico had probably already been roused from all the yelling earlier. It was odd though. Usually Nico was the first out of bed at the smell of food, the girls lack of presence didn't make sense-wait..oh yea. She had forgotten about Nico’s feet.

The poor girl came out of last nights scuffle with some deep cuts while she had been able to walk away with nothing but a couple of forming bruises around her wrists. Nico had saved her not even thinking about herself, she was selfless to an admirable degree. She had held her while she sobbed onto her underdeveloped chest. She was so small in every way but stronger than her or Maki.

Maki…

Nozomi eyed her roommate from the corner of her eye as she cracked open the eggs. Maki hadn’t made a move to help her in any way, she had stood there and watched, it hurt her. If it was Nico would she have done something? Of course she would, she was her girlfriend after all. Nozomi supposed that's what hurt more, that her safety and well being was now put below someone else.

She pushed the thought out of her mind. She needed to stop being greedy and be thankful for what she did have. It was enough, it would suffice and she would live with it whether she liked it or not.

Looking at the ingredients mix together she listened to the static sizzle of the eggs frying. It drowned out the sound of the two girls at the table completely and for second Nozomi’s mind went blank. The image of sad red eyes came into her head and she was panged with a weighted dread. Where had she seen those eyes before?

She distributed the egg between three plates, leaving a portion in the skillet for Nico to eat when she wanted to. Nozomi placed a plate in front of either girl before bringing her own to the table. Maki gave her a look as the busty girl scooted her chair closer to the redhead before sitting down to join them. 

They talked in whispered voices between bites. Nozomi found herself pushing à piece of egg around her plate with a chopstick. The conversation was dull, Maki was trying to get the girl to open up more but the more she asked the more guarded she became. It was weird, the girl had spilled her guts when it came to her sister but anything about her personal interests didn’t matter. Maybe she didn't have any?

The pattering sound of small feet came down the hall. Nico’s soft groans of pain also giving her away before she could be seen. Nozomi looked up from her plate to see the noirette round the corner into the kitchen. She was limping, her lip weakly trembling as she leaned against the wall her gaze set on her girlfriend.

Maki was up out of her chair in an instant. “Nico I told you not to get out of bed,” The small girl didn’t respond to her, her red eyes now locked onto the blonde who had been previously been obstructed by the redheads sitting position.

Eli followed in suit rising from the table at a speed that had Nozomi jolt in surprise. The blonde hovered over her spot an accusatory finger pointing straight at Nico. “You! You piece of shit this is your fault!”

“Hey!” Maki glared back at Eli, her arms enveloping the small girl who was trembling, fists clenching at her girlfriends top for dear life.

The blonde sneered and spat in what, Nozomi thought by description, would be the spitting image of the girls father. “That dumb bitch is the reason this all happened! She got in Alisa’s way! Why couldn’t you stay dead you stupid brat?! I saw your obituary in the newspaper, so why aren't you rotting with the worms where you belong!?”

The entire room was silent and Nozomi could feel the onset panic kicking it. What the hell was happening? What was she talking about? She looked away from Eli back to where the two other girls stood. Maki’s mouth gaped open as she attempted to find words to say. Nico was trembling beneath her, knuckles white and tears running down her face. She whimpered a couple times before breaking down into sobs.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Maki’s loud voice echoed in the room. Nozomi had never heard something sound that hateful coming from her before. The tone Nozomi was so taken aback by before was nothing compared to the venom in the redheads voice now. She reminded her of an angered cat, fangs bared and hair on end ready to brandish curled sharp claws.

Eli, on the other hand, was like a rabid fox. Foaming at the mouth, hackles raised, sharp eyes on her prey. Eli banged one of her fists on the kitchen table, plates clattering against the wood. “I killed her! I made sure I did! I fucking killed her and she still managed to ruin my life! So why is this motherfucking whore still here!?”

Nozomi watched as Nico struggled to break free of Maki’s hold. “Nico?!” The noirette ran down the hall sobbing hysterically, the sound of a door slamming shut muffled the ugly crying. Nozomi’s eyes followed the hallway taking notice of the small blood smears on the wooden floor. She gazed back up and looked to Eli. Her cold blue eyes met her own and Nozomi was filled with the overwhelming sense of fear.

“She did die, and just like your fucking ass she came back.” Maki’s voice was quiet but still deep with hate. She looked at Nozomi a glint of shame in her eyes before facing Eli. “I’ll keep my promise and help you with your major wounds. Nozomi can treat the minor ones, but the rest of the deal is off. After that I want you out of my goddamn apartment.” The redhead mumbled something under her breath following the bloody trail down the hall disappearing from their sight.

Nozomi sat in stunned silence. She was dreaming, she had to be, people didn’t die and come back to life that just wasn’t possible. That kind of stuff only happened in horror movies, not real life. She set her elbows on the table, hands coming up to cradle her face as her mind ran a thousand miles a minute.

Eli sat back down in her chair across from hers, she was scowling saying things in another language Nozomi couldn’t understand. The blonde’s chest heaved as she breathed deeply, her first banging the table leading Nozomi to whimper and curl in on herself.

\---------------  
She couldn’t breath, she couldn't breath! Her chest hurt, her heart hurt, her feet hurt. Why? WHY? WHY?! 

Memories crashed down on her like cinder blocks each one weighing her chest down more. Had she actually stopped breathing from the pain? Nico's hand reflexively clutched at her chest, her heart trimmed underneath her breast. She was breathing. She had always been breathing. Right? Right?!

Sobs wracked her body as she stood in front of the fully body mirror in the corner of the room. Desperately, she clawed at the over sized t-shirt throwing it to the floor. She felt hot, the scars felt hot, Nico couldn't stand it! 

There they were in the mirror, those damn long scars. She hated them! They hurt! Letting out a strangled growl she clawed at her chest and stomach. Go away! They needed to go away! Why wouldn't they go away?!

Her body was an angry shade of red, nail marks trailing over pale flesh, and trickles of blood coming from reopened areas by the time Maki walked into the room. 

Nico caught a glimpse of the redhead in the mirror. She looked a mix between worried and angry and Nico felt more tears well up in her eyes. Her legs trembled beneath and with another loud sob she sank to her knees. Nico's knees hurt but it was nothing like the burning pain she was feeling on the inside. It was as if she was reliving those moments after waking up again but without all the bloody vomit.

"Nico…" Maki was making her way towards her in long strides. For once in Nico's entirety of living with the redhead she wished she would just go away. It felt like she was dying and having somebody watch her in another vulnerable state was crushing her pride, but most of all she felt betrayed.

She smacked the hand that was coming to touch her shoulder away, "No! Don't touch me!" 

Maki recoiled, her eyes wide. She was looking down at her like she was some injured rabbit ensnared in à trap. Pathetic. God she was pathetic! "Nico look I'm-"

"No! No! No!" Nico thrashed around hitting the carpeted floor with her tiny fists. She didn't want to hear any of it. She didn't want to know. She didn't want to be reminded! It hurt! Couldn't Maki see it hurt?!

To the noirettes surprise Maki kneeled down, slim fingers gripping at her wrists with a strength she didn't know the redhead possessed. "Nico you need to stop it! You're hurting yourself!"

Nico's hands itched to scratch at the girl in front of her, "What do you care you liar!?" Maki stilled and having thoroughly distracted her Nico broke away from her grasp, stumbling back onto her butt. She scooted backwards till her back hit the wall putting a couple feets distance between them. "Lair! Liar! Lair! Liar! LAIR! LIAR!" 

Each word made the redhead cringe but Nico couldn't find it in her to care. Whatever Maki's pain was couldn't measure up to what she was feeling inside and out.

"I didn't mean-I-I was going to-" 

"When?!" Nico barked harshly at her. When was she going to tell her this? Why didn't she say anything sooner? Instead of ripping the bandaid off fast she chose to slowly pull it off, and now look at her! This was her fault! 

"Soon! I just-I just didn't know when! I was afraid of this happening!" She leaned forward on her hands and knees nearing Nico. Out of pure instinct the noirette kicked her shoulder knocking her back. "Nico listen to-"

"Get away! Just leave me alone! I hate you!" 

A flash of something came across the redhead's face and Nico felt her heart breaking. She never wanted to say that to her. Even in the short month they had known each other Nico realized her affections growing and now it was killing her.

The girl she liked, no more than liked was lying to her! Had been lying to her from the start! Was everything else a lie too? Every single thing she said to her fake? Meaningless? Nothing! 

It filled Nico with an overwhelming mixture of feelings. She was angry, she was sad, she was hurt, torn, heartbroken, mortified. 

A fool, she was a fool, if what everyone was saying was true of course all those things were lies! 

Her heart flipped in pain, it was agonizing pain. Subconsciously her right hand flew up to her chest, fingernails digging into the flesh that laid over her heart. Out. She wanted to get it out!

Her movements became more frantic with each passing thought. The skin on her breast was raw and red like the rest of her torso but much worse. Nico's dull fingernails raked over and over, skin catching underneath them as blood started to leak from the fresh wounds. 

Maki grabbed her hand again, Nico still at her touch. She suddenly felt so tired, like she was awake for days. "Nico stop!" 

The noirette looked up at Maki through puffy red eyes. She was crying too, despite the tears her eyes were sharp and unwavering. 

Why? Why did she feel so self conscious all of a sudden. Why did she do that anyway, why was she hurting herself. Shame overcame her, there was no way Nico could look her in the eyes anymore, instead she focused her gaze on the bed they had shared that night.

The bed Maki left her in all alone.

"I get you're upset, I understand ok, just..there's no need to lash out. It's childish, and you're being reckless," Nico's shoulders tensed, childish? She was just told she had died, and been lied to. "I can't tell you anything if you keep reacting like this."

Nico scoffed, "Don't tell me how to react when you've never been in my situation. You don't know how this feels." 

"I can't imagine how it does. You're probably hurting a lot and well, I don't really know how to help you, but I want to try." Maki's hand came up to caress her cheek, warmth flooding her small body. Fuck it for reacting that way.

Nico pushed her hand away, more gently this time and tried to compose herself. She reached for the black t-shirt she had thrown on the ground and brought it up to cover her bare body. "Whatever, just tell me what happened."


	19. Irritation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nozomi weakly smiled. "Does that bother you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok it's been a long time I am so sorry for not updating sooner! Here the new chapter for all of you! Thank you all for your encouraging comments and likes on this story it really motivates me to keep going, and boy do we have a way to go.
> 
> Anyhow as always excuse my errors and enjoy <3

The plastic first aid box fell to the bathroom floor bouncing a couple times before falling flat. Nozomi could feel Eli's judgmental gaze on her as she reached down to pick it up. This was the last thing she wanted to be doing right now, the busty girl had to just keep telling herself the sooner she acted the sooner it would be over.

Nozomi placed the box on the bathroom vanity opening the two tiny latched on either side. The jumbled contents from within came spilling out scattering all over the black marble vanity top, over the side and down to her feet.

The blonde on sitting on the toilet lid audibly snorted and she felt her cheeks flush. The world really did hate her did it. What did she do to deserve karma like this? 

With a sigh Nozomi picked up the stray bandages and disinfecting wipes, tossing them back up with an annoyed huff. She turned back to Eli who was still watching her an amused look on her face. Nozomi knew she was making fun of her but at least she didn't look as scary as before. 

She took a step closer to Eli opening up a disinfectant wipe. Yah having someone make fun of her was a lot better than having them angrily glare at you. The blonde girl had been in a sour mood for a least twenty minutes while they were sitting at the table. It had taken Nozomi awhile to muster up the courage to tell her to finish her meal so they could clean her up. By the time Eli was finished with her plate she was in a better, more civil, mood. She had even thanked Nozomi for the meal and excused herself to the bathroom where she would be waiting. 

"This might hurt a little bit." Nozomi tossed the wrapper into the overflowing garbage can. She frowned a little, where would be a good place to start? Probably the smaller stuff first. 

Carefully, Nozomi brought her finger under Eli's chin, "Excuse me," she tipped the taller girl's chin up and dabbed the damp cloth across her swollen busted lip. Eli hissed in pain and Nozomi instinctively recoiled, "S-sorry."

The blonde shook her head and took Nozomi's hand in her larger dainty one making her press the wipe back to her lip. "It's ok, let's get this over with." She didn't sound static about it but she could tell the girl was trying to convey some sort of kindness. A crooked half smile painted her face but by the look in the girls eyes she was exhausted, and probably in a lot of pain. 

With a nod Nozomi continued. She made sure to be gentle while cleaning each of the small wounds, Eli didn't outwardly make any sound if she was in pain but moved her hands awkwardly every once in awhile. 

After cleaning up to the best of her abilities Nozomi prepped the bandages she needed, shoving the extra ones back into the plastic box and drawing out the tube of salve. 

"This stuff tastes pretty gross, so sorry if I get any in your mouth." The shorter dabbed à small amount of salve onto her finger, tilting Eli's chin up once more. 

The girl below her rolled her eyes, "Wouldn't be the worst thing I've tasted."

Nozomi neatly smeared the solvent on the girls lips despite her talking, she added more onto her finger brushing the girls blonde bangs back with her pinky and administering some onto her cut brow bone. It mixed in with the still fresh wound turning the opaque white a light pink hue. "Really? What's the worst thing you've had?"

Making small talk was more pleasant than sitting in silence even if the person she was talking to sent shivers down her spine and chilled her to the bone. Conversing didn't give her time to think on things, which was a small blessing. 

Eli hummed in thought as she continued to tend to her cuts. "Hm, rat poison."

"What?" Nozomi paused for a second taken aback by the girls casual response.

The blonde just shrugged her shoulders weakly squinting her eyes at the brightness of the bathroom lights while the smaller placed a band aid on the bridge of her nose. "My mother fed me rat poison once. It was after that New Years I told you about. She wanted to appease father and grant him his wish. It didn't work though, the dumb bitch didn't think I'd recognize the soup tasted weird. I ate enough to please her but when I was alone, I made myself throw it up. I still got really sick, I might've almost died but Alisa took care of me."

Nozomi noticed how when Eli mentioned her sister the blondes face lit up enough for her to look tranquil. It was no wonder she loved her sister so much though. Her family sounded awful, who would try to kill their own child in cold blood like that? Well she guessed they did and more than once. 

"She's your little sister right? She sounds like a lovely young girl." Nozomi said fondly as she smoothed another band aid over the girl's cheek. She herself didn't have any younger siblings, no matter how much she prayed as a little kid for one to bless their family, Nozomi's mother just couldn't fall pregnant. 

It was a shame, Nozomi was so "full of love" as her parents described her, but with no one to show it to or dote on. Her parents were always gone for business and the friends she did have would always leave at the end of the day. She would never achieve a sibling bond like she wanted, definitely not one as strong as Eli's. 

The said blonde was beaming now, a real smile making the slightest of dimples appear on her cheeks. "She's an amazing girl. She may not be the smartest but she's so kind and gentle. When we first arrived here we ran into a famous archer that she adored, she bought her a drink, but Alisa isn't that well versed in Japanese and ended up buying her red bean soup," a small chuckle fell from her lips," I want her to stay like that forever, I don't want the world to taint her. It's why I have to go back and get her."

Nozomi nodded throwing the discarded wrappers in the trash. "You just want the best for her don't you?"

"Yah, I want her to have what I didn't. No matter what, because I may have not deserved it but she does."

An ache crept into Nozomi's heart. Eli was a good sister, she may not have known the best ways to show it but she had good intentions at heart. "Eli," she removed the loose ponytail, careful not to pull on any of the girls messy hair. "I may not know you that well or at all but all people deserve good. You and your sister deserve happiness. I'm sorry I can't help you but I'll pray that things get better for you."

"Thanks I guess, you're the religious type aren't you?" She looked up at her and Nozomi couldn't find why the question surprised her. 

"Well yes, I've always been, I mean, I even work at the hospital's shrine. Is that a bad thing?" 

Eli hummed again, and Nozomi couldn't wrap her mind around why it was important. "Well I don't know, I guess I expected you to freak out. A lot of my parents associates that were religious hated me. Plus I died right and I came back? Aren't you scared I'm a demon or something?" 

Nozomi didn't know what to say at that. She really didn't give it much thought. Maybe her and Nico were demons but the most demonic thing she's seen Nico do is set a bunch of sparklers off instead of candles on their small Thanksgiving cake they had with KFC. It almost set fire to their dining table but nothing else happened. Maybe their auras made them a bit demonic too but Nozomi was able to look passed Nico's soon in her stay.

"Well, if you and Nico are demons than I think that maybe we got it all wrong. I mean you guys aren't that bad. Maybe you're a little intimidating but I don't think you're trying to be a bad person." Nozomi turned the tub faucet on, she'd have to try to clean her blood mat hair.

Eli moved off the toilet limping slightly as she neared the tub. "But..the gay thing."

Nozomi's hand froze under the streak of water, the uncomfortably hot substance burning herself for a moment as she stood frozen. Eli was asking her a lot of questions that she hadn't really given much thought to before. 

"Uh," she drew her hand out from under the water and turned the right knob adjusting the temperature to something more bearable, "well you said you aren't gay and well," Nozomi laughed awkwardly her hand testing the water once again, "I don't really care about that sort of thing, I only care about what kind of a person someone is than anything else. Besides, it would be a little hypocritical of me to judge when I'm gay." 

"You are?" Eli sounded shocked and it didn't surprise her at all, most people didn't expect her to be. Maki had no idea she was for an entire year despite Nozomi constantly remarking how pretty or cute girls are and how she wanted to hug and kiss them. Everyone assumed she was just overly friendly. 

Nozomi beckoned Eli to kneel down beside her. The blonde obliged and knelt down with a grimace at her ankle. The smaller grabbed a towel and draped it around the girls shoulder, bringing the blonde hair out from underneath it. "Mhm people don't usually think I am, I work at a shrine and everything after all."

"Oh." The blonde became noticeably silent, it was a reaction Nozomi was also used to. She was aware that people didn't always agree with her lifestyle. It was still a taboo concept that people couldn't agree with, the older generation took it particularly hard. When Nozomi came out to her parents in her last year of secondary school her mother and father cried. Her mother cried because of how harsh she knew the world would treat her daughter for being different, her father on the other hand had much like Eli's cried out of shame. 

It had taken her father a little over a year to come to terms that his only child would not marry a man one day, or have a child of her own and that the direct bloodline would end indefinitely but he had come to the decision that he would rather his daughter be happy and herself than miserable. 

Nozomi weakly smiled. "Does that bother you?"

There was no immediate answer and she grew anxious. She was used to bad reactions, but a bad reaction from this girl could be really bad. 

"I mean ...I guess you're alright." 

It was an answer that Nozomi loathed but a better one than she had been expecting. It shouldn't matter what people thought of her but still, she didn't think she'd ever be comfortable knowing the fact people wouldn't like her solely upon that factor.

She put on a halfhearted smile and directed the water to come out through the removable shower head. "Well let's wash your hair and I'll get the real doctor to fix up the rest of you."

\-------

The apartment's atmosphere was even more cold and gloomy alone. Maki had finished up her talk with Nico, the redhead was in a sour mood when she had entered the bathroom. It made Eli's mood in return become cold and stoic again. 

Nozomi was not so gently kicked out of the bathroom so Maki could do her work yet again. She had passed Maki's room, the tale tell sound of soft crying kept her at bay. She couldn't handle more upset feelings so she had walked away from the door. 

And now she was here sitting alone on the wine stained couch. The ticking of a clock somewhere in the apartment suddenly became apparent. Nozomi didn't even know they owned a clock till now, her body was just registering a lot more things than it had before. Like the coffee stains on the table, how the carpet was lifted in the corner, probably from when they babysat the neighbors cat. The window screen was halfway broken and the sliding glass door to the patio was covered in smudge fingerprints. 

It was also cold, very cold. Nozomi huddled further into the sweater she put on, pulling it over her legs. She didn't really care about stretching it out, Maki would give her an earful but who cares. The heating was broken and dragging a blanket out seemed excessive. 

She sighed, turning on the TV just to check the time, 10:54. They were really taking a long time in there. 

Nozomi felt bad for Eli, she'd hear the guttural yells of the blonde coming from the bathroom and just had to wince in sympathy. Her major wounds probably hurt like hell, and by the sound of it her roommate wasn't being all too gentle. Maybe she should've had her take some pain reliever earlier, they didn't have anesthetic but that would've been better than nothing.

All the channels on TV didn't interest her at all, Nozomi gave up searching and set it to the local news station. She half listened about the rise of crime in the city, another small corner store robbed and another high speed chase. Then there was news on the upcoming national archery tournament. A picture of a new coming rising archer aiming for the Olympics flashed on screen and Nozomi couldn't help but think that the girl look cute blushing while she posed with her trophy and medals.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a door in the hallway practically slamming open. Maki's voice was sharp and loud Nozomi could her the clear, "Get the hell out," from the couch.

The two girls appeared in the living room. The redhead's arms were crossed as she stared down Eli. The said blonde was seemingly ignored during her rolling her shoulder. A large white bandage was wrapped around the girls hair and Nozomi could barely tell that part of her hair had been shaved down. The girls ankle was also wrapped up in bandages and secured in place with Nozomi's old ankle brace from when she rolled her ankle walking three steps down at the hospital. 

Once the girl's shoulder popped she put on the dirty old hoodie and flashed the smallest smile to Nozomi with a slight nod of her head. For a second she thought she felt her heart beat faster at the small gesture, and felt a little guilty she hadn't offered to wash the soiled clothes so she didn't look out of place out there.

"Goodbye Tojo-San, thank you for the meal and the help." The blonde bowed before turning to face Maki, "Thanks for everything." 

Her sarcastic tone caused Maki to sneer. "Get out."

Eli adjusted her hoodie setting one hand in the front pocket while the other reached for the door handle.

"Wait!" The other two girls faced her alarmed at the disparity in her voice. "Where are you going to go? You can't go home." She hadn't given it any thought till now. There was no way that Eli could go back to her parents. She knew the girls goal was to get her sister out but what was she going to do after that? What was she going to do in the meantime?

The blondes mouth twitched up in a crooked smile her hand turning the knob of the front door pulling it open. A gust of bitter wind blew in cold enough to freeze Nozomi's face from feet away. "Don't worry about it, I'll figure something out, thanks for the concern though." Her blue eyes scanned both of them once more before she hobbled forward out the doorway, closing the door gently behind her.

"Finally." Maki muttered under her breath plopping herself down at the opposite end of the couch. She was rubbing the bridge of her nose a large frown gracing her usually apathetic face.

Somehow the tension seemed to grow tenfold with Eli gone. Without the girl as a distraction she was reminded of her roommates lies. Very large lies at that and that terrible angry feeling was building up. 

It kept building up as the silence stretched between them. The redhead was lounging man spread over a good portion of the couch, her head leaned back towards the ceiling, eyes closed. 

Was she really not going to say anything about what had happened? What was going on? What Nico was doing here?

She tapped her fingers on the armrest, Nozomi honestly couldn't find a time she had been more annoyed in her life. She let out an over dramatic sigh sitting straighter in her seat. Maki's left eye creeped open for a second before shutting and Nozomi felt like yelling. Instead she cleared her throat, "So?"

"So what?" The other sounded irritated, her eyes still shut not bothering to look at who she was speaking to.

"So are you going to tell me exactly what happened? You know, how Nico isn't your girlfriend and she died." 

Maki groaned draping her right arm over her face. "Can we talk about that later I'm really not in the mood."

"No we cannot talk about it later, I think you've pushed it aside long enough. I want answers Maki, what the hell did you do? How the hell did she get here?"

Nozomi could tell she was rubbing the redhead wrong in all the worst ways. She was prone to having an attitude and usually she would sit there and take it till Maki cooled off but this was serious, breaking the law and moral boundaries serious, probably. 

Her roommate groaned slouching further into the couch but turning to face her. "I didn't want to do it, I didn't want any of this, it was just kind of all thrown onto me." She emphasized her point by flailing her arms in front of her before settling them back down defeatedly. "Look if I make this long story short for you will you just leave me alone for a bit?" 

Nozomi wanted to scoff at her snarky reply, "Sure, whatever, I just want some answers." Answers weren't much to ask for were they? 

The redhead rubbed her eye while she started explaining. " I went to work a month or so ago right? I was supposed to get more mentoring on how to work with a cadaver and all and I got there early and no one was there so I went poking around. And well Nico was on the table, she was dead, and then all of a sudden she wasn't. She was freaking out, I was freaking out there was blood everywhere yadda, yadda."

"Ok but why did you bring her here? Why didn't you call the hospital security or something, you know like a normal person would."

Maki let out an exasperated sigh and sat up combing a hand though her hair. "I don't know, I thought I was doing the right thing. She just looked so bad, she was pleading with me. I guess I just didn't want anyone to use her like a lab rat."

Nozomi's cheeks puffed out like they always did when she got upset. "You brought her here because you felt bad? Maki are you stupid?? She could've been dangerous, not only that but it's against the law! You can't just take someone's dead body like that, even if they suddenly come to life like that!"

"I know, I know, I regret it Nozomi I really fucking regret it ok." 

"Ugh, you need to fix this. She doesn't belong here with us. What about her family? Why don't You take her back to her family?" 

Maki hunched over, her head in her hands, she looked almost pained, like talking about the whole thing was draining her. It was surely draining Nozomi. "I can't take her back, I offered but she doesn't want to go."

"Why?" If Nozomi were in her shoes she'd want to be home with her family, she wouldn't want to stay here. What kind of thinking was that?

"She doesn't want to break their hearts Nozomi." She stared vacantly at the floor moving à piece of glass on the floor around with her socked foot. "She doesn't want to put her family through anything more than they've already been through. She has problems now that she doesn't want to burden them with. Nico said that they're probably better off thinking she's dead Besides we don't even know how her condition will play out… can you leave me alone now? Please?" 

Nozomi still had more questions, but the dejection in her voice prompted her to bite her lip and keep quiet. 

She nodded rising up from the couch. It was time to leave her alone. "Alright, I'll be in my room if you need anything."

\--------

Maki ended up not needing anything from her. 

Nozomi had spent the entirety of the rest of her day in her room. She had spent the time switching between watching TV, reading, and organizing her room till it was clean once again.

She left her room a handful of times to go to the bathroom and grab a quick lunch and dinner from the kitchen. Each time she went out she checked up on her roommate.

Maki hadn't left her spot, she was in the same curled up position on the end of the beat up couch, staring into nothingness. In all honesty it really unnerved Nozomi. The living room TV had been turned off and the blinds drawn closed. She wallowed in the dark, over what, she didn't have a clue. But she didn't Interrupt just grabbed her food and scurried back to her room. 

Nozomi had finished her microwavable noodles and pushed the empty container off to the side. She pushed it too far and the noodle cup fell to the floor. She shrugged it off flicking through more channels, she would pick it up later.

She settled on watching some generic idol show. The host of today's episode was a girl from a newly debuted idol group. Nozomi guessed that the girls charm was probably how shy and innocent she came off. Her voice was barely loud enough when asking questions. But she noticed how the girl's confidence boosted as soon as another member of her group appeared on stage beside her. It was adorable cute. 

Nozomi ended up watching three episodes of the program before she felt her eyes grow tired. She picked up the remote turning the TV off and tossed it to the end of her bed. She was already in pajamas but she wore them all day, the prospect of wearing them again to bed was gross. 

She got up tiredly walking over to the white dresser and picked up the first set of pajamas she had laid out that evening. It was a lilac purple set that Honoka had gifted her, she absolutely loved it, her friend really did know her well. 

Tossing her old pajamas into the small hamper sitting on the floor she changed into the purple pajamas before dragging herself back into bed.

She could swear her bed never felt so comfortable as it did right now. Maybe it was just because she was so tired, but the black duvet felt so cozy, she could fall asleep then and there.

Nozomi was almost asleep when two soft knocks rapped on her door before it was slowly opened. She cracked open her eyes to see who it was, probably Maki coming to apologize or something.

To her surprise at the foot of her bed was no one other than Nico, she was in one of her own floral patterned pajamas, a pillow clutched against her small chest. Nozomi sat up turning on the side table lamp. "Hey? What's up are you ok?" 

Nico usually never came to her for anything so seeing the small girl in her room was alarming to say the least. The noirette looked at the floor her red eyes puffy from all her crying. "Can I...can I sleep in here tonight?" 

Nozomi couldn't help the was her heart seized at her words. Today they had both figured out this poor girl had been dead, it was a surprise that shocked both of them. And although she had mixed feelings about her, she pitied her in a way.

"Yah of course." She scoot over closet to the wall and lifted the end of the duvet. "Come on in." 

Nico stared at the space beside her for a couple seconds. Nozomi guessed she was taken aback by the invitation to sleep in her bed rather than the floor. But she would rather share her bed, it was cold this night and she couldn't see any harm in it. 

The smaller climbed on in, Nozomi's arms extended out as a pillow that she willingly took, snuggling in closer and wrapping her arms around the bustiers middle. Nozomi wrapped her other arm around her in turn, pulling her closer. She could feel Nico's small rhythmic breathing against her chest, and fell asleep to the soft sound of light snores.


	20. Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maki was an excellent actress, and Nico had fallen in too deep into her role

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a shorter chapter, consider it the start of a whole lotta angst to come, I mean very very heavy angst guys I'm gonna have to add more tags later 
> 
> Anyhow thank you nozomi_ayase and ChiPee21 I really appreciated your thoughts on the last chapter :) 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and please excuse any errors <3 also I posted this chapter from my phone so excuse any formatting errors

Nico woke up to Nozomi slipping out of bed, the sound of an alarm blaring in her ears. Groggy red eyes looked towards the sound, it was the others phone vibrating so violently that it fell off the side table. She heard Nozomi mutter under her breath picking it up and turning it off. 

She turned over to Nico with a sympathetic smile on her face. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“‘S’ok.” Nico sat up slowly, the pain in her chest rising from the pajama top brushing against the wounds that she had given herself last night. “Whe’re you going?” 

The taller girl was in the middle of changing, kicking her pajama shorts off while she adjusted the straps of her baby pink bra. “Work, I’m supposed to give Maki a ride too since it’s so cold, but she goes in early so I have to too.” She opened the closet door pulling out a hanger with the traditional red hakama and white kosode hanging neatly from it. 

Nico watched as she changed without much finneas, it was almost laughable how many times she almost tripped over her own feet in her hurry. “So, I’m gonna be alone?” 

“Yah, you’ll probably have to get used to it. Maki has to go back to work and school so she won't be here much anymore.” Her words were slightly muffled by the white and red ribbons that she had in her mouth as she gathered her long hair.

“Oh.” She felt disappointed at the others words and immediately wanted to kick herself. She shouldn’t care that they wouldn’t have as much time together as before. In fact, she should be happy to hear that, why would she want to with a liar. 

Nico noticed Nozomi giving her a worried face as she tied her hair back with the ribbons. “I’ll be fine.” She chimed in fast, Nozomi didn’t look very convinced but if she wasn't she didn’t say anything.

“Alright, I’ll be back around six. What kind of takeout do you want to eat tonight?”

Nico didn’t feel hungry and she had a sneaking suspicion she probably wouldn’t be for the rest of the day. The thought of the redhead had put a bitter taste in her mouth that made her want to vomit. “Uh, anything is fine I guess, nothing spicy though.”

“Ok got it.” Nozomi flashed her a smile, zipping up the front of her large fluffy winter jacket. “I’ll see you later then. She walked up to Nico nonchalantly placing a small kiss on her forehead while she grabbed her bag and phone from the side table. “Bye Nico-chan.”

She could feel her face heat up as the girl turned her back to her walking towards the bedroom doorway. “B-bye Nozomi-san.” The door was shut behind her and Nico was left alone in the room. 

Nozomi wasn’t usually like that. She would hug Nico goodbye whenever she left if Nico was up and about by that time already, but she never kissed her goodbye like that. Nico’s hand came up to the spot the girl had kissed, she could feel the lingering heat from it. Her mind flashed to Maki.

Maki kissing her cheeks, goodnight kisses, cuddles, slender fingers bopping her nose, sweet words, “My bunny.” She didn’t notice the words slip quietly from her lips. That was all over, it wasn't real from the beginning, never was, it was just a show the two had performed, Maki was an excellent actress, and Nico had fallen in too deep into her role.

With a huff Nico fell back onto the pillows. She really needed to stop thinking about her, about everything that happened, but that conversation they had last night wouldn’t stop playing in the back of her head. 'You died, you were dead on that autopsy table the first I saw you'.

It had all made sense to Nico at the moment. The blackouts, the blood, the hazy memories, all the lapses in time were because she had died. 

She could feel her back tingle as she remembered the feeling of the cold table, of feeling cold in general. The thought made her sick to her stomach, the days of absolute agony that came right after it happened now had a dignified answer. It just wasn't one she had been prepared for.

Yazawa Nico had died before her life really even started. Maki had showed her the newspaper article on her case, had read her the details about the then upcoming funeral. In the eyes of everyone else in the world she was dead.

It was a thought that made her stomach churn violently. Yazawa Nico as everyone knew her was dead, which in some sense was correct. The noirette felt like a large part of her had died that day. She was no longer herself and it was apparent no matter how much she kept telling herself it wasn't true she was still herself, it just wasn't.

Nico couldn't dance around or sing how she had once done with ease. Sure she was fine for a couple of minutes but it grew excruciatingly painful, she would struggle to catch a breath and her body would ache in various different places. 

She no longer had a family, or friends, their Nico was dead. She would stay dead. Nico knew she could never face them, not like this. Not when her brain and body felt like it belonged to someone else, someone different.

Someone who was constantly in pain and sad and unstable. 

In all honesty since last night she had become scared of herself. Who had she become? Who was she? Why did she hurt herself? This wasn't somebody she knew, it wasn't someone she'd feel safe having her siblings around. She was a threat to others but all she was yearning for now was to be held. To fill this gaping hole in her body.

She turned over onto her side facing the wall. An onslaught of tears were threatening to come out, her throat burning from trying to hold them back. She just felt so empty, nothing could fill up the emptiness, absolutely nothing.

\----------------

It was almost time for Nozomi to come back when Nico decided to get out of bed. She had walked her way to the kitchen her fleeting stinging with every step. She was going to have a snack but nothing had enticed her enough, besides food would be here soon. 

Instead she opted for just water. She wandered around the two bedroom apartment till her feet felt too pained to walk anymore. Which left her where she was now sitting in front of the slide in door in the livingroom.

Nico subconsciously picked at the strands of the beige carpet as she overlooked the city. She had never noticed how high five stories actually was, the elevator rides she rarely took to and from felt like nothing. But there was a clear distance from the balcony ledge and the street below. 

Heights always made her skin crawl, there was something so unnatural and terrifying about being up so high. She had always disliked that about her family's own apartment, it never felt safe and well it wasn't. She remembered receiving the letter saying that they had to move, the building had failed an earthquake safety inspection and was going to he demolished. 

The news had put stress onto her and her family. They didn't have the funds. Nico was going to be their savior. She was going to become and idol, get a contract, become famous and provide for them.

She was anyway. So much for that now.

Nico sighed tucking in her knees to lay her head on them. She wondered what they were doing now? How they were dealing with this. It hurt to know that she had caused them pain, her passing probably wasn't easy for any of them. Especially her mother, how was she going to provide for three little kids on her own.

Guilt ebbed its way slowly into her, she should've been there for her right now, they needed her, she needed them, but it just couldn't happen. She would only be burdensome, that's all she could be now.

The sound of keys in jiggling the lock broke her out of her thoughts. "I'm home." 

"Welcome back." Nozomi entered closing the door behind her. She stumbled kicking off her shoes, droplets of melted snow falling from her heavy jacket and onto the floor. 

"I brought some oden." She motioned towards the plastic bag in her hand, a medium sized container inside of it, "It's just going to he the two of us for dinner tonight."

"Where's-"

"Work."

"Oh, ok." Nico got up from the floor wincing, she followed the other into the kitchen. She really had nothing else to do so she might as well eat. eating with Nozomi couldn't be too bad. 

She sat down in her normal chair while Nozomi worked at pouring the contents in the container into two separate bowls. She handed Nico hers before setting her own down next to hers. 

That spot was usually Maki's, but the other sat down in it, placing a napkin in her lap and saying a quick 'thank you for the food'. 

It was weird but probably not a big deal. Nico said her thank you quietly, she wasn't really in the mood to eat. The thought of eating repulsed her but Nozomi had gone through the trouble of bringing it home and serving it. 

Hesitantly she picked up a piece of hard boiled egg with her chopsticks and took a small bite out of it. The texture felt wrong, the way it slid down her throat felt wrong, the lasting taste on her tongue felt wrong. She couldn't eat the entire thing. There was no way she could, not when she felt like she would vomit after the next bite. 

"Nico-chan are you ok?" 

Nico felt the side of her mouth twitch and put her chopsticks back down. "I'm feeling a little sick."

Nozomi's relaxed face turned worrisome as she wiped her hand on her napkin. "Sick? Sick how? Is it your chest? Should I call Maki?" The girl was already reaching over for her phone, Nico shook her head quickly and placed a hand on her shoulder in desperation. She didn't want to talk to the redhead, not now.

"I'm ok really, nothing a shower can't fix Nozomi-San." 

Nozomi looked her up and down biting her lip as if she was willing herself to believe what Nico had said. "Are you sure?" 

"Yah," Nico nodded again, putting on one of her renowned smiles, "of course, leave my soup in the microwave and I'll finish it when I'm feeling better." 

The other slowly nodded her head, raising chopsticks to her mouth blowing the hot octopus meat. "Ok but if you don't feel better in a couple hours tell me."

"Of course." Slowly as not to chafe the wound on her chest too much Nico excuses herself from the table. She didn't want to eat, a new feeling was working it's way through her, even though she wanted company, it was too much to bare. Having eyes in her while she was feeling well, all these feelings, didn't sit well with her.

'They're pitying you', the thought circled her head as she numbly walked to the bathroom. 'Its pity, you're here out of pity', 

Nico locked the door, doing her best to avoid looking in the mirror as she stripped off her pajamas. She was only here because of it, she had heard it come straight from Maki's lips, 'I felt bad, I did it because I thought I was being a good person, I didn't know how much of a liability you'd be.'

She turned the shower head on and stepped in underneath the warm spray. Undeniably Nico couldn't argue with that, her entire stay she had been nothing but a nuisance. She couldn't contribute to anything, she just caused more problems, and even more whenever she tried to help. 

The guilt weighed down her shoulders, her small hands coming up to fist wet strands of hair. 

Why? Why did this have to happen? Why her? Why did life hate her so much, why didn't she just stay dead!

Dead.

She should've stayed dead, she couldn't have caused all these problems. She wouldn't be feeling this way.

Yah she should be dead, but did she want to be dead? No, the obvious answer should be no, no, not should be it was no. Nico didn't want to feel cold again, she didn't want to be alone in a box, she didn't want to be forgotten. 

Rapidly the noirette turned the knob of the shower, a scalding spray of water hitting her chest. It erupted pain all over the exposed wound and skin, but it was warm. It was hot and burning, turning her pale skin a bright red, but she could feel it, she could feel, she was alive. She was alive goddammit!

A choked sob broke from her lips as she lowered herself down onto the tub floor. 

Pain, all she could feel was pain, but the pain was good right? The pain meant she was alive...didn't It? 


	21. Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God her face must be so red, If Honoka was here she would definitely tease Nozomi about being too gay for her own good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still updating this story, sorry that the chapter posts havent been too often. This chapter was going to be longer but I wanted to give you guys something for being patient :)
> 
> This chapter is girls being girls and well yah, it turned slightly NozoNico on accident oops. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy and please excuse my errors <3

Nozomi was absolutely freezing, she rubbed her hands together as the elevator to the apartment rose from the ground floor. Call her old, but she was excited, the landlord had finally gotten someone to fix the heating system in the apartment that morning. 

The idea of finally being able to not tote around a blanket all around the house anymore was a relief. She could finally get out of the shower without mentally preparing herself for the harsh cold. 

She stepped out of the elevator door briskly, snow boots leaving damp prints in their wake. Nozomi had taken off her sandals as soon as her shift ended, there was no way she was wearing them out in the snow. 

The weather had been a nightmare the past couple of weeks, the tv in the hospital cafeteria had said that the storm probably wouldn't blow over till sometime after Christmas. 

This meant she was stuck driving Maki to work in the mornings till then. It wasn't exactly ideal. The redhead had developed a nasty attitude, she started ignoring her and Nico, when she did acknowledge them her words were bitter or commanding. She was honestly becoming a drag to be around. 

Well when she was around. Maki spent most of her time away from the apartment. Nozomi couldn't remember her being away for so long before Nico came into the picture, but now it was like she wasn't even living there.

Still Nozomi couldn't leave her roommate to walk in the cold. No matter how mean she was to her she kept a special place in her heart for Maki. 

That space though had been pushed back by Nico.

Nozomi opened up the door, "I'm home."

"Welcome home." Nico answered from her spot on the couch. A pile of blankets surrounding her small body as she watched the tv run some cliché Christmas movie.

Nozomi smiled as she took off the heavy black boots. The small noirette had worked her way into her heart. At first she felt empathetic, they had both been wronged by the same person, but their relationship had evolved from then on. It wasn't a pleasant start, no, not by a long shot.

She hung up her coat in the small closet by the front door. Their bond had increased significantly through the most horrific way. 

Days after the incident she noticed the change in Nico's behavior. She was quiet, reclusive, pale, and she wouldn't eat. The pattern went on, she could see the girls condition worsen. Nozomi had tried bringing it up to Maki but she shrugged her off, not even really listening and then complained about needing sleep. 

Nozomi had a very bad feeling, and sadly, as always, she was right. 

She had come home early last week, another styrofoam box of food in tow, a box filled with some sweets her coworkers had exchanged during their early christmas party. Nozomi had been excited to bring them home and share them. She had known for awhile now that the girl liked sweets.

She had swept the door open gleefully announcing she was home. The wide smile on her face had fallen quickly along with the box crashing to the floor.

In the middle of the living room Nico had stood naked from the waist up a small kitchen knife in her hand. Nozomi couldn't get the image put of her head still. Nico's tear stained cheeks and red eyes. The blade of the knife wavering in her grip and clattering to the floor. 

Small cuts had been carved onto the surgical scars, and scabs from the weeks prior scratched back open. 

Nozomi had ran to her collecting the small girl into her arms. She just kept sobbing and sobbing, jumbled words about her family and death leaving her mouth.

Nico had been deeply traumatized with salt rubbed in the wounds. It had broken Nozomi's heart. After that, she had insisted on taking a couple days off. She had spent them catering to the girls every need, making sure she ate, bathed, and took care of her hygiene.

Nico agreed to do all of it, on the condition Maki didn't know a single thing about what happened. It had taken a lot of convincing but she finally agreed. Nico had been so relieved, she wasn't as quiet, she would talk occasionally and wished Nozomi a good day every morning.

Nico had relocated to her room. Her clothes now sat in the drawer next to Nozomis, and they shared the same bed. 

It was amazing how quickly she had adapted to Nico's presence being closer. It wasn't bad, in fact she actually found herself liking the quiet company, but maybe that was just her loneliness talking.

She pushed the thought back and walked farther into the apartment, ruffling the noirettes hair as she passed the sofa and made her way into the kitchen.

Nozomi was starved, she looked through the fridge to find it barren. She had gotten out of the habit of buying the groceries. She really needed to rewrite her brain back into going. Maki was no longer on leave so it was her job now to pick up everything, and pay for everything. God she was the backbone of this damn messed up family.

Looks like cereal was tonight's meal.

"Nicocchi, did you already eat something?"

"Mhm" Nozomi looked back at her to see the girl pointing at an empty bowl on the coffee table. It looks like she had already helped herself before she got home. 

She turned back grabbing one of the boxes off the top of the fridge. "Ok." Nozomi poured the contents in haphazardly, a couple pebbles of cereal feel to the floor. She sighed and kicked them underneath the fridge, no one would notice. 

Taking her bowl she sat down at the small table. Nozomi had started sitting in Maki's place. At first she did it out of spite, hoping that the bratty girl would notice. But she never got a reaction out of the redhead. In the end Maki took up the chair furthest from them and Nozomi kept the new place. It was just in the perfect position to be able to see the TV around the island that divided the two rooms.

She pulled out her phone scrolling through amazon for late present shopping, she still needed to send a present to Kotori, she was thinking of a cute owl looking Pokemon plush. It just reminded her so much of her. 

Nozomi halfway listened to the TV play in the back, glancing up every once in awhile. It sounded like every other christmas movie, she wondered why Nico had decided to binge them for four days now. They all revolved around the same three plots. It got boring after awhile, but Nico had some sort of interest in them. Nozomi just didn't understand. 

The TV was abruptly paused,"Nontan?" 

"Yea?"

"Can we go see my family?"

Nozomi choked on her cereal, spoon clattering on the table as she hacked and pounded in her chest spitting bits of half chewed chocolatey cereal bits. "WHAT??"

That was the one thing Nico had specifically told them she didn't want to do, or well she didn't want to go back home, so where the hell was this coming from? 

She could see Nico shift, moving onto her knees and peering over the back of the couch at Nozomi. The girl was twirling a piece of silky black hair between her forefingers. "I-I don't mean actually go up face to face or anything just...can I...can I go just see them from afar. I just..really want to see them. It's almost Christmas."

Ah so that explained all the christmas movies. Nozomi placed her spoon back into the bowl. "You miss them don't you?"

She nodded her head, small body slumping down till only her eyes were visible over the edge if the couch. For a minute the sight looked familiar. "It's their first Christmas without me." Her words sounded solemn and came out quiet. 

The taller bit the inside of her cheek. Was she supposed to agree on this or not? Nico hadn't been out of the apartment in almost a month, she probably felt a little bit of cabin fever. Of course Nozomi Would be happy to take her out it was just the question that if Maki would be ok with it?

But then again why should she care about her opinion on Nico anymore? Maki no longer showed any interest in the girl, anytime Nozomi tried to bring up what was going on with the two of them she would give her roomate the cold shoulder. 

It probably wouldn't be a big deal even if the redhead cared or not. It wasn't like she was home enough to even notice if the two went out for the day. She would never know, and what the redhead didn't know couldn't hurt her.

"Well," she stirred the cereal putting another spoonful in her mouth, "sure, why not? We can go tomorrow, I don't have work."

Nico quickly stood up, walking into clear view, Nozomi watched her kneel down to the floor, her forehead pressed to the stained carpet in a deep bow. "Thank you Nontan. It-it means a lot to me."

The girls sudden actions caused a dark blush to fall on Nozomi's face. She could feel her cheeks heat up and raised a napkin to her mouth in a poor attempt to hide it. She wasn't used to such respectful gestures. It made her feel old to be honest. 

"Yea, yea no problem," she waved her other hand at Nico beckoning the small girl to get up. "Don't just sit there the carpet's dirty." 

Nico rose to her feet in an instant, trying to keep in good Grace's with her roommate. Nozomi noticed how she swayed when the girl got to her feet, steadying herself by grabbing the arm rest of the couch.

Despite being dazed a wide smile was on Nico's face. A smile she had not seen for what felt like an eternity, a genuine smile.

Seeing it, Nozomi couldn't stop herself from smiling back, a small giggle building up as the two just stared at each other. The older let out the light laugh she had been holding and was glad to see rosy color coming onto the others pale cheeks.

"Let's take a bath tonight, I want to sleep in a little at least. Does that sound good?" Nozomi asked through a mouthful, tipping the bowl of chocolate milk into her mouth downing the sweet remnants.

She waited for Nico's response before getting up from her seat. "Yah, can we listen to music too?" Her dark eyes didn't leave Nozomi as she walked over setting the dish in the sink.

She poured water into the soiled dish and smiled to herself. Nico really was almost like a child at times. Nozomi always wondered if her new roommate was always like this, or if the events in her life had changed her. Who was Nico Yazawa?

It didn't matter right now, and would it matter ever again? There wasn't any use in holding onto a useless thought like that.

"Sure we can, I'm feeling a little festive myself. Three days before Christmas y'know." 

Nozomi knew that Christmas and the days leading up to it were probably just going to be the two of them. Maybe four if Honoka and her little sister came over. But she was still excited, christmas was always such a loving holiday, and all she wanted to do was shower poor little Nico with some happiness. 

What was Eli doing?

The thought flashed in her mind for a second as she turned off the tap. 

She hadn't thought about her in awhile. What was she up to? Did she have a place to stay? Was she ok? Was she still alive? 

Nozomi probably wouldn't ever find out unless something on the news popped up. The city was big, and running into someone by coincidence wasn't bound to happen. It was kind of depressing though.

Eli was a stranger, à fleeting memory that would fade, a story that wouldn't have an ending. Nozomi would never know.

God she really needed to get her head out of the gutter. It was time to make happy memories, new, better ones. She needed to focus on being in the present for Nico. 

Nozomi felt a small tug on the sleeve of her robe. "Can we take a bath now?" She hadn't even noticed Nico had walked up to her, her sad puppy dog eyes staring up at her expectantly.

"A bath right now?" She looked down at the small silver watch on her wrist, a gift from Kotori, to find that there was still 40 minutes till 8. "Are you sure, it's still pretty early."

"Please?" Nico tugged her sleeve again, making a show of batting her thick dark lashes. It was times like these Nozomi wished she didn't have such a weak heart towards cute girls. 

She pretended to think about, her gaze drifting from one end of the room to the other before sighing in defeat. "I guess we can have an early night."

The noirettes sudden tight grip around her waist made Nozomi grunt in surprise. The girls face pressed against her large breast as she hugged the ever loving shit out of her.

How could such a tiny girl be so strong?

Nozomi giggled and ran her hand through the smaller's dark locks. Her hair was getting so long now. Maybe she should take her out for a trim tomorrow too.

"C'mon let's go."

Nico didn't need to be told twice, she was off Nozomi and down the hall within seconds. When she felt find Nico was surely a ball of energy. It was a sight for sore eyes she wished she could see more often. But it was already a blessing that she saw it now, better not go ask for too much.

Nozomi grabbed her phone out of her purse and started scrolling through different playlists to listen to while they took a bath. She settled on a generic christmas playlist by the time she entered the bathroom and set it to shuffle. The english song 'Its Cold Outside' played out loud when she cast it to the bluetooth. 

Nico hummed along with the tune while she undressed, shedding her snow bunny pajamas onto the tile floor. 

Her small body was still incredibly pale, and she a little underweight but Nozomi couldn't help but admire how the girl looked under the orange hued lights of the diming bathroom. She was petite but still startlingly beautiful.

She watched as Nico's slender form bent over to start filing the tub. Sure she was lacking in a few places but it was adorable.

A sliver of envy bubbled in her, Nozomi was, for lack of a better word, thick. She had always been and it was always a hassle to find clothes that would fit over her bust without being too baggy. Or finding Jean's that didn't strangle her hips but weren't too long. Nico has it easy in those areas, and she doesn't have the added back pain of carrying around a load. 

She was slightly jealous, but everyone came in different sizes. Nico's was small and delicate, like a tiny fragile present she wanted to cherish. 

The tub was almost done filling up by the time her thoughts cleared. Nozomi hurried to take off her clothes. Carelessly she undid her ponytail letting the ribbons fall on Nico's pile of dirty clothes, the hakama and kosode following in suit. 

With a sigh of relief Nozomi undid her bra tossing it to the floor. It was a busy day, holidays were always like that, and all that walking made her chest ache. It felt so good to take the constricting thing off. 

She turned around almost tripping as she tried to step out of her underwear. She could feel Nico's eyes on her and laughed awkwardly. The noirettes gaze was dead set on her chest, a crimson blush reaching her ears. 

Bathing was still a new thing between them, Nico had always bathed with Maki and Nozomi had bathed well, alone. They had taken showers a couple times together in the last week after Nico's meltdown when Nozomi didn't want her out of her sight. 

But the transition was still jarring. Having someone she had known for little over a month see her bare naked was awkward. It was awkward for both of them but it was bearable. And in a way a fun new addition to her night routine.

Nozomi liked to think that it was added bonding time, just like when she went to bathhouses with Honoka. And it would become less weird the more time they spent together.

With newfound confidence Nozomi regained her cool. She leaned over Nico grabbing the raspberry bubble bath from the shower shelf and adding it to the mix.

The tub filled with bubbles quickly, maybe too quickly. The suds almost spilled over the sides as she stepped in. The warm water was the perfect remedy for the cold, and the stress and strain of work. Nozomi could feel her muscles relax as she leaned up against the back of the tub, inhaling the sweet fruity scent.

Her muscles subconsciously tensed when Nico moved to sit between her legs. Nozomi willed the tenses away, it was only Nico no reason to be nervous. She let the soft tune of 'I'll be Home for Christmas' lull her back to relaxation.

Nico looked to already be relaxed, her head leaned back between both mounds of Nozomi's breasts as she played with the soapy water, swishing her hand rapidly through it to make even more bubbles appear.

She really did have a childlike charm to her, an innocence. Maybe this, this is what Eli was trying to protect. A wholesome girl who deserved so much better. The description fit Nico perfectly, a young girl who had been through hell, and still held onto some semblance of innocence.

Her hand reached for the cup on the side of the tub, filling it up to the brim and pouring it carefully onto the girl in front of here's hair. 

Nico's only acknowledgement was her head tipping back. Nozomi took it as a sign to continue and poured more sudsy water on her before massaging some shampoo into her hair. All the while the noirette hummed along with the speaker. 

She must've been a fan of the holidays to know every tune by heart. Then again this was the same girl who watched christmas movies on repeat all day. 

Nozomi laughed to herself and rinsed the soup from her hair with the detachable showerhead, turning it off again when the water no longer dripped bubbles, proceeding to add conditioner to the noirettes hair 

The situation had turned and become surprisingly relaxing. Nozomi wasn't worried about Nico harming herself, or that they were in such a close space completely naked. It was peaceful, the happy music coming from the speaker accompanied by Nico's angelic humming and the sound of bubbles popping and water rippling. 

It was nice, a welcoming change of events. There was no rush, no worries, just relaxation. 

Nozomi scrubbed Nico's back with the purple fluffy sponge. Once the girls back was scrubbed to her standards she outstretched her hand, expecting Nico to take it and clean her front.

The sponge was ignored by the smaller girl, and Nozomi's face screwed up in confusion when Nico turned to face her, resituating herself so she was kneeling between her thighs. She had gone back to humming, clustering the nearby bubbles into one giant mountain.

It was odd to say the least. No one ever pulled something like this her during baths before. Nozomi would always gladly help Honoka and Kotori, when she still lived in the country, scrub their backs. It was normal but this… wasn't So much.

Did Nico expect her to scrub her front too? By the looks of it she had. Was this normal for her? Did her family do it or was this a new thing? Was it Maki?

That thought was almost laughable. Maki, the sky, aggressive, prudish red head, washing a strange girls body from front to back? Yah that wouldn't happen in à million years. Not from her anyway, there was just no way someone as reserved as her would do that.

Nozomi on the other hand guessed that she could though. She could do this unspoken favor for Nico if it kept her happy.

She soaped the sponge again and turned her attention to Nico's front. Under a layer of clinging water and suds was a mess of healing scars. Nozomi knew it was bad of her to think it but the scars were ugly, even under Maki's professional care they still looked terrible. 

Maybe it was just Nico having a long recovery, the wounds were all still just months old. They protruded from her soft porcelain skin, red and raw from the water. The scraped cuts she had made on herself a couple weeks ago were still scabbed over. A couple places had healed, the scabs either chipped off by Nico or had naturally fallen off. 

It wasn't a pretty sight all in all. Someone as cute and pretty as Nico naked in front of her would usually have her starring. But Nozomi wanted to look anywhere but the scared plain.

She had to be nice though, it would be rude if she didn't, and Nozomi's parents didn't Raise a rude child. 

With some hesitation, she brought the sponge down on the girls shoulder and trailed it down her chest lightly. She didn't know why, but Nozomi expected Nico to cringe in pain, pull back or at least make à face. But her delicate face stayed the same complacent unbothered.

At least she knew that it wasn't hurting her, that was her biggest concern. She seemed fine though, which meant she could continue.

Nozomi made sure to get every spot on her. Her confidence had built up, it was just like taking care of family right? Like she was Nozomi's little sister. The thought made cleaning her easier and before she knew it, she was done, rinsing off all the soap from her small body. 

Suddenly those small hands were scrubbing her with the sponge, making there way from the base of her chest, to her shoulders and back down over her breasts. 

She could feel her face heating up more than it had already been with the steam of the hot water. This was an entirely new experience, sure she did it to Nico but it was different when it was happening to her.

Nico's movements were confident and graceful. She really must've done this with other people if such an intimate thing came so easy for her. Her face was almost passive except for the small smile gracing her pink lips as she quietly mouthed the lyrics of 'All I want for Christmas'.

God her face must be so red, If Honoka was here she would definitely tease Nozomi about being too gay for her own good. She wanted to hide her face and body in shame but opted to bite her lip and let Nico continue her ministrations. 

Thank god that Nico was at least quick with it, she scrubbed her front and back in a surprisingly fast time. 

While Nozomi washed off the soap from her body Nico was working conditioner into the olders thick hair. Her hands worked magic, if she wasn't so ashamed Nozomi would've leaned into her touch but that was just too much. They weren't that far in their friendship yet.

Once she finished putting in the conditioner Nico stepped out. She dripped water on the floor as she grabbed two of the red towels, wrapping one around her hair and another around her body.

Nozomi closed her eyes while Nico towels dried. She sat in the tub's warm water, till she came back to rinse the remaining soap from her body.

She stepped out, Nico already ready with a black towel in hand. "Thanks."

Nico nodded and waited for Nozomi to finish wrapping her hair to hand her another towel. She took it gratefully and wrapped it around herself, tucking one end into the other securing it. 

The rest of the night went about as the previous ones had. They brushed their teeth and dried each others hair before retreating to Nozomi's room and changing into different pajamas.

They crawled into Nozomi's bed, and Nico held her close, her face always nuzzled into her chest or neck. Lulled to sleep by the sounds of traffic, snores and Maki finally returning home.


	22. Things that Shouldn't be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those words had made her feel ok, well enough to fall asleep. They weren't like Nozomi's words now that sounded so desperate, like she was begging for Nico to acknowledge something that wasn't true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter, sorry for being late again (;-_-) I promise I'll get better at updating again lol. I hope you like this chapter, next chapter will be Christmas for the girls!
> 
> As always please excuse my errors and thank you so much for all of the support :3

The pounding in her head was driving her up the wall, why was everyone around her so annoying and dumb? 

Maki rubbed her head, chewing on a cheese stick in her other hand. She had turned off the lights and tried eating but nothing was making the thrumming migraine disappear. Maybe she was just too stressed out, or it was all the homework, maybe lack of sleep or too much work. It was probably everything combined, but everything was just spiraling downward.

She was behind on her studies, Maki just couldn't focus. She went to the library everyday but she kept finding herself reading the same paragraph over and over and not even registering any of it. It didn't help that she kept making mistakes at work. Her coworkers gave her looks and a couple even told her she should go home early.

Her mother had been furious when she caught word of her daughter's grades and work ethic. Maki was called into her office earlier this morning and received an earful of bitter words. She was disappointed, and it broke her to hear those words come from her mother.

Just thinking about it made her head pound harder. She winced and dropped the half eaten cheese stick onto the table with a huff. Her now free hand rubbed her right eye. The pressure behind it was almost too much to bare.

The cheese stick landed on a sticky note, the neon green paper eye catching in the dark. Maki squinted her eyes trying to make sense of the writing. It looked like Nico's shaky handwriting, a list of groceries scrawled down. The list was long, an impossible amount of items squished onto the one paper. Somehow at the bottom she had managed to fix in a small heart next to Nozomi's name.

A sudden bitterness erupted on her tongue and she became all too aware of how her body stalled at the scribbles. She hated her, she absolutely hated her.

Nico was the reason that she was this way. Maki would give anything to have never met her. Never spoken to her, never have seen that beautiful face and those sad red eyes. It was all her fault, all that brats fault. All Maki had tried to do was help her, she invested money and time, hell she broke the law. And yet the noirette still had the audacity to spit in her face and grind her hospitality in the dirt telling her that she was a bad person. For what, keeping away one little thing? 

Fuck it one big thing, something that would hurt her? She was a bad person for trying to protect her? She was a liar?

Nico's words from that night still pulled something within her heart. For the first couple of days Maki admits she felt guilty, Nico did make her feel like it was her fault, she was mad at herself and in turn took it out on everyone around. She said things, awful things to Nozomi and Nico that at the time made the guilt increase tenfold. But looking at it now she shouldn't have felt bad. They both deserved every word she said to them.

And the words just kept coming out. She couldn't stop the harsh words even if she wanted to. Maki couldn't hold a civil conversation with either of her roommates and it was taking a toll on her, for the past two days she decided to just keep her mouth shut. She didn't Need more problems.

The redhead rose from her chair sharply, the wooden legs screeched against the floor loud enough to wake the others but she didn't care. She stumbled towards her bedroom, tripping over something in the darkness of the hallway. 

Maki barely had time to catch herself against the wall outside of Nozomi's rooms. "Fuck!" She whispered angrily bending down to pick up whatever was tangled around her foot. Maki held it up, it took a moment for her to figure out what it was, as soon as her eyes adjusted and focused she felt horrified. 

In her hand was a small pair of pink underwear, a pair she distinctly remembered buying for a certain noirette. 

The godforsaken item was dropped to the floor in a panic. She wiped her hand on her scrubs and shook her head, disgust evident on her face. She caught a glance into Nozomi's room through the cracked open door. She couldn't make much out of what little light the purple lava lamp gave out, except for dark black hair on a pillow and legs intertwined peeking out from underneath the blanket.

'Cant even wait to get into bed with each other can you?' Maki kicked the underwear into the room with her foot before grabbing the knob of the door and closing it a little too roughly for it being 2 in the morning. 

Grinding her teeth she continued making her way to her room down the hall. She just didn't understand the relationship between those two. They were definitely dating but for fucks sake, not even two weeks ago Nozomi thought she was messing around with that girl. The truth comes out and suddenly she's all over her, what a fucking friend she was! 

She slammed the door to her bedroom and crumpled onto her messy bed. Why the hell was she even getting angry? Her and Nico weren't a real thing ever, god why the hell would she want to be something with her. That girl was disgusting, she was vile from the chest down, gross to look at and awkward and a brat. A dead fucking brat. Who the hell would want to sleep with that?!

Nozomi did apparently! 

Maki scoffed. What was she expecting from a tarot reading freak like that? It wasn't behind her to steal someones fake girlfriend, it wasn't behind her to stab a friend in the back, so surely she wasn't behind fucking a corpse. How fucking disgusting.

The pain behind her eye pulsed sending a horrible pain throughout her head, a small whimper escaped her pathetically. She just hoped the pain would make her pass out soon.

\---------

Nico's hands fidgeted in her lap, large buildings passing her by. It had been a long time since was allowed to leave the apartment, she had forgotten just how loud the city was. Loud and vast, all consuming, terrifying and yet beautiful.

She rested her head against the window and closed her eyes, feeling the warm breeze from the heater hit her face. She used to only believe the city was beautiful, all neon lights and glittering skyscrapers, a land of possibilities, full of unique people. But now? Oh god now she was terrified.

Her stomach felt like it was coiling into a knot from anxiety. There had been a switch that flipped in her head, suddenly the streets weren't happy with bustling people and shops. Now they were nothing more than a giant crime scene. A place filled with filthy self centered people like Eli. Crowded with crooks and backstabbers, just a bigger back alley. 

A big alley full of crime that the public had turned a blind eye too. It was impossible to think she had been apart of that public. How could she not see before the dirtiness that trailed everywhere, the garbage littering the floor. The shading dealings out in plain sight. The bloodstains on the concrete. All of it, it was so plain to see, it was so terrifying, it was real and right in front of her.

She sighed, her breath causing the window to fog and sat back up in her seat opening her eyes. Grey clouds littered the sky, heavy rain pouring down onto the car. Nozomi was taking her out for a haircut before they were to head out to her old apartment. Nico had been excited last night, ecstatic, she thought for sure she was ready to go out there, to see them. But now she wanted to vomit, even the aspect of some stranger cutting her hair made her extremely uncomfortable.

Would they know that the girl in the chair was dead? Had been dead? Would they comment on the way her left eye was still partially milky in color? Would they be disgusted? Nico was disgusted, her roommates had never outwardly said anything about her but she just knew they had to think the same. Nico bit down on her nail, it was without question, she was horrific, a sight no living person should see.

The car halted at a stoplight, Nozomi's green eyes taking a break off the road to look over at the noirette. "So do you have any ideas for what you want your hair to look like?"

The nail in her mouth chipped and she subtly spat it out. "Not really, I don't really care."

"Oh c'mon, you have to care, don't You want to look cute for Christmas?" Nozomi adjusted the creme colored beanie on her head, itching a spot behind her ear.

Nico shrugged her shoulders muttering between the nail that found it way back between her teeth. "It doesn't matter, there's no point in trying when I'm not cute anymore."

She could feel those green eyes staring into her and coward her head turning it back towards the window. She could still see Nozomi's face reflected back in it, her mouth gaped open and hands tight on the steering wheel. "Don't say that! You're one of the cutest girls I've ever seen! I-"

"Please don't lie to make me feel better Nontan. We've both seen me, there's nothing cute left about me. You're nice to me because you pity me." 

Nozomi's mouth shut and she turned her head back to face the road. Nico really wished that she would stop trying to be so nice to her all the time. It always backfired and made the air between them awkward. Maki had never tried to reassure her about anything, never tried to make Nico feel cute. Everything Maki did and said was out of obligation and looking back strictly clinical. 

The redhead would reassure her after Nico's bouts of vomiting that she would be ok. At night when she cried out from pain and homesickness the girl would hold her close but never exchange words. The night that Eli had broken in had been the first night that she had spoken to her kindly in private. Maki would talk so sweetly to her in public when the facade was still up, but never in private. Not like that night.

That night Maki hadn't known the context of the situation then, but still took Nico into her arms. For the first time she had been reassured that everything would be fine, she would be safe, her and Nozomi loved her, they wouldn't let anything happen to her, they would protect her because she was family, because she was her girlfriend, she loved her.

Those words had made her feel ok, well enough to fall asleep. They weren't like Nozomi's words now that sounded so desperate, like she was begging for Nico to acknowledge something that wasn't true.

The pouring rain filled the silence the rest of the way to Nozomi's stylist. They parked in front of a three story building, the bottom floor was a sweets shop that by the looks of it was barely opening. A girl with cinnamon colored hair was outside flipping the sign on the outside of the door to open.

Nozomi seemed to perk up unbuckling quickly and honking the horn of the car twice, the girl outside the shop quickly spinning around. Nico could here a giggle escape from the girl to her right, her arm waving excitedly. The girl outside smiled back at her waving her arm right back just as excited.

Nico's eyes widened as she neared the car despite the rain, bounding up to the drivers side. Nozomi rolled the window down halfway and Nico could now clearly see the girls big blue eyes.

"Honoka!" Nozomi shouted and the girl, Nico guessed was the famously talked about Honoka giggled her fingers peering over the window as she bounced on the balls of her feet from the cold rain. "You're going to get sick!"

Honoka rolled her eyes, "I'm a tough girl, a little rain won't do anything to me." She tilted her head, eyes landing on Nico, "Who do you got there with ya?"

Nozomi tapped the steering wheel exuberantly, "Oh yah! Nicocchii, this is my friend Kosaka Honoka, Honoka this is my roommate Yazawa Nico!"

The blue eyed girl peered in further, Nico could feel her studying her face. She began feeling hot despite the cold wind entering the car. It had been a long time since à stranger looked at her so closely. "The one dating Maki right?"

"N-no." Nico chimed in

Nozomi halfheartedly laughed, "They're having some problems right now."

"Ohhhh,' Honoka snorted her big brilliant smile on display as she leaned against the wet car, "I totally getcha man, girlfriends can be a handful. Me and Kotori are going through a rough patch too, she told me she was definitely going to be back down for Christmas but of course she canceled." Nico watched as the girl swept her wet bangs away from her face and laughed again. She weakly gestured to the two of them with her hand. "What're you two up to?"

"Haircut," Nozomi said zipping up the rest of her jacket, "Nico's hair is getting pretty long now." She emphasized her point by slipping her hand through Nico's hair. The noirette blushed as both their attention was now on her. She moved away from Nozomi's grasp and pulled her hood over her head enough to block her eyes with the fur line. 

"Cuuute." She could hear both the girls giggle in unison cooing over her how shy she was. It went on for an extremely long minute, she felt like bursting from embarrassment. "Well, it was nice seeing you, and meeting you Yazawa-kun. You should stop by my shop sometime. Speaking of which, I have to go turn on the lights. See you guys!"

"Bye bye!" 

Nico peered up in time to watch Honoka run into the sweets shop. She let out a sigh of relief glad that that encounter was over, but there was still the lingering dread of having to go through another one with the hair stylist. Now that she was out in public she was regretting it, but it was too late to back out now wasn't It?

\-----------

As the car neared the old apartment complex Nico felt washed of apathy engulf her. It didn't seem real anymore, she could see the withered off creme building from around the corner. For a moment she wasn't sure her heart was beating or if she was breathing. Her mind was running circles in her head. Nozomi's car parked a block down the street, the full building now in clear view.

How should she feel?

The building seemed too far away and yet too close, so foreign but.. it was home. She knew it was home but now it felt wrong to believe it was her home. It didn't Belong to her anymore, not to this Nico, the Nico the apartment had belonged to had died. Seeing the tall building was almost like staring at her own grave.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

She tore her gaze away from the building and to Nozomi who was staring at her with a half smile. Nico wasn't Sure what to say to her, apart of her didn't Want to go alone. The noirette wasn't sure if she could handle it on her own, but then again that was also a reason for her to go on her own. If she had a breakdown did she want Nozomi to see it?

No, the answer was a definite no.

Nico shook her head, her hands trembled as she unbuckled the seat belt. "No, I think...I think I should go alone. That is if you don't mind?"

The older simply shrugged and reclined the drivers seat back, the noise clicking in Nico's ear like the revolving of a gun barrel. "That's fine with me as long as you aren't going to do anything brash. You won't do anything like that will you?"

"No, I don't want to get Nontan and Maki-San in trouble."

The girls smile faltered for a moment, her face shifting into an emotion Nico couldn't decipher. Her hand came to rest on Nico's shoulder where it stayed for a moment before coming up to cup her cheek. Her thumb rubbed over the soft pink tinged flesh, "You're a good girl Nicocchii." Nozomi leaned forward and brushed her damp bangs back, placing a small kiss on her forehead. 

Nico couldn't help a fond smile from stretching across her lips. "I won't be too long." At a time like this, Nico was happy that she wasn't completely alone. She would never be able to repay Nozomi's kindness, not in this lifetime or any other life.

With a sigh, she opened up the door, hesitantly slipping out of the car. The cold winter wind bit at her ears, her hair now in two still wet twin tails. She wasn't sure exactly why she had asked for the lady to put it up that way. She hadn't worn her hair up like this since the day she died.

Pushing away thoughts of the cold she shoved her hands in her pockets treading her way through the snow cleared sidewalk. Nico really hoped that she wasn't too late, that they were still there.

The anxiety in her chest built up as she neared closer crossing another street. Her foot caught the edge of the sidewalk, she stumbled, inhaling the cold air which burnt her lungs. A couple of passersby's stared at her. A girl with short orange hair and hazel eyes in particular stepped forward towards her, her hand held out, "Are you-"

Nico fastened her pace, ignoring the girl. So much for not causing herself any attention. That was utterly embarrassing, all those people were looking at her, they all saw her, they were probably laughing at her.

She pulled the hood of her jacket over her head again, not wanting anyone else to see her. Her eyes stayed on the concrete of the sidewalk too ashamed to look up. 

Even though she was looking down Nico could tell that the apartment was nearing. Every crack in the sidewalk had been memorized from so many years of walking down this street, 20 years.. this would be her final goodbye to the place that had been her home for 20 years. It was a bittersweet thought. Her family was saying goodbye to it as well, she and the building were both to be seen as dead in their eyes. 

The apartment would soon be just a memory, she would just become a memory. One that someday they would all forget, they would forget her in that apartment and move forward with their lives… without her.

She found herself at the concrete stools outside of the apartment. Nico hadn't meant to wander so close to the building but her body had run on autopilot bringing her to the place where she and her siblings would eat watermelon during the summer watching the people go by.

The apathy she had felt earlier was suddenly swept away by a heavy weight of sadness and nostalgia. Never again would she be able to come out her and play with them, never again would she enjoy life the way she did before.

Her throat constricted painfully, the newfound urge to cry making it burn. Defeatedly she sat down on one of the stools, the coldness from it seeped through her long skirt and tights. Nico just wanted to take it all in. Take in her home that had been ripped away from her, take a picture and keep it forever.

The area around the apartment was louder than she remembered it being. Nico peeked out from under her hood to see what all the noise was about. The front of the building was occupied by three moving vans, the movers all yelling to one another, some trying to descend the stairs without slipping on ice.

A pink dresser with white bunny stickers caught her eye. She couldn't be sure but it looked a lot like the one that she had in her bedroom. Nico watched as the two men carried it into one of the moving vans. One of the men walked over to a woman who was standing at the bottom of the apartment steps. She could only see the back of the woman's head, dark black hair in a tangled mess. She was wearing joggers and a large jacket that engulfed her completely. A small child clutching at her pant leg, hiding his face in the material.

The woman was drastically quieter than the moving man, Nico could clearly hear what he was saying, that the crew was almost done packing everything, that he felt very sorry for them and to have a good Christmas. But everything the lady said was too quiet to reach her. The man bowed deeply walking away leaving the woman and her child alone in front of the steps. 

The mood around the entire apartment felt gloomy, along with the woman, a couple other families were packing up their belongings. She recognized one to be the older widowed woman who lived the floor above them. She was struggling to carry a box of books towards one of the vans. 

Nico felt compelled to get up and help her, the old lady was always so kind to her and her family, she had comforted Nico's mother after her husband's passing and made sure that she was still taking care of her kids. 

She leaned forward ready to get up to assist the window when a girl sprinted out from down the apartment stairs, side ponytail flowing in the wind. Cocoro.

It was like the world stopped spinning, there in front of her was Cocoro, her younger sister taking the box out of the women's hands, a wide smile plastered on her face even as the rain down poured on her. 

That face, how long had it been since she last saw her face?

There was a shout and all eyes were on the little boy who had been clutching onto the woman's leg. "Neesan you don't have an umbrella! Mama neesan is going to get sick!"

The woman turned around and Nico was met with the sight of her mother's tired face. Not once in her life had she ever seen her mother look so exhausted, not when she worked double shifts, not when she was studying, not even after Nico's father died. Her mother had always made sure to dress nicely and make herself presentable no matter what.

But now, god now she looked awful. The bags underneath her red eyes were dark, as if she had forgotten to take off her mascara properly. Her usual neat hair was messily up in a wild bun, stray black hairs flowing in the wind. She looked like she had aged 10 years overnight, her shoulders slumped and eyes glazed over as she rubbed Cotaro's shoulder barely saying loud enough, "Cocoro, please." She no longer looked like the eccentric mother Nico had had.

"It's ok!" Cocoro smiled and readjusted the cardboard box in her grip sprinting to the van full of the window's things.

Nico scanned the area for her other sister Cocoa, she had to be around somewhere. Usually she would be running around in the rain causing trouble but she couldn't see her anywhere from her spot on the stool. The noirette bit her inner cheek worriedly, not knowing where the youngest girl was made her nervous. Cocoa was eccentric and usual didn't look around at her surroundings. She didn't want the young girl to have run off somewhere and get hurt in the moving process. 

Cotaro let go of his mother's joggers and Nico watched as the small boy walked over to the steps.

There she was!

Cotaro sat next to the brunette who was sitting closely to the side of the staircase. Nico watched as the two sat in silence. Neither of them looked to be saying a word. Her brother was only staring at her, elbows on his knees, watching as Cocoa mindlessly played with the ears of a stuffed leopard toy.

Nico's stuffed leopard toy.

She didn't know how long she sat watching the two until Cocoa had burst into tears. The brunette was sobbing at the top of her tiny lungs clutching the red leopard to her chest.

Nico's body tensed. Hearing the cries of her little sister was akin to having a knife drug through her heart. She could understand how mothers always said hearing their children cry was the worst thing ever. It was unbearable. Nico had practically raised her siblings half the time, and it was killing her. She couldn't help, she couldn't go up and sweep the crying girl into her arms, she couldn't do a damn thing but watch.

Cocoro had made a beeline from underneath their mother's umbrella, doing what Nico wished she could picking their little sister up rocking her. It didn't seem to work much though. Cocoa's ear piercing cries kept on, Cotoro had gotten up from his spot on the steps to hug the now oldest leg. His small body started to shake as he joined Cocoa in crying.

Cocoro looked distressed, a fake smile that was trying helplessly not to crumble as she tried to calm them down to no avail. Nico saw Cocoro look towards their mother, but the woman was just staring aimlessly at the trolleys with furniture pass by. 

Nico didn't know what to feel. She didn't want to admit it but she knew this was her fault. It wasn't the move making her siblings cry, no they had been excited to move. It was because of her, because Nico had left them. Nico left them, she left her family behind and they were falling to pieces.

She numbly wiped her face with the sleeve of her jacket, only now aware of the tears that had been rolling down her cheeks. 

She really didn't know what to feel, guilt and anger were stabbing at her. How could she have done this to them? How could she have caused them so much pain? If she hadn't taken that audition, if she had just gotten a normal job, if she had done everything differently things wouldn't be this way!

Nico trembled her eyes filling with tears. How could she?! Not just her but how could her mother just sit back and watch?! How could she listen to her children cry and do nothing?! 

Cocoro's resolve was quickly fading, her smile was now completely gone, her lip trembling as she tried to talk normally despite the tears making their way down her red cheeks.

The neighbors left were all staring and Nico could see a few of them leaned in towards one another and whisper.

"Are they crying because their oneesama is dead papa?" A little red head girl was pointing at Nico's siblings who were all huddled together underneath the stairs. 

Her father quickly grabbed her hand pulling her in the opposite direction "Chika-kun please watch your mouth."

She couldn't stand it, she couldn't stand having to sit there and watch them suffer. Nico just couldn't bare the sight anymore! She stood up from the stool almost stumbling over her feet and retreated back to Nozomi's car. Her heart shattering into pieces as her siblings cries could still be heard a block away.


	23. Christmas dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It dawned on her, the act.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a chapter for you guys! Thank you for being so patient with me. I really wanted to dish something out for you guys and this is the best I could do in the time I had. I hope you all enjoy :3
> 
> As always thanks for all of your support! I love all of you guys <3 and please excuse any of my errors ;^-^

A series of loud rapid knocks woke Maki up from her nap. She groaned staring up at the ceiling of the living room listening to the continuing knocking. She had just fallen asleep or at least it felt like she did.

"Maki-chan can you get that please!" Nozomi's boomed from the kitchen.

The redhead rolled her eyes, slowly picking herself off the couch. Her back cracked and she scratched at her side walking towards the door finally. Why they decided to have guests over, she didn't know. Why they kicked her out off work property, she didn't know. What she did know was that she didn't want to be here. It was already loud and the Christmas party hadn't even started yet.

Opening the door she was greeted with a smack to the face by the freezing wind, her body covered in goosebumps in seconds, god she really hated the cold. In front of her Honoka was smiling, holding a neatly wrapped christmas gift. The holographic wrapping paper catching the light from outside and reflecting it into her eyes.

"Maki-kun! Merry Christmas!" The shorter girl pushed the gift into her sisters hands haphazardly.

Maki felt herself being pulled into a bone crushing hug. Honoka windbreaker dripping melted snow that soaked into the redhead's tank top. "Hey! Hey! Lemme go you're getting me all wet!"

"You're no fun Maki." The blue eyed girl looked up at her and pouted letting go and reclaiming the gift from her sister behind her. "It's just a little water you know."

"Yea, yea, take off your boots and come on in." She opened the door wide, stepping behind it in hopes to shield herself from the cold outside. "You can set that under the tree. The others are in the kitchen cooking."

Honoka kicked off her boots, flecks of melted snow still somehow managing to fly onto her legs. She grimaced and closed the door behind the sisters. Yukiho had the decency to remove her boots properly and set them neatly by the front door. The younger nodded to her and Maki nodded back, avoiding the new forming puddles by Honoka's boots and slumping back on the couch once again.

She pulled the fluffy grey blanket she had been sleeping with over her head. All the lights in the room were absolutely killing her now. And their friends loud greetings in the kitchen didn't help.

"Ah! Yazawa-kun you look so cute! You're lucky were both taken, if not I would happily eat you right up!"

And so it began, Maki felt her right eye start twitching in annoyance. Was that really necessary? 

Sure the little brat did look adorable in that white button up shirt and plaid skirt, the sweater paws of the blue cardigan was the cherry on top, not to mention the red bows holding up her twin tails. Maki will give credit where credit is due. Nozomi managed to make Nico look good, good enough to make Maki's mind wind up in passive aggressive thoughts since this morning.

She hated Nico, she was disgusting, but their roommate made her look good. Like a girl Maki would go for and it was fucking her up. She wasn't supposed to like what she was seeing, it really pissed her off.

Nico was stammering and it was followed by giggles and even more cooing from the girls. Yukiho had even chimed in, with a "Yazawa-kun is so precious."

Oh if only they knew, Maki thought as she turned over on her side, trying to drown out the sounds from the kitchen. If only those girls knew what was under those cute clothes. If only they could see the ugly scabs and scars, if only they knew why her eye was messed up, if only they knew how gross the coagulated blood fell from those pretty pink lips, and how much it reeked of death.

If only they knew the girl they were fawning over had been found on a cold slab of medal in the morgue.

\------------

Reluctantly Maki had gotten dressed up for the small party. She really didn't want to, but as soon as the Honoka had turned on the tv and started playing christmas music, singing along as loud as she could, Maki decided to use it as an excuse to forgo situation.

She had dragged herself to her room and dug through her closet searching for anything that could be considered seasonal. 

The red head settled on a dark red plaid skirt and navy jumper, putting on some red stockings in case Honoka tried to open up the windows. The girl always did it when she was drunk, complaining of the apartment being too warm she'd throw up. 

Doing her hair was out of the question, she wanted to waste time, not actually put in effort to something. She was already exhausted as is she didn't need her arms cramping from trying to put together an updo. No, her regular hair would be just fine, and if Nozomi complained about it, the busty bitch could shove it up her ass for all Maki cared. 

The door to her bedroom creaked open, Maki's head following the noise out of instinct.

Nico's head peered in, the girl looked to the floor, to her, then back to the floor again. Her foor coming up to rub at her leg awkwardly. "Nontan said diner's almost done. She wants you to come and set the table."

"Why don't you do it?"

"I can't, I'm going with Honoka to guy some more wine. We uh..you know what happened to the last one we had."

Maki tensed, a small bubble of paranoia building up in her chest. Nico never went out, it was an unspoken rule. A rule she was trying to break now. "You can't go buy wine with her, no one gave you permission." 

"Nontan said I could." Nico muttered her reply barely over a whisper.

"So what, you're just going to listen to everything Nozomi says now? And what's up with that damn pet name that's gross."

Nico's shoulders rose up like the hackles of an angry cat. "You're just mean, and you wonder why I won't listen to you. Go set up the table." The noirette turned up her nose slamming the door behind her.

Maki's grip on her vanity chair tighted, god did she really just want to sock her in the face. Where the hell had that snarky ass attitude come from anyway? She had been so docile and sweet before but now she acted like she owned the place. Who did she think she was? 

It was definitely going to be one hell of a long night. The redhead really wasn't looking forward to it. She didn't feel like playing pretend or putting on a fake smile and pleasant attitude for her guests. All she wanted was to lay in her bed and forget about everything that was stressing her out. At this point she was going to end up prematurely graying all thanks to a special someone. 

She waited a couple of minutes just to be sure she wouldn't run into that someone before heading out of her room. Dragging her feet loudly just to express to her remaining roommate just how much she was dreading this.

It didn't go unnoticed, Nozomi gave her a look as she entered the kitchen, checking the oven with a from on her face. "Can you please not do that Maki?"

"I'm sorry, was I being annoying?" Her words were sarcastic and they struck a nerve with the shorter girl.

"Could you quit with the attitude, we have people over. Please act like an adult and suck it up." 

Maki looked around, noticing that the three sets of shoes were missing from the door. "Oh wow, do you think I'll make you look bad? Imagine how bad you would look if our guests knew you were fucking a dead girl." 

Nozomi closed the door to the stove quickly, spinning around with her arms folded. She was glaring holes into Maki. The girls upset face making Maki preen sadistically. "I already told you this before, we aren't like that."

"C'mon Nozomi, I tripped on her panties that were outside of your room."

"That doesn't mean anything we share a room!" She stepped closer, puffing out her chest. Maki could almost laugh at the girls weak display of feigning dominance.

The redhead rolled her eyes taking a step towards Nozomi, leaning in her face. It was a petty argument she knows that she started but it honestly made her blood boil. Why did she try to deny the obvious? "Don't tell me it doesn't mean shit! Do those kisses not mean shit?!"

She could see Nozomi's jaw clench, her aura changing suddenly into a stern one. "They're friendly kisses, I do that to everyone, you of all people should know that. Now get a grip, I don't care about your tantrums just set the table." She stated calmly. Turning around she focused her attention back to the mash potatoes on the stove. 

Maki cursed under her breath, giving one last dirty look to the girl before walking to the plate cabinet. She set five plates down on the dining table, making sure to let them clatter loudly. If she had to suffer, Nozomi had to suffer.

She was going to set it in disarray but that would have been too much. She hated Nico and right now Nozomi, but Honoka was her longtime friend. She had no qualms with her or her sister. Maki could be mean but she wasn't a complete douchebag.

Once the table was set she made her way back to the couch. She found herself sitting on the old thing far more than she used to. The couch served as her bed more than the queen sized one in her bedroom. Her blankets and pillows that had been neatly folded and stacked in the corner were evidence of that. 

She felt a twinge of anger knowing that one of them, be it Nozomi or Nico had touched her things. She could've folded and put them away herself. Didn't their parents ever teach them not to touch what's not theirs? Talk about disrespectful, it was like they were indirectly calling Maki a slob and she was not a slob.

The redhead slouched into the divet she had created and watched as the time in the right corner of the TV ticked. It wasn't even seven yet and it already felt like an eternity.

Fifteen more minutes passed by before the front door opened, the knob hitting the wall loudly and letting in a large gust of cold wind. Honoka stepped in and kicked off her shoes, in her arms was a brown bag the top speaking out to show the neck of two wine bottles. 

Nico and Yukiho following her like two puppies. Yukiho holding a six pack of canned spirits that Maki hated, the noirette holding a four pack of fruity drinks. She watched as the small girl nimbly placed them on the table. The snow that had fallen in her hair twinkled under the light of the dining room table, her cheeks red from the cold. She looked beautiful, almost ethereal, except for the small amount of blood seeping from her cracked lower lip. She always did have a problem with biting on her lips and the cold didn't help.

Maki wasn't the only one who had noticed. "Oh Yazawa-kun your lips are so dry. You shouldn't leave your house without putting any chapstick on in this weather. It's bad for your lips come here!"

Honoka was pulling Nico close, the girls already red face became even redder the tips of her ears had changed color. She looked uncomfortable, her head tilted back from the older girl to no avail. Honoka had just laughed and cooed, pulling the tube of cinnamon flavored chapstick from her pocket and applying a generous amount to Nico's lips. "Ah Yazawa-kun why do you have to be so cuuteee~!" 

She was squeezing the girls checks together. Nico looked horrified, her exasperated expression only made the other two girls in the kitchen laugh. The noirette had stumbled back and rubbed her cheeks trying to look anywhere but at the girls. "D-don't be so embarrassing."

"My bad, my bad." The blue eyed girl apologized with no remorse, a big shit eating grin still on her face.

It honestly annoyed Maki, all this goddamn noise. It was the noise wasn't It? Yeah of course it was. It wasn't the fact that Nico was getting so much attention, it wasn't that, and it wasn't that no one commented on Maki's lack of input. No, Maki was just annoyed because of all the noise. She could swear up and down that Honoka had been a goose in a past life, a noisy bothersome goose that didn't know how to do anything but honk like an idiot. 

"Enough fawning over poor Nicocchii, it's time to eat." Nozomi's voice was sweet like candied syrup, beckoning all the girls to gather around the table. 

Maki stood up dragging her feet as she made her way to the table. Her older roommate had gone through the trouble of making a chicken this year. Last year they had just gone to KFC like everyone else but for some reason this year she wanted to be extra. 

The said chicken was placed on the table as soon as Maki sat in her seat. It smelled good no doubt, and frankly she was starved for a good home meal. It had been awhile since she ate anything that wasn't microwavable food, snacks or cereal. But people who were never home didn't get food made for them.

Nico surprisingly was the one to cut the chicken. It was impressive to say the least at the girls carving abilities. She placed a leg on both of the sisters plate's. Part of the breast on Nozomi's and a wing on her own.

"Maki-chan what piece would you like?" If Maki had been drinking something, it surely would've been spewed all over poor Yukiho. Nico never used that cutesy endearing voice with her anymore, hearing it now was so just so abnormal. She looked at her, eyes wide, but Nico only smiled in return, prompting her answer by pointing at the chicken with the knife in her hand. 

It dawned on her, the act.

Nico was still holding up the dumb act they had made. The smile on her face didn't quite met her eyes, but it was still convincing, at least convincing enough to make Honoka pout about wanting Nico to call her Honoka-chan too.

"C'mon Maki-chan decide before it gets cold." The corner of the girls smile twitched and she could tell the noirette was also not happy with the stupid act either.

"I'll have part of the breast too." 

The small girl hummed in acknowledgment and placed some on her plate. Nozomi scooped a serving onto her dish of mashed potatoes. She hadn't bothered to look her in the eye, instead choosing to talk to Yikiho about school while serving her. It was petty, and Maki had to admit, if Nozomi had done that to annoy her it worked. 

Honoka placed two brussel sprouts on everyone's plate and sat down hurriedly her hands coming together "Thank you for the meal!"

"Honoka-chan wait for us!" Nozomi reprimanded her.

She rubbed the back of her neck smiling guiltily. "Sorry."

Maki rolled her eyes and followed the rest of the girls into the customary short prayer before digging in.

God the food tasted amazing, she had to stop herself from wolding the plate down completely. The chicken on her plate and half the mashed potatoes were cleared in no time. Maki forced herself to set down her fork and poured herself a bit of wine in hopes to slow herself down. 

"So Honoka, has Kotori gotten back to you?"

Maki set the wine bottle back down, only to have the questioned girl pick it up, a brief sneer crossed her face, "No, she's really pissed off at me. I don't know why I didn't even do anything wrong."

"I wouldn't call angrily calling her drunk at one am and telling her to choose college or you nothing." Yukiho stated blankly sipping at her apple cider.

"Honoka-chan!" Nozomi set her own fork down loudly, starring the other down like she had committed the worst crime in history.

Honoka downed a good amount of her wine shrugging her shoulders as if it was nothing. "What? I mean I have a right to be angry at her because of that. She's been gone what two almost three years now? She always came back all the time at first and now she doesnt. She promises all these things and she never falls through with them you know? She never answers my calls or my texts half the time. And when she answers she sounds annoyed. I'm getting tired of it, I want my girlfriend back or..or I want to cut it off. She has to choose."

Maybe this dinner wasn't going to be all that boring and horrible. Maki found this pretty entertaining. Sure she should feel bad about Honoka's situation but it was juicy and dammit, someone else was hurting besides herself.

"That's still wrong, you love her don't you?" Nozomi pressed leaning in towards her.

Honoka swirled her glass taking another sip, small this time. "Well yeah of course, but I don't feel like she loves me anymore. You would want to be around someone you love. Wouldn't you Yazawa-kun?"

Nico stopped mid bite, Maki could see something flash in her eyes, something sad? She smiled weakly and finished chewing dabbing her mouth with a napkin. "Well I mean, of course you would, when you love someone you would want to spend as much time with them as possible. I understand how you're feeling. Probably rejected and lonely but maybe try a little longer. " Her red eyes darted towards Maki, lingering on the redhead. She couldn't help bit feel she was being targeted by the smaller girl. Her response had bittered slightly towards the end, her eyes remaining on her. 

It struck a nerve somewhere in her. It was pretend and all but goddamn was she hinting that she had been a bad girlfriend? 

"Is that the problem going on between you two too?" Honoka's index finger pointed swaying between them and Maki could feel herself tense. Fuck, her entertainment turned against her.

She looked to Nico who had her mouth gapped open, she was stuttering pathetically, trying to get a sensible sentence out.

Maki swiged at her wine setting it down calmly. "I guess you could put it that way."

"What do you mean guess, it is that way." Oh? "You're always gone, you're never home, you're always studying or working or doing something to be away. You don't even talk to me anymore. And when we do we fight." Maki looked over at the noirette who was glaring daggers into her. So she was defensive over à stupid fake relationship? Maki couldn't understand this girl. Why did she still keep the act up, it wasn't necessary, it was tedious and it tied her to a brat who she absolutely hated. She had to drop it now, she couldn't stand pretending. 

"Maybe if you weren't such a drag I'd like being around you more. All I ever hear come out of your goddamn mouth is 'oh I'm so sad', 'im so lonely', 'I'm so ugly', 'I'm so blah blah blah blah blah'. Well you know what? I'm so fucking over it! You're so insecure about everything it's like I'm babysitting a child! You make me want to blow my brains out!"

The table was quiet for a few seconds before the sound of Nico's chair screeching back filled the space. She stood up with her hands on the table hovering over her plate, a mixed look of hurt and anger on her face. "Stop. Stalking like you ever listened because you didn't! You don't! I trusted you with everything I had! And you treated me like dirt!"

"Don't you dare say that!" Maki subconsciously found herself mimicking Nico, coming up out of her chair. "Don't you fucking say that when I did everything for you! You should be fucking grateful! I took in an ugly runt like you and gave you everything! I was fixing you, helping you! I was at your beck and call and you know what?! One fucking thing comes up and you backstab me! You have me the cold shoulder first Nico! You're the one that did this! You fucking left me for Nozomi!"

"N-nozomi-san." Honoka was looking at the older girl in disbelief. 

Nozomi was still, her hands clenched on the table, she looked pleadinly at their guest, desperation in her voice, "It's not what it sounds like I swear."

"If you had been honest with me from the start then maybe I wouldn't have!" Nico's voice trembled but she still stood all, her eyes unwavering from Maki. 

It really pissed her off.

"Well I'm being honest now! I can honest to god say you are the worst thing that's ever happened to me! I wish you'd just die and leave me alone! My life was so much better without you in it!"

Maki's chest was heaving, she panted looking over all the faces at the dining table. They were all varying degrees of disbelief and shock. Yukiho had spilled her cider, her hand covering her mouth as she looked at her elder. Nozomi was turned in her seat facing Nico, an arm slung over the back of her chair ready to pull herself up, but she was completely still. Honoka's big blue eyes were on the noirette, her mouth still open in awe.

Shit. Did she take it too far?

Maki looked to the noirettes face hesitantly. Her chapped lips were parted and her red eyes were wide and brimming with tears that started silently rolling down her cheeks.

Oh god.... Oh no...

Nico started hiccuping, more tears falling from her eyes and landing onto the table. She leaned back slowly and brought a hand up to her face, haphazardly wiping the tears away with her cardigans sleeve. "Th-thanks..thanks for telling me how you really feel."

"W-wait Nico I-!" She spun around quickly, the sound of her twintails snacking Nico's own face was audible. Maki was able to see the running mascara down her cheeks and the way her hair clung to her face for a split second before she vanished down the hall.


	24. Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Empty…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait once again. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday! The story is going to start to pick up again so I hope you're ready for it! Thank you all for your continued support :) EXPECT A NEW CHAPTER SOON
> 
> As always please excuse any errors <3

The same four dark walls stared back at her, à light headache at the back of her head. Nico couldn't sleep, both her roommates were out. Maki as usual was working double shifts and Nozomi had left to Honoka's place for a mental break from the redhead.

She regretted not taking up the offer to go with the older girl. At the time she had asked her Nico lashed out, she yelled at more like screamed at the poor girl really. Looking back now she didn't deserve it. Nozomi had taken her harsh words with à halfhearted smile, nodded and still kissed her forehead before she left. The thought of it increased the building guilt in the pit of her stomach, why did she always manage to screw things up?

Nico rolled onto her side facing towards the window that still had its curtains drawn. The room was almost pitch black, aside from whatever outside street light managed to peak between the blinds. The traffic seemed to be heavier tonight, usually it wouldn't bother yer at all but tonight each passing car made the pounding of her head hurt worse.

Nico lightly traced her fingertips over the scars on her chest, she could still feel them through the fabric of her pajama top. Were they ever going to heal? Was she always going to be in pain?

It seemed likely. No matter how much time passed she couldn't remember à moment were something didn't hurt. It was worse at the beginning that was for sure, the violent vomiting and convulsions were hell. Even though that part was over something else would always pop up. Sometimes her chest swelled with pain, the scars would feel like they were burning her from the inside. Nasty migraines also happened, most of them coming from behind her left eye, but most of the pain came from her heart.

Random bouts of heartache were becoming more and more normal. It hurt à million times more than the vomiting. At least the pain stopped when that was over, but the ache in her heart would stay for hours or days at a time. And it was always accompanied by a small voice in her head. 

Nico sighed into the empty space, she felt heavy. Heavy and empty all at the same time.

\----------

Maki held the cup of coffee tightly in her hand, the sound of the row of vending machines buzzing the only sound in the hospital cafeteria. 

She looked down at her watch, the glowing numbers 2:48 staring back at her. Sighing she slouched and rested her forehead against the table. The night felt like it was dragging on forever, not that she was in any kind of rush to get home. Nothing was waiting for her there.

The past three days had been hell. Without Nozomi's presence in the house to break the tension the apartment became an uncomfortable place. It reminded her of a dead silent graveyard. Everything was still where it had been Christmas night, she didn't have the motivation to pick any of it up. All she wanted to do when she got home was go to sleep.

Being at the apartment gave her too much anxiety. Nico despite everything still made her worry. Not once had she seen the girl leave Nozomi's room. 

Maki had peeked in yesterday after coming back from her graveyard shift, she noticed the noirette changed but besides that everything looked the same. The same messed up hair and whatever remnants of cried makeup that still clung to her face.

It all made Maki feel uneasy, she caused all of it to happen. Sure she hated her but not that much. She shouldn't have said what she did, but it already happened. Her pride refused to let her apologize, and even if she wanted to what on earth could she say to her?

Her brows furrowed as she sat back up and stared at the coffee cup in her hand blankly. It didn't matter, everything would blow off eventually and things would go back to relative normalcy soon.

\---------

Normalcy didn't come, not that day, or the next, not when Nozomi came back, and not tonight.

Maki tapped the alcoholic drink in her hand channel surfing. Every channel was upbeat anxious people all waiting for the ball to drop. It was still only 4 in the afternoon, but the buzz for the new year was still as lively as ever. 

A fleeting feeling of nostalgia passed through her. Last year's new year had been funny. Her Honoka, Rin, Nozomi and Kotori had gone out together to karaoke before heading to the shibuya crossing. It had been crowded and cold but everyone had been happy.

That day felt like it was years ago, and the people she had spent it with felt worlds apart from her now. Everyone had changed in such a short amount of time. Or maybe it was her that changed, all she knew was that things weren't the same.

Turning off the living room TV the apartment filled with silence. If Maki hadn't seen Nozomi sitting at the dining table head in her hands, she wouldn't have even known that the girl was there. She was disturbingly quiet. The silence was heavy, the entire place seemed to be covered in a blanket depression. 

A sniffle came from behind her and the redhead turned her head slightly back into her roommates direction. Nozomi was wiping her nose on her sleeve, her eyes were glassy as she stared at the table vacantly. 

Maki couldn't help but acknowledge the elephant in the room. She knew what was bothering Nozomi but she didn't want to talk about it. 

It was about Nico. Her condition had lapsed again. No matter what little food Nozomi managed to get her to eat, the noirette would throw it up. Her small body only capable of holding the water Nozomi also gave her. Nico refused to get up from bed, she ignored her hygiene and health opting to sleep for most of the day. 

She had seen her this morning. Nozomi again had tried to get Nico to get out of bed, to at least take a shower. Nico must've complied and tried to get up, but after a few steps she had fallen onto the floor and passed out. 

Maki wasn't dumb, she knew what the symptoms of starvation looked like. It was serious but there was nothing she could do to help. It was up to Nico to get herself better this time.

Her thoughts were derailed when the girl at the table began to cry quietly. 

She felt uncomfortable watching as her elder tried helplessly to dry her eyes, only giving up to cover her mouth with a sleeve to stifle her own crying. Seeing her like this made Maki regret bringing Nico into their lives even more. If she hadn't Nozomi wouldn't be sad, she wouldn't have had to be a witness to everything. She was a sweet girl, à sweet girl that Maki had tainted. 

She wasn't sure why but the redhead found herself rising from the couch, carefully walking over to where Nozomi was sitting. The golden light from outside got into her eyes when she kneeled down by the side of her chair. An overwhelming urge to at least be near. When was the last time she had been so close to someone? 

"What're we gonna do Maki..she's so weak." 

Maki shook her head, "We can't do anything, we can't take her anywhere to get better." She rested her head against Nozomi's thigh, she wasn't sure what she was feeling, but she felt the worst she had ever in her entire life. "I'm sorry..its my fault."

"It wasn't all your fault." A dainty hand ran through her disheveled hair, Maki leaned into it the small action helping ease the tight coil in her belly. "I should've stepped in before it got to that point, I was too late, I was too worried about how I'd look."

Maki shook her head eyes looking up and meeting Nozomi's. "I lost my temper, no matter what you did I would've ended up saying something." A burning dull pain rose in her throat, "I was just so angry I don't know why." The last part came out hoarse and the redhead buried her face into Nozomi's sweatpants, the first oncoming tears building in the corner of her dark eyes.

"You're still growing up Maki-chan, don't be so hard on yourself." Nozomi's voice was sincerely sweet, her hands continuing to comb through her hair. Her ministrations reminded Maki of à caring mother, and sudden relief filled her chest. She wasn't alone, no matter how nasty she was Nozomi would always be there to help her shoulder her burdens. That would always stay the same even if everything else around her changed. 

A gentle hand brushed her hair back, cupping her cheek and prompting Maki to look up. She could feel Nozomi studying her face carefully. She didn't comment on the tears, Maki never cried. She didn't like crying and was thankful that wasn't being brought up.

The corners on Nozomi's mouth twitched up into a small smile. "Oh Maki-chan, when was the last time that you got some good rest?" The pad of her thumb brushed under Maki's eyes, wiping the remaining tear stains away. 

"If I'm being totally honest, not for a long time." She attempted to smile back, hopefully lighten the mood a little bit from the heavy atmosphere.

"C'mon," Nozomi stood up slowly giving Maki à chance to back up, "let's take a nap, when we wake up I can make us a cake. That would be nice wouldn't it?" 

Her hand extended towards Maki, the redhead took it letting the elder girl help her up from the floor. "That would be nice, yes. I would like that very much."

Gingerly Nozomi lead them back to Maki's room. The room smelled stale, probably due to the fact that Maki hadn't slept in it for a good amount of time.

She watched as Nozomi unfolded à blanket that sat at the bottom of the bed, laying it flat before crawling over it and closing the blinds of the room shut. The room dimmed dark enough to be able to rest easily but still light enough she could see Nozomi clearly enough. 

Her roommate moved getting underneath the blanket in the spot closest to the wall. Her arm kept part of the blanket up, inviting Maki to crawl in next to her. She did so happily snuggling in close, her head resting on Nozomi's chest. She calmed listening to the steady beat of her chest, Nozomi's arm that wrapped around her serving as a reassuring anchor.

\--------

Pain, so much pain. All she could feel was pain. All she was trying to do was get up, but even that simple task left her panting. 

Her legs wobbled slightly as she slipped out of the black covers. Stars erupted from behind her eyes as her vision rapidly faded into darkness. Pathetically she felt herself start to fall, for a second she expected unconsciousness to follow again but this time she was still aware even after hitting the ground.

Yes she was very aware.

Nico could only focus on how much everything hurt. The ground was carpeted and pillowed her fall but it still sent pain throughout her tired limbs. She shook her head, the floor in front of her slowly but surely coming back.

The thought of getting up again sounded excruciating and she second guessed if the pain would be worth it. 

It was. Pain was temporary as of now.

The thoughts in her head pushed her forward, slowly and shakily she spurred herself on. The noirette crawled towards the nearest wall and hoisted herself back up. She braced against the cool walls, tiredly making small steps towards the light in the hall. 

She half expected to hear either of the girls when she entered the hall, but the apartment was quiet as ever. Languidly Nico looked around for any sign of them, the only indication was the sound of Nozomi's light whistles snores coming from the redhead's room down the hall.

Why she was in there, she didn't know. But it would make things easier.

The pain in her stomach drew her attention back to what she was doing. She needed food. She couldn't do it like this. Nico would surely pass out before she got close. The aspect of eating was appalling though. It was painful, and killed her appetite but she had to.

Carefully she made her way further into the apartmentment staying up against the wall until she had to enter the kitchen. When she pushed herself off the wall à fear of falling entered her mind. Her legs wobbled unsurely, exhaustion eating away at every move her muscles made.

Nico managed though, stumbling into the kitchen and catching herself on the fridge. 

God why did everything hurt so bad?

She huffed, struggling to even out her breath. After a minute of bracing herself against the fridge door she called it good. She was fine, she couldn't waste valuable time like this. This was probably her only shot.

Taking a step back she opened up the fridge, cringing at the sound of sauce bottles rattling against one another. The cold air welcoming hit her face, encouraging her to stay alert. She scanned the contents of the fridge. It was still mostly barren, nothing but à few essentials were stacked on the shelves. 

Nico frowned, there was no time, no time at all to cook anything. She didn't even think she could cook something in this state. 

A white styrofoam container on the lower shelf caught her eye. 

Quickly the noirette leaned down, a small feeling a vertigo hitting her that she tried her best to ignore. She took the box out and closed the fridge door. 

Nico opened the box as quietly as she could, pork lo mein. She wasn't sure when the food had been brought home but it smelled fine as far as she knew, it would be ok to eat.

Her back pressed against the door of the fridge and with as much finesse as she could muster she lowered herself to the floor setting the box in her lap. A sudden wave of nausea came over her as she looked down at the contents of the box. Eating was hard enough right now. Eating something so filling would be hell. She just hoped that if it came back up she wouldn't choke on à noodle.

She realized she had forgotten to pick up a fork. The drawer that contained them was only about four feet away, but that short distance seemed too far for just a fork, far too much work. 

Digging her hands into the cold noodles she brought a fistful to her mouth. The first mouthful on her tongue immediately made her mouth salivate with the urge to spit it out. She willed herself to keep it down, struggling through the first bite. It was awful, she gagged after swelling, the damned noodles threatening to come right back up. 

It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt.

Nico kept on filling her mouth with a few pieces of chicken. She halted halfway to stop herself from choking when she gagged. 

This was hell, living like this was hell.

\-----------

Maki surged forward, her breath coming out fast and panicked as she looked around her. Her hazy mind wasn't sure what had woken her up. The house was quiet, Nozomi still laid next to her snoring deeply.

She shook her head and smacked her mouth trying her best to quickly get rid of her severe cottonmouth. Her attempted to get rid of it was in vain, the gross dry film still covering her tongue. What a way to wake up.

Careful, as to not wake up the elder, she stepped out of bed. Water, she needed to drink some water.

Yawning she scratched her tousled hair walking out into the hall. The hallway light was the only thing lighting the apartment, as soon as her feet hit the cold lament floor of the kitchen she was surrounded in darkness.

Maki made her way towards the cupboards. She had lived in the place for so long, making her way there in total darkness wasn't hard at all. She opened it, the wood door hitting its neighbor with a clang too loud that she grimaced. The redhead grabbed the first cup she touched and closed the cupboard this time slowly.

The sound of the wind and rain from outside picked up, it sounded terrible outside. How people were still going to celebrate she had no clue, nor did she really care. Maki was content with her roommate making a cake and calling it good.

She lazily opened the fridge door, the sound of something skidding across the floor alerted her tired senses. What the hell?

Looking down, the light from the fridge illuminated a styrofoam box. The box was opened, whatever food had been in it was mostly gone. A couple stray pieces of noodle on the floor next to it.

Who the hell? Maki's tired mind tried to process why it was on the floor. She stared at it for a good minute blinking confusedly. Nozomi had been asleep, and so had she, and to her knowledge neither of them slept walk.

Nico.

It was the only explanation right? Maki struggled to comprehend. The girl had been adamant about not eating, and well not getting up in general. But it had to be her.

Sighing she picked up the box, tossing it into the trash can. It was good that she was eating now but she could have at least picked up after herself. What was with that girl and eating on the floor anyway? They had a perfectly good table not even a ten feet away.

Maki shrugged her shoulders, her shoulder blades popping loudly. She opened the fridge wider now that the box wasn't In the way and poured cold water from the brita into her cup.

God she was thirsty, she downed the entire glass, pouring a little more in and downing that was well before setting her cup onto the counter. A sharp wind rattled the window making her jump slightly. The weather was really shitty lately. But at least she didn't have to work tomorrow.

Maki stretched her arms trying to will the rest of her sleepiness away as she walked back down the hall. She couldn't sleep the whole day away even if the idea sounded pleasant. She still had paperwork for school to fill out after all.

Passing the bathroom she couldn't help but notice the door to Nozomi's room wide open. It was strange to say the least.

The redhead stepped forward into the dark room. It was too dark to make the shape of anything out, the room was quiet. Maki stilled listening intently for breathing. The only sound was the wind and rain pounding on the windows. It was probably too loud outside for her to hear.

For a moment she shuffled the weight on either of her feet shifting in the doorway, she didn't want to turn on the light in case Nico was asleep, but she should check on her. It had been a couple of hours since they last did after all.

Maki flipped the switch, the harsh yellow light of the room hurt her eyes. She blinked rapidly trying to make her eyes adjust faster.

The room before her was an absolute wreck. The black duvet was halfway off the bed in a tangled mess. The hamper filled with clean clothes Nozomi had folded that morning was now on the floor, shirts and various other clothing strewn all over the floor. In the mass of all the clutter one thing was missing, Nico was nowhere to be seen in the room.

Shit!

Maki's first thought was that she passed out somewhere. But where was the question.

Stepping over the countless clothes on the floor she scanned over the room one more time. She lifted the duvet, throwing it onto a heap on the bed, disappointed the girl wasn't easily found there. Maybe she was in the closet? It didn't make sense but it was worth a shot.

Quickly she bound over opening the wooden door. The closet was dark and tidy the floor of the small space empty.

Ok, well maybe she was in the bathroom. That immediately made the anxiety in her build up. If she passed out while in the bathroom she could hit her head on countless hard surfaces. 

The redhead sprinted towards the bathroom opening the slightly ajar door with uneasiness. Again the door opened up to reveal nothing bit pitch black darkness, the only noise coming from the leaky. The light from the hallway showed nothing but an empty tub and Maki's disregarded dirty towels.

The living room, she had to be in the living room then.

Maki chuckled at her own stupidity. Nico probably just passed out intentionally or not in the living room. The noirette was probably fast asleep on the couch. She was so weak it made sense she wouldn't be able to make it back to the room.

Her own thoughts did little to soothe her worries though. Until she saw Nico she couldn't be sure. She should check, yes, she was going to check. Once she checked she could relax and go get started on that paper.

She made her way out of the bathroom and down the hall, this time taking her time walking to the living room. A gnawing anxiety of what she would or wouldn't find there. 

The back of the couch came into view, the living room like the rest of the apartment was shrouded in darkness. Turning the living room light on Maki stepped forward walking around to the front of the couch.

Empty…

The only thing on the old couch were the few throw pillows they bought along with it, all still in the same place Maki remembered them being in this evening.

A heavy feeling settled in her gut. Sharp eyes moved back and forth scanning the layout of the room for the noirette. Nowhere, she was nowhere.

In a panic the redhead paced the room, looking behind the tree, the corner at the opposite end of the couch. Desperately she even looked behind the tv stand. 

She wasn't there! She wasn't anywhere! The room was suddenly too hot and Maki could feel her pulse rising. Nico was gone! Nico was fucking gone!

Maki back away from the couch her socks suddenly becoming sopping wet. She looked down confused, there at her feet was a decent sized puddle of water. Her eyes moved from the puddle to the shoe mat. Nozomi's pair of snow boots missing. Alarmed her gaze snapped up to the lock on the door. Both deadbolts unlocked.

This was bad, this was very very bad.

"Nozomi!" Her body moved on it's own running back the way she had come from. Her footsteps were loud and for once she didn't care if the occupants the floor beneath could hear.

"Nozomi get up!" The redhead burst through the last door, the piece of wood bouncing off the wall. It came back hitting her arm but the pain didn't register.

The older groaned sitting up quickly a confused frown on her face. "Maki?"

Maki ran up to her bedside. "Shes gone Nozomi she's gone!"

"What?"

"She's gone!" Maki's hands came up, pulling at her own hair as she paced back and forth. "I look everywhere! She isn't here!"

Nozomi's face shifted into a worrisome expression. The girl moved the blanket to the side dangling her legs off the edge of the bed. "Maki what on earth are you going on about? You're scaring me."

"Nico's gone! I checked every room and she just isn't anywhere! Your boots are gone and the doors unlocked and she left! She had to have left!"

The older girl stood up sternly halting Maki's pacing by grabbing her shoulders. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Her reply came out desperate, Nozomi's frown deepening.

The girl in front of her seemed to ponder for an agonizingly long minute. Her calm composure causing a small bubble of anger to burn in her chest. "What time is it?"

Maki looked to the alarm clock beside her bed, the glowing digits reading, "7:38."

"Ok." Nozomi nodded her eyes reading over the clock to confirm the time. "We've been asleep for about two almost three hours." Her hand reached down to the pocket of her sweater, she patted her right pocket and Maki could her the familiar sound of keys jingle. "Three hours, in her state and on foot she couldn't have gotten that far." The window rattled as a violent gust of wind blew by again. "Definitely not in this weather."

"Nozomi what do we do?!" Maki's anxiety doubled when the idea of Nico getting caught outside in the storm came to her mind. The girl could get sick, sicker than she already was. She could be passed out in an alley or in the middle of the road. She could freeze to death!

Nozomi bit her lip, "I…well," she let go of one of the redhead's shoulders grabbing her phone that was resting on the side table. "I'll...I'll call Honoka ok. We'll go searching, alright?" Maki nodded her head, Nozomi’s words did little to comfort her.

"We'll find her." She had no other choice but to trust her roommate. Maki stayed on edge as Nozomi quickly dialed Honoka. With each passing ring left unanswered she bit into the inside of her cheek harder. By the time she was drawing blood the line on the other end picked up.

The conversation next to heard sounded muffled, as her head run around in circles. They would find her. Everything would be ok. They would find her, they had to find her!

Deep down she knew it was her fault, Nico left because of her. She caused this, she just had to go stir the pot and cause this giant mess. She had to have opened her big mouth, she just had to an asshole didn't she?!

"Maki...Maki!" 

Maki turned sharply facing Nozomi. "I'm going to go pick Honoka up and we are going to go look around the neighborhood, you're staying here."

"What?! Why?!"

"Listen what if she comes back while we're gone? We need to have someone stay here while we drive around."

The bubbling anger rose up again and Maki clenched her fists at her side. "But I want to come! Can't Yukiho stay here?!"

Nozomi sighed, "if you forgot Maki it's New Years Eve. Yukiho is with her family right now, we're lucky Honoka even agreed to help. Besides, you are in no state to go out in public, you'll end up causing a scene." Her voice was stern but still held the same tenderness of a mother. 

Her anger subsided at Nozomi's rationality. The older girl was probably right, it would be better for her to wait at the apartment. "Fine.."

Nozomi rubbed the redhead's shoulder pocketing her phone along with her keys. "Call me if she comes back ok?" She nodded defeatedly and watched the shorter girl jog out of the room.

She stayed in the same stop long after she heard the sound of the front door opening and closing.

This had to be a dream. A terrible, awful, sick dream. 

So many emotions were attacking her at once that she felt numb after a few minutes of sitting silently in the still dark room. Apathy was taking over and all Maki could do was sit with baited breath on the floor of her room.


	25. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sudden pressure made her stomach flop. This was bad, far worse than she had expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be triggering im not sure, I know it's not going to be as triggering as the next chapter but I do have to add more tags because of this. Anyhow I hope you all like this, more characters are appearing again :3
> 
> Thank you all for your continued support with this story I really appreciate all of you who comment and like <3 As always please excuse my errors and enjoy!

Maki stared vacantly at the carpet of her bedroom, her eyes fixed onto the brownish stain underneath her hand. 

She could remember the memory like it was just yesterday. Nico had only been at the house for a couple of days, she was in terrible condition then too. The noirette had been so ashamed about puking on the floor she had tried to hide the stain.

Maki had to admit she was angry with her when it happened, but she easily let it go. Nico hadn't meant to do what she did, she never meant to do anything bad.

She never meant to.

The redhead moved her hand off the carpet and back into her lap. Hours had gone by and nothing. Her eyes drifted to the clock, 10:56, another hour with no sign of her in sight. Nozomi had called about a half an hour ago saying they were going to broaden the search further away from the apartment.

How could she have gone that far? She was so weak before how could she just disappear like that?

Tucking her knees under her chin she closed her eyes, the harsh weather outside the only thing filling the room. Maybe they weren't going to find her.

It was a grim thought but with each passing minute without word, it seemed like the likely conclusion. It made her stomach churn violently, the reality of the situation was harsh and once again the redhead found herself criticizing her every action the past couple of weeks.

She shouldn't have let her emotions get the best of her. She should have acted like a mature adult about everything. She should have paid more attention. She should have stayed home more often. She should have done a lot of things differently but it was all too late. No matter how much she wanted to, there was no way of taking her words back.

The longer Maki was alone with her thoughts the more she realized she did wrong. Getting mad at Nico's bad reaction to the truth was dumb. It was childish. Maki had never taken into account what the smaller girl could have been feeling at the moment.

If she had died and had been thrown in the same situation how would she act? If she had been through just half of what Nico did how would she feel? The redhead just couldn't understand, she hadn't been through the same thing so there was just no way she could empathize with the girl. She had no right to be mad at the other girl, absolutely no right at all.

Her heart seized in her chest. She was dumb. So, so, so very dumb. How could she have been so fucking stupid? 

Another set of tears fell silently down her cheeks. It was embarrassing how much she cried in just one day, she didn't even cry when her parents divorced. She didn't cry when she broke her arm in secondary school and had to quit band. She never cried, but now, here she was crying over a girl she swore she hated, over and over again.

Her body trembled as she tried to hold back her emotions, choked broken sobs wrenching from her mouth. She couldn't help it.

She let herself fall back on the floor, red hair becoming a messy halo around her head. Her entire body shook as she let herself sob. Loud, ugly sounds she didn't even know she could make. It would have embarrassed her but the pain in her heart was front and center in her mind.

Maki cried out Nico's name loudly in between hiccups and sobs as she rolled onto her side. Her name coming out in a mantra of tortured moans. She cried her name until her throat was aching and her works cracked hoarsely. 

She didn't care anymore. She didn't care if the neighbors heard her, she didn't care if she sounded stupid. She couldn't find herself to care about anything. All she wanted was Nico to come back, come back so she could finally apologize for everything.

A loud knocking noise banged on the door to the apartment.

Nico!

Maki quickly picked herself up off the floor wiping her tear stained face on her forearm. "I'm coming!" Her voice cracked again and she willed it away by clearing her throat. 

She moved rapidly, almost tripping over herself on the way to the front door. The insistent pounding still loud as ever. Nico was stronger than she thought, she was better. The thought along with her arrival plastered a smile on the girls face. With giddy relief she opened the apartment door.

"Hey!"

Who she came face to face with was not Nico. No definitely not Nico at all. 

There in front of her was Eli. Her hair tied up in a dripping, messy ponytail that matched along with her dirty soaked joggers and hoodie. She looked terrible. Terrible and absolutely terrifying.

The girl who had killed Nico was standing at her front door, the girls height looming over her as she stared at her with dilated pupils. She was breathing heavily, an arm braced above her head against the door frame.

"Dumbass I'm talking to you!"

Maki cringed subconsciously stepping back. "What-what are you doing here?"

The blonde swept strand of wet hair back out of her face, her eyes darting from Maki to down the hall and back to the girl again. "You have to come with me! You have to come with me right now!"

Eli stepped forward suddenly, her arm wrapping tightly around her wrist. The redhead tried to fight against her but she tugged her out till Maki was slightly setting foot into the hall. "What the hell are you doing?! Let go!"

"We don't have time for this!"

"What the fuck are you going on about you psychopath!" With as much strength as she could muster Maki wretched her arm out of the girls grip. 

Eli frowned, an annoyed sound coming out along with her panting breath. Suddenly the taller girl's palm smacked across Maki's face. "Listen to me! If you care about your disgusting girlfriend we have to go now stop fighting me!"

The stinging on her cheek suddenly didn't hurt as much. "Nico.."

"Yes, her! Let's go!"

"O-ok!" Maki turned hurriedly slipping on her pair of snow boots, and throwing on a too big, Nozomi’s definitely jacket. Her hand reached for the umbrella standing next to the door, but once again Eli's strong grip was back on her arm tugging her out of the apartment.

"We have no time!"

Maki stumbled tripping slightly over the clunky shoes as she was dragged roughly down the hall. "The door!"

"No time!" Eli practically growled at her. Maki realized the blonde was dragging her in the direction of the stairs, the elevator at the opposite end of the floor. 

"Why are we-"

"God could you shut up I already told you!" 

She decided it was better to keep her mouth shut for both their sakes. The two finally came upon the stairs, Eli refused to slow her pace down practically sprinting. Keeping up with the blonde was hard, Maki was forced to skip a couple steps if she didn't want to face plant on the concrete steps, it was a miracle that neither of them slipped so far.

When they reached the ground floor, the redhead had no time to ever catch her breath. Her arm being yanked so hard she could swear it popped. The mix of snow and rain pelted her face as they ran, she could barely make out the sidewalk in front of them. How the blonde seemed to be completely unfazed, she didn't know. She was grateful for it though.

Eli maneuvered them through the still, surprisingly, busy streets. Tugging Maki in the right direction. It was like the girl knew the city like the back of her hand.

A loud honk made her gasp, her front slamming into Eli's back. She backed up shaking the wetness from her face, a newer model car was still blaring it's horn at them. 

Maki watched Eli grit her teeth a drenched sneaker coming up to kick harshly at the hood, leaving a bigger dent than the redhead thought possible. "Watch where you're going fucker I had right of way!" She spat onto the car before setting off into a sprint again, Maki dragging along behind her like a ragdoll.

They rounded another sharp corner where she almost slipped on ice, her saving grace the brute force Eli was using on her arm. Her lungs were starting to burn from the cold and she about thought she'd collapse from exhaustion. She had to give it to her, Eli's physical and mental strength was about as strong as her will to not die. 

After a couple of blocks the business of traffic and people in general dissipated until they were running down a completely empty stretch of road. Maki recognized it as a usually well populated business area. The block was made up mostly of entertainment companies like broadcast stations and pop idol company studios. Right now though it was deserted, the buzz of New Years having lost people celebrating elsewhere. 

Suddenly Eli stopped, and Maki once again smacked into the girls back. She took a step back rubbing at her nose, the nipping cold making the new pain worse. Maki panted, her breath coming out in a puff of smoke, the blonde looked so be in the same condition, breath rapid, eyes still blown wide and looking up at the building in front of them.

Maki's gaze followed Eli's, a sinking feeling gathering in her stomach as her eyes raked up the side of the building till they reached the top.

Her heart plummeted.

Nico was standing at the very top of the seven story Emstar Entertainment building. Even through the haze of pelting snow and rain the yellow nightgown stood out in the light of street poles and neighboring buildings. The same twin tailed silhouette she would recognize anywhere. 

Her breath caught in her throat. She had to he dreaming. This had to he a dream it just had to.

"Dammit I had a feeling." Maki became aware of Eli's presence next to her. She looked annoyed again but there was a glint in her eyes that Maki couldn't quite place. 

"What do you mean?" The blonde sighed doubling over bracing her hands over her knees and tsked. A rising hatred grew inside Maki at her attitude. "Eli what do you mean!"

"I ran into her, she was talking all this nonsense to me. Something about correcting what was supposed to happen and well.. when she forgave me I had an inkling she was hinting at..well-"

"Suicide."

Eli nodded, "I didn't know who else to get, the shitty police out here think I'm crazy and you were the only other person I could think of who could talk her out of this."

"Can she even hear me from down here?"

"I don't know but it couldn't help to try."

The sudden pressure made her stomach flop. This was bad, far worse than she had expected. Despite the cold her palms were sweaty and everything was hot again. Everything was wrong. All it took was another dumb mistake for things to go even further downhill. 

She wasn't sure if her voice would even come out, or if Nico would even hear it but she had to try.

"Nico! Nico!" Her throat strained painfully, she wasn't sure if it was the cold, her hysterics earlier or the oncoming new tears threatening to fall.

Her chest ached when the girl gave her no reaction at first, the thought of being helpless scared her more than anything. To her relief Nico seemed to look down towards them, the action sending paralyzing anxiety throughout Maki's body.

She was gonna freeze up again wasn't she. Like the times she did when Eli entered their apartment, it was going to happen. Her legs felt heavy, it felt like she couldn't move. If she moved one more step she was sure Nico would teeter too. She was going to let Nico die. 

She couldn't!

Not this time! She couldn't do nothing this time!

"Nico please! Please get down from there please!" 

Maki couldn't exactly make out the girls facial features but she was able to see the girl inch forward slightly. "No! Don't!" Her own voice sounded foreign to her ears. Beside her Eli cringed, her plea came out desperate and strangled. Like Maki herself was screaming in pain.

"Please Nico I'm sorry! I'm sorry for everything I didn't mean it! I don't know why I said it! I take it back! I take it all back! Please I don't want you to die!" At this point Maki couldn't tell if the wetness on her face was from the weather or her own tears. She guessed the latter, the feeling of wet slimy mucus hitting her lip.

It was faint.

Very faint but Maki still managed to pick it up. 

Crying.

Nico was crying.

Another ache banged in her chest, how many times had she made Nico cry? Too many, once was too much and she had made the small girl cry so many times. How could she? How could she just realize she made the girl who had she had slowly fallen for hurt so bad 

"Nico! Nico darling please!" 

How could she be so dumb? 

How could she have taken this long to realize that? 

"I love you please come down!" Her confession was bitterly ironic. All the times before when she had pretended to date Nico, all the 'I love yous' had been empty words, and now, now that things were so fucked up, when Nico hated her, now she meant it.

Maki subconsciously stepped forward her neck craning back more in order to keep her eyes on her. "I love you Yazawa Nico I really do! I'm not just saying this because of the stupid fucking act. I don't care about that anymore I don't need it anymore! I love you!" She loved her! So was in love with her! Her entire being ached painfully, desperately, the redhead just wanted her to know, to understand her feelings and come down, it was frustrating.

"Not just me either! Nozomi! Nozomi loves you too, we're a family remember! And Honoka! She absolutely adores you! Even Yukiho! You're so special Nico! Everyone loves you so much! Please! Please get down! If not for you, do it for them! Don't hurt us like this!"

She was sure her voice was echoing down the block, a lone light from the middle story of the building flickered on. She was being loud, maybe overly loud, but dammit she didn't care!

Maki could no longer feel her fingers, and she knew she was shivering, her teeth chattering together. But it didn't matter, the cold was nothing compared to her urge to get Nico down. 

The rain stung her eyes but she kept them open, watching the noirettes every move like a hawk. The said girl didn't make a move, for a frustratingly long time all three girls sat in complete relative silence, the whistling of the wind and Nico's sobs the only noise.

"I'm scared!"

She talked! How long had it been since the last time she heard her speak? It felt like an eternity, and now when she spoke it sounded so broken. "I thought I could do it but I'm too scared! I cant do it this way! Maki! It's too high!"

Maki's hear shattered "It's ok! Everything's ok! You just need to step back ok! You're fine!"

"Do-do you promise?!"

"Yes! Of course! I wouldn't let anything bad to you! Just step back from the ledge ok! You'll be fine!"

There was a tense moment of silence and the redhead wondered how Nico managed to get into the building and how she could get in. Nico was afraid of heights, if she was too scared she might have to go up and get her.

"Ok! Ok I'm gonna step back!"

Maki felt the tension in her body ease, a giant mucusy smile on her face. "Ok good! I'm so proud of you!"

The redhead and blonde watched carefully as the small girl fought with herself. Hesitantly Nico finally stepped back.

Maki noticed the way her silhouette wobbled, her body weight teetering from size to side.

"No!"

\----------

Hanayo had been in the bathroom, bitter stomach acid lingering in her mouth as she dry heaved over the toilet bowl when she heard it. 

It was muffled, but distinctly the sound of somebody yelling. For a moment fear rose up inside of her, if it was her manager she would be in trouble for taking a break from practice. She was behind all the other girls, so behind one more slip up would get her kicked.

She quickly wiped her mouth on the sleeve of her pink tracksuit and flushed the bike away. She had to get back to the practice studio before anyone saw her. It was new years, she had been absolutely sure no one would be left in the building but she was wrong.

Passing the sinks she forgoed washing her hands lightly sprinting back out of the bathroom. From outside the bathroom the voices were more distinct. A woman, a woman's voice yelling. 

It was odd though, the floor was silent and there was no sign of anyone else there besides her. The only light on were the dim red security lights.

The voices got louder sending a shiver through her spine, her arms covering in goosebumps. Her head pivoted from left to right as she walked farther down the hall, searching for where the voice was coming from. 

The sound clearer now, a woman was pleading with someone. Hanayo's heartbeat quickened. She had always been a cry baby who was easily spooked but this woman sounded so pained and desperate. The problem was the voice was coming from her manager's office.

She was prohibited from entering the room without permission during the day. Going in after hours would definitely get her in trouble. But that lady sounded troubled.

Hesitantly Hanayo opened the door. The heavy solid wood swung open slowly. She took tiny steps into the heavily furnished room flicking on the light. Surprisingly it was void of any people.

She couldn't understand though she definitely hears someone screaming. As she neared the desk the voice came again and it dawned upon her that the voice was coming from outside.

Hanayo took quick steps towards the large window, getting close enough to the glass to look out but not press against it. There she saw her. Two women were standing at the front entrance of the building in the pouring rain and snow sopping wet. The blonde one was doubled over resting while the redhead was shouting at the top of her lungs.

Both of them were looking past her further up on the building. 

The redhead was repeatedly shouting a name that sounded vaguely familiar. Nico. She was pleading with this Nico person, an apology being shouted along with a love confession.

She wasn't sure what was happening but it probably wasn't good. Hanayo looked back and eyed the phone on her managers desk. She debated if she should call the police, it would be the right thing to do, something bad could be happening.

But she'd get in trouble. She would be reprimanded for leaving practice and worse, entering her manager's office without permission.

No. She shouldn't interfere. It wasn't her business what was going on, it wasn't her problem. She needed to start looking out for herself if she was going to survive in this business. 

With a sigh she stepped away turning her back to the glass window. She needed to get back to practice, she still had an entire routine to get down before tomorrow. She walked back to the door, turning the light back off, the room illuminated with the red security light. Hanayo looked over the office once again to make sure she didn't leave a trace of her existence in it. She seemed herself good and walked back out into the hall, her hand still lingering on the door handle when the most horrible scream rang in her ears.

It was accompanied seconds later by the sound of something hitting the ground.

It alarmed her and Hanayo found herself bolting back into the room and to the window, her nose accidentally smudging against the glass.

There below her were still the two girls. But now there was a third. A small body that was lying on the concrete twitching, her leg bent in an awkward angle that Hanayo knew wasn't right.

She quickly peeled herself away from the glass, bile rising up in her throat easily this time. She covered her mouth to try and keep it in, her legs numbly moving her out of the room on autopilot. 

Not her business, it was not her business.


	26. Vertigo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She really wasn't mad, she was sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for leaving you guys hanging, the holidays had me busy as ever, here's a flashback into hours earlier. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Please be aware this may be triggering, I tried not make too bad but I'm not sure how it will come off to others. As always please excuse any of my errors, and I appreciate all your support <3

Nico stumbled out of the apartment, the walkway in front of her a hazy blur of gray. The biting cold weather helped keep her focused but despite the cold she still felt tired. Getting dressed had been exhausting, lapses of vertigo made it hard to walk straight, the added discomfort of a full stomach on top made everything extra difficult.

It was a wonder that her roommates didn't stir from the noise, she was sure that her plans would be stopped when the laundry basket crashed onto the floor. The panic of being caught resulted in her putting on the first thing she could grab. The yellow nightgown.

Wearing the garment felt shameful, a present from someone who resented her and broke her heart. It would be the last thing she would wear alive. Dirtying such a nice piece of clothing was a bummer.

Nico would've preferred being able to wear what she had the day she was stabbed. Her black leggings, pink skirt and t-shirt. It would've been fitting, it would have completed the final piece of the puzzle she needed. But those clothes were long gone, they were most likely thrown in a biohazard bin somewhere to be dealt with later. 

It felt like her body was being ran by someone else. She found herself at the bottom of the steps not sure exactly how she got down there. The noirette continued on shaking her head and blinking her eyes rapidly. The sidewalk in front of her looked like it was moving, another strike of vertigo hitting her. A cold breeze sending her back into some sense of stability.

It would've been warmer to wear her old clothes too. The nightgown did little to keep out the cold, her feet were freezing, rain finding its way into the clunky too big boots and hitting the bare skin of her feet. The light pink zip up sweater absorbed the pelting rain and snow. 

After walking the three block she felt exhausted, the muscles in her legs were burning. Her mobility in the apartment had been limited, she was constantly sitting and resting, the space was small, so the walk from one room to another was no feat for her when she was healthy. Well healthier.

She wished she had, had more physical exercise. This had to be the longest she had walked ever. Even on the night of the Christmas party, the convenience store had just been down the street. 

Nico looked around her, there were more apartments and some small shops. She was still well into the residential area, she still had a long way to go. The corporate district was a couple miles away.

\-------------

Nico's eyes squinted shut as a row of cars passed her on the bridge. She was halfway there, halfway to freedom.

She whimpered feeling the light headedness come about again. The bouts of vertigo were getting worse. Nico brought herself closer to the fence, her fingers intertwining in the chain links. Her breathing was hard, coming out in short bursts that burned her lungs. 

Nico closed her eyes, despite the cold her entire body felt like it was under a giant flame, burning from the inside out. Her legs trembled, the muscle felt like it was being scorched right off her limbs. Every step was agonizing pain, but it was probably the only thing keeping her striving along. 

The noirette felt woozy, she opened her eyes, her eyelids refusing to open farther than halfway. She could hear the rush of water, her eyes drifting down to the sound. Drainage water gushed out of a pipe pooling into a giant river of rapidly flowing water.

The idea of just throwing herself off the bridge played in her head. If she did it she wouldn't have to suffer the rest of the agonizing walk to the studio. 

She sighed, letting her forehead fall against the fence. It would be too hard to climb over it. The whole purpose of the fence was to keep people from jumping into the water below. It wouldn't be worth it, besides she didn't want to drown to death. She had heard it was one of the most painful ways to go, if you didn't die on impact, you would spend your final moments agonizing as water filled your lungs and slowly suffocated you to death. 

No she didn't want to die by drowning in sewage water.

With a groan she pushed herself off the fence and continued to walk forward. She wanted to end it where it all began. Where it should have ended.

She should have died at the front entrance of the studio, it should have ended all there, it was meant to be her final resting spot. She needed to end it there, to set things to how they were supposed to be. She had to, the overwhelming urge to set everything straight pushed her forward.

She would die and everything would go back to how it was supposed to be. She would no longer have to be a burden to Maki and Nozomi, she no longer had to live with the heartache of knowing her family's mourning. When she died, the pain would finally stop. The pain that reminded her everyday of how taboo her life was, would cease. Everything would corrected. 

Nico wasn't sure when she had come to terms with the fact she should be dead. At first a part of her had been happy she lived somehow, but the more she thought it over, the more wrong being alive felt. Death was scary, she didn't want to be dead, she didn't want to die.

But being alive was painful, like the world was trying to tell her she didn't belong here. Which well, she didn't belong there.

Besides the world was unfair and cruel. Time wouldn't stop for anyone not even her, it had decided to cut her time short, it was the way it was meant to be, and even though she didn't like it, she couldn't fight the will of fate.

Instead she would embrace, yes she would embrace it with open arms. The past night she dreamt of having a proper funeral for herself, one where her family would rest easy, where she would be back in their caring hands. Her family would make a shrine for her, they would be happy to have her home and she would be happy to give them that reassurance. Yes that was her dream, it was the most beautiful, calming dream she had in what seemed like forever. And it was going to come true, she had to make sure of it 

She could endure any pain the world through at her now, it would all end soon enough anyway.

That's what she kept trying to tell herself. Every minute of muscle tearing pain she put her body through wouldn't be for nothing. Every pop and scrape and cut, every tear inducing migraine, every lapse of vertigo. All the pain.

Pain.

God the pain hurt so bad!

Another whimper escaped her lips as she doubled over outside of a closed cafe. The lo mein from earlier was curling in her stomach painfully, sharp jolts of pain panging the lining over her stomach. She could feel it, the saliva pooling in her mouth.

She choked mid gag sending a throb of pain down her throat. Her throat convulsed again, a disgusting burp like sound forcing itself out that was soon followed by half digested noodles. It was just as terrible as she thought it would be. Nico choked and gagged on the longer noodles that got caught in her throat. It hurt, the acidity of the contents burned her, she could barely breathe. 

When her stomach finally settled the noirette was still trembling, her small arms wrapping around herself. She could feel the warm tears stream down her cheeks. At least it was raining, the vomit that landed on Nozomi's boots was quickly washed away, most of what came up being taken away by a stream of water into one of the various city drains.

She wondered if Nozomi would want them back after what was going to happen.

\----------

Somehow she had managed to make it to the Emstar building. She stared at the lit up company sign, her knees throbbing from stumbling à block away.

The building in front of her was supposed to be her future, it was supposed to be the start of something great, a wonderful new beginning.

And yet..now..

Now it signified the end. The end of her life, and her happiness, the end of relationships and dreams. But it was going to be the end of her suffering too, everything that began here would end here. That's how the world was supposed to work wasn't it.

You live, experience, love, learn and die.

Nico had just been given a second chance to experience life, to experience, love and learn, and she did. She did.

The second life she was given taught her so much more than the first one. God, looking back on her first life made Nico feel surprisingly sad. She took so many things for granted, she was so self centered outside of her family, she never had real friends, never experienced real love, she was oblivious to all the bad things in the world, because all she could focus on was herself. She never knew how good she had it, even if her family wasn't the most well off, she had, had more than she could ever ask for. And it was gone now.

She had learned what pain felt like, tear inducing pain. Pain that made her question if she really wanted to live. Pain that tore her up until until she couldn't move. The pain of heartache.

The pain of loving someone who hated her. That was the worst of all, next to the pain of being torn away from the ones she loved. Not being able to speak or be with her family was heartbreaking.

Yes she experienced enough, she learned her lesson, she was ready to die.

"You. What the hell are you doing out here?" 

Nico felt her body tense at the familiar voice. It was falling into place, all the pieces were coming back together.

Her gaze followed the sound of her killers voice, red eyes meeting icy blue. Eli, that was her name wasn't It? Funny they had never known each others names when she first died, strangers. They had been strangers, a chance encounter tangled in fate. Eli was back,to finish her off? Maybe, it was a trivial matter.

"I...I want to set things straight."

"Huh?" The blonde tilted her head, the corner of her mouth turned in a confused expression. "What are you talking about? Why the hell are you out here like that? Have you lost your mind? Where's that girlfriend if yours?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"You're seriously just going to ignore my questions?" Nico stared at her, a pregnant tense pause filled the space between them. Eli bounced her leg impatiently, "Fine whatever ask."

"If you had been me and I was you, would you forgive me"

"What." The other girl looked startled, her sneaker squeaking loudly as she took a step back. "Well I...no I don't think I would be able to. Not over something like that...No."

Nico found herself halfheartedly laughing, her gaze looking at the spot she remembered losing consciousness in. The concrete looked like it had been scrubbed clean, but flecks of dirty brown still lingered on the building's wall, barely noticeable next to the distinguished candles and wilting flower bouquets. Her own red eyes staring back at her from behind the glass of a picture frame. Another twist in her gut. "I guess we're pretty different. I thought we'd think the same after everything...Nozomi told me what happened to you, about your parents. I thought you of all people would know."

"You're not making any sense, know what?" She took a couple steps closer to the noirette. Nico willed herself not to cower away instead looking back at her.

"I thought you'd know what it felt like to wish you could die without hating anyone. I don't want to hate anyone. It's not worth it. When I set things straight Eli..please know that I don't hate you, please. I understand why you did it. I'm not mad..I promise I'm not mad."

More tears were pooling in her eyes. She really wasn't mad, she was sad. Sad everything ended up the way it did, but not mad, there wasn't a point in being mad anymore.

"You're-you! You have to be kidding me right?!" Eli's expression strained, her face twisting into anger, the blondes cheeks were turning red quickly as she took large steps towards Nico again. The taller girl stumbled slightly over the unlevel concrete accidentally coming chest to chest with her.

Nico's breath hitched along with the sound of something softly hitting the wet ground. Her eyes darted down to a small orange fox plush that had fallen from Eli's pocket becoming increasingly wet in the rain, and back up to the girl. 

The noirette had thought she looked bad, but Eli almost looked worse. Not only did she look bad but she smelled. She no longer smelled like the sweet chocolate from before, no, now she smelled like sweat, sweat and diluted garbage. She smelled like the wet streets around them. Up this close she could see the dirt smeared on her cheek, the dark bags under those beautiful blue eyes, and dried crusted blood that surrounded the rim of her nostril.

Nico forced a halfhearted laugh,eyes diverting back down to the fox. "I never took you for one who likes plushies."

"I-I don't, it's not mine I was..I was actually about to go give it to someone." The blondes breath hit her cheeks shakily, and although it smelled, it sent a warm shiver through her.

Subconsciously Nico reached down picking up the small wet toy, surprised when her vision didn't grow hazy. Her eyes stayed on the drenched fluffy fur, her hand reaching out and grabbing the other girls. Slowly, she guided the toy back into Eli's hand, encasing her own over the taller girls. She must be really sick? What was she even doing now? Touching her..

"It's cute, I'm sure they'll really like it." She was starting to feel heavier again, woozy, tired. "I gotta go, you better go too."

\------------

Her body was running on autopilot again, it didn't feel like she was in her body at all. It was like she was watching snippets of someone else, if a movie. Everything was hazy, one moment she had been outside with Eli, the next she was in the alley, and then in a dark familiar hallway, then on the roof.

This wasn't really happening was it? This wasn't her, it was a dream, a movie, a hallucination?

For once her eyes peered over the edge and she felt nothing. No fear, no anxiety, nothing, numbness, apathy. Seven stories, just like the apartment. Seven stories had never looked so inviting to look down from, it never seemed this intoxicating. This compelling to step off from.

Because it was a dream. You can't get hurt in dreams. 

Red.

Blood? 

No hair, red hair.

Yelling.

Crying.

Nico.

Nico!

Nico!

"NICO!"

Panic!

Wet!

Rain!

Cold!

High!

Panic!

Love!

High! 

Too high!

Scared!

Help!

Maki!

Promise!

Love!

Fine.

Safe.

Ok.

Falling...


	27. Contradictions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her pride got the best of her, she left, left when she should've stayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning this chapters a little graphic and so will be the next chapter most likely depending on how I post. The girls are in a bad predicament again and everyone's reacting.
> 
> Please excuse all my errors and thanks for all the support you guys give me! You're all so sweet and it's interesting to read the feedback you give me! I'm motivated and ready to start working on the next chapter!

Maki froze, her blood ran cold, this couldn't be real! No! No! No! No! No! No!

It felt like all air had been squeezed out of her lungs. What she was looking at didn't make sense. Her mind was running circles, it couldn't be! This couldn't be! But the blood, oh god the blood!

Nico was so close, she had been so close. If she was closer she could've caught her. She was so close! Why wouldn't she be faster! 

A high pitched noise forced itself out of the redhead. Her body was moving before her mind could, with little grace she threw herself down by the noirettes side, the concrete hurt her knees but it wasn't registering. All that she could think about Nico. 

Nico fell! She fell! Oh god!

"Nico! Nico oh god! Oh god Nico!" She didn't know what to do, her mind was drawing a blank. Her hands hovered uncertain over the girl as her eyes raked her small body. She was twitching, her fingernails clicking slightly against the ground. Her eyes were wide open and shaking, did she know what was happening? Was she hurting? 

Maki's heart clenched painfully, she wanted Nico to be conscious and aware but she didn't want her to be hurting. 

As to answer her thoughts Nico's upper body convulsed slightly, a wet choked sound coming out and sending a thick stream of dark blood to ooze from the corner of her mouth into a large puddle. "Nico!" 

Maki grasped onto Nico's hand, it was cold, so, so cold, and twitching. "Nico it's ok, you're gonna be ok I promise!" How many times was she going to lie to her? She didn't know it would be ok, things were definitely not looking ok. But..she just didn't have the heart to say it. No. If she said it there was a chance it would come true. 

The girl beside her convulsed again, less aggressive this time, but she was still making those god awful gurgling noises. A sudden warmth touched her knuckles, blood. Nico's gurgling was causing more blood to come out, the pool now streaming rapidly engulfing the area around both their hands.

Maki bit her lip, the sight made her want to vomit. That was too much blood way too much blood. Her eyes darted away from Nico's face cowardly, she wanted to be able to keep eye contact, to reassure her face to face but she couldn't, not like this.

Instead her eyes moved down her body to the leg that was bent disgustingly out of place. She had landed awkwardly, her right leg taking the first blow. Now the bone inside was clearly broken, a piece nearly jutting out pulling the skin around it taunt. 

Her eyes were starting to water. She hadn't even seen the full picture yet but she looked awful. Terrible. She was dying, Maki was watching her die. There was no way, no way they could save her. 

The resounding crack played in her mind again as she watched the small girl convulse. Nico was chest down, and bleeding. A punctured lung? Artery? There were countless options, all of them terrible, there was no way, absolutely no way Nico was going to get out of this alive.

No way.

It hit her like a ton of bricks. Nico would die, the girl she loved would die and there was nothing she could do about it. It was already too late. 

Maki gingerly placed her hand on her head. Fingers caressing her with the gentlest touch she could muster. "It's fine.. it's ok." Her voice rose an octave as she willed a sob away. She couldn't cry, not right now. She had to make sure Nico felt at ease. It was the least she could do. "Relax, you can relax. Calm down ok? You shouldn't move around so much. Can you do that for me please?"

She forced herself to look back at Nico's face. Her eyes still moved erratically but her gurgling subsided slightly. "Good, you're doing so good Nico-chan." Without thought, Maki brought the girls hand up slightly, her own back arched at an angle that was becoming uncomfortable, and kissed her knuckles. Blood smeared into her chapped lips, making its way somehow into her mouth. It tasted strongly of iron but she didn't care. Blood, just the same color as her eyes.

Maki lowered the girls hand back to the ground. Her forehead falling to rest on the ground beside it. She couldn't! She was a wuss! She just couldn't! Nico's eyes looked haunting, her gaze was on everything yet nothing at the same time. It was unnerving and heartbreaking. Those eyes, they had once been so lively, so full of life, vibrant. But now it was like staring at death.

A stinging sensation built up in her throat. She really wanted to cry, she felt like she was going to. The redhead took large breathes through her nose, the cold not helping the ache steadily building up in her chest but it would keep her from breaking for now.

She tried to focus on something else, anything else. But all she could see anywhere was blood. Her hair had fallen into a puddle of fresh liquid turning the red strands into a dark sangria color. The puddle becoming bigger and bigger. It reached her knees now, her body becoming morbidly warmed by it.

"Don't worry ok. You're probably really tired huh? Rest..rest and when you wake up we'll be in bed together just like before. We can take as many naps as you want, I'll buy you so many sweets you'll get sick of them. I'll take you down to Honoka's bakery, she'll be so happy to see you. Then we can watch movies with Nozomi, any movie you want. I promise."

A few lone tears streamed down her cheeks and into the blood puddle below her. None of that would happen. None of it, and it was killing her. She didn't want to lie anymore, but somehow she always ended up lying, always lying to keep her from getting scared.

The air around her grew increasingly quiet, too quiet. 

Maki's head shot up quickly, bloody hair getting partially in her face. Nico's body laid completely still for what seemed like a minute before twitching slightly.

Nico was fading, It was too soon, she was leaving her too soon! Her lower lip trembled as she watched the small girl twitch, every movement becoming further apart from the last. It was painful, she had so much she wanted to say to her, so much, but time was running out quickly. Only anything important, she only had time to say anything important. 

"I love you." Her voice was surprisingly stronger than she thought it would be, "I'm sorry for everything I did to you, for being a jerk. I just-I love you!...I love you so much it does things to me."

Nico was completely still. Her twitching had ceased, her eyes fixed straight ahead and unmoving. Maki felt her heart sink, every second dragged on as she watched the small body for any sight of movement. 

But there was none. 

Her entire body shuddered as she took in the sight of the girl below her, her breath hitching. The ache in her throat was burning, her heart was breaking.

Desperately she picked up Nico's arm pressing her two fingers against the girls pulse point near her wrist.

Nothing.

There was nothing.

Maki let the girl's arm fall from her grip, she covered her mouth as hiccups forced their way from her. She was hyperventilating, shaking, Nico was gone..

Nico was gone!

A sob wracked through her body, she scrambled grabbing the limp body desperately. "No! Nico no! Please! No!" She dragged the girl halfway into her lap, her arms surrounding the small broken body. Nico's face clutched tightly against her shoulder as she rocked them both back and forth.

"You can't leave me! Please! Please! Please! Please! I'm sorry! Please come back!"

Burying her face in the crown of the noirettes hair she sobbed. Her voice was cracking the same desperate plea repeating on loop, but there was no response. The little body she was holding was getting colder, the only warmth coming from the blood dripping out of Nico's mouth from being jostled.

It made Maki cry even louder, the limpness of the body she was holding was making her sick. But she didn't want to let go. She didn't want to ever let go.

Nico was dead at 1:03 am, January 1st.

\--------

Eli didn't know what to do besides give the other girl some space. It had now been over half an hour for sure, the redhead was still sitting on the ground, the dead girls body cradled in her arms. She didn't seem disturbed by the rain at all, or the blood. 

The blood was absolutely everywhere, all over the sidewalk and all over Maki. It absolutely covered her from head to toe now, staining her clothes and smearing over her chest and cheeks. It caused Eli to feel uneasy but she knew better than to comment on that. The girl was mourning, it was better to leave her be.

She really didn't know how to feel herself. She had been the victim to all the horrible things her parents put her through, she had killed before but..Eli never stuck around to see what happened. it was traumatic to say the least, the look in the small girls eyes, the sound of blood drowning her from the inside. It was something she didn't think she could ever forget.

Her hand gripped around the small fox in her pocket, fingers brushing over the matted fur. She had come here tonight to place it next to the other items laid out for the noirette. To ease her guilt, she couldn't start the new year with the weight of death on her shoulders. The fox was a gift to show her regret. But they kept on piling even farther.

Eli could've easily stopped her, took her home, but she was too stubborn. Nico couldn't know that the girl who killed her was sorry, it was embarrassing, she didn't know she cared. Her pride got the best of her, she left, left when she should've stayed. 

The redhead had stopped crying, Eli watched as she tried to dry her face, effectively smearing more blood. She dug through her pocket, the glint of a phone screen catching her eye. Maki wiped the screen on her thigh, a shaky high extending it towards Eli.

"Take it."

"Huh?" 

Maki's body was trembling immensely and for a moment Eli thought the phone would come falling from her hand. "Take it, the password is 4935 go-go to my contacts and call Nozomi please. Tell her where we are."

Eli was in no position to refuse, she nodded, gingerly taking the phone from the other girl. She cringed noticing it was covered in blood still, reluctantly turning the screen on. The lock screen was a picture of both Maki and the smaller girl Eli recognized as Nozomi, the redhead in scrubs and the other in traditional shrine maiden clothes. Smudges of blood and rain obscured the image slightly and she did her best to ignore the fact it was getting on her hands as she typed in the password.

Maki's home screen darkened, à picture of Nico and Nozomi sitting in the living room, Christmas lights and a TV making it just light enough to see the two snugly sleeping together on the sofa. It gave off a homely feeling, almost nostalgic.

She opened the contacts folder surprised to see that it was relatively long, the redhead never came off as being sociable. Quickly Eli scrolled through the massive amount of numbers stopping finally at the one labeled "Nozo" a small circular contact photo of the smaller girls smiling face next to it.

Tapping on the call button she waited. Eli paced as the phone rang a couple times, almost going to voicemail before a voice picked up. 

"Maki-chan! Did ya find her?! Please tell me Yazawa-kun is safe!" 

Startled, Eli drew the phone slightly away from her ear. This voice wasn't familiar in the slightest, it was slightly lower pitched than what she remembered Tojo's voice sounding like, a lot younger and less formal too. "Uh, h-hello?"

"Wha, this doesn't sound like Maki-chan?" There was a slight muffled sound of someone else speaking and the rumbling of a motorway. 

"It's not. I'm Eli, Maki she-" Eli turned around, the redhead was still on the ground, her body now shielding the noirettes, she had pulled the girl completely into her lap cradling her. "She told me to call Tojo, we're in a bit of a bad situation."

"She said bad situation." The other end of the line went louder, the tale tell sound of cars getting clearer as it was put on speaker phone. 

"Bad situation? What happened? Ayase-san?" The voice she recognized was full of worry, it was obvious that all three of them had been fairly close. How was she supposed to relay the bad news.

She couldn't think of any words to tell her, none that would help ease the situation. Is this what doctors felt like when they had to give bad news? 

"Tojo-San we...we found Yazawa but.."

"But what?!"

Eli found herself cringing at the harsh intensity, she sounded desperate and stern. She couldn't imagine that the girls sweet voice could even sound like that. Suddenly her mouth felt too dry. "There was a really bad accident, I'm so sorry Tojo-san, I-she said to call you."

The other end was silent besides a low "Nozomi-chan." Eli picked at underneath her nail anxiously, she should've phrased it better. Why the hell was she getting so out of it, she wasn't like this.

"Where are you?" Her voice came out just as stern as before, and even more commanding. "Tell me where you are right now?"

"Outside the Emstar building, you know the idol place?"

"Yes, I know where it is." 

There was a sound of screeching tires and multiple honks. "N-Nozomi-chan!" The unfamiliar voice yelped.

"Quiet Honoka! We'll be right night there Ayase-san."

The phone hung up before Eli could even reply, she stared dazedly at the empty stretch of road. What had she caused?

\--------

Maki couldn't feel her fingers anymore, or her toes, her body was numb with cold by now and she knew that most likely she could get sick. But she didn't have the energy to move under the small refuge the door frame had to offer. She felt too weak, nothing mattered, what was getting a small cold compared to dying?

It was nothing in comparison.

Gently she threaded her fingers through the matted black hair, pushing the strands back and away from her face. Maki bit the inside of her cheek, Nozomi was taking longer than she expected, Nico's lips were blue. A finger gently prodded at her small lips, cold and chapped, covered in blood from coughing it up and multiple cuts on them. 

Maki had shut her eyes, the girls last moments of horror were permanently glued on them and it made her skin crawl. But with them closed she could almost pretend that she was sleeping. Though the blood and dirt ruined the image, even despite that though Maki still though the look gorgeous.

Nico was ethereal even in death. The prettiest-....

Maki's grip on the smaller girl tightened.

It's like it was happening all over again. Instead of the hospital it was the sidewalk, instead of the table, the girl laid in her lap, instead of being strangers they had been almost lovers, instead of coming back, she was leaving.

She pulled Nico closer, an arm wrapped around her back while the other clutched the cold face to hers. Maki nuzzled her cheek, the cold temperature of the girls skin stung her nose but she wanted to be close. She yearned to be close, to cling to the memory of the smell of blossoms and sweets that was now replaced with something sick, like blood, dirty hair and vomit.

The phantom smell of bleach filled her nose, sterile bleach and alcohol. Formaldehyde. Bright lights. Scalpels. Gloves. Masks. The morgue. 

À honk brought her out of her thoughts, Maki's head whipping around to see Nozomi pull up. She could instantly read the look of horror as her roommate stepped out of the car. 

On aching legs Maki stood up, Nico's weight making them wobble like a newly born deer. The muscles protested after sitting for so long in the same position, but she had to move. Get to the car that was the goal right now.

Shakily, the redhead stumbled forward, it took her a few steps and adjusting the lifeless body in her arms to be able to walk straight. 

Nozomi was bounding for them, Honoka in tow, the bakery worker looking just as shocked. "Maki! What happened?! What happened to her?! What's wrong with her?! What-"

Maki brushed the questions off, bumping Nozomi's shoulder as she passed her elder. She didn't feel like talking, she really didn't feel like being around anyone. She couldn't handle it, her head couldn't, she knew she would come off as harsh again but who cared? Maki opened the back door to the car moving aside the miscellaneous objects in the back seat with one hand.

"Maki-chan?" Honoka was quiet for once, surprisingly it was more annoying than when she was loud. "Is Yazawa-kun dead?"

She could feel the girl trying to peer over her shoulder. Maki subconsciously moved her body, covering up as much as she could of Nico. They were only worried and curious, why was she getting so mad?

Because she wanted to shield them from seeing her like this? No. No that wasn't It. She wanted to shield Nico from them.

Maki grunted carefully maneuvering herself onto the seat, making sure that all limbs were inside before slamming the door in Honoka's face. It was rude, she was being rude, but couldn't they just give her some space? 

Inside the car was blistering, her wet clothes hugging her skin uncomfortably. The redhead sighed, reluctantly letting go of the small body in her lap to pull off Nozomi's jacket. Instead of tossing it somewhere she diligently wrapped Nico in the oversized fabric, making sure to put the hood up and close tie the strings as far as she could. The material swamped her body, barely anything but the girls mouth and lower leg visible. It would do.

Maki let herself fall back against the seat, the deadweight tipping over and falling into her chest. She could hear the three of the girls muttering to each other their voices drowned out mostly by the rain.

The car stayed vacant besides herself and Nico for a good minute before the others started climbing back in the car. To her dismay the blonde was sat with her in the backseat. 

She wanted to hate her, she did for the most part but her actions were just so contradicting tonight. Sure she yelled at her and was rough dragging her all they way down here. But...she dragged her down here. The person who had ended Nico's life the first time had tried to save her the second.

Maki eyed Eli cautiously, the glassy eyed look catching her attention. She looked as stoic as ever but the redhead couldn't tell if the drying steaks down her cheek were from tears or the rain.


	28. Golden hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was heavenly, like a summer day approaching sunset, a beam of honey light, warmth. Like a memory she never had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for my absence! I've been having a bad case of writers block and nothing I was putting out sounded good to me, including this chapter. I still wanted to at least put something out for all of you so here it is finally. I hope you find it halfway decent (;-_-)
> 
> anyhow thank you all for continuing to support this piece it really means a lot to me! Enjoy? And as always please excuse my errors.

Maki had disappeared up the stairs before any of the rest of them could catch up with her. Nozomi was trying to wrap her mind around what happened, but the lack of context she was giving was throwing her a curveball. 

She sighed locking the door to the car as Honoka finally stepped out. The taller girl looked as frightened as a deer in the headlights. It had dawned on Nozomi halfway through the car ride that Honoka had never witnessed something like this before. It was probably the first time in her life she had seen that much blood.

Nozomi felt bad, maybe she should've dropped her off first before picking Maki up. But it was too late for that, the image of the small mangled body was now ingrained into all of their heads. She just wished she knew why? How? What happened?

Maki had brushed her off earlier, the aura the redhead gave off was similar to the one she had felt when she first discovered Nico's true origin. The cold, stoic air around her was almost frightening. She could tell that Maki's thoughts were running rampant but the girl wasn't saying a thing. The silence was more frightening than anything else. Nozomi didn't want to be left in the dark again.

The three girls trudged up the steps following the scarce grim trail of blood droppings that led all the way to the open apartment door. Rain making it's way over the side rail and hitting the entrance.

The living room was an even bigger mess than she remembered. The water had pooled it's way to the carpet, the material making a squish sound underneath her sneakers. She would have to scold Maki later for leaving it open. 

Speaking of the redhead she was nowhere to be seen. Nozomi scanned the room, Eli and Honoka had awkwardly sat themselves at the couch, neither of them making eye contact. But Maki wasn't In the room.

Curiously she peeked into the hallway, it was dark and vacant muddy footprints and small blood spots leading to the bathroom. 

What the hell was Maki doing? 

Following the prints to the door she pressed her ear against the door. It was amusing, she was in her own apartment snooping around like she was a stranger.

The sound of running water was all she could hear, along with slight shuffling of footsteps.

"Maki?" Her hand reached for the knob, twisting it only to find it locked. "Maki what are you doing in there?"

Once more she was greeted with silence. The shuffling paused for a moment but resumed shortly after. She was being ignored.

"Nishikino Maki answer me." Nozomi jiggled the knob again, knocking on the door with her other hand. "I'm being serious tell me what's going on!"

Her temper was starting to rise. She'd like to think that she was usually a level headed person but when it came to the redhead, lately she found a way to get under Nozomi's skin. Besides this was important, she couldn't shut herself away and not say a thing. She had the right to know.

The sound of heavy footsteps came closer and before she knew it the bathroom door was cracked open. Maki's face was completely void of emotion. "I'm busy go away."

Nozomi frowned, she tried pushing forward to peek over the taller girls shoulder, but Maki pushed forward, her actions forcing Nozomi to take a few steps back. "You can't just-! I want to see her! What happened!?" 

"Later, I'm busy." The redhead looked back over her shoulder. "I'm going to be busy awhile you should probably leave."

"Leave? What?! What are you even doing?!"

Maki rolled her eyes, taking a step back into the bathroom. The door was coming to a close once again. A small glimpse of feet dangling out of the tub came into view for a split second before the door shut locking into place.

"Maki! Maki!" She knocked heavily on the door but the footsteps were getting fainter and the sound of the water became louder. "Maki! You-! You-! You better have answers for me by tomorrow!" 

Nozomi could tell her cheeks were getting hot from anger. Maki was doing something in there with Nico. God what was she doing in there with her? Was Nico even ok? Was she even still alive? She had so many questions but the redhead wasn't saying anything.

Not knowing made her anxiety spark. She was worried, and not just for Nico but for Maki too. What was making her act this way again?

Defeatedly, she stomped to her bedroom. If Maki wanted some space she could give her it. 

The room was also a disaster of strewn clothing and various products that had fallen from the dresser to the floor. Nozomi grabbed a small shoulder bag stuffing a random set of clothes from the floor into it along with her charger. Kicking the stray clothes to the side she left the room heading back to the living room. 

The two other girls were still sitting on the couch. The blondes hands were in her hair, elbows resting on her knees, she looked stressed, pained even. Honoka, on the other hand, still had the same expression on her face. Her body was tense sitting straight up hands in her lap as she stared straight forward. 

Nozomi stepped in front of the two. She gained Eli's attention, the girl sitting up straight and shoving her hands in her pockets, but Honoka remained still besides her hands that had clenched into fists. "Nozomi-chan..Yazawa..Yazawa-kun is dead isn't she?"

The girls head snapped up to look at her elder. Her eyes were glazed over, tears clinging onto her long lashes. Nozomi's heart felt like it was slowly being torn.

She didn't know what Nico's condition was but..it couldn't be good. The amount of blood they saw was alarming. But thinking of the young girl as dead? She didn't want to entertain that idea. It was a possibility but...ignorance is bliss.

"Of course not, Honoka." Reaching out, she tightened the taller girls side ponytail. "She's ok, she'll be just-"

"Don't lie to her." 

Both eyes glanced over to Eli, a frown gracing the girls dirty face. "You don't even know what happened, don't pretend to know everything is ok."

Nozomi bit the inside of her cheek, a slight twinge of annoyance building up. "Its not wrong for us to hope."

The blonde scoffed, a partially bloody hand coming up and tucking her damp bangs behind her ear. She cocked her head towards them, though, her eyes never met theirs, instead focused on the tiny pair of slippers at the foot of the couch. "There's no hope. She's dead."

Honoka gasped as if she was winded, Nozomi's hands immediately resting on the girls shoulders as a brace. 

Dead? Nico was dead? Really dead? Gone? A gut wrenching feeling washed over her body, she felt sick. 

Nico had been alive that morning, they had talked just hours ago and now she was dead. How? How was she dead? How could this happen? It seemed impossible, Nico couldn't leave them. She wouldn't do that, they were a family. She was young, she would've been able to make a full recovery from her illness, she should've so...why? Why was this happening??

Honoka's hand shot up clutching the one on her shoulder. Despite being shaky her grip was strong, her fingers being crushed in a slightly painful manner. "N-Nozomi-chan." The girl started hiccuping, fingernails digging in Nozomi's palm. "It can't...she-she can't be.."

"She is, Yazawa fell from the top of that building. She didn't stand a chance."

"No! Nozomi tell her to stop! Tell her!" Honoka's grip tightened on her hand. Nozomi's jaw clenched. It was painful news, awful terrible news. She wanted to shut down, to cry, but it wasn't the time. Anger was crawling it's way up her throat. Did the blonde not know human emotions at all? Could she not see that Honoka was in the midst of a panic attack?

"It's the truth, she was coughing up pints of blood all over the place like a dying dog." Eli stuck her hands out, showing off the palms of her hands as evidence. 

The girl below her almost yelped at the sight of the blood. Starling her elder Honoka shoved her face into Nozomi's stomach, shaking her head in defiance, her hands now clenched around the fabric of the elders coat.

Gently she placed her hands on either side of Honoka's head stroking the girls tangled hair. "That's enough Ayase." 

Nozomi glared at her, how could she speak that way? Like Nico was nothing, like her life didn't mean anything.

The blonde muttered something under her breath. Another malady probably. The urge to scold her was great, but enough had happened tonight. It had been an exhausting day and the last thing she wanted to do was argue.

"Let's go, Maki wants some time alone. Is it alright if we freshen up at your place Honoka-chan?"

Honoka nodded slowly, pulling away from Nozomi hesitantly and rubbing her eyes. "That's fine."

The quietness of her voice pulled at Nozomi's heartstrings. The girl was usually bubbly and charismatic, happy no matter the situation. Her voice didn't sound like it belonged to the same girl. 

\--------

The loft smelled just as sweet as the bakery downstairs and for the first time tonight Eli realized just how hungry she was. Food was usually always on her mind nowadays, living on the street had taught her how to suppress the feeling of hunger but it was always there. 

She had been so preoccupied by everything that happened tonight it had slipped her mind that she hadn't eaten in two days. Her stomach growled loudly, her hands subconsciously shoving deeper into her pockets.

Eli could feel the two pairs of eyes on her, she fidgeted kicking off her shoes clumsily next to the other pairs. 

Honoka leaned beside her, the girl was obviously trying to hang her keys up on the hook behind the blonde without getting too close to her. It was awkward, Eli felt uncomfortable, she didn't feel welcome no matter how many times the Bakery owner had stated she was fine with it.

It was obviously all a facade. On the way to the bakery Honoka had tried to act fine again despite breaking down at the apartment. She cracked half hearted jokes, and plastered a fake smile onto her face. It was almost laughable at how hard she was trying to lighten the mood. Eli would've called her out on it, told her to act how she felt, but Nozomi's constant piercing gaze held her tongue. 

"You two can help yourself to anything, I'm heading to bed, I'll be busy all day tomorrow baking." She yawned seemingly for show, taking the ponytail out of her hair. "Nozomi-chan knows where everything else. Please feel free to rest here as long as you want, it won't be any trouble. Well goodnight!"

She beamed a smile too big to be sincere before turning her back to the two girls. Eli's eyes stayed on her watching as Honoka walked away, she stretched shedding her clothing as she walked down the hall. The girls pale legs and blue panties the last thing she saw before she disappeared around the corner.

Eli could feel her face flush, who the hell had that kind of habit? She was surprised to say the least, but what was further surprising was how feminine the girl looked underneath all that baggy clothing. Wait.

What the fuck was she thinking about. Shaking her head she looked away eyes meeting green.

Nozomi's head was slightly cocked to the side, her arms crossed underneath her way too large breasts. Fuck! Stop! She had to stop!

The blonde shook her head attempting to clear her thoughts. A small chuckle sounded next to her and Eli could feel her face beating up more in embarrassment. Was Nozomi thinking that she was having perverted thoughts? Towards girls? God she hoped that wasn't the case.

"She does that all the time, anyways you're hungry aren't you?" The smaller girl walked across the hall into what looked like the kitchen without waiting for an answer. Eli watched from the threshold as she ransacked the cabinets.

Nozomi pulled à carton of cookies out of the pantry setting them delicately onto the counter. "It's too late for an actual meal so let's have a snack."

Nodding, Eli stepped into the kitchen. She felt uncomfortable in the foreign place despite the homey appearance and Nozomi's gentle smile. 

The said girl gestured for her to sit at the small table in the corner. "I'll make some tea for us too."

Nodding once again, she did as told. The chair squeaked slightly underneath her as she sat, the wooden furniture was obviously well worn from age. It was odd, the way everyone else lived was so odd. 

Blue eyes scanned the room, pictures of the owners family were scattered all over the beige walls. The small cat clock above the sink was still but cleared of dust. The crack on the wooden door frame marked over with various brightly colored numbers. The sides of all the cupboards rounded from constant use. 

Everything about this place said home, there were roots planted here, a family.

Far different from the house she'd lived in till now. Her parents house was grand, modern, polished, expensive. There was an entire room that Eli could never go into because of how expensive everything in it had cost. It was stiff. It wasn't ever a true home.

A small pang of yearning filled her chest. What she wouldn't have given for her and Alisa to grow up in a home like this. 

A small plate of strawberry shortcake cookies were placed in front of her. The smell of sweets clearing her mind. Her stomach growled again as if encouraging to pick one up off the plate.

She hesitated, hand hovering over the baked goods as if she would be scolded for grabbing one. The other girl must've noticed, à small hand settling itself on her shoulder.

A slight puff of air escaped the blonde at the touch. "There's plenty go ahead."

"Thank-thank you Tojo-san." That sounded pathetic. 

Clearing her throat her eyes glanced from the girl beside her town to the plate one more time before she picked up one of the sugary sweets.

Her tongue swept over her top lip catching the bitter taste of iron. Suddenly it felt like her mouth was too wet, silica pooling as her body absentmindedly anticipated the treat. Gross, she was being gross, it was just a cookie. 

Quickly she shoved it into her mouth, a couple crumbs falling from her lips into the table. The taste was like nothing she had ever had before. It was heavenly, like a summer day approaching sunset, a beam of honey light, warmth. Like a memory she never had.

She couldn't stop at one.

Messily she crammed the rest into her mouth disregarding whether or not she was making a fool out of herself. They just tasted so good, and she was starved.

A crumb hit the back of her throat and she choked, hand coming up to pound on her chest till the weird feeling was washed down by more spit. She could hear another giggle, Nozomi stepped closer placing a tea tray onto the table before sitting next to her. "Be careful, we don't need anyone else hurt."

"Sorry."

Eli lowered her head, her hands finding themselves back into her soaked jacket. She wasn't sure what to do, should she even say anything? How did people even talk to girls? She couldn't remember how she used to do it. The only girl she ever spoke to was Alisa and her mother. 

It was uncomfortable, well she was making it uncomfortable, the smaller girl seemed to be fine although her eyes were focused onto the cup of tea in front of her. She watched as the girl added a couple teaspoons of sugar into the cup turning the liquid into a honey color. 

"Ayase-San don't let your tea get cold or the sugar won't melt."

"Oh yah." Eli sat up straighter, taking one hand out of her pocket she meticulously added three spoonfuls of sugar into her drink before stirring it. 

A long pause of silence filled the air as they drank, the pouring rain outside making the windows shake being the only noise. She could feel the other girls gaze on her, it irritated her slightly. She wasn't fond of people looking at her, it was rude. 

"Ayase," Nozomi set her cup down with a small clank against the wood, propping her elbow on the table and resting her chin in her palm, "doesn't that hurt?"

Eli's eyebrow raised at the question. "Does what hurt?"

The smaller girl lifted her other hand from under the table, a finger lazily circling in the blondes direction. "Your nose. It was bleeding wasn't It? What happened?"

Subconsciously her arm moved up, sleeve brushing underneath her nose. It didn't hurt in the slightest, to he honest she had totally forgotten about it. For some reason though she felt embarrassed. It was probably because she wasn't used to looking disheveled. Her parents made it a habit for their kids to always look their best. And here she was looking like filth.

"Oh that, uhm well finding a good place to sleep isn't always easy."

"Hm? What do you mean?"

Eli shifted, the chair underneath her squeaking loudly again. "It's not always safe out there for a girl." It took a moment of registration before the other girls face twisted into an expression of disgust and concern. "But I manage, you shouldn't underestimate me. It was really nothing."

The girl didn't seem to fully believe her but Eli noticed her shoulders relax. "But doesn't it hurt? It looks bruised over." 

The blonde shook her head taking a large gulp of her tea, the porcelain warming her palm. "No it doesn't, believe it or not I can't feel pain anymore. I'm not being dramatic either I just..It doesn't register."

The look of disbelief was still across the girls face. With a sigh Eli stretched her forearm across the table and towards Nozomi. "Go ahead and pinch me as hard as you can, I can't feel it."

The green eyed girl shook her head eyes going back to her own teacup. "No it's ok, I-I see what you mean. Maybe you should go clean up."

She looked offput again and for à moment Eli was confused. That was until she caught the haphazard red bandage peeking out from underneath her sleeve. "Oh I...I'll go do so. Could you show me the way to the restroom please?"


	29. Bathtub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nico needed to stay with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lates posts I'm still dealing with writers block and it's been a real pain in my ass. But I managed to get this chapter out, it's short but better than nothing. Aslo it may be triggering if you cannot hand self mutilation and gore in general.
> 
> Sorry for my errors and inconsistencies guys please get whatever enjoyment you can out of this dumpster fire <3

Maki raised her arms up and out of the tub, the pinkish liquid falling onto the floor near the edge of the it. She sighed sitting back on her hunches, a wet hand ineffectively brushing the sweat on her brow. 

What the hell was she doing? It was hopeless why was she trying?

She looked at the small body in the tub, all but the mop of wet black hair submerged in the reddening water. Cleaning her off was proving difficult when more blood would just take its place. 

Everything was pointing towards failure. Even if she did manage to fix everything there was almost no guarantee that Nico would come back...the odds were slim to none. 

Sighing she looked around herself, she wasn't prepared for this at all, not like last time. There was only minimal amounts left of the items she used before. Not to mention her working station was less than satisfactory. The floor was covered in water, the liquid all over her too and pajama bottoms. Dark red smears covered various spots all over the bathroom. The largest being a giant spot of red running from the edge and side of the tub.

Yea it was bad, but she had been so focused on just getting the girl into the bathroom everything else slipped her mind. 

With a huff the redhead stood up wiping her hands on her top. It was going to get messy. Very messy. She would need to reset the bone in Nico's leg, and open up her chest cavity…

The thought of it sent a sickening feeling into her gut but it had to be done. That's where most of the impact affected, she would need to go in deep again, reset more bones and stitch up punctures. Maki wished she could just bring the girls body to the morgue. It would be such an easier process to do it there than here. But that was risky, if she was caught she could go to jail...they would take her body.

She couldn't let that happen, Nico needed to stay with her, they would just throw her into an oven or a casket, they'd throw her body away without giving it a change. Nico..Nico needed to stay with her.

Maki wouldn't take her to the morgue but it was obvious she would need to sneak more material and items from her next shift. She needed blood, the noirette was going to lose a lot of it. 

God. It was so much! There was too much to do! It wasn't simple this time, it wasn't a quick fix! How was she going to do this? After knowing and falling for the girl in the tub how was she going to cut her open? It was different before, she didn't know who she was before, there was no bond, but now? Now what!

Turning towards the sinks countertop, she eyed the plastic bag filled with stolen medical instruments from under her bed, the tip of a scalpel having poked a hole through the plastic.

God she was really going to have to carve into Nico with that..it was so sharp. She didn't want to, she didn't want to put Nico in more pain. Well, could she even feel pain? Probably not. But still, if she could then the noirette must be in so much pain. Unimaginable pain.

Her hands fisted the material of her shirt. 

Fuck it.

She needed to do it. If there was even a slight chance that Nico could feel everything she wanted to make it stop. And if that meant hurting her more, cutting her open, then she would do it. The pain would only be temporary, the worst would come before things got better, that's just how things worked.

With newfound energy the redhead walked towards the bag, stripping off her top in the process. It was going to get messy.

Grabbing her phone, she opened it up, the blood stains on the screen had now crusted over. Maki scratched the stains off while the device buffered. When it finally loaded she pressed shuffle on her playlist. A soft classical orchestra filling in the quiet space. It was going to be awhile, and maybe it would help ease her mind about what she was going to be doing.

Prep, she needed to prep.

She tossed the phone to the side, far away enough from the sink in case anything splashed out later. Carefully, maki picked up the bag of instruments moving them over the sink and dumping the contents inside. They had been cleaned off from last time but she didn't want to risk it. Adding infection to the list of things wrong would make it so much worse. 

Opening the cabinet her eyes scanned the shelf for anything to clean them with. Her eyes landed on a half empty bottle of isopropyl alcohol. It wasn't much but it would have to do. She'd have to make it work till after her next shift. 

The redhead moved the bottle to the countertop, eyes still raking the shelves. She had gloves around here somewhere. Had Nozomi moved them? She could've sworn they were there a week ago.

She bit the inside of her cheek in thought, where would Nozomi put it? 

Maybe, just maybe…

Squatting down Maki opened the cabinet underneath the sink. The smell of stuffy rusted water hit her hard, god did they have a leak or something. She huffed begrudgingly leaning further in towards the smell to get a better look.

Old small cardboard boxes full of miscellaneous items from her first move caught her eye, along with the box to a curling iron and a basket of unused soaps her elder roommate had accumulated from her stays at hotels. 

Random crap, useless crap, where were the gloves? Maki frowned moving the items around, she was about to give up when tada! Behind the extra masks the box of blue gloves emerged.

Quickly, standing back up, she moved the two items up next to the alcohol. Ok better. She felt a little better about this.

A soft melody played through her ears as she placed a mask over her head. The rymth managed to turn some of her focus away from the gravity of the situation. Maki slipped on the pair of latex gloves, which quickly stuck to the sweat on her palm.

Her body was starting to run on auto pilot, her hands mindlessly reaching for the cotton pads that sat in Nozomi's glass jar. She'd buy her more later.

With meticulous focus she poured the alcohol onto the cotton, wiping down each and every tool from top to bottom until they were all clean and placing them on a wash cloth nearby.

She moved the washcloth with the instruments with her setting them on the edge of the tub. The towel hanging behind her was tossed onto the floor next to it, she'd need a cushion, her knees would bruise no doubt but she wanted to avoid it as much as she could. 

With a huff she knelt down on the towel, reaching into the tub to unplug the drain. The pink water slowly disappeared, revealing a clearer image of the girl inside. 

Her pale skin shined underneath the orange lights of the bathroom. The large scars in her chest were now visible. Maki's previous handiwork. She remembered how flawless she had made the stitches, at the time she had been proud at how clean they came out. But now?

The scar had at some point been ripped open, tiny various another scars and scabs littering the girls small body. It was a mess, ugly without a doubt. When had she done this? It had to have been recently. The thought made her gut twist painfully. 

Ripping open one's own flesh was painful, to dig in that deep was a feat of it's own. 

Without thought her hand slowly skimmed over the scars, the bumpy tissue underneath her fingers should've been repulsive, but it made her feel at ease. She had memorized every bit of it from before. Nico complained about the scars burning constantly, they pained her and it kept the noirette up during the nights. She didn't know what to do to help, the pain she was feeling wasn't real but she didn't want to be mean. Instead, she'd trace the long scars gently, and whisper reassurances in her ears. It had worked..for awhile that is.

The time apart took a toll on both of them, Nico mostly. It was obvious by the new marks she didn't recognize. 

She needed to focus, she wasn't focusing!

The redhead reached up grabbing the attachment, other hand turning the water to a bearable lukewarm before rising the body once more. 

\-----------

Maki leaned over the tub dry heaving. It was a lot more difficult than she anticipated. Her eyes watered as she gagged again, turning her face away to look at the wall. Her heart felt like it was going to leap out of her throat. 

Red. There was so much red..

Her eyes wandered back to the noirette, it was a bad choice.

Quickly she turned her head over her shoulder and coughed, a small amount of bile violently pushing it's way out. 

Too much! She couldn't! It was just too much for her to handle!

The tears that had pooled in the corner of her eyes slid down her cheeks. The sight was awful! 

She had managed to open up the girls chest, but it wasn't easy. The tools she had weren't working, none of them able to go deep enough through. She had no choice but to find something that would, their handheld dremel saw. 

It was a sloppy job at best, her hands wouldnt stop shaking, her eyes wouldnt stop watering her heart wouldnt stop hurting. 

The small saw still vibrated next to her on the floor, blade rotating, small flecks of blood still coming from it. The whiring sound was nauseating, the redhead quickly turned it off, sliding it back across the floor away from them.

She needed a moment, just a moment. But god she didn't have time! If Nico woke up like this..

No it wouldnt happen, she wouldnt let it. 

Shaking her head she looked back into the tub, Nico was as still as ever, limp, pale, bloody, so, so bloody. She worried her lip between her teeth fighting back the overwhelming urge to cry and give up. There was so much blood, it was covering the floor of the tub, deep red and thick. Fat dribbles flowing down the drain like a river. 

If she didn't cauterize the incisions Nico would loose most if not all of her blood, and maki would blow chunks.

If only taking her to the hospital was an option. They didn't have the correct tools here, she was limited to what items the apartment had, she didn't have a cauterizing pen, a lighter would have to do..

On shakey legs the taller girl stood up almost slipping on the large puddle. Ignoring the slight ache in her ankle she made a beeline for Nozomi's bedroom. The girl was always into spiritual things, along with that came candles, lots and lots of candles. There was bound to be a lighter in there somewhere.

\---------

The lighter had been hard to find. She had to go through each and every drawer in her roommates room to find it. If there was a god out there it hated her, the last drawer she had checked had the small item neatly sitting atop of a few notebooks. It had made her angry, the entire time she had been panicking, digging and turning Nozomis room inside out, the stupid lighter had been in plain sight.

It was a pain, but at least she had it now.

The redhead kneeled back down on the towel, her thumb flicking the spark wheel. A couple sparks ignited jumping and hitting her thumb before flickering out. 

Maki hissed flicking the metal piece violently a few more times before the spark ignited and the flame stayed. 

She had rinsed the small body in the tub again, the amount of blood pooled in and around the girl was large when she had come back. It would've been preferable if the body was dried off but there wasn't much of a choice now.

A heavy sigh escaped her lips, her hand moving towards the open wounds. Was this the right thing to do? Could she do it? What if she messed up? What if-

Narrow eyes watched a small amount of blood bubble to the surface of Nico's insides, the single droplet rolling down into a crevice.

More blood. 

More.

She didn't want to see it anymore! 

Her hand moved without her thinking, the flame of the lighter lowered onto the raw opening.

It almost felt like she wasn't the one doing it, like she wasn't in this absolutely fucked up position of amateurly cauterizing a girls insides. The only thing keeping her grounded was the sensation of heated metal against her thumb and the burning smell of flesh and her own nail.

The smell….it made her stomach curl but she couldn't move her hand away, her eyes were locked onto the sizzling flesh, the way it bubbled and turned in color, the water and blood turning into smoke. It didn't smell fresh...it didn't smell normal..it smelled rotten, old, putrid.

It didn't make sense, Nico had been alive mere hours before. Her insides looked fine, her outside looked fine, she was fine so why did she smell like rotting garbage? 

The redhead gagged, withdrawing her hand, the lighter distinguished. The smell was just getting even stronger now, it was everywhere in the room, in her nose, on her body.

Maki's legs trembled, bodyweight shifting backwards, her butt hitting the floor sending an ache up her tailbone. God the smell! What the fuck was this smell?! Her feet kicked outwards as she scrambled away from the tub on all fours. Her mouth hung open, saliva dripping out as she willed herself not to vomit.

She blinked, once, twice, three times. The image in front of her blurring. The lights in the bathroom were far too bright, the smell in her nose too intense. Warily she shook her head in a vain attempt to clear her head of the sudden fog. 

Opening her eyes she screamed, amidst the fog and blinding light it was still clear. The large smears and splatters of old blood, the flies buzzing around, they almost overfilled the room, a distorted green sickly leg limply hanging out the side of the tub, maggots falling off in clusters and hitting the tile.

What the fuck! What the fuck! WHAT THE FUCK!


	30. Rot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't worry, I'm going to make everything better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry for not posting anything in so long, im still going through a writers block and I recently started a new job so I have less time to write. I tried to give you guys something tho, thanks for being patient :3
> 
> This chapter might be a little too graphic? I dunno it's not as much detail as I wanted but it still might be triggering for others. Please enjoy and forgive any of my errors and thanks for all the continued support <3

Everything around her was a blur, fuzzy and grainy and too surreal. The dainty leg hanging out of the tub was the only image she could see clearly. The skin was a bruised yellow green, and looked to just barely be hanging onto the bone, sagging in a way that made Maki think it would fall to the floor at any moment.

This couldn't be, it just couldn't...it couldn't!

Despite every nerve in her body telling her to stay away, run, a curious itch wouldn't quit nagging at her to get closer. Because it couldn't be real right? If she got closer, if she took a better look she'd see it wasn't real?

But..but it could be.

She could feel the cold sweat starting to stick to her forehead, the vent in the bathroom making it far worse. She didn't want to look, she really didn't..but she did. A small part of her wanted to look. What the hell was wrong with her? She felt just like she had that day in the morgue, morbid curiosity just hissing at her to take a peak.

What's the harm in that?

Her arms wobbled as she pushed herself back onto her knees, the slight movement stirring the stale air around them and sending a grotesque smell up the redhead's nose. She gagged, the tell tale feeling of bile hitting the back of her throat. It was the worst smell she could possibly think of, pure decomposition, rotting meat. 

Willing her vomit down she shuffled closer till the far edge of the tub could be seen. Her body was definitely shaking, she was about to see what she looked like, what the girls she loved looked like. Would she be just as pretty? 

With a deep breath Maki moved the last few inches forward.

It was nothing compared to what she could even imagine. The process wasn't kind to Nico. The noirette was splayed haphazardly in the tub, her head laying to the side with her mouth open and vacant eyes wide, her hands laid on either side of her. She looked as though her body had just been tossed in the tub, but it's obvious that it wasn't.

Her chest was opened wide, ribcage on full display, Maki's eyes wandered over the corpse, there were signs of treatment, sutures, staples, burns, but it was left unfinished, larva crawling out from in between dissolved stitches. 

She watched as one of the said larva crawled out from a stitch in the girls lung. The fat squirmy body moving itself until it slipped off with a plunk sound into the liquid below.

God how did she not notice that?

The body was completely surrounded in a soup of it's own fluids, it had to have been for awhile now if the pink ringlet an inch above the surface was anything to go by. The heat in the apartment but of caused it to boil..evaporate..

Maki felt sick, but the vomit wasn't coming out, her body just wasn't moving. What was in front of her couldn't be real could it? It was so vivid, hell she could even taste the tang of death on her tongue but-but no. It wasn't! It couldn't! 

She couldn't help it, a small giggle bubbled in her chest gradually growing till she was laughing loudly, hysterically. 

She couldn't stop, doubling over Maki gripped the edge of the tub, her eyes taking in the sight before her as she continued laughing. Because it was laughable right? That this was happening! It was funny! It was a joke! 

God she hated jokes but this one was just too much! 

Her eyes scanned Nico's face, the flesh peeling and half eaten. It was really a sick joke, whoever did it was so cruel, her Nico would never look like this, not even in death. 

But jeez now she had to pick it all up. Her laughter ceased, replaced with a frown as she looked down into the tub. It would take a lot of work to clean it all up, and to of course finish fixing up the noirette. Tedious. Whoever played this joke was a real thorn in her side.

She lowered her hand into the warm thick mush and felt around for the drain, her fingers catching onto bits and pieces of fat such in the process, but she managed. The drain made a loud gurgling sound as the body soup sludge it's way down the drain. She shook off the wet hand wiping the rest tenderly on the fragile skin of Nico's cheek. "Don't worry, I'm going to make everything better."

\-------

Maki's eyes darted open the girl quickly sitting up. 

What the hell was that? What was that?! What just happened?!

The redhead looked around her, even in the dark she could tell she wasn't in the bathroom anymore. No she wasn't there she was in the kitchen, more specifically on the kitchen floor.

She shook her head, the nauseating feeling in her gut now starting to be accompanied by à throbbing in her head. How did she get here? 

Slowly, Maki pulled herself up off the floor, she felt cold, it was noticeably cooler than she remembered the place being. She was also noticeably more clothed than the last time she remembered as well.

Instead of being in her shorts and a bra she was in a long sleeved shirt and a pair of fuzzy pajama bottoms, both clean, no blood, no stains.

In fact, the redhead looked down at her hands, there was no blood. No blood anywhere.

Too many thoughts were racking her brain, it felt like she was short circuiting. She had so many questions and no answers. Why was she in the kitchen? Where did her clothes go? When did she shower? How did she shower if Nico-Wait! Nico where the hell was Nico!?

All other thoughts were pushed aside as she bound down the hall almost missing the bathroom in her hurry. 

Nico! Nico! Nico! 

Her hand flicked on the light switch, orange tinted light filling the room.

"What..."

The redhead's hand grasped tightly at the door frame. There was nothing, absolutely nothing in the bathroom. It was pristine, clean, the scent of lingering Clorox filled her nose.

There was nothing there to even hint at what happened, what Maki remembered happening. A clear clean tub, folded towels, and a blow dryer left on the vanity. That was it. 

"Who the...what?" Nothing? There was nothing! The loss of knowledge and answers was beginning to make her upset, almost angry. What was she missing? None of it made sense? If Nico wasn't here, if the bathroom was clean, then where was she?!

She left?

No.

Maki stared dumbfounded at the empty room before her. Nico couldn't leave, she wouldn't leave, she was dead. Even if she wasn't why would she go? Why? Why?! Where?! 

"Sonoda Umi has confirmed that she will be moving forward in this year's Olympic archery tournament. Many other participants have stated their concerns over the matter regarding her high skill, and a fellow rival has even dropped out after the announcement."

"Huh?" 

Maki turned her head towards the voice, it was a familiar voice, the same news anchor that reported events early in the morning while Maki got ready for work. There was no denying it was that voice, and it was coming from her own room? 

She didn't remember turning a TV on. The light of the screen peeked it's way out from the cracked open door, an array of colors painting the adjacent wall in a vertical stripe. 

"The young archer only had this to say about the matter."

"I deeply apologize if I have come off to anyone as intimidating but I have no plans to drop out, I solely wish to succeed and do my best, and I wish all the others the best of luck as well."

Maki's feet slowly took her towards the noise, before she knew it she was just a step away from walking inside her room. 

Her hand lingered over the doorknob. What if the room was empty? What if everything had been a dream? What if they never really found her? What if when she opened the door there was nothing there? What if everything never happened? 

No.

She shook her head hand grabbing the doorknob with a sweaty, shaky hand. It couldn't all be in her head, it was all too vivid, the smells all still lingering in her nose, subtle but very much still there. Rot and cleaner, iron and shampoo, antiseptic and chocolate.

Pushing forward the door creaked open, the bright light of the television blinding the red head for a second. Despite the blotches in her vision her eyes wandered around the room coming to the pile of bloody clothing tossed at her feet. 

Nico's clothes.

Maki bent down quickly picking up the soiled nightgown Nico had been wearing. It was like an emotional floodgate had just broken, she needed to hold it close, to feel it, to smell it. She clutched the yellow material to her chest fingers smoothing over the crusted blood. 

It was real. It was all real. What happened wasn't a dream. Nico had been wearing this, she had fallen off the building. She had died at her side, and laid dead in her bathtub.

Where was she now?

Her eyes followed the a path paved through all the mess on her floor, the trail ending at the side of the bed. 

Nico…

All the tightness in her chest eased, there in the middle of the queen bed was the noirette. She couldn't believe it. Maki bound forward, barely stopping at the edge of the bed, her eyes never leaving the girls before her.

It was really her, she was really there.

The red heads hand reached out slowly, uncertain before caressing Nico's pale cheek.

It was cold.

She let put a shaky sigh, cold, cold meant dead. The tightness found its way back into her body as she examined her. 

Nico's eyes were closed her hair s black halo around her head. The covers were tucked up to her chest, her small dainty hands laying on top of them at her sides. She looks peaceful, asleep, beautiful. 

But she was cold..she was still so cold...


	31. Tape and Hinges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God really did hate her. It was always her being put into these awful choices, could the world for once just give her a break? She guessed that was just too much to ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhh my it's been a long time since I posted I'm so sorry. A lot has been going on and I've been unmotivated to do anything right now but I felt bad so here you go. Sorry it isnt as long as normal but it's better than nothing. Who knows maybe with the pandemic I'll have more time to write. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy, please excuse any of my errors and please stay safe <3

It had been two days, two days of absolute nothingness. Disappointing nothingness.

Maki lazily turned her head to the side, her eyes catching the small numbers on the corner of the television screen. 6:47. Halfway through another day and still nothing. 

She slumped further down against the wall with a sigh, a hand coming up to rub at the pain behind her right eye. She hadn't slept the entire time, too paranoid about what would happen if she dozed off. If she fell asleep and Nico woke up, or if she fell asleep and woke up to find Nico not there or even worse, there and completely rotten.

Something about that memory had ingrained itself into her head. She wasn't even sure if it was a real memory or some fucked up dream, either way it had stuck. Everything about it was unnerving, the imagery, the meaning, and her own actions. Would she really act that way? Would she really be blind enough to still see hope in her. Was she crazy?

At this point she wasn't so sure about the state of her sanity, she was after all sitting on her bedroom floor waiting for a dead girl to wake up. Yeah maybe she wasn't so sane after all.

She chuckled to herself, eyes slowly looking up at the still body in the bed. 

There was no denying it, she had been still for way too long, a smell had started to permeate the room, even with the ac on full blast. 

The thought of Nico never waking up again was starting to fill her mind. It made her gut twist painfully.

More time, she just needed a little more time she was sure of it. A couple more hours- no a day more! A day more and if nothing happened...well if nothing happened she would have to face the facts.

But god she hoped she didn't have to.

\-------

Maki tossed another granola bar wrapper carelessly to the floor. She was standing at the foot of her bed eyes fixated on on the figure in bed completely ignoring the buzz of her telephone on the nightstand.

It was approaching 10 at night, the calls had started about two hours ago but the redhead couldn't bother to answer them. She knew without a doubt it had to be Nozomi and probably Honoka trying to get ahold of her but she really didn't care, she was busy.

She wasnt going to focus her attention on anything but Nico. She had made the mistake of doing that once and look where it got her. No, she wouldnt make the same mistake twice. Maki was determined not to leave her side. In fact the only time she left the room today was to make herself a coffee, and get a snack, the trip taking less than five minutes from her kitchen and back. 

It was worth the anxiety, she was feeling a lot more awake now. But again it could just be the building paranoia inside of her. The smell was getting worse and she had to do something about it. She would need to keep the smell in the apartment which meant she needed to leave Nico's side.

Her finger tapped on the porcelain mug in her hand. She didn't want to do it, didn't want to leave but if the smell got out and her neighbors complained, how the hell would she talk her way out of that? The place would be searched and if someone by some dumb luck happened to recognize Nico she would be done for.

Well she didn't really have a choice now did she? 

She set her empty cup down next to her phone and glanced at the noirettes face once more. Still and pale as ever Maki sighed and hesitantly stepped out of the room. The faster she got this over with the quicker she could get back to Nico's side.

Now what the hell was she going to do to stop the smell? She paused in the middle of the kitchen frowning as she thought. It was obvious that she needed to cover the vents, with what was drawing a blank.

She could unscrew the vents and shove towels or something in them but that would take too long, there was also no guarantee at all that no smell would seep through the material. She needed something that would definitely keep in the smell.

Well she could tape over them?

It seemed like as good a solution as any, tape was meant to seal, duct tape especially. If she taped over the vents twice then in retrospect she should be fine. Well she would be stuck in an apartment with rotting fumes but she wouldnt get arrested. Hopefully.

She walked toward the kitchen sink crouching down and opening the cabinet underneath. There in the back sat an old black zip up bag, it was dirty and poorly maintained but it held most of the tools the two girls owned. Maki pulled it out grimacing at the slightly wet texture and placed it at her feet before opening the bag.

An array of old rusty tools lined the bag, the redhead carefully shuffled through them trying to avoid getting tetanus and looking for the roll of tape at the same time. It was moments like these Maki questioned why they didn't just buy a new set of tools, did they really need to keep all of Nozomi's second hand crap? 

Her hands finally wrapped around the roll, though to her disappointment it was almost out, leaving maybe three 2 inch strips if she was feeling generous.

Maki sighed, the pressure behind her eye making itself known again. She'd have to go out and buy some. She'd have to leave the apartment and Nico, way longer than she was comfortable doing. Her stomach twisted a bubbling feeling of nausea rising. 

God really did hate her. It was always her being put into these awful choices, could the world for once just give her a break? She guessed that was just too much to ask for.

With a huff she zipped the bag back up tossing it back under the sink haphazardly, causing a couple cleaning bottles to fall over. Maki brushed off the noise closing the cabinet door with her foot and strutting off towards her room to change.

\-------

Eli watched Nozomi uncomfortably as the two climbed the stairs. Big clouds of vapor came out in puffs as the smaller girl continued to curse under her breath. The redhead which she came to know as Maki wasn't picking up the phone, after four days of nothing from the girl, Nozomi had begun to worry and now was in the midst of dragging her with her to the apartment. She didn't want to go alone so late and Eli wasn't sure how to say no. 

That's not to say she wasn't hating this, it was cold, dark and almost 11 at night, this Maki girl was being childish. If the girl would just answer her damn phone she wouldnt be out freezing to death. 

The two arrived at the door of the apartment, Eli watched as Nozomi tried the handle, jiggling the knob to no success, huffing dramatically before pulling out her key before trying again. The door opened slightly only to be stopped by the deadbolt. 

"Are you kidding me?" The smaller girl hissed through her teeth pocketing the key and rapping on the door loudly, "Maki! Nishikino Maki open this door! You cant just ignore me you know I wont take it! Open this door right now!"

The blonde cringed and shuffled awkwardly behind her. She was being so loud she was no doubt going to wake up the neighbors if she kept it up. 

"Maki! Maki c'mon open the door! I'm not mad okay you're just scaring me! I just want to know you're ok! Open up!"

Her knocking was growing louder and more frantic, evident fear replacing the former annoyance. Eli felt bad, she understood the frustration of not knowing if a loved one was ok but Nozomi was going to cause a scene. The light next door turning on was enough, she didn't want anymore bullshit to deal with.

"Move aside."

"Huh?"

"I said move aside." With a firm hand she nudged the girl away from the door by her shoulder. "She's obviously not going to open it for us. I'll get it open just stay out of the way."

"What do you-" Nozomi's question was cut short as Eli's sneaker hit the door, the wood creaking and the sound of something metal dislodging. "Ayase-san?!"

Eli frowned noticing the door only opened a couple of inches. She took a step back before hitting kicking the door one more time, this time the sound of metal hitting the floor. The door swung open awkwardly, the top hinge broken and the latch dragging on the floor.

"God what the hell?" The blonde covered her nose with the sleeve of her jacket, a concoction of smells assaulting her senses. It smelled heavily of chemicals and old meat, it reminded her of the butchers shop her and her mom frequented when she was little. The shop always trying to disguise the smell of blood and meat with lemon scented Clorox cleaner.

She noticed the girl next to her mimic her, stepping forward to peer into the dark apartment. "Oh Maki.." 

The smaller girl nudged passed her stepping over the broken latch and into the livingroom, her figure disappearing into the darkness of the room. 

Eli fidgeted, her feet shuffling in the slush and wetting her shoes further. Something about this seemed very off, the smell gave her a sense of nausea and yet nostalgia? Not just the butchers, no, she felt like she had smelled the exact smell somewhere before, for only a few seconds maybe, but definitely. In some corner of her mind it remained a vacant memory. that smell coming from her.

She shook her head and shoved her hands into her pockets. That was ridiculous, she needed sleep, they needed to get this all over with so she could finally get to bed and start thinking about herself again.

Minding the door she made her way inside the apartment, the smell got worse the further she entered the livingroom. She had to squint to properly see around in the dark. The room looked a lot different from the last time she had seen it, the organized livingroom was not a complete wreck, two large black garbage bags at the connecting point of the kitchen and livingroom.

She bit the Inside of her cheek eyes drawn to the black bags, the neck of a spray bottle sticking out of the top of one of the bags. Her nose was further confused on what it was smelling. Both smell were now just as strong, too strong.

Eli lifted the borrowed scarf over her nose wrapping it tighter around herself. She was going to get a headache from the fumes if they didn't get out of here soon.

Blue eyes searched for Nozomi in the dark, finding the girl standing down the hall, head peering into what she remembered as the bathroom. Walking forward she stopped just behind her, clearing her throat to let the other girl know she was there.

"Something isnt right Ayase, I can feel it." Nozomi was staring forward her eyes locked onto the nothingness in front of them. "This is the only room that's clean so far..and I cant find them, there's only one more room to look at too."

A strange feeling tugged at her heart, Eli felt compelled to comfort but well how did someone comfort a practical stranger? "Don't start drawing bad conclusions already."

The girl let out a dry giggle, "Says the one who only ever has anything negative to say."

What? A small flare of anger bubbled in her chest. She wasn't always saying negative things. Was she meaning about before? How she had said those things about Nico? Because that wasn't saying anything inherently negative she was just saying the truth. 

"Whatever, let's just hurry up and check the other room for them."

The other girl said nothing in response, she nodded silently grabbing the doorknob to the bathroom door and shutting it softly.

Eli followed the girl the short distance to the bedroom at the end of the hall. She noticed the way the smaller girl hesitated, the putrid smell was obviously coming from this room. And in all her years of learning she knew it couldn't mean anything but bad news. It was only the question of how bad it would be. What would they find in that room?

Would the two girls be in there? Would Maki be ok? Would she be alive? The last time she was the redhead she had been beyond distressed and acting weird. The thought passed by her fleetingly.

Did she kill herself? 

Nozomi was clearly thinking the same thing, or something similar the girl chewing on her plump bottom lip. 

Eli placed her hand on the girls shoulder, Nozomi tensing under her touch for a second before relaxing again. "Whatever's behind there isnt going to change the longer we stand out here. The outcome is going to be the same."

She nodded, her eyes glazing over slightly. "I know but I'm still scared. What if it was Alyssa"

Eli's jaw clenched at her sisters name. If it were Alyssa behind that door, all the possibilities that could happen to her. She doesnt think that she could bear it..

"I'll look, you go sit down or something."

"Ayase-san I cant ask you to do that for me, this doesnt have anything to do with you I can do it just give me a couple minutes."

Eli rolled her eyes, this girl was just as defiant as the redhead when she wanted to be. Stepping forward she moved in front of the small girl blocking the entrance with her body. "This has everything to do with me Tojo, just go sit, this door isnt opening till you're out of here."

Even with her back turned towards her she could still feel Nozomi's stare boring into her. There was a pregnant pause and for a moment she thought she might have upset her more, "Fine, thank you Ayase-san."

The sound of light footsteps gradually becoming lighter filled her ears, eyes staring at the worn brass doorknob. "Don't mention it."


	32. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What am I going to do?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a random burst of motivation so I wrote this out for you guys real quick! I also figured out where I want the story to go further so hopefully that will keep me motivated. In the meantime, here's Eli being awkward, Maki all over the place and Nozomi being mama.
> 
> I had to end it with some slight comic relief at the end cause all this death and stuff is really a bummer and y'all deserve a treat.
> 
> And way I hope you enjoy! Please excuse my mistakes and hopefully I'll have somethin for ya soon <3

It wasn't till Nozomi left that Eli registered the sound of a tv behind the door. What exactly it was she couldn't decipher, the pounding of her heart being the main thing on her mind. Why was she getting so nervous? 

With a sigh she took hold of the door handle, there was no point in pussyfooting around the situation, she would find out what was in there no matter how long she waited. 

The door opened effortlessly, the smell hitting the blonde in the gut. It was vile and for a moment she expected to see decomposed bodies in the room. Surprisingly though all she could see was the small noirette positioned perfectly under the bedsheets. She didn't look as terrible as she thought, there were no maggots or blood but there definitely was the stench of death and the lack of a certain red head.

Taking a step further into the bedroom a granola bar wrapper crunched underneath her foot, the floor littered in a mess of snacks, cups and clothes. As she neared the bedside à different scent caught her attention.

Blue eyes looked down to the small table beside the bed, a cup half full of coffee still steaming. 

So she was still alive. And by the looks of it holding herself up in this room for awhile. But where the hell was she now? How the hell did she leave the apartment if the latch was locked from the inside of the house? 

Maybe…

She turned her attention back to the body on the bed, drawing closer like a moth to a flame. Eli studied the body, pale and unmoving, her hand reaching out laying two fingers on the pulse point.

Her eyes went wide, "What the hell…"

Dead, Nico was definitely still dead, dead and decaying in Makis bed. It was hard to imagine the girl in front of her was dead, besides being pale she looked fine, hair made and newly dressed. Whatever maki did to her she did well. It still didn't take away from the fact that she was keeping a dead body in her and Nozomis apartment.

It had been days since that night passed she needed to let go and get rid of the body. Get rid of it before she ended up getting Nozomi in trouble too. That girl was really becoming crazy, she seriously doubted the girl would get rid of Nico herself.

Putting her hands on her hips she took a better look at the girl. Even with the extensive work maki had done there was still evident blood underneath her fingernails and an awful smell coming from her slightly parted lips. Lips that were chapped but still looked significantly plump.

Nico was without a doubt a very pretty girl, it was no wonder she was the top pick candidate for the debute group. Her beauty surpassed even Alyssa's foreign elegance. She was feminine, small, and even in death pretty.

Yes, Nico hadnt deserved to be killed by her just because of a stupid role. Taking her life hadnt fixed anything. In the end Alyssa still didn't get the part, and Eli's hands were drenched in unreasonable sin.

If she knew what she did now, she would have never done it, she would have just bared her parents punishment and remain pure. And the girl in the bed wouldn't have had to endure such pain. 

She was going to get her out of there, she was going to give this poor girl a proper burial, being left to rot in an apartment was not an option. Especially not with Nozomi. The busty girl had proved to be a nice companion, and Eli wasn't going to indirectly ruin her life as well.

It was decided then.

Eli peeled off the comforter, revealing the rest of the small body. Pink bunny pajamas. Alyssa had the same pair…

With a deep breath the blonde leaned down picking the limp body up carrying her princess style. The awful aroma filling her lungs as she closed the distance between them. Her eyes watered as she readjusted Nico in her arms, the smell was a little much. How the redhead managed to stay in the same room as a decomposing corpse so long, she had no idea. 

"Eli!"

Her head wiped around towards the sound of Nozomis muffled scream, there in the doorway with a plastic bag in hand was the red head sopping wet looking as angry as a cat caught in the rain.

"What the hell are you doing with her?!"

Eli's mouth went dry, the sound of pounding sneakers coming up the hall, the sight of the smaller roommate out of breath behind Maki. "I-I didn't know she wasn't here, she got mad, I tried-tried to stop her but she was too fast." The girl said between pants.

"Put her down!" Maki reiterated, bag shaking in her fist.

She shook her head, instinctively taking a step back. "No, you're fucking crazy! What're you thinking keeping her in here?!"

"That's none of your business put her down now and get out of my house!" The girl practically hissed through her teeth, dumping the bag on the floor and stepping closer.

She had to admit the girl look intimidating when she was pissed, but Eli wasn't so easily scared anymore, being shot to death did wonders for one's personality. It's not like Maki could hurt her, when she couldn't feel.

"I'm not letting you keep her! She's literally decaying in this room! What're you going to do when she starts to smell worse?! What're you going to tell the landlord? The neighbors?! The police?!" Maki stilled, a slight panicked look in her eye, as though she had voiced one of her worded thoughts into existence. "What will you do when they drag Nozomi into this mess you made?! Go ahead tell me!"

"You-! You don't know they will!" 

"I do know her body wont last forever! What were you planning to do leave her here until shes nothing but composte? And then what? Bag her up and throw her down the trash shoot like she's garbage when she's too far gone?!"

"No! No! No! No! No! No!" The girl grabbed at her hair, squeezing her own head, eyes downcast, droplets of tears falling onto a bloodied nightgown on the floor. "I couldn't! I would never! I couldn't! I can't leave her alone you don't understand! You can't take her away from me!...please."

Eli stared at her pitifully, the weight of the girl in her arms becoming heavier by the second. The blonde looked behind the distraught girl, Nozomi, looking torn behind her, tears welling in her green eyes as well.

That's right, this was her first time seeing Nico since the day that she ran away…

The blonde cleared her throat, eyes going back to Maki who was trembling, "Look I'm sorry but, you have to think of everyone else besides yourself. Do you really think she would have wanted this?"

Maki's lip trembled as she looked behind her at her roommate with pleading eyes. "Please, Nozomi please..one more day please." Eli cringed as the girl fell to her knees roughly, scuttling to beg at her roommates feet. "J-just one more day."

Eli watched as the girl began sobbing into her elders pants, a feeling of awkwardness creeping in at such a pitiful display. Nozomi didn't look uncomfortable, more so mournful as she silently cried, her gaze placidly falling from Maki to Eli.

"One more night couldn't hurt Ayase-san." Nozomi's fingers moved to the taller girl's red hair, stroking it softly. Eli felt her gut twist, she didn't like the idea but she was ultimately powerless. Two against one meant she lost didn't It?

God this was stupid.

Carefully, she leaned back over the bed, setting Nico back down onto the soft sheets. "You've got till tomorrow night, then I'm getting rid of her."

She walked back to the doorway, sidestepping passed the two crying girls and into the hall. The blonde hardly made it halfway down the hall when she heard the tell tale scuffle of boots and tears, and the oak door closing shut tightly.

\------

As soon as the door shut Nozomi had bound over to the beside nearly tripping over Maki and the various obstacles on the floor. She kneeled down her eyes burning from so many tears. This was awful, it was terrible, it was so unreal but so real at the same time. 

A whimper built up on her throat as she took the small hand in her own. It was deathly cold and somewhat stiff. It was death. 

Nozomi crumpled her head coming down to rest on the edge of the bed as more silent tears trekked down her cheeks and her body trembled. The gravity of the situation was now tangible and so so real. And it was tearing a whole in her heart.

She had never experienced a loved one dying and now that she had, it felt like a little part of her died as well. The girl they had homed, had talked to, had slept in the same bed with, was no longer apart of their lives anymore. She never would be again because she was gone. Completely, utterly gone.

"Its my fault...I couldn't save her Nozomi. I don't know what to do anymore." Maki whimpered.

Nozomi attended to stifle her tears wiping the accumulating snot on her sleeve as she turned to look at Maki, "Maki you couldn't-

The red head let out of pained cry, her face scrunching up in a pained expression as she deeply bowed before her pressing her forehead to the dirty floor. "I could've! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Maki's entire body trembled and for a moment she thought the girl would completely collapse on herself.

"M-maki-chan..come here." She held her arms out, the need to comfort her junior more important than her own pain and sorrow. 

Maki crawled across the small stretch of room between them till she was practically settled in her lap, Nozomis arms coming around her like a vice holding her firmly to her chest. "Its ok, it's not your fault. It's no one's fault. She sighed shakily threading her fingers through the knotted greasy hair of her roommate, swaying them slightly in the way Nozomi remembered her mother doing to her. "You did your best."

She could feel the other girls heart pounding against hers, an erratic beat she could feel the other trying to stop. Even know she was still the same Maki, the same girl her parents friends entrusted to look after, the same hot and cold junior she went to school with. Yes, even though that girl was taller than her now, was a college student, she was still the same. 

"What am I going to do?"

"Don't worry about it", Nozomi breathed deeply moving the unruling red bangs aside laying a kiss on her forehead, "everything isn't going to be ok, so don't worry about it too much."

Maki turned her head burying her face in her chest, hot puffs of air and tears clinging to her sweater. "I wish I was like you or Ayase-San, you're so mature and you show what you feel, and Ayase..Ayase is so determined, she can say she wants to do something and do it. She's fast at making decisions.." Her fingers clenched around Nozomi's collar, "I-I can't do anything."

"That's not true," Nozomi rubbed the girls upper arm comfortingly, "You're the smartest girl I know, without you Nico wouldn't have gotten her second chance. Me and Ayase may seem all grown up to you, but we aren't that special trust me. Neither of us could have done what you did."

Maki made a small noise of acknowledgment. It was obvious that she wasn't entirely in agreement with what Nozomi had to say but at least it seemed like she had stopped crying for the most part. And she had stopped crying too, the dried tear stains making her cheeks taunt when she managed a halfhearted smile. 

"I love you Maki-chan"

"I love you too onee-san."

\------------

The taste of rubber was going to be stuck in her mouth for awhile at this rate.

"Goddammit!" Eli groaned as she lost the edge to the ducktape once again. She picked at the edge with a blunt fingernail till the corner lifted up. "There we go." 

She placed the tape over the vent rolling it out till it reached a few inches over the other side before ripping it off with her teeth. Spitting a piece of plastic out she could feel eyes watching her. With a huff Eli rolled her eyes if ignoring the stare coming at her from the kitchen.

Nozomi had convinced her to ducktape all the vents closed, her excuse being that Maki needed rest. It was annoying, she shouldnt be having to do this, yet here she was. 

Sticking another piece over the last she heard a small giggle, glaring she looked over side eyeing the girl. Nozomi was at leaning against the table arms crossed under her chest making her look well..even bigger. She was giving Eli a small smile, head tilted with a look of amusment.

"Something funny?"

"No, no," the smaller girls hand brushed the table as she looked down chucking, "you just have a cute butt."

Her what? 

The blondes cheeks flushed as the words registered in her head, her hands subconsciously reaching behind her to cover herself. "I-I do not! Jeez what're old man. Disgusting." She turned away fumbling with the next strip in her hand.

"Oh c'mon, I'm just trying to lighten the mood. Don't take it so seriously."

Don't take it seriously? This girl did know what she just said right? She wasn't dumb enough to know what it implied. She had to be implying..THAT right? God why was she even still thinking about this?

Eli shook her head trying to get rid of those muddying thoughts. "Whatever. Girls aren't supposed to say stuff like that."

"Hm why not?" She finished laying another piece down looking back over at her. Nozomi had her head tilted to the other side a finger pointing coyly at her own chin.

A feeling of awkwardness creeped up Eli's spine. She sighed rubbing her shoulder in an effort to ease the tensing muscle underneath. "It's wrong, girls shouldnt say stuff like that to each other I mean..that's what guys are supposed to do."

Nozomi pushed herself off the table taking a few steps closer into the livingroom. "I don't see why I cant do it too."

"You cant because you're a girl too, that's just-it's gross. It's not normal."

"So, you think I'm gross?"

Eli stalled, nearly dropping the roll of tape, "Huh wh-what?". Her mouth hung open for a few seconds lost for words, almost reminiscent to a fish out of water before she closed it abruptly. 

She didn't Know how to respond. Nozomi wasn't gross per say, no she wasn't gross in the slightest at least not on the outside. It was normal to acknowledge when the same sex looked good and well..Nozomi looked great. She was beautiful really. In all of her years in japan she never saw a woman as pretty. She had all the beauty of a traditional Japanese woman, seeing her return to Honokas in her shrine maiden outfit was akin to looking at an old painting. Calm, and graceful, even with her larger curves she would make an eye catching ballerina.

"N-no its-..its different you arent-you're pretty its just-..the words you use they uhm.." She suddenly became aware of the girls presence behind her when she erupted into laughter.

Eli's blush deepend, her word vomit soup made her sound like an idiot.

A dainty hand came to rest on the hand on her shoulder. "I was just messing with you, don't worry ok?"

"You're a really strange girl you know that?" She removed her hand from under the smaller girls unrolling another stretch of tape and biting it off.

Nozomi took a step back clasping her hands behind her as she walked. "I've been told, but I take it as a compliment."

"For some reason that doesn't surprise me." A half grin sneaked it's way onto the blondes face, this girl was strange but she was at least glad Nozomi kept her thoughts away from the last room down the hall.


	33. The Point of No Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's like 2 in the morning and I'm just gonna leave this here lol. This chapter is a product of edgy vocoloid songs, when they cry, and my suffering. I would've posted this sooner but other things kept distracting me. Anyhow uhm enjoy?
> 
> Freal tho thanks to all of you who still read this and keep me motivated you guys are amazing! Please excuse my errors and stay safe guys <3

The ticking of the clock in the room was faster than the clock in the kitchen, it was louder too. Each passing of the hand was loud and never ending.

Eli messed with the borrowed frilly pajama bottoms, the silk edge rubbing between her fingers. Letting out a heavy sigh she uncurled her knees away from her chest, putting them back onto the floor, the bed underneath her creaked. 

It was almost time…

Her eyes glanced over behind her, Nico was still in the same place Maki had left her in after leaving the room. The noirette was laying on her back hands together over the covers resting on her stomach. Angelic.

The day had passed by impossibly slow and no matter what room Eli tried to go in the constant ticking of a clock seemed to follow her..reminding her.

They had settled on an agreement, one that Maki was reluctant to oblige by but an agreement nonetheless. If nothing happened by one in the morning Eli was to get rid of Nico in anyway she pleased. It was Nozomi who came up with the last part reluctantly. She could understand where the other girl was coming from. Distancing Nozomi and Maki from her needed to be done.

It was harder than Eli imagined it would be. Nozomi could go into the room till noon, Maki could go in until after dinner, after that it was her job to sit in the silence and wait. That silence was simultaneously interrupted eight times by ten o'clock by the redhead. The girl made so many excuses to come in; to get pajamas, her pillow, a hairbrush, the specific music notes mug, so on and so forth.

It was pathetic to watch the girls heavy gaze linger on the body in the bed for long periods of time when Eli let her it. When Maki tripped over her own feet staring, the blonde had called it enough and kicked her out, locking the door behind the pleading girl.

Yah..this night was exhausting.

She checked the alarm clock on the side table one more time, leaning over and pressing a preset alarm button before falling back and covering her eyes with an arm. Eleven, she could get a quick nap in an hour. And maybe drown out all this ticking.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

This wasn't going to work was it? Huffing Eli lifted herself back up on her elbows, her gaze landing on porcelain white skin.

Eli was going to have to bury a body. A body she had stabbed again and again and again and-A tingling sensation ran down her hands, the feeling of warmth and wetness. 

Quickly the blonde sat up all the way bringing her hands in front of her examining them in the dimly lit room. They were clean and dry, slightly too dry and cracking from constant hand washing but they were clean.

She really hated that feeling. 

Frowning she held her hands close to her chest rubbing at the joint in one of her wrists. It was a feeling that came every once in awhile now, it had been far worse a month ago, but now it usually only happened in her dreams. It was gross, warm and thick, boning her skin. She deserved it though.

Her parents had been right, her mother was right, Eli was a disappointment, she was definitely going to hell. If not for her previous impure thoughts, then for murder. First degree murder..

She needed to stop, to just stop thinking for awhile.

Getting up she walked towards the window one of her legs slightly numb from being in the same spot too long. Her fingers ran across the windowsill as her other hand peaked between the blinds. Outside flutters of thick soft falling snow glimmered in the light of street poles. The city was quieter than usual tonight, and although it made the ticking of the clock that much louder, it was almost a breath of fresh air.

Alyssa would have to walk to school tomorrow in the snow, would she be reminded of home? It reminded Eli of home, those cold winter days in Moscow walking hand in hand with a small Alyssa to the bus stop. Their parents always too busy to take them anywhere themselves, it had never mattered though, it had meant extra time with her little sister.

She missed her so much, did Alyssa miss her too? Her breath fogged over the window, the girl making an annoyed face at the obstruction before wiping the condensation away.

Her little sister must be so sad right now, and alone, thinking her older sister was somewhere in dirt, rotting and cold. A place Nico would be soon..

The thought didn't sit well in her chest, it sounded so...dark, so cold and lonely. Like the back of her father's car, cold and uncomfortable, leather cleaner and car fresheners…

No!

She shook her head rubbing the bridge of her nose. Thinking about it made her head hurt, her pain tolerance couldn't stop mental pain, if only it could. Eli was used to physical pain, it was easy to numb out the rest of your body, if every part of it hurt you couldn't focus pain in a certain spot. But mental pain, it was throbbing a pain she couldn't make go away even with her fathers strongest liquor.

Nothing could ever wash away the ghostly pain and memories. What happened in that house could never be covered up, the blood on her hands couldn't be washed away, the scar on the back of her head would never fade. That was just how things were going to be from now on. 

She sighed stepping back from the window looking downcast at Nico and back to the alarm clock. Eleven twenty three.

Eli bit the inside of her cheek her arms crossing over her chest. It would probably be best if she started getting ready to leave now. It would tale time for her to get everything in the car. Besides the blonde had a place in mind that she wanted to bury Nico. A wooded area a good hour away the outskirts of a smaller town she had visited with Alyssa.

When she had first gone there the place was lush with green trees, grass and brightly colored flowers. The air was clean, the view surreal. It had a certain charm to it, like time never passed by there, the world stopped, leaving nothing but serenity.

It was the kind of place she wanted to be buried, Eli had even thought the fact up to her parents one day when they had been discussing life insurance and where they would like to be buried if anything happened. 

Yes Eli had told her father point blank and in the end the bastard dumped her on the side of the road like the rest of the garbage. It made her blood boil, she had let them treat her with such inferiority, all her life she let them walk all over her. But things were different now, no one was going to ride her heels and give her orders now, no one was going to stop her from helping Yazawa.

She turned, walking to the closet in the corner of the room flicking the small switch on. Maki wasn't exactly her size but she had longer legs than her roommate. 

The contents of the closet varied vastly. Eli walked towards the left side of the closet where the redhead's clothes seemed to be if she were to go by what the hot headed girl wore, they were all mature looking piece, as she shuffled through the outfits an occasional casual sundress or blouse would pop up but the majority included scrubs, formal attire and high end brands. 

How much money did this girl have? Eli had never touched clothes this expensive since she was still her mother's little star. The blonde huffed fingers scanning through the clothes, for anything low profile

Finally!

With little care Eli tugged a black turtleneck off its hanger. she must've done so with too much force, a pink frilly shirt falling down at her feet.

"Shit." Bending down she picked the shirt up, it wafted a smell of candied strawberries and whatever synthetic glitter was supposed to smell like. It was a smell that her mind couldn't make up if it liked or not.

She shoved the shirt onto of the other hangers, leaving the material haphazardly dangling as she exited and closed the closet door behind her.

Maki had to own at least a pair of normal sweats didn't she? Even rich people had leisure wear like that. Eli tossed open the top drawer of the dresser, remote batteries and change rolling on top of an old baby picture. 

Wrong drawer.

……

God, she didn't know how long she could hold her breath like this. Eli turned her head away from the body pressed against her chest breathing in the stale air of the elevator. 

They were approaching ground floor and she thanked god that no one else had tried to use the thing besides them, well her. Yazawa reeked, like rotting meat even with the thick blanket draping over her shoulders. It would be hard to explain, what would she say if someone asked? 'Sorry my sister in law went dumpster diving', 'she fell in the trash shoot'? None of those would make sense.

The elevator dinged, metal doors slowly creaking open. Eli stepped out the clasps on her backpack jingling with every step she took. Nozomi said that her car was parked on the side of the building, she had parked it earlier that night so she wouldnt have to walk to far, which she was thankful for now. The snow was melting into her sneakers again and the feeling was beyond uncomfortable. 

When she neared the car Eli felt around for her pocket grabbing the set of keys while trying not to drop the weight in her other hand. The car beeped, Eli throwing open the backseat door and as carefully as possible laying the girl down.

It didn't Go as smoothly as she hoped, the icy ground beneath her causing her to slightly lose balance and let go. Nico's head hit the seatbelt clip loudly and the blonde winced. She regained her footing dumping the backpack on the floor before continuing to push the pale body further across the backseat.

\---------

"Hey guys watch it!" Nico's grasp on the tray in her hands tighten instinctively as Cocoro and Cocoa zipped by. 

"Cocoa wont give me the remote, it's my turn now!" The said girl grabbed onto Nico, the remote tucked between the brunettes arm and her leg. 

Cocoa stuck her tongue out dragging her bottom eyelid down with her finger. "You lost your turn when you started doing homework!"

"I can do homework and listen! Nico tell her!"

Nico chuckled, being stuck inside always made Cocoa act up. Delicately she plucked the remote out of her unsuspecting younger siblings hand, tossing it to Cocoro. The smaller noirette fumbled, scrambling just in time to catch it before it could fall.

"Aw onee-san why did you do that?" Big red eyes looked up at her in a pout, pudgy fingers pulling at her skirt. "That wasn't fair, no fair, no fair, no fair!"

She couldn't help but smile ruffling her hair with her free hand. "Yah, yah go do your homework Ms. Unfair I know you havent done it."

"Ughhh," Cocoa pulled at her skirt again, "but that's lame."

Nico shook her head, rolling her eyes. Her sister's antics were endearing but right now she was busy. "No buts go do it and help Cotaro with his missing work too when you have time."

The smaller girl let go of her skirt purposefully making a show of dragging her feet and groaning while she walked towards her yellow backpack by the foot of the couch. 

"And show me when you're done ok?"

"Finneee."

The brunettes sidetail bobbed from side to side as Cocoa stalled in bringing out her books. A small feeling curled up in Nico's chest, a familiarity of sorts but she couldn't quite place a finger on it. She shrugged, rolling her shoulders and feeling the pleasant small pop. She was just probably overthinking things, Cocoa always wore it like that.

The tea was going to get colder the longer she stood there anyway. 

Nico hummed walking down the hallway, the fuzzy socks on her feet making her walk more of a scuttle across the hardwood. She reached the room across from hers, various crayon drawings done on their moms printer paper taped haphazardly all over the door. A picture of four stick figures with large pink and red hearts catching her eye. 

She knocked twice gently, trying not to accidentally knock down any papers. "Cotoro I'm coming in." The noirette didn't wait for a response, quickly turning the knob and opening the rest open with a foot. 

Cotaro was sitting up against a mountain of pillows, the thermometer still tucked in his mouth. At least one of these kids did what she said without argue. She stepped closer to her younger brother an evident frown creasing his forehead, well at least he listened without much argue.

"Now let's see this." Nico set the tray on the side table before sitting next to her brother, "Go 'ahh'."

"Ahh." Cotoro opened his mouth wide, Nico took the thermometer bringing it closer to where she could see the small digital numbers.

101\. 

"It still hasn't gone down that much yet." She sighed setting it on the other side of her lap, her red eyes not moving off his face. He was still slightly pink on his cheeks and ears, a little bit of sweat clinging to his thin brows. Nico couldn't help but feel bad, although if Cocoa had listened to her in the first place and not convinced their little brother to play in the snow with her during years he wouldnt be sick.

No, he wouldnt be stuck in the bed with a fever forced to wear the sturdiest pajamas he owned.

Nico reached over to the foot of the bed grabbing a washcloth from the bowl on the floor, wringing all the water out before bringing it to Cotaro's forehead. She wiped away the sweat covering his face and neck, careful of his raw red nose. "I'll ask mom to bring you more medicine on the way home." The noirette carefully tossed the cloth back into the bowl and dried her hands on the skirt. 

"Momma.."

"Mhm momma, she's working right now remember." Nico picked up one of Cotaro's older sippy cups from the tray opening the lid, she figured that it would be easier to give him drinks this way while he was sick. He seemed to notice the purple cup and scowl again.

"I'm not a baby." Small arms crossed over his chest as he turned his nose up at the cup.

A light giggle came from Nico's lips as she transferred the tea into the kids cup. "You're my baby now c'mon you have to drink it before it gets cold. It'll make you feel better." Closing the lid shut she outstretched her arm towards him shaking the cup in front of his face expectantly. "Please, Cotaro, pleaaaseee."

Her little brother was always weak willed, he took her pleading like he always did, hesitantly reaching out and taking the cup from his big sister with a pout. 

"Good boy." Nico smiled brightly threading a hand through his damp hair as she watched him drink the tea.

He was growing up way too fast, it seemed like only a week ago she was holding him for the first time in the hospital. It was a nice memory, she liked to fondly look back on. The summer breeze had filled the hospital with cheeriness, the sky was clear, the cicadas were singing. She could remember holding Cocoa against her hip as their father taught Cocoro how to properly hold a baby. And when it was her turn to hold the new baby, she fell in love.

He was the tiniest out of all of them, a premie and Nico's little quiet angel. 

A few days after he was born and he had opened his eyes for the first time in her arms she had shouted to her parents with glee. "He's like us momma!"

He was like her but exactly not like her at all. As he grew up he stayed quiet and docile, Cotaro always seemed kind of sleepy. He was soft spoken and attentive despite the drowsy appearance. If Nico was ever going to have a baby of her own one day she had wanted it to be just like her baby brother.

"I'm tired." 

Nico snapped out of her reverie standing up and placing the other cup back on the tray. "Oh, here let's move some of these and you can take another nap." She placed her palm against his back promoting him forward as she removed the other pillows till only one was left before stepping back.

Cotaro layed back his left cheek smothering against his pillow as he got comfortable. 

It was already dark enough outside that Nico didn't need to close the blinds, she leaned down switching on the girls' fairy nightlight. A small fairy dressed in green laying across an illuminated sunflower with smaller illuminated fireflies dancing around. It was cute, girly, but her younger brother had taken a liking to it too. He had even said once she looked like the fairy.

Nico smiled as she straightened back up her hand coming up to caress the soft face of her brother. "I'll come wake you up when it's time for medicine."

Cotaro shook his head, a little bit of snot getting on her hand, small fingers wrapped around hers lightly. "Onee-san stay."

Her heart melted at the sweet small gesture. "Ok I'll stay with you for a little bit, make some room." He nodded tiredly scooting back towards the wall until he decided that was enough room. 

Nico lifted the covers sliding in to lay next to him on the small bed, it was slightly uncomfortably warm underneath them but she could put up with it. Cotaro didn't seem to mind the added warmth of another person, he moved closer clinging to her chest small arms wrapping around her neck. 

She smiled cradling him close like she remembered her father doing to her. His puffs of hot breath rolling off her collarbone rhythmically, his nose whistling a little from being clogged.

Dad…

She didn't try to think of him often, it was still a sore subject for her. It was easy to forget most of the time now, she wasn't usually reminded of him often anymore. Their mother had removed anything of his from their sight and put it into a box in her closet a long time ago. But even with those gone they could never not be reminded of him.

Cocoa was his spitting image in every way possible, she had his hair, his laugh, his nose. The same chubby cheeks and stocky fingers. They were both outgoing, loved to be out, loved to be doing something. 

When the accident had first happened it was hard for them, for her mother especially, the first week she couldn't look at Cocoa without crying. It had scared her little sister and confused her. Cocoro had been harsh to her that week too, telling the poor kindergartner it was her fault for looking like him.

That had been the first and only time Nico had ever hit Cocoro. She had quieted down about it but that didn't stop her other sister from bawling her poor heart out, crying for papa. 

It was heartwrenching, Nico wanted to mourn, she wanted to cry then but she couldn't, It was from that day forward she had to step up from just being an older sister to being a mom, s mom and dad for her siblings. It was a big change that left her little time for being sad.

Cotaro was lucky in s way, he was too young when it happened to remember anything. He didn't have to remember heartache like they did, but at the same time he didn't get to have a dad. 

It was an awkward moment when he had ran up to her after school one day, a paper card in tow. He had handed it to her with the deepest blush on his face.

"Happy fathers day."

She had been so embarrassed, quickly putting it in her bag. Being compared to a father was well weird, although a part of her ached another part of her was warmed. 

Nico had received the same kind of card on mother's day, an almost identical copy of her mother's except with more hearts and glitter.

Her mother had given her a look when he handed them out to the both if them. The noirette felt slightly guilty receiving such a thing. Cotaro had a mother…

Nico cooked for them, she did their laundry and prepped their lunches, took care of them when they got sick. She was their stand in mother but being acknowledged as it was...surreal.

She sighed burying her face in the mop of black hair, it smelled slightly of sweat but she didn't mind. Nico just wanted to be close, she could feel years pooling in her eyes, the back of her throat starting to burn.

Why was she crying?

She wasn't sure why, it was almost like a sudden ache of loneliness had overcome her and all she wanted was to hold Cotaro like it would be her last time.

The feeling of his soft hair against her cheek was comforting, his small body an anchor. He was snoring now, a soft snore that lulled her tears away and made her drowsy, eyelids closing.

Drifting.

Lightness.

Pain.

Pain….

She lifted her arm from underneath the covers, the back of her head hurt really bad all of a sudden, like a rock was hitting it repeatedly. Was she getting migraines now? Just great, now she was getting old.

Nico closed her eyes again, her arm draping back over the small body next to her. She'd try to ignore it for now, maybe it would go away soon.

\------------

The pain didn't completely go away, it settled as a dull ache in the back of her head, there, but small enough to ignore for the most part. Nico placed the last dish in the drying rack wiping her hands off on her blue pajama pants. 

She walked over to the livingroom letting herself plop onto the worn out couch. It was nice and quiet and- 

"Cocoro! Gimme back my toy!"

The girls came bounding down the hall into the room, Cocoa at the heels of her older sister running in circles as Cotaro walked behind them and watched with his thumb in his mouth.

"No way its mine! Nico have it to me first!"

"Arent you too old to play with toys?!"

"Nu-uh leave me alone!"

Cocoa jumped up almost toppling her older sister over trying to get the small panther. "Gimme!!"

Nico closed her eyes rubbing her temple with a sigh as the headache suddenly started increasing rapidly again. 

"Cotoro!" 

"Cocoa!"

"Girls please!" 

Nico opened her eyes, their livingroom suddenly foreign looking to her, the scene playing out even more strange.

Cotoro was holding onto the old stuffed panther, the ratty looking toy flush against her chest as tears streamed down her face, the small little leg being held tightly in her fist as her whole body shook. "Don't touch her! You broke her! You broke her!"

"I didn't mean to!" Cocoa's bottom lip trembled as she meekly walked forward, her hands fidgeting at her sides. "I didn't, I swear!"

"You're so stupid! You always do this!" 

"I'm sorry!" The younger of the two began bawling, her cheeks growing more red with tears. Her hands coming up to rub at them.

Behind her Cotaro began sniffling his big eyes brimming with tears as he looked up at the broken toy in his older sisters hands.

Nico frowned, hurriedly getting up from the couch and walking towards Cocoa. "Hey relax! Cotoro that was uncalled for it's just a toy!" She rested her hands on her sisters trembling shoulders but the brunette seemed to be looking right through her.

"Cant you not screw something up?! For once! I'm trying! I'm trying so hard to deal with you but you make it so hard to Cocoa!"

Her head snapped towards Cocoro, "Enough!"

The second oldest looked furious, tears falling onto the carpet. In this light she looked so much older than she was, her hair was longer than she remembered, pulled back in a loose ponytail instead of their matching side tails. When did she change it? When did they change? Why did she look so sad? Why was everybody crying? 

"Its your fault she died! You told her to become an idol!"

It felt as though a knife had been plunged into the back of her neck. She couldn't move, it was like all the breath had been knocked out of her. Died? Who died? Cocoa? 

It was too much to try to comprehend, her head was hurting like no other now. The noirette closed her eyes willing all the noise to just go away. It was too loud, too confusing, she couldn't think, she couldn't-

"Onee-san?"

"H-huh?" 

Nico opened her eyes Cocoa's hand on her shoulder. The three siblings were giving her a concerned look.

She studied their faces, all tear free. The toy in Cocoro's hand intact…

What was that? What the hell was that? 

Shaking her head she rubbed her eyes feeling a slight wetness to them. "It's ok I'm fine, I-..my head hurts ok, could you guys just be a little more quiet please?" 

Cocoro nodded her head handing the small plushie over to her little sister. "Yea, sorry we'll be more quiet. C'mon guys let's go play in the room." She placed her hands on the small of her siblings backs ushering them back the way they had came. Her eyes lingering on the final tear that rolled down Nico's cheek.

\---------

Nico stared down at the pan of frying vegtables, a song with no name or origin humming in the back of her throat. She swayed lightly stirring the contents if the pan with a wooden spoon.

"I'm back"

"Ah," she momentarily looked away from the stove, eyes darting towards the front door, "welcome home!"

The sound of her mother noisily removing her heels resounded in the apartment. The kids were all taking a bath together leaving the usually noisy main room quiet. "It smells good, what're we having tonight?"

"Soba, we had some noodles that were about to go bad so I thought we should use them." Nico pointed her finger lazily in the direction of the noodles on the counter. 

The floorboards squeaked underneath her mother's feet as she neared her daughter, the noirette watched as she removed her black pantsuit jacket draping it over the back of a chair before rolling up her sleeves. "Smart thinking, here let me help."

"No, no it's alright I got it."

"I insist, you have to be tired from taking care of the kids all day." The older woman turned on the faucet pouring soap into her palm, her eyes fixated on the suds. "I owe you."

Nico frowned crossing her arms giving her mother a pouty look. "Absolutely not, you worked all day, this is the least I could do now go sit." 

"Mm but-"

"No buts." She stepped closer bumping her mothers hip with her own, her hands motioning for the taller to shoo. "Go! Go!"

"Alright fine," with a huff her mother walked over the table moving the clasped laptop that had been sitting there closer to her, "I'll sit but I'm going to study."

That's not what she had meant. Nico rolled her eyes tapping the wooden spoon against the rim of the pan. "Jeez, cant you take a break?"

"Hmm, no I don't think I can, gotta stay busy or I'll go insane."

A giggle escaped from Nico as she opened the noodles adding them to a pot of boiling water. "I think you already are insane."

Her mother rested her cheek against her palm eyes scrolling through paragraphs of text. "Maybe you're right."

"I'm always right." 

She recieved a grunt in approval, her mother was shifting into work mode. Nico could say anything she wanted to right now and recieve a 'yah', 'uh-huh' or 'oh really?' In return. It was kind of funny, her siblings would usually use it to their advantage when they could, using the excuse 'but you said we couldn' when getting scolded later. It was a dirty trick but Nico would be lying if she said she never used it either.

Turning off the burner to the vegtables she covered them with a lid, leaning against the counter to watch her mom as the noodles softened. 

Her mom was really something else. Despite being worked like a cow and cramming in lessons she still carried herself in a respectable manner. Black hair in bun, cleanly pressed suits and polished heels, mature makeup. An outsider looking in would think she was the CEO of the company, not a underpaid worker stuck in a tiny cubicle.

Yah, her mom was really something else, she was hard working, too hard working….

Nico eyed the paper hanging onto the fridge by a blue doraemon magnet. There was going to be an idol audition, those who got in would recieve a steady income, one with a gracious pay compared to what they had coming in. 

It had been handed out to her yesterday morning when she had gone to buy more soy sauce. The paper was a godsend, it was almost too good to be true. She had thought about it on the way home, she had experience, well enough experience. Staring in school organized plays, singing at talent shows and participating in her old schools dance club. It was a good enough base for her to go off of and well if she was being honest not only did she have the experience but the pretty face too.

"Mom.."

"Hm?"

"Should I-...Do you think I could be an idol."

"I think so!" 

Nico's eyes looked over where the boisterous voice was coming from. In the entry to the kitchen was Cocoa rocking on her feet hair sopping wet dripping onto the floor.

The sound of other footsteps resounded from the hall Cocoro emerging with a towel wrapped around her hair another waving around in her hand. "Cocoa! Get back here you're gonna get sick next!"

The second oldest plopped the towel onto her younger sisters hair aggressively toweling it. Cocoa didn't seem to mind though only grimacing for a moment before returning her attention back to Nico. "Onee-san's already the best sister she would be the best idol too!"

Cotaro emerged from behind Cocoro A small towel sitting on his head as he peaked behind the two. "Onee-san idol."

"Oh jeez." Cocoro huffed turning the towel over and starting her actions again.

A bright smile crossed Nico's face as she stared at her siblings in adornment. "Thanks Cocoa, you really think so?"

The brunette nodded her head vigorously hissing when she accidentally caused her sister to pull her hair. "Yah I think you can! You can do anything! I cant wait to see you on stage!"

"Pretty." 

Cocoa's eyes twinkled, her hand coming down to pat her little brother's head, "Yes Onee-san will look so pretty!"

"Guyyss." Cocoro groaned, removing the towel from Cocoa's hair and putting a hand on her hip. She looked annoyed, but it was kind of hard to take her seriously with the too large towel on top of her head.

Nico set her hand in her hip mocking her sister's posture. "What? You don't think I can do it?"

A light blush spread across her face, her hand moving to nervously toy with the hem of the towel. "What?! Th-that's not what I meant…" she grumbled, red eyes downcast.

"Then what did you mean?" Her little sister was so cute when she acted so shy. The noirette leaned in slightly watching as Cocoro struggled even more to stop fidgeting, "hmmm what is it?"

The blush on her face deepened, she turned her head up towards the ceiling in a vain attempt at trying to look confident again. "I-I just meant that if you became an idol, who would take care of us?"

A plethora of giggles erupted in the room, and Nico couldn't help but coo. "You're too cute Cocoro-chan~". She closed the distance between them pulling her sister closer and squeezing her against her chest. 

Cocoro's protests were drowned out by the giggles of the rest of the yazawa siblings, the other two quickly latching onto either of Nicos legs in a big hug. It was enough to make Nico think her heart could burst from love.

\---------

The steam immediately clung to her skin as soon as she stepped foot into the bathroom.

Cocoa had insisted on drawing her older sister a bath and it seemed like she used a lot of hot water, hopefully it wasn't too hot though.

She yawned slowly removing her legging and socks tossing them onto the floor. The warm air caressed her in a way that was already making her drowsy, or maybe she was just so tired from all the errands. Either way she was eyeing the tub of warm water, she would enjoy this very much.

Stretching she went to remove her shirt, her hand ran over the expanse of her smooth stomache. Silky smooth and-

Bumpy?

She cocked a brow feeling underneath her shirt again, it felt odd, her fingers grazed over raised hot flesh. 

"What the-"

Quickly she tossed her shirt aside looking down at her body.

Scars.

Large fresh, raw looking scars criss crossing her entire front.

Her eyes widened as she stared down in shocked, a shaky hand moving across the angry looking skin. A fingernail barely touched the puffy skin sending a tremor of pain throughout her body that almost made her double over.

A sudden feeling of nausea circulated throughout her, hot, too hot, it was too hot and it hurt!

Where the hell did these things come from?! She didn't have these before! What the fuck! What the fuck! It hurt!

Her hands subconsciously wandered down to the scars.

They weren't hers! Go! They needed to go away before she threw up!

Fingernails dug into the supple flesh tearing, scratching, it hurt, it hurt but it felt so good at the same time. The searing pain led way to a burn that felt like ice, relief it felt like relief!

She continued scratching her hands covering with blood as the scars opened up. Trails ran down her legs thickly, a puddle forming onto the floor. Hot blood burning her feet and painting them red so red. Everything was red.

Red!

Red!

Red!

It wouldnt stop coming out!

Oh god what did she do?! Why did she?!! What was wrong with her?!

Nico closed her eyes tightly hugging her midsection, tears once again spilling, this was scary, she didn't like this, why was this happening to her?!

Small sobs spilled from her lips till she was occupying, the drowning sound of water filling her ears too loudly, it felt like she was being held underwater.

She trembled opening her eyes slightly to see the extent of the damage.

Nothing….

"H-huh?" Sniffling she unwrapped her arms from around her, there was no blood, her chest and tummy were a hot red color slight scratch Mark's littering here and there but despite that there was nothing. Smooth slightly agitated skin but that was it. 

Looking down where the puddle of blood should be she found nothing but hot water at her feet?

Yeah hot water.

Her eyes drifted back towards the tub, water still spilling from the silver faucet overflowing the tub and falling to the floor.

Shit!

Nico lunged forward turning the knob till the water stopped, her heartbeat still racing as she took in her surrounding. 

This was getting out of hand.

\-------

Eli parked the car behind the dense shrubbery of the forest. They were a bit away from the main dirt road, she had taken the extra precaution moving to a spot behind a small cliff. Nobody would be able to spot her from there.

She opened the car door a blast of cold winter air hitting her, the breeze woke her up slightly.

This was happening.

God this was happening.

Taking a deep breath she closed the door walking to the passengers seat on the drivers side opening it briskly taking out the backpack.

She turned her back to the door, ignoring the feet that were clear in the moonlight shutting it by walking backwards before stepping forward unzipping the bag.

The cold made her fingers numb, a welcoming feeling, it was close to nothingness but slightly tingly. She felt alive, more alive than she had for the passed month. 

Her heartbeat skyrocketed when her hands met with the collapsible shovel.

There was no turning back….

\---------

There was no turning back….

Nico's palms were sweaty, she attempted to wipe them off on her purse nonchalantly. She watched the other train passengers faced but none of them seemed to notice.

Good that was good.

She was nervous.

Was she sweating?

She moved her arms slightly the feeling of warmth and slight dampness...oh no.

It's ok it would dry by the time she got there. 

Her eyes scanned the train for the electrical sign. She struggled trying to peer over a tall gentleman's shoulder to catch a glimpse.

"C'mon, c'mon.." Ahah! 

Oh shit! It was almost her stop! 

The overhead speakers seemed to voice her concern, the staticky voice announcing that they would arrive at the station shortly. 

She squeezed past the tall man trying to get by a group of business men and a couple with their child. 

Nico made it as close she could to the doors, although she was pressed up against an old lady uncomfortably, and the child from the aforementioned couple was pulling up her skirt. Green eyes sparkling and blonde hair bouncing as she cocked her head to get a better look at Nico's panties. She wanted to say something to the girls parents but they were busy talking in some weird language that reminded her of spanish class but even more confusing.

She huffed watching the little girl over her shoulder till the train got to the platform. Tapping her shoe against the floor she practically made a run for it once the doors opened.

Hurry! She had to hurry or she was going to be late!

Nico ran, almost falling on the stairs that lead out of the underground. The cold air made her lungs hurt slightly but she was in relatively good shape. It was uncomfortable but she wasn't going to stop.

Her bag hit her hip rhythmically with each step. The building was big for the area from what the poster showed, she should be able to see it soon. Her future was going to be close. It was so close she could practically taste it!

Maybe she was getting ahead of herself, she hadn't even preformed for the judges yet, but she had a feeling, a good feeling, things were gonna go her way!

\-----

The other girls in the hall looked extremely nervous, most of them had left, it had been narrowed down to a group of ten girls. She had preformed the second time first and was now watching the rest of the girls file in one by one into the studio room. The good feeling she had was correct, they had practically handed her, her trainees uniform right then and there. It was just a matter of seeing who would work with her soon.

A girl with short hair and mauve eyes came out of the studio room. She was panting roughly grabbing her glasses out of her zip up pocket and firefly placing them on the bridge of her nose.

Koizumi was the girls name. Nico had helped her out with some of the footwork during the first trial. It was probably thanks to her that the shy girl made it this far. 

"How'd it go?" She pushed herself off the wall offering put the water bottle she had yet to open.

Koizumi smiled shyly taking the water bottle, the two continuing to walk down the hall. "Good I think. The lady said she really liked my singing."

Nico watched as she uncapped the bottle chugging till only half of the water remained. "That's great, maybe we'll be working together soon. I'd rather work with you than those other girls in there."

"R-really?" 

Nico nodded, "You're nice and you seem really passionate about idols. From what I heard in there everyone else is just in it to get famous fast. You know social climbing."

"Oh.." They reached the companies main hall Nico leading them underneath an air conditioner. "Why did you audition Yazawa-san?"

"Money." The look on the other girls face shifted slightly, maybe she should elaborate before the girl got the wrong idea. "For my family, my mom takes care of the four of my siblings alone, I figured I should contribute and I like the stage."

Koizumi nodded holding the bottle of water close to her chest. "That's so noble of you Yazawa-san."

Nico rubbed the back of her neck and smiled, she liked praise, she liked when people looked at her with admiration, "It's the least I can do." 

"You're definitely going to be picked, you're so confident, it makes you even more pretty than you already are. You remind me so much of this one idol I absolutely love her!" The girls voice raised slightly again. It seemed to do that when she began talking about things she was passionate about. "Even if I don't make it in can I still support you?"

The upfrontness took her by surprise. "Support me?.."

She nodded glasses falling down her nose a bit. "Yes, please! You're so talented already I cant help but want to help you improve, even if we don't end up working together could we-...could we be friends?"

The look in her eyes melted Nico's heart, it was a look that her siblings often gave her, she wasn't playing it up for the sake of making connections. That look told her she genuinely cared, she really wanted to be Nico's friend… her friend. Had she ever had a real friend?

"Yea of course," Nico reached for her phone, opening it up before holding it out for the girl, "let's exchange numbers." 

"Oh yea!" 

A giddy feeling of joy bubbled in her chest as Koizumi and her exchanged phones. She was going to have a friend. A real friend, not like those girls in highschool that only talked to her to get popular, or to get to boys. Koizumi was going to be her friend, her supporter, it was going to be fun. This entire idol idea was such a great idea.

Koizumi handed Nico back her phone, the noirette looked down at the new contact. Koizumi Hanayo.

A pretty name.

Wait. It was almost two.

"Shoot! I gotta go or I'll miss my train back home!" The younger girl startled for a second as Nico rushed to shove her phone into her purse. "I'll call you when we get our results back!"

"O-okay!"

Nico hummed as she jogged towards the front entrance flashing the receptionist a smile as she approached the door.

The second her foot stepped outside it was like she had been shocked by lightning.


	34. The End of Yazawa Nico

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She knew what this room was…
> 
> A morgue, there was no doubt about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so like this chapter took me forever to get out, it just wasnt coming out as naturally as the last, not to mention I got ill towards the end of writing this so it's not the best I've ever written lol. Oh well 
> 
> I hope this chapter can at least entertain you slightly. Please excuse all my errors there's probably a lot, and thank for your continued support! And stay safe! <3

Eli's lungs burned, her hands had turned completely numb now, for about the fourth time the shovel slipped out of her grip. She was shaking, was it the cold? The exhaustion? Anxiety? She had no idea. 

She grunted picking the shovel back up and looking around her. The hole she was standing in was a good four feet, the damp ground had made the ordeal somewhat easy. 

Taking another look around she decided it was good, she couldn't dig anymore even if she wanted to. Not to mention she was running out of time, the last time Eli had checked her watch it was a little passed for in the morning. Risking it was something that she wasn't planning on doing, it would take her at least another hour, maybe hour and à half to bury Nico and try to cover up her tracks.

The blonde walked over to the edge setting the shovel on the ground up top before trying to hoist herself up. Her arms trembled under her body weight as she tried to get some footing in the slippery mud, she managed to pull her body halfway out before a spasm ran through her arm. Half her upper body slammed onto the ground while her legs lost their footing once again.

"Fucking shit!" Eli hissed through her teeth, mustering up the last strength in her body to drag herself out of the hole. Panting slightly she crawled onto her knees using a cold hand to brush away some mud that got too close to her mouth. "This is bullshit, why the hell am I doing this?" She snatched the shovel from the ground, getting to her feet and collapsing the damn thing.

She was doing this because she needed to repent. That's right she was repenting for what she did. Eli had started something and now it was her job to finish it up, that's just how it worked whether she liked it or not. She was after all responsible for everything.

Her fault. Everything was her fault.

'I...I want to set things straight.'

Those had been Nico's words, never in Eli's life had she felt the same way as how that single sentence conveyed. She understood now the need to make things to how they should be. To finish what had been started. It was overwhelming how much she empathized with the girl she had killed. Sometimes it felt like they were almost the same person.

Eli just hoped that what Nico said was true...god she really hoped she had meant it when the noirette had said she didn't hate her. The blonde would never admit it but having that weight on her shoulders for the rest of her life...she wasn't sure she could carry so many burdens.

She leaned up against the car door smearing mud on it as she tried to catch her breath. Everything around her was quiet, no cars, trains, rain, nothing, not even the falling snow made a noise. It was a good change from the hustle and bustle of the inner city but at the same time it left Eli with too much empty noise to fill in. Her mind liked to conjure up thoughts when it was quiet. Terrible thoughts that seemed to echo in her head, over and over and over again.

Sighing she pushed herself off the car pulling the door open. The horrid smell spilled out of the car in a wave that took her back, the blonde gagging taking a step back turning her back to the car with a fist pushed up against her mouth. 

God it was disgusting.

She took a moment before walking back, hopefully it was enough time to let the car air out. The body in the backseat was unmoving, pale bruised yellow legs peeking out from under the blanket.

Was that how she had looked to her father? Was that the last sight of Ayase Eli he had? It made her stomach curl, fate was something strange, this had been her, but Eli had managed somehow to go against her own destiny and survive. At one point in her life though, she had lived this exact moment…

Shaking her head she wrapped her numb hands around the other girls ankles, she was getting distracted there was only a certain window of time she had to complete this.

Eli pulled the corpse closer to her inching her hands up Nicos legs the closer she got till the girls hip was on the edge of the seat. Groaning at the tingling in her arms she lifted the girls body up, hoisting her up so she was carrying the blanketed girl princess style. 

This was it…

The end of Yazawa Nico..

Eli clutched the body close to her chest and prompted herself forward, legs trembling like a baby deer the closer she got to the hole in the ground.

\------

The scent of chocolate wafted into her nose as the taste of blood filled her mouth, a searing hot pain shooting through her chest.

Nico's eyes shot around quickly looking for the source of her pain. She sight before her was haunting, it felt like she was experiencing deja vu again. But something about this was off, very off.

She coughed, feeling another sharp stab hit her a little bit lower, eyes not leaving the shadowy figure in front of her. Blue eyes...thats all she could make out, blue eyes and red.

Blood.

An unintelligible voice was whispering in her ear as repeated stabbing sensations wracked her body. She wanted to say something, to shout because fuck it hurt! But the blood was clogging up her airway, her mind was starting to become hazy, she had no time to react. No time, she had absolutely no time to think about anything besides her pain subsiding and..

Just how tired she was feeling...so tired….

\--------

Cold, the feeling of cold metal underneath her fingertips, the smell of disinfectant, hot burning white light.

Nico opened her eye's immediately regretting it when large surgical lights blinded her. She squinted, her entire body aching as she sat up, where the hell was she?

Her red eyes scanned the room, it was bright and sterile white and grey, shiny metal tools and other objects set neatly on a nearby tray. She looked down finding herself in a light blue hospital gown sitting on of a slab of cold metal. Her eyes followed her legs down to the tag around her big toe and the drain a few inches away from her feet.

She knew what this room was…

A morgue, there was no doubt about it.

Her eyes shifted to the wall opposite of the only door in the room. Multiple steel plated metal drawers lining the white wall with bright impact numbers.

"No...no…"

She wanted to throw up, it felt as though her body was rejecting the situation, whatever the situation was anyway. Nico wasn't sure, she tried wrapping her head around it, around everything but her head just felt fuzzy, like her brain had cotton mouth. All she knew is that she had this similar feeling before, sometime, somewhere..

The sound of a door creaking open alerted her attention, her head snapping to look in the direction of the noise twintails smacking her cheek.

Despite the brightly lit room she couldn't see anything clearly, a hazy shadow of smoke walking into the room, in with it came the smell of à fresh salad. 

Again the sound of unintelligible speaking sounded in her ears, whispering in à tone that reminded her of a melody, it would have been relaxing, calming even if it weren't for the fact that none of what was happening was making any sense. 

Nico jolted upright.

A scream.

No not one scream..

Multiple screams, loud definite screams that rang too loudly in her ears. She felt her heartbeat quicken as she sat up her feet dangling over the edge of the table, hands over her ears. Red eyes searched for the source of the noise but there was nothing not even the shadowy figure was there.

What the hell was this?! What was happening?! Where was she?! 

Her lip wavered a wave of despair and dread sinking into her skin. 

This was a bad dream wasn't It? It was a bad dream she would wake up from right? Right?!

It had to be!

Her hands pressed against her ears harder eyes shut as tightly as she could, the sounds of the screaming now being accompanied by an awful wet gurgling sound. It was so awful! Too loud! Too loud she couldnt think! She couldn't focus! She couldn't breathe!

She couldn't breathe!

Nico's hands moved from her ears to grasp tightly at her throat, eyes flying open. It felt like something was in her throat, thick and warm and stuck like cement. Her mouth gaped like a fish out of water as she clawed at her throat. Her eyes darted around the room.

Puddles of thick chunky blood were smeared onto the floor by her feet, a scalpel fallen onto the floor. The room was in complete disarray and not at all like before. Did she just not notice? Had she not noticed it before? When did it get there? 

It didn't matter, what mattered now was she couldn't breathe! 

She willed herself forward falling off the steel table and onto the hard tiled floor. Her knee made a disgusting cracking noise, pain sudden lying flaring throughout her entire body.

What was happening?! Wake up! She needed to wake up!

Nico choked, the feeling of something slimy raising out of her throat and dribbling down her chin as she dragged herself across the floor. It was getting harder to breathe by the second, she didn't know what being drowned felt like, but if she had to guess it felt something along the line of this. 

Trembling her hand reached the scalpel, holding it for a split second before it fell to the ground again. A struggled wheeze passed through her throat before clogging again. Nico felt like crying, this was pathetic, she was going to die at this rate. 

Again she reached for the instrument, this time firmly gripping it in her tiny hand. She brought it to the base of throat, if she hurt herself she would surely wake up wouldnt she?

With a jolt the blade penetrated into her skin the feeling of warm blood spilling from the wound and covering her hand. 

"I mean it! Stay away from me!"

Suddenly in front of her was a girl with red hair, her back against the wall as she held onto the same large scalpel in her hand. Her violet eyes were wide, the girls scrubs disheveled.

Maki….

Maki! 

No! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

The scene in front of her kept playing out just as it did the day it happened. Just like how Nico remembered that life changing moment.

She had died, and come back, she had met the girl of her dreams only to be heartbroken and die again. She was dead!

DEAD!

But if she was dead then why? Why the hell was she here?! This was hell! It had to be hell because she was in pain! The heartache was killing her the physical pain was just as crippling, dozens of memories coming back made her head want to explode.

Why!

Why, god why was she back here?! Why had she been torn away from reliving the moments with her family and brought back to this stupid room?! She hated it!

It was awful it was painful! It was-

...fading…

The room around her was fading away, black slowly encompassing everything, the image of Maki wheeling in the wheel chair being swept up along with everything else till there was nothing but black.

Darkness that was followed by intense crippling pain, a pain that left her motionless, her chest heaving and body tingling, it was the worst pain she ever felt. A pain that could only be distracted by the heavy breathing in her ear.

\-----------

Eli stumbled as she stood at the edge of the hole, her body instinctively grasping onto the small body in her arms tighter, she was shaking vigorously now, all her limbs out of her control. Was she having a panic attack? Why couldn't she just do this and get it over with? She was making it so much harder than it needed to be yet...how could she not when she had gotten to meet the girl she murdered. 

Her eyes stung, tears beginning to blur her vision. Stupid wind, stupid, this was all stupid. She sniffled rubbing her cheek against her shoulder and taking à deep breath. Her left hand rubbed against what she guessed was Nicos shoulder over the blanket. 

How did things end up this way..

Eli could feel the nose of the fox plushie dig into her side uncomfortably, she had never built up the courage to give it to the noirette when she was alive, it felt wrong holding onto it, wrong to place it with the rest of the gifts on front of the Emstar building, it felt wrong to have it with anyone besides the girl.

She was such a terrible person...she should've died instead.

The blonde fell down to her knees holding the corpse close. A sob building up in her throat that she forced down till it hurt too much. She was crying, silent tears cascading down her cheeks, she was no doubt making an ugly crying face. Her parents always said it was ugly anyway.

Eli breathed in deeply hiccuping as she brought the covered body even closer, burying her face in the now dampening blanket. Her cries now muffled grew louder and louder, her body shaking so badly she couldn't feel the beating of the small girls chest against her own.

She didn't notice the limp hand twitch and move till it grazed her forehead.

\--------

Nico's eyes drifted open, it was dark just like before but now all her pain was in her leg, head and in her chest, that had such a harsh pressure on it. Something was also brushing against her face, soft and thick making it harder for the small girl to breath.

At first her mind couldn't register the noise around her, only that there was noise. It took a couple moments for her to realize somebody was crying over her, crying loudly and very close to her face, so close that whoever it was she could feel their hot breath through the material.

Someone was crying but she couldn't find it in her to care, she was alive again, alive and in pain, ripped away from her fantasy with her family and back to pain. She was so furious she wanted to cry, to scream, do anything but her body hurt too much, far worse than the first time.

A cold draft blew against her arm, an opening that she could try to get out of, she needed to go, she wanted to go, go home, her real home.

Nico raised her hand up off the ground, the entire length of it felt as though it was on fire, her muscles had atrophied no doubt but she needed this person off of her, she couldn't breathe. 

She managed with a will power she wouldve bragged about to lift her hand up over her head. It bumped over something wet and slightly warm, hand wavering there for a moment before falling back down. 

The person above her shifted, face no longer pressed uncomfortably against her neck. Nico felt the material around her coming loose till it was removed from her upper body. She blinked eyes half lidded, it was still dark but she could see the stars, so many stars, and a familiar face looking down at her.

\--------

It couldn't be possible! Eli looked down at the girl in her lap, red eyes barely open staring straight passed her, trembling short wheezing breaths coming from her cracked lips.

She could feel a noise building up in the back of her throat, coming out as something ackin to a shrill squeak of glee.

Nico was alive! By some miracle she was alive!

It was like the entire weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. More tears spilled from her blue eyes, this time happy tears. "Thank god...oh thank god." 

Subconsciously she squeezed the body in her grasp, before giving it much thought placing a small kiss on the crown of the girls head. Nico didn't seem to like it, or more like she didn't like being squeezed. The noirette made a small noise in protest, hazy eyes finally looking her in the face.

God forgive her.

The blonde leaned down stealing a long kiss from the girls lips, both of theirs were chapped and cold, both of them were girls, both of them had been enemies, it was wrong. It was sinful, but Eli was too happy, too relieved to care, the girl in her arms was alive, breathing the same breaths she was. Eli could feel bad for it later.

She pulled away, the girl below her looked far more awake, eyes almost all the way open, lips parted as if she was going to say something but no words came out, only a slight warmer color returning to her cheeks.

The snow around them was slowly turning into rain, the droplets getting into Nico's eyes. It dawned on her they should leave, Eli needed to get Nico back to Maki if they wanted to keep her alive. She was no expert but being dead for almost a week probably did really bad things to the body.

"I'm sorry." As carefully as she could the taller of the two clambered to her feet. Her legs still felt like jelly and her hands were still numb but she was motivated. "I wont let any if it happen again."

\--------

Nozomi sat in the darkness of the kitchen, her mug placed against her lips, but she hadn't drank any of the now cooling coffee. Her eyes focused on the cellphone laid out in front of her, a picture of her and her two roommates baking cookies before christmas. 

The last good memory she had of the three of them. The last one she would have ever.

She wanted desperately to remember Nico the way she was in the picture. Smiling, hair tied in neat bows, humming a christmas song in her plaid red dress. Happy…

But the images wouldnt go away, the ones of her sick, vomiting, fainting, pale. The way her small limbs dangled limply underneath the jacket on the way back to the apartment. How still she was in bed and how her body became yellow. How the smell of rot encompassed her completely.

It made her heart hurt in a way that she never knew it could. Nozomi had heard about people dying from heartache and now she felt like it was true. She could never feel whole again, there would always be an empty chair, an unused mug and toothbrush. There was no way she could ever forget, or will herself to forget Nico.

The phone screen turned itself off, she could see herself in its reflection, puffy eyes, tear streaked cheeks. Nozomi didn't think she ever cried as often as she did now. She was never this stressed, never this tired. At times it felt like she wasn't even herself anymore.

Nozomi sighed, setting the mug back down onto the table to rub her hands over her face. She rubbed the tears away, sitting back, the wooden chair underneath her creaking. The humming of the fridge drowned out her thoughts, leaving her to blankly stare at the table.

Sometimes prayers just weren't enough.

\-----------------

The girl in her arms groaned and coughed weakly as Eli ran up the last step. She was aware that she probably shouldnt jostle Nico too much but it was so much faster to use the stairs than the elevator, and she was never one for wasting time especially now.

"We're here Yazawa." The crunch of freezing snow resounded under her feet, her only reply a whimper. 

As she neared the door Eli looked down, Nico's eyes were fluttering lazily, the noirette obviously in pain and struggling to stay awake. Her body was still cold, still pale, but she would move from time to time. 

The small hand leaning against her collarbone twitched, red eyes rolling slightly, the girls mouth parted as she groaned another pathetic sound. Just hearing it made the blonde pick up her pace. It made her anxious, the racing of her heart was uncomfortable and the way the knot in her stomach kept tightening with each breath didn't help.

Eli reached the door, turning the knob and entering loudly without knocking. 

"Nozomi! T-tojo!"

A head shot up from the table in the kitchen, in the darkness Nozomi's face was obscured but not enough to be unable to see the confused expression on her face. "H-huh? Ayase? Whats-" The taller walked forward noticing the way Nozomi quieted, the girls expression shifting into something confused and disturbed. "Ayase why do you-no just-you were supposed to bury her," her voice wavered, "why is she-"

"She's alive!" Eli stated, her voice loud, she drew closer almost pushing the body in her hands towards the shorter girl. "I-its crazy, I was-I was about to put her in but she started breathing Tojo!"

"That cant..it cant be!" Her voice cracked as Nozomi stepped back. "Please, please don't toy with me!" 

"Im not she really-!"

A sudden noise drew their attention, the two girls both looked at Nico, another whimper escaping her lips in a raspy manner. The hand on Eli's chest twitched again, moving slightly suspending in the air for a few seconds before falling to the girls side.

Had she reached out for her? Could she hear Nozomi's voice? Did she want Nozomi?

Eli's gaze snapped back up to the said girl who had made a strangled noise. It reminded her of when her mother had scolded her to not cry after a beating from her father. Pained and sad.

The look was clear on Nozomis face, tears were pooling rapidly in her green eyes, eyes that weren't leaving the body in her arms. She walked forward, "I'm still asleep...I have to be asleep. This is a dream right?" The tone of her voice was heartbreaking, uncertain, untrusting and utterly saddening. 

"Its not, I promise it's not..Tojo-San?" Eli held out the body in her arms, a subtle offer for her to take Nico. If she didn't believe her, Nozomi could take her and see for herself. She could doubt her words but there was no doubting the beating in Nico's small chest.

And there was no doubt they both probably needed it.

Eli was slightly shamed to admit apart of her cared that Nico was most likely not comfortable being held in her arms, she was still her murderer, still the girl who tried to take revenge and that wouldnt change. Nico would probably prefer Nozomi, it was understandable, it was probably why she had reached out for her…

She could see Nozomi hesitate, her body language was unsure but slowly the smaller walked forward. It took a moment of the girl watching the noirettes chest rise and fall before she reciprocated, holding out her arms eagerly.

Gently Eli placed her in the girls grasp.

It was like watching someone hold their baby for the first time.

Nozomis face expression changed from a frown into a smile in a matter of seconds, sniveling as she held onto Nico gingerly. Eli watched her brush their forehead together, mumbling incoherent words as she peppered light kisses. Another small mewl sounded from the noirette, slender fingers grasping for her elders T-shirt.

"You're home," Nozomi rubbed her nose over the girls cheek, some tear drops falling from her thick lashes, "welcome home Nicocchii, we missed you so much."


	35. Innocence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world was really cruel to beautiful people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys eat up! Here's another chapter, and it's longer too! I'm not sure if the cutscenes seem jumping I'm just trying to pace this story out but not too much if ya get what I mean. Anyhow I read all your comments and thank you for the support and don't worry there's still so much more of this story left, we haven't even gotten to the spicy stuff ;3
> 
> Anyhow please enjoy and forgive all my errors I write this on my phone and long nails make it hard to type right. Stay safe guys <3

Maki stirred opening one eye slowly as her mind tried to wake itself up. She groaned the sound of grainy voices getting louder as the haze of sleep finally dimmed out.

Great, really this was great.

The red head turned on her side sheets getting tangled around her body as she did. Annoyed she aggressively kicked them away from her feet sitting up and looking at the glowing numbers on the purple lava lamp. 

Seriously 4:46, really?

A hand ran through her knotted hair, Maki sighing as she moved her gaze to the bedroom door. 

She had just been able to fall asleep, it took her hours to finally cry herself to exhaustion and pass out and not even an hour later she was being woken up. What the hell was with that anyway?

Maki knew it was Ayase coming back but did she need to be so unnecessarily loud? Why was she talking? Who the hell was she talking to? Nozomi? Why the hell would she be awake? Last time Maki checked her roommate had past out on the dining table.

That dumb blonde probably woke her up too, how annoying, how inconsiderate. Did she not understand what the hell was going on? Jeez she wished the girl would just take a hint and leave already.

She had already aggravated her enough, berating her every time that she went to her own room then slamming the door in her face and locking her out, and now this? 

Maki could feel the growing anger building up, this was it, all she wanted to do was sleep and now she couldn't even do that! Ayase needed to be gone! Damn it all if Nozomi hated her she could care less!

Getting to her feet she kicked away one of the fallen blankets angrily opening the door with enough force to let it hit the wall and bounce back behind her.

"Could you shut up!" Maki yelled, feet pounding as she walked down the hall. She could hear the voices stop for a second before the start of hushed whispering. Annoying, so goddamn annoying, the redhead rounded the corner stepping into the kitchen, "Shut up and get out of my-!"

What?...

Maki blinked once, twice, closing her eyes tightly and rubbing them so deep into their sockets it hurt before opening them again. 

Nothing changed.

She darted her eyes between the people before her in shock, her mouth was hanging open hands out in front of her unsure what to do with them as she gawked. What was she supposed to make of this? 

Right there standing in her kitchen was Ayase, trembling and soaked to the bone next to Nozomi who was smiling so brightly despite the amount of tears falling down her cheeks. In her roommates arms Nico.

Definitely Nico.

Wet, pale, and a little muddy but definitely her. It was her. The small noirette was weakly clinging onto their elder red eyes blinking slowly and a small wheeze emitting from those delicate lips.

Was she really? 

It was almost like the girl was able to read her mind. Those hazy red eyes drifted locking onto her own violet ones. "N-nico?..." She watched as the noirette parted her cracked lips further a wheezing sound escaping before changing into a strangled sound. "Don't-don't push yourself." 

The words came out far more meekly than she thought they would. Right before her was her beloved poor Nico..she was there, right there! Was it real? Was she dreaming? Was this another sick hallucination? 

She didn't care, her mind could be playing tricks on her for all she cared Nico was right there! Right there!

It felt like her legs had been kicked out from underneath her, before she even knew it Maki was on the floor kneeling, her head pressed against the cold floor in a deep bow. She couldn't help the fresh tears falling from her eyes, or the way snot was starting to dribble down her nose. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

Maki wasn't sure who she was thanking, she didn't care, she was just thankful it had worked, her efforts weren't for nothing, she wasn't crazy, the feeling she had was right, she was back! Everything would be ok now things could go back to normal they could-!

"Maki-chan..get up."The redhead craned her head up, her roommate was looking down at her a foot nudging her arm.

"Save all that for later, she needs you right now." She turned her head to look at Eli who was removing her dampened clothing, rolling the wet mess of clothes into a ball.

Maki cocked her head, "W-what?"

She could see Eli roll her eyes tossing something quickly into the living room before turning her back to the three girl walking towards the laundry closet. "Yazawa needs you, you're her girlfriend right? And a doctor, get on it!"

Usually the blondes snappy attitude would send her into another fit but she had a point. Nico was still not completely out of danger, there was still the possibility of plenty complications, in fact there was most definitely already complications. 

Maki had fixed some of what was wrong but not everything. She had doctored up Nico in sutures and dressings hell she had done her best to reset the girls bones, Maki fixed the physically present problems but there was still more.

She moved slowly gathering herself up from the ground and nodded.

Nico had many other issues now, she had to be dehydrated, she needed fluids, nutrients, medication, the whole damn hospital practically.

There could be so much wrong, mentally too…

Maki frowned sniffling as she bit the nail of her thumb. How the hell was she going to do this without equipment? How was she going to pull this off? 

Her eyes wandered back over to Nico, her nose tucked into Nozomi's collar bone as she shook.

First things first they needed to get her body temperature up. Yes they could start with that and go from there. 

"Ok but I'm going to need your help," She eyed Eli who was throwing her clothes into the washing machine, a towel from the dryer tied around her body. "Both of you."

The blonde nodded leaning against the machine  
"Already a step ahead of you, just make us a list."

\-------------

Maki wasn't expecting the blonde to be so complaint, she was staring at her intensely, focused, she looked intimidating, she still sounded intimidating too but the usually snarky remarks lacked their bite, what was causing this change? Who knows at least Eli was a lot easier to deal with like this. 

"Listen only take what I've told you from there, the rest O can purchase over the counter but..everything has to be stolen."

"Got it." Giving a curt nod Eli looked back to the washing machine. "There's an issue though, Tojo has business there and I don't, I'll stick out don't you think?"

Nozomi hummed in agreement, "She's right, it would look suspicious."

Eli would stick out like a sore thumb against all the doctors and nurses, visiting hours wont have even started yet either so that wasn't a unusable excuse. She sighed, eyes drifting to Nico who sat still in her roommate's lap. 

"My scrubs," she leaned against the fridge its coolness taking away some of the uncomfortable warmth plaguing her. This entire thing was risky, it might not work, they might get caught, "Ayase can wear my scrubs, you wont have a name tags but..but if anyone asks just say you're new and it hasn't come in yet or something."

The blonde raised her brow. "Or something?"

"Yes, or something, or can you think of anything better?" The taller girls eyes bored through her, Maki instinctively swallowing the building saliva in her mouth, she was starting to feel sick.

Despite the glare Eli unfolded her arms huffing, "Alright fine. Whatever let's just get this over with I'd like to go to sleep sometime today, my body's killing me."

The chair squeaked as Nozomi rose up slowly, her grip on the noirette in her arms not faltering for a second, firm yet soft enough that the small body wasn't disrupted. She was really made for this type of thing wasn't she? 

She smiled, chuckling slightly as she walked towards the redhead. "Here Maki-chan you take her, I've gotta get ready for work too, and I think Ayase might need my help."

"Your help? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, nothing follow me there's not much time." The smaller girl just laughed again, she held out her arms waiting for her to take Nico. Carefully, Maki took the girl with about as much anxiety as she had the first time her mentors told her to hold a just birthed baby. Fragile, impossibly fragile. 

She watched the two girls, Eli with a frown her chest puffed up over Nozomi's statement, the smile still on her roommates face as they disappeared down the hall.

It wasn't until they were gone that the feeling settle in her stomach. Nico was in her hands, broken and barely breathing, so vulnerable. The rise and fall of her chest was accompanied by a constant wheezy sound. 

Looking at her minded Maki of her trip to their vacation house. She hadn't been more than eight years old at the time. She had been sitting on the deck of the house coloring in some book her mother swaying in a hammock between the supports when her father had come outside the house. He had looked saddened a small bunny scooped in the palm of his hand. 

One of the groundskeepers dogs had brought it inside the house. It had been clinging onto life desperately. For the rest of the day Maki had watched her mother try to tend for it before she gave up. There was no helping it, they could only help reduce its pain. That's what her mother had told her.

'Some things just cant be helped darling.'

Some things…

No.

No!

She shook her head, her grasp on Nico's body tightening slightly. That wasn't going to happen, she had gotten this far, they had gotten this far, she wasn't going to give up. Even if things looked grim she wasn't going to give up till the bitter end, she was going to be a doctor wasn't she? Doctors shouldn't think like that. Her mom was wrong, she was different, she was going to do whatever it took, even if she ended up behind bars.

\-----------

Nozomi giggled as she dried Eli's hair, in the mirror she could see the blondes face as red as the towel wrapped around her own body. "Oh c'mon don't pout that wasn't so bad, people do it all the time."

"Not with strangers!" 

Eli's cheeks got even redder as she pouted, it was amusing to say the least. No one would ever think that the intimidating Ayase Eli could act like such a shy child. It was absolutely adorable Nozomi couldn't help but to take advantage of it just a little and have a good laugh. 

Besides Eli was tense and despite everything that came out of her mouth she could tell that the blonde was relaxing. "Aw don't be so mean we're not strangers Ayase-chan." Nozomi put on a pout of her own, exaggerating the whiny twang of her voice, "We're friends now remember. After everything that's happened, you cant say we aren't."

The girl below her sighed defeatedly, "Fine, fine, we're friends but that doesn't mean we have to shower together."

Oh this would be fun.

"Are you saying you didn't like me washing your back? Was I that bad?"

She saw Eli's eyes grow comically wide in the mirror. "Wh-what no! I mean-! Well!...it wasn't that bad just weird."

Nozomi leaned down removing the towel off her head to talk in her ear, "Whats so weird about it? I shower with my friends all the time, it's made us all closer. Honoka loves when we take bubble baths and Nicocchii really likes it when you shampoo her hair. It's more fun with a friend."

"Is it really that normal?"

The tone of Eli's voice sounded different, no longer embarrassed, but more shy, inquisitive, like a little girl. Her eyes no longer looking Nozomi back in the mirror but at the hairbrush on the vanity.

She dropped the whiny voice, she could sense the situation was a lot more serious, it would be best to try and make her comfortable. "Of course it is, I've always done it with all my friends and so have they. Why do you ask?"

"I've never showered with anyone." 

"Huh?" It took Nozomi by surprise, but by the way the blonde was rubbing her shoulder and blushing it was probably true. Still though, it was kind of weird, was it a western thing? 

"Jeez I've never showered with anyone before, not even my sister. I just-..I never had any friends that were girls growing up here. I didn't have many friends in general really.. Even when I did have a friend I wasn't allowed to go to bathhouses or hot springs with her."

"You were pretty sheltered huh?"

Eli nodded and Nozomi couldn't help but feel bad for her. She really wasn't a bad girl, she may seem unapproachable but there was kindness deep down in there, she knew it. The blonde deserved to have friends, to have people to make fun memories with but from what she could gather, she never had that. 

Nozomi smiled softly grabbing the brush and gathered all the damp blonde strands away from Eli's face. "No worries about that, we can do everything you didn't get to together, you, me, Honoka Nicocchii and Maki-chan. All of us, doesn't that sound like fun?"

Their eyes finally met again the slightest crooked grin making Nozomi's heart do a slight jump. "If you say so Tojo-san."

\--------

Eli looked at the reflection of herself in Nozomi's body mirror. Maki had brought her a pair of scrubs her mother had bought her that were slightly too big for the redhead but had looked to be an exact fit for her.

And they were,the blue music note covered scrubs were loose enough that it was easy to move around in but tight enough that the material wasn't choking her, plus the pant legs were long enough which was a good bonus.

Still it was jarring to see herself in scrubs. It felt wrong, she could never picture herself wearing something like this. Her parents had discussed what occupation she should ensue after her dance career failed. A doctor had come up more often than naught, but it was overshadowed by the need for a successor to her fathers business. 

Eli had been excited, being the CEO of a big business sounded powerful, something she could strive for but no. 

Pawn.

She was going to be a pawn, marry the son of a corporate partner to ensure the future of both businesses. Become a housewife, a mother. A perfectly crafted domestic woman.

It sounded awful, she was actually happy to have been killed if it meant that she wouldn't need to degrade herself, but that meant only one thing for Alyssa, no doubt Eli's burden would be passed onto her poor little sister.

How was Alyssa doing? Was she ok? 

Eli sighed rubbing her face. Alyssa.. if she could just figure out the right time to call the house phone they could tall again even just for a little bit. She could let her baby sister know that she wasn't dead, she was alive and she was going to do everything she could to get her out of that house and away from those people.

In due time, she just needed to do this first and then she could deal with Alyssa.

Turning away from the mirror Eli grabbed the borrowed purple jacket off the bed before heading out of Nozomi's bedroom. 

The smaller girl must've been waiting for her, hands clasped together underneath the sleeves of her robe. It wasn't the first time she'd seen her decked out in her work apparel but something about the outfit made her stomach churn weirdly. Uncomfortably. 

"Sorry to keep you waiting let's go."

Nozomi nodded turning her back to Eli and walking down the hall. "Do you have the list of everything?"

The blonde felt around over the pocket of the scrubs, fingers brushing against the ridges as the folded paper crinkled loudly. "Yea got it."

The two girls stopped at the front door, Nozomi putting on new pair of boots while Eli borrowed Maki's white sneakers. "Are you sure you can find everything on your own?" 

The blonde threw on the purple jacket sliding her arms through the sleeves rolling her eyes, "I think I can manage."

"Alright if you say so Ayase-chan."

Eli reached for the doorknob, swinging the door open, the crisp morning air hitting her in the face as she stepped outside. What on earth was she getting herself into?

\--------

Where the hell would they even have that?

Eli's hands shook slightly as she chanced a glance back down at the paper in her pocket. What the hell did intravenous fluids even mean? At least she recognized Hydrocodone. That was really almost the only thing she recognized on the list besides other basic medical items like syringes, and stitching thread.

Crumpling up the paper in her hand the blonde looked back up. She was on the second floor, it was relatively quiet, twenty minutes after they arrived the buzz of morning and night shift switch died down. The only other people in the area were three nurses, one of them standing on the other side of the desk, the older woman on the other side handing her a paper talking about patient breakfast while the third typed away something on his computer.

She could ask anyone of them but there would be the chance that they tried to ask her about who she was. Maki had told her to give an excuse but they might see right through it. She used to be a dancer not an actress.

Maybe she should try the next floor? Yea the next floor sounded about right...possibly. Well there was no harm in checking.

Eli walked back to where she remembered the elevator to be, the white sneakers squeaking against the tile obnoxiously. 

Turning the corner she almost ran into a group of nurses coming out of the elevator, chatting about lunch plans. They looked at her, probably because of the squeaky sneakers, the tallest of them sent her a smile. She smiled back, sending an awkward small wave to the group of girls, sidestepping around them into the elevator pressing the third floor button.

C'mon, c'mon….

She sighed when the metal doors finally closed, this was more nerve wracking than she thought it would be. Hospitals weren't apart of her comfort area. Eli leaned against the cool walls, the elevator taking its sweet ass time to climb to the next floor.

Not that she was complaining, the elevator music was actually pleasant. It reminded her of the very first song she had learned a dance to. Simple and easy. 

The doors opened slowly and the blonde pushed herself off the walls forcing herself to step out onto yet another unknown floor.

This time she was greeted by the sounds of crying babies, and the soft gentle voices of various women. 

She looked around, this floor was slightly different then the last one. Half of the wall was a light shade of baby blue, the tiles on the floor checkered in the same pattern. The front desk was decorated in various sorts of plushies and flowers, if there was one word to describe it, it would be soft.

Walking further out of the elevator she noticed a small gift shop, balloons and more stuffed animals. Lots and lots of baby clothes and bottles. This had to be the mothers ward.

If it was the mothers ward there was bound to be some of the things on the list. There had to be at least something. Just where?

Eli walked forward, mindful to pick up her feet more so the sneakers wouldn't be so loud. She passed the front desk, choosing to continue straight instead of turning to her right when the hall split in two directions. 

Numbered doors passed her by, crying coming from some rooms while tv and laughter came from others. She probably took the wrong turn, oh well from what she could tell every floor looped, it was almost like a square shape with a line through the middle to make it easier to get from one side to the other.

Out of the corner of her eye Eli could see something move quickly, she stopped suddenly when a small girl ran out in front of her from a small waiting room on her right. Her black hair glistened under the fluorescent lights but blue eyes looking up at her in excitement. "Can you take me to see my little sister?"

"Uh what?" 

The blonde took a step back as the little girl got closer, her small hands closing into fists in front of her, "My little sister can you take me to her? Daddy said I cant go without an adult. Can you take me pleaasee."

What the hell? Who's kid was this? 

Eli cleared her throat leaning down a little to talk to the girl. "Look kid I-"

"Let's go! Lets go!" 

The little girl grabbed onto her arm in a grip way too strong for a girl her size, she practically dragged her down the hall, Eli trying her hardest to keep up with her without tripping over the random kid.

They didn't stop till they reached the of the hall, turning the corner. "She's right here see! See!"

The noirette ran over to the glass pressing her forehead against it as she peered Inside, her small finger pointing. Eli gave up, it was obvious she wouldn't be able to get back to her goal until this kid was satisfied. 

She walked closer to the glass looking at the direction being pointed at. "See her isn't she so cute?"

"Uh.." Squinting she got closer till she could read the name written on the incubator, "Kurosawa."

The girl beside her nodded vigorously, "Yup that's our name."

"Hm." Eli moved her gaze toward the baby inside the incubator. It was surprisingly small, very, very small, was it normal for babies to be that small? She seemed way too tiny, she was the size of Alyssa's old water baby toy at least. The various tubes connected to her made Eli's heart sink.

Obviously there was something wrong with her.

"Her name is Ruby, mama let me name her, she's got red hair like my papa, but she doesn't have a lot yet, when it grows I'm gonna play with her hair all the time and make it look pretty."

"Yeah I bet you will." A slight smile crossed her face as she looked down at the older sister. Her eyes were wide and shining in adoration as she leaned against the glass. It kind of reminded Eli of when Alyssa was born. She had been excited too, had she acted like this then? 

Anyhow it was heartwarming.

"I just wish we could take her home already, papa says we have to wait longer because mama and Ruby are sick. But we've already been here forever, I can take care of them at home. I'm good at that, mama told me so."

Something inside her felt bad about the situation. There was something much more concerning going on, that this little girl didn't know about. She was most likely completely oblivious to whatever it was. She was so innocent, it reminded her of Alyssa too. 

"I'm sure you'll be able to take her home soon." Eli placed her hand on top of the girls head stroking the black locks gently, it was pitiful. The innocent were always pitiful.

"Dia-chan there you are." That voice. Eli looked up, her eye's meeting Nozomi who was smilingly smugly at the two of them. "Dia-chan your mom's awake, she wants to see you."

The girl-Dia, moved away from the glass her blue dress flowing as she ran over. " Tojo-san!" She wrapped herself around the girls leg, Nozomi patting her head. "Is she really?"

"Mhm, c'mon let's go see her before she falls asleep again ok?" Dia nodded her head, smiling as she rubbed her face in Nozomi's palm. "Good, you go on ahead of us ok, we'll be right behind you."

"Ok Tojo-san!"

Eli watched as the small girl skipped on ahead of them, loudly singing a made up song.

She felt a gentle touch on her arm looking back over to the shrine maiden. Nozomi wrapped her arm around hers, her other hand delicately placed over her bicep as she led them back down the hall.

"Nozomi that little girl.."

The smaller of the two closed her eyes for a long second letting a sigh slip from her lips. "Her mother had complications during her pregnancy. They were forced to perform an early c-section. Her and the baby are both very ill."

"Will they-"

"Don't worry," she patted her bicep looking down at the floor, "Me and Mr.Kurosawa have been praying everyday together. I'm sure they'll both be just fine."

Eli wasn't sure if she was reading too much into it, but the tone of Nozomi's voice lacked the confidence of her normal statements. She tried to read the expression on her face but she couldn't get a good look. "Alright if you say so."

"How has the supply run been?"

"Oh yah that." Scratching the scar at the back of her neck she chuckled awkwardly. 

Nozomi finally looked up again, that shut eating grin on her face again, "You haven't gotten anything have you?" 

She could feel the blood rush to her cheeks, averting her eyes to the pictures lining the walls. "W-well I would have but-"

"But nothing." The smaller girl giggled, stopping them in front of Kurosawa's room. "I figured as much but don't worry. You're blessed to have a friend like me." 

Eli cocked her head to the side confused. Nozomi was a shrine maiden how the hell was she going to help Eli in any immediate way? "What do you-?"

"Shh." A finger was smushed to her lips, the smell of cherry blossom petals filling her nose. "Just wait and see." 

She removed her finger from Eli's lips wiping it on the blonde's arm. Eli grimaces clicking her tongue, "You're really making cutting me off a habit now."

Nozomi waved her hand dismissively walking further down the hall and to the reception desk. "Kira-san? " 

She saw a head pop up from behind the desk, a girl shorter than Nozomi with short light sandy brown hair popped up, big green eyes becoming slightly smaller when she smiled at the sight of the shrine maiden. "Ah Tojo I told you to call me Tsubasa no need for formalities."

"My bad, my bad." Eli watched as Nozomi put her hands up in mock defense, "Tsubasa-chan I have a favor to ask of you."

"Yah anything, what is it?" The short girl picked up a sandwich taking a bite. 

Nozomi knew a lot of people didn't she?

Said girl leaned against the reception desk rolling a pen on the counter with a finger. "My friend's new here and she needs the key to the nurses station, Mrs. Kurosawa's drip ran out and there's no extras in the room."

"Oh?" Kira picked up the pen setting it back in one of the various pen holders before taking another bite of her sandwich. "I thought Erena was her nurse."

Eli could feel the cold sweat forming on her neck. She could tell something was off couldn't she? The blonde's panic increased by the second but Nozomi looked cool and confident, there wasn't a hint of nervousness on her face even though she was helping her steal.

"Erena was called down to the second floor to help handing out breakfast, they're short staffed today." 

Kira hummed in acknowledgment swallowing the piece of food in her mouth. "Oh, ok," she reached down pulling a lanyard out of a drawer, taking a key off of it and sliding it across the counter, "here ya go, just make sure to bring it back."

"Will do." Nozomi sing songed smiling brightly. She picked the key up before turning to walk away, "See you later Tsubasa-chan!"

The girl shoved another piece of sandwich in her mouth giving her a curt wave. "Bye, bye!"

Wow she did it.she actually got the key, and it was easy. Eli watched the shorter girl approach her key raised victoriously in front of her. She waved it around in front the blonde's face for a second before continuing on down the hall, "Don't look so sad I'm sure you could've done it by yourself too, now cmon."

Once again she felt the heat rise to her cheeks hand tightening over the beige satchel on her shoulder. "C-coming." 

Eli followed behind her shoulders slightly hunched in shame. She probably looked like an ashamed puppy following Nozomi, oh well, at least she could get this damn thing over with. 

They walked down the hall this time turning right at the split. "Here we are." Nozomi stopped them in the middle of the hall, she took the key sticking it into a thick wooden door undoing the lock. "Everything you need should be in here. By the way please actually bring a drip to Kurosawa's room. Don't worry you wont need to change it yourself just leave it there for Erena."

"Oh uh yah sure." 

Nozomi stepped aside as the door to the room opened the immediate smell of saline filling Eli's nose as she walked into the room. There were tons of medicine bottles and various other medical things lining the shelves.

Jesus finding everything in this place was going to take awhile.

She heard a giggle turning to look over her shoulder she saw Nozomi hanging onto the edge of the door, "Good luck, lock the door behind you on the way out."

For some reason the sense of panic filled her chest again. "Are you leaving?"

The shrine maiden giggled again rolling her eyes playfully. "I've got to return this key and return back to the first floor."

"Oh." The sinking feeling returned, she wasn't sure why Nozomi's answer disappointed her so much, she was working after all she didn't have time to stay back and help her that was just silly. She guessed she felt that way because it meant more work for her, more stressful work. Eli frowned.

The door to the room was slowly closing Nozomi's head peeking through the crack. "Do your best! I'll see you after work!"

"Yea..see yah." Her quiet response was drowned out by the sound of the heavy door clicking shut.

Suddenly Eli was alone in this room full of medicines, the daunting task of bringing back the right things or facing Maki's wrath filling her thoughts. "Let's do this.." 

She took notice immediately at the camera in the corner of the room, there's no doubt it was probably on but from the looks of it, if Eli kept close to the left of the room it wouldn't be able to see her. There was a chance it would but, the chance of the redhead going ballistic on her was an even greater chance. Besides she owed it to them. To Nico..

Walking in closer she pulled the list out from her pocket reading over the complicated spellings, it was a good thing that the labels on everything were spelled in romaji and english. Eli had studied Japanese for years but nothing to do with anything more than basic medical terminology.

She looked along the shelves reading each label of pills carefully. "Hydrocodone, hydro, hydro..hydro..ah here it is. At least someone had the sense in mind to alphabetize these." 

Taking a bottle in her hand Eli looked back down at the paper, Maki didn't specify how much of it she wanted, she didn't on any of the items, all she knew is that the girl wanted them. Her gaze shifted from the paper to the bottles lined up neatly. Three bottles should probably do it shouldn't it? 

Eli grabbed two more bottle shoving them into the front pocket of the bag before moving on. 

She was able to find things easier now just looking around for things by the first letter. It was a little trickier to find the stitching thread. It was in one of the labeled pull out drawers. Again she took an entire thick roll. It was better to have more than not enough.

Finding the correct drips was tricky too, there were so many different kinds, she had no idea what half of them even did. Eli grabbed handfuls of each filling up the bag till it was beginning to look noticeably full and felt heavy. 

She huffed readjusting the strap that was digging into her shoulder uncomfortably. At least that was the last of it. All she needed to do was take the drip to the Kurosawa's and be on her way. Then she could finish up getting the rest at CVS and finally go to sleep.

Eli walk out of the room drip in hand,making sure to lock the door from the inside before shutting it. She looked around, no nurses anywhere but she could definitely hear a woman screaming..

Yah it was time for her to leave. 

The blonde fast walked down the hallway taking the turn back into the hall that held the patients in. The groaning and moaning of a woman slowly fading as she neared the door.

Huffing she knocked on the door before stepping in. The room was quiet, Dia was nowhere to be seen the only other person in the room was Mrs. Kurosawa. She was laying in the hospital bed, she looked pale yet still held a look of elegance. The woman had black hair like her daughter, she noticed that they even shared the same beauty mark on her chin.

Eli couldn't tear her gaze away from the sick woman even as she set the iv fluid on the stationary. Multiple tubes were attached to her, some running underneath the gown, disappearing. 

The world was really cruel to beautiful people.


	36. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just how awful of a person could she be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter including a perspective of a character we havent touched on that much! The incoming chapters are gonna incorporate more of the girls so yay? And have more plot involved, oh boy I'm excited for those, its gonna get wild lol :3
> 
> Anyhow thanks for reading and all the continued love and support for this piece, please excuse all my errors and I hope you enjoy UwU
> 
> Stay safe! <3

The rain never seemed to stop pouring down. Maki pulled her gaze away from the window sighing. It was nearing dinnertime, Nozomi would probably bring something back home with her soon. She should've been using this time to sleep, but she couldn't. The redhead should be exhausted, it would be the smart choice to sleep, there was no way she could take care of Nico at her best in this condition.

But falling asleep….

The idea of falling asleep and waking up to this being nothing but a dream was terrifying. 

She moved sitting on the edge of her bed, eyes shifting to the drops of saline fall down the tube into Nico's arm. 

Nico's poor arm.

Gently, Maki traced the smooth inside of her arm, there was already bruises coming to the surface from having the drip attached. It was ok though, it may look ugly right now but it would he ok, everything was going to be completely fine.

Yes fine. Nico was already warmer, she was recovering already even in the slightest of ways she was-

Stop.

Stop, stop, god stop it. 

Her breath hitched as she rubbed her hand over her face. Her throat constriction in a way that made it hard to breath as she pushed down her feelings.

All this time..everything-even after everything she had tried to keep her feeling separated from her duty but how could she? After all they went through, there was still no guarantee. How was that fair? How was she not supposed to cry? How was she supposed to stay positive? How? GODDAMMIT HOW!

Her body trembled as she hiccuped, hands covering her mouth in a poor attempt to keep herself quiet. 

Even now, even as she watched Nico's chest rise and fall underneath the thick layer of blankets...she couldn't help but feel hopeless. She should be happy, she should be but…

Maki had watched her die, she had seen the color drain from the noirettes body in her own arms and she had been powerless to do anything at all. It could happen again, life was unfair, so, so unfair. Could she even manage to watch it happen again?

No. The answer was obvious, there was no way. No way in hell that she could ever endure that again. She would rather die.

The redhead breathed heavily, fists wiping away the still flowing tears as she shuffled moving the covers aside to carefully slip underneath them. She sniffled, her nose running as she scooted as close as she could until her nose could almost graze against the sleeping girls cheek. 

She just wanted to feel close, she wanted someone to cup her cheeks and coo in her ear that everything would be fine. She wanted Nozomi to hold her until she felt whole, for Honoka to feed her sweet bread and tell her bad jokes, for Kotori to come back and lull her to bed with her singing. Hell she even wanted Eli's demanding voice to tell her to stop being stupid.

For Nico to kiss her cheek and tell her to quit pouting.

A kiss, just a kiss…

Maki eyed the smaller girls lips, still slightly chapped, dirt smeared against her plush bottom lip. They had never kissed on the mouth before.

The thought didn't embarrass her like it usually would, instead it filled her with a deep hollowed longing. Would she ever get to? She could right now but..

She wanted Nico to be awake for it. Her first real kiss with her had to be something happy, something natural. Just the thought of their first kiss being like this wouldnt sit right with her. If Maki looked back on their first kiss she could never look at it fondly. She'd just have to wait.

Her hand reached up from underneath the covers, fingers slowly feeling the body underneath its touch for comfort.

It was ok, Maki could wait, she could wait forever.

\-------------------------

Eli's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. The rain seemed to sense her dread, the droplets coming down in an even harder downpour in the restaurant parking lot. That dream she couldn't forget that dream.

The hot breath on her neck. High pitched pleasured noises filling her ears as her hands touched the warm supple body beside her. Silky black hair tickling her skin. Red hazy eyes looking up at her devilishly, a tongue swiping over the imps bottom lip in a smirk

'I'm your greatest sin, you can try all you want,' small hands moved her own over bumpy scar tissue, 'the more you repent the more you sin.'

She could still feel the sensation of those lips touching her ear. The sudden monotone of that sultry voice becoming sobering. 'You'll never be forgiven.'

Eli gulped, though the lump in her throat wouldnt go away. That dream, that stupid fucking dream was because she had kissed her. In the heat of the moment she had kissed another girl.

Her mouth filled with saliva, the thought alone was disgusting. How could she? She was disgusting, even her dreams were vile. She was an awful person, gross, gross, so gross!

Suddenly, the blonde unbuckled her seatbelt, opening the door so fast one of her nails chipped against the handle. She remained seated, hunched over, her head and shoulders becoming soaked as she dry heaved over the concrete. Nothing was coming out, she choked, coughing as her stomache tried to squeeze out anything. Drool dripped out from her mouth in large quantities, if she even tried to close her mouth it would fill with saliva.

Finally after almost two minutes she felt something come up, the tell tale sign of acid burning up her throat and coming out. The bubbly green liquid being swept away by the rain.

"F-fuck." She shook, moving slowly back into the car she closed the door, elbow resting against the side panel as her hand tangled in her damp hair. "Why me?..I thought I was over this." After all those years, after pushing away every girl in her life. After throwing herself into the hands of boys all throughout school, after all the beating she thought that those thoughts had gone away for good. They should have gone away.

All those years reforming herself into a normal girl gone, all because of one careless action. She really was a fuck up, her parents were right she couldn't do a single thing. A single stupid thing. Everything they had gone through the trouble of teaching her was for nothing. Because of a stupid kiss.

Why did it have to feel so good?

\-----------------

The ride back to the apartment was even more awkward than the ride to the restaurant. Nozomi wasn't sure what it was but something was plaguing the thoughts of the girl next to her. Eli was far more quiet now, her hair was wet and the lingering scent of something gross clung to the air. 

Nozomi sat up straighter, her thighs rubbing together causing the food on her lap to rock as she tried to think of something to say. "Uh...Ayase?"

"Huh." The girl responded dryly, the same bored expression on her face.

Well then. 

Momentarily she bit her bottom lip, Eli could be so cold at times. "Well er..uh what do you want to do when this is over." Nozomi cringed at the own awkwardness of her voice, she usually wasn't like this at all, but something about whenever the blonde started act like this made her uneasy. 

She twiddled her fingers waiting Eli's response. It was probably because it was how Eli acted when they first met. She had been so cold, so detached to her actions. Nozomi had been pinned underneath those surprising strong arms, that same voice that squeaked out of embarrassment in the shower had screamed in her face. 

Eli had made her cry...it felt like a lifetime ago.

"I want to leave."

Nozomi looked over at her, her face unchanging as she drove. "Leave?"

"Mhm", the blonde hummed switching lanes, finger tapping on the wheel, "I want to take Alyssa with me and leave, I don't know where yet, japan is nice but I don't want my parents to track her down. I'm not sure, I'd have to ask her opinion but," she sighed, "that's about all I'm worried about right now."

"Oh." It made sense. It was only natural for Eli to want to start over with her sister, but the sudden declaration of her leaving struck something inside her. Nozomi's grandmother was right, she got attached too easily to others. Although Kotori had left it would be different when Eli did. Kotori was bound to call once in awhile, they had been friends for years. But once the blonde was gone...shed be gone.

Once everything was over she would have nothing left to do with the trio. They weren't so close, despite that morning's conversation she could tell. Eli was still detached from everybody in the apartment.

Everyone except Nico.

A slight bloom of pain crossed over her heart, this was foolish she was an adult now, it was time to act like one.

\-----------

Oh, still here?

Nico opened her eyes, her gaze falling onto the same ceiling she slept under for over a month. Quietness enveloped her, making the thrumming of her head that much worse. 

It was awful.

Being brought back to life again hurt. It was the worst physical pain she ever felt. Dying hurt less, when she died the pain only lasted a couple minutes before the overwhelming feeling of bliss and warmth filled her body, the pain had disappeared, everything in that moment had seemed fine. Maki's crying hadnt made any sense to her, the panic in the air had seemed out of place. 

And then she had been back with them.

Her mother, her siblings, she had those precious moments back, only to have them torn from her grasp. All just to wake up in unbearable pain, to be cried over again and again, to feel awful and sick and guilty. It was just awful.

Red hair came to view in the corner of her eye, she turned her gaze towards the taller girl as much as she could without sending pain shooting down her spine. Maki was laying next to her, dried tears staining her cheeks.

Nico hated it.

She hated watching the people who had cared about her suffer because of her. Nozomi, Maki, Honoka, her mother and siblings. They all cried because of her. Because she kept leaving and coming back, kept hurting them. It made her feel terrible, like the biggest weight of guilt was constantly in her stomach. Why was she like this? Her of all people, why couldn't she be normal?

It made her so angry! All the guilt eating away at her made her angry! She knew it wasn't anyone's fault, it was her own body that did it but she couldn't help but to want to blame it on someone! On Maki!

Hot tears pooled in her eyes. God she really wanted to, she wanted to blame it all on her, yell at her, scream, move do anything! 

...But it wasn't her fault, all the emotions beating her to pieces weren't her fault. Maki had tried to help, she helped her out of her own love, she had been bold enough to come out with her true feelings and now...now of all times Nico wanted to reject them?

Just how awful of a person could she be?

Her body trembled, the urge to cry was overwhelming, but she didn't have to will to even do that anymore, she was too tired, too hurt. All it would do would cause more trouble.

The girl next to her shifted nose burying into Nico's dirty hair, a hand gripping at her pajamas even tighter. 

Why? Why couldn't she just shut all these feelings out, they were going to kill her again.

\----------------

The three of them sat at the table, Maki next to Nozomi and Eli across from her roommate. It was quiet, the only sound filling the room being the blonde loudly crunching on a fortune cookie accompanied by the clicking of Nozomi's nails against her phone. The air around them didn't feel awkward, well maybe it was but even perhaps it was just the redhead's new normal. 

She sipped green tea out of her panther cup, the warmth of the liquid inside causing the glass to burn her lip slightly. Maki ignored it instead choosing to continue to watch the taller girl at the table eat. Her blue eyes were glaring holes into the table mats, she was sure that Eli had accidentally swallowed the fortune along with the cookie. She could only guess what her thoughts were about, whatever it is was consuming the girl. 

Eli seemed to notice, her ice cold gaze darting up at her. Maki swallowed the noodles in her mouth, a hint of fear at the fact she was caught. Nonchalantly, she ate another forkful, turning her attention back onto her roommate. She was smiling, the corner of her eyes had a habit of crinkling when she was really happy. 

"Who're texting?"

"Honoka I thought I'd let her know." Nozomi closed her phone setting it down a light giggle falling from her lips. "She's extremely happy about Nicocchii, I wouldnt be surprised if she barged in tonight."

Go figures, that wasn't very surprising news. Maki was well aware of Honoka feeling for Nico, the girl was smitten with her the last time they were all together. It made her slightly jealous? Was it jealousy? She wasn't sure, but it didn't sit right. The red head knew that Honoka had a girlfriend, and they were friends with her girlfriend. Not to mention that she knew that Maki was dating her.

Wait…no.

That wasn't right, the last thing she knew about their relationship was that it was fake. Fuck.

Pushing down the feeling she forced herself to chuckle. "I bet, too bad for her though Nico isnt in any condition for visitors."

Nozomi pouted, her lower lip jutting out as she picked up a cookie from inside the plastic bag in the middle of the table. "Aw but Maki-chan its just Honoka, she really wants to see Nico and I really want to see her." 

Maki rolled her eyes, reaching forward she grabbed a cookie for herself before the two other girls could eat them all. "You saw her the other day, are you attached at the hip or something?"

"Yes!" Dramatically Nozomi leaned onto the redhead's side, putting most of her weight onto the younger girl. 

Eli grunted, Maki watched as she moved to prop her elbow on the table, her chin resting in her palm. "More people sounds annoying."

"I second that."

"Hmph," They watched amused as Nozomi's cheeks puffed out, another one of girls habits when she wanted to guilt trip Maki, "you two are so mean its suffocating." 

"Yea, yea." Maki raised her hand ruffling the top of her roommates hair, messing up her ponytail. Nozomi just huffed even more crossing her arms against her too large chest and refusing to look her in the eye.

It was all for show, Nozomi wouldnt stay upset for too long about it. If anything she would just leave the apartment in the morning to go to their friends house. That was a much preferred situation anyway, even if it was mean, she didn't want Honoka over, for now at least.

\------------------

"W-wha-ah!" Hanayo yelped, her knees scraping against the wet concrete. 

A montra of giggles sounded around her. "Oops my bad, rice ball." The other girls all mocked her as they passed getting into the black van ahead.

How many times did that make it? Six? Seven? Too many.

Catching her trembling bottom lip between her teeth she slowly picked herself up off the ground. Hanayo couldn't help but whimper, the material of her sweat suit brushed against it painfully, looking down she could already see red coming to the surface of the pink cloth.

This really was torture, no matter where she went there was always someone looking down on her. Hanayo had thought becoming an idol was going to be fun, but it was far from it. The rest of the girls in the group picked up the habit of picking on her. At first because of her weight, then because she was behind, and then it was the favouritism..

She tried not to cry as she walked closer to the van, the smirks of the girls inside illuminated by the orange light inside the vehicle, she didn't want to get into a car full with them. It was like throwing her into a lions den. But she really had no choice…. Slowly she entered the car, her body halfway in when a hand grabbed at her shoulder.

Hanayo's body froze.

"Koizumi-chan I need to talk to you for a bit. It's about your performance." There was a perverted smugness to the deep voice.

Oh no...oh no..no, no…

The dirty blonde turned her head slowly, a chill running down her spine as mauve eyes met black. Her manager grinned, letting go, motioning for her to step out of the van, his hand beckoning her like a lap dog.

God no.

The girls in the car had gone quiet, their eyes anywhere but the two figures in front of them. Hanayo wanted to cry, her legs felt like puddy, her stomach churning. Fear, absolute fear ran through her chest.

"Koizumi."

Those black eyes sharpened, she would be in bigger trouble if she didn't move, why was she always stuck between this wall of worse and worse. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, this was supposed to be fun, she was supposed to be making memories, good memories, not these ones, she didn't want these ones.

The man grabbed her hand roughly, a sickening smile still on his face. "Y-yes Mr. Aki." Her response was more like a frightened cry, she tried to hide her watering eyes as she stepped off the van choosing to look down at the polished brown loafers of her manager.

Mr. Aki smiled, waving to the girls in the van promptly before slamming the van door. Hanayo jumped at the loud sound, her heart sinking when the engine revved to life starting off with the rest of the girls leaving her behind. 

The rain soaking her sweat suit stopped as her managers umbrella covered the two. "Don't be so nervous KoizumI-chan, now let's talk shall we."

He always said that, it was the key word, 'let's talk', after those words were muttered something bad always happened, always, there was nothing good that ever came out of his mouth. Every syllable just made her feel sick. 

He didn't let go of her hand as they walked further down the block, they were slowly approaching his personal car. She had been in it before, sitting in the silver car always felt like a prison cell. Once she was in there, it was a guess to whenever she'd be let out

His calloused thumb rubbed over the top of her hand, "So Koizumi about your performance this week, it seemed rather lack luster I was a bit disappointed. I thought all the work we did together would have improved your performance."

She was shaking, he was referring to their previous "practice", the thought of those nights made her blood run cold, the air in her lungs burned. Dirty, thinking about it made her feel dirty. "I'm s-sorry Aki-San, I really tried to do my best but-but I..I haven't been in the best mood lately."

It wasn't a complete lie, she wasn't able to focus on anything for almost a week, it was hard for her to put on a smile during rehearsals, she kept messing up the steps, her lines, everything. It was his fault, everytime her mind wandered it went back to that damn hotel room. The silken sheets underneath her, the smell of sex filling her nose, the pain in her lower region, the blood.

"Now, now, you know I won't let you give me those excuses, you have to do your best, for me. I believe we need more personal practice sessions." The two stopped in front of the silver car. The older man cornering her up against the vehicle a wolfish smile across his lips.

"M-more lessons?" Her voice cracked, hand searching for purchase behind her. She wanted nothing more than to vanish into thin air. Hanayo was aware that most people who didn't know her manager would kill to be in her position.

As far as the public knew Mr. Aki was the perfect manager, smart, kind, eccentric, handsome. He pampered his girls with compliments and gifts. Gave them the beat of the best, he was invested.

Invested in all the wrong ways. He was a whole different person in front of other colleagues but once they left the pervert sadist emerged. A sick vile man, disgusting, so,so gross.

The brunette came closer, a knee sliding up between her legs until it rubbed against her privates. "Mhm more lessons, we need to work on your expression so more Koizumi-chan." 

She could feel her eyes begin to water as he grabbed her chin, his cigarette scented breath washing over her face. Her heartbeat quickened, he was getting too close too fast! "But! But-but I have tonight off, you said I could have tonight off."

Mr. Aki clicked his tongue, his hand moving from her chin to sweep her bangs out of her eyes. Hanayo closed her eyes, wanted those hands off of her, if he didn't move away soon she was going to vomit. "Sorry Koizumi but I think that-

"Oi! Koizumi-chan!" 

Perplexed, the dirty blonde opened her eyes, head turning to the new voice. She could feel Aki step away from her, his head turned to look at who was interrupting. 

A girl, slightly taller than Hanayo ran up to them, backpack ornaments jingling as she practically skipped. She smiled brightly, hands pulling on her straps, the rain hitting her windbreaker loudly. "Koizumi-chan, I've been waiting for you forever!" The girl tilted her head to the side, an angry pout on her lips. "I got soaked out here! You can't cancel on me now c'mon let's go! You promised we could go get ramen!"

Hanayo didn't know what to say, she had no idea who this girl was, but she was staring at her directly big bright hazel green eyes looking at her almost pleadingly. She wasn't sure what to do, why this girl suddenly started talking to her, how she knew her name, nothing.

"Ah you're so slow!" The taller girl let go of her backpack strap grabbing onto Hanayo's hand and pulling her over tugging on her arm a couple of times. "Let's go! Let's go!"

"Oh u-uhm," Her eyes went from her manger, to the strange girl and then back to the man, "Mr. Ak-"

The man dismissively waved his hand, fixing his tie and taking another step back. "Go on ahead Koizumi, I didn't know you already had plans." His voice sounded sickly sweet but his eyes were like poison, he handed off the black umbrella into her hand a little too roughly, "Have a good night, we'll find some time to practice later."

It felt like a weight had been lifted, the nausea she had been feeling slowly dissipating as he opened the car door. "Thank you Aki-san!" She managed to squeak out before he slammed the door, car engine coming to life. 

She was in the clear for now but...practice was going to come sooner or later.

Her stomache turned again.

\-------------------

"Man that guy was a total creep wasn't he?" The girl in front of her blew on her ramen, which was still undoubtedly hot when she shoveled it into her small mouth. 

Hanayo's hands wrapped around the cup of hot herbal tea, cheeks reddened. How embarrassing, this girl caught on to something. "He's always like that." 

"Really?"

She nodded watching as the hazel eyed girl removed her windbreaker revealing a top as pastel orange as her short hair before picking up her chopsticks once again. "Who even is the guy?"

"He's..my boss." She looked down into her tea, the small leaves still swirling in her cup. "I-..who are you?" 

Looking up, the taller girl had her mouth open, noodles hanging precariously in front of her face. A smile broke out onto her face, "Oh jeez I forgot," dropping the chopstick into her bowl she held out her right hand, a cat ring catching the light of a lantern above their heads, "I'm Hoshizora Rin."

Hanayo reciprocated the greeting, shaking her hand, "Koizumi Hanayo."

"Nice to meet you Koizumi." Rins smile was genuine, much different then the fake smiles the rest of the girls gave her, it was refreshing.

"Nice to meet you too Hoshizora-san." Picking up her mug she smiled slightly, "Thank you for your help back there, it was really kind of you."

Rin waved her off smiling even brighter as she scooped more ramen in her mouth, "Don't mention it." A noodle fell from her mouth onto her lap, the girl picking it up quickly and dropping it on her tongue again. "You looked uncomfortable, it was the least I could do."

That was hard to believe, so far everyone here had only done nice things because they expected something in return. Someone always wanted something from her, it was how the city worked. But watching Hoshizora hum while happily munching away made her reconsider that thought. This stranger had been so incredibly nice to her. She had seen Hanayo in distress and decided to help her, and even after getting her out of that situation she invited her out for dinner.

The mauve eyed girl couldn't help but become curious about her savior, maybe she was just too easily impressed, or desperate for any positive interaction but, it kept her mind occupied. "So, what were you doing walking out so late?"

Rin wiped her mouth with a napkin, "Oh, I go to college nearby, Im in track and my sprinting time went down so I was at the track practicing for awhile."

Well that would explain why she was soaking wet when they met. "That's neat, but you probably shouldn't run out in the rain, you'll get sick."

The girl across from her just laughed, "Thanks for the sentiment but no worries I'm a lot tougher than I look."

Rin's hundred watt smile sent a feeling of warmth throughout her chest. She was a lot tougher than she looked, Hoshizora wasn't especially tall by any means, she was slimmer than Hanayo too, a lot smaller than Mr. Aki..yet she wasn't scared at all to get involved into a possibly slippery situation. 

Yah, Rin Hoshizora was something else.

\-------------------

Nozomi's phone shook in the blondes trembling hands. Dial tone ringing in her ears as she paced in the middle of the dark empty llivingroom. Her chest felt tight, it felt like she couldn't breath.

Who would answer the phone?

The question sent a wave of panic throughout her. Pathetic, she was absolutely pathetic, it was a phone call a simple fucking phone call. It was her-

"Hello?"

Eli stopped, in front of the sliding door to the balcony. The voice on the other end of the line…

Papa…

"This is the Ayase residence...hello? Hello?" His voice was just as deep and gruff as she remembered, all those years of smoking turning the boyish voice from her mothers old cassette tapes into an intimidating snarl.

She was breathing heavily, too heavily, he could probably hear her. She wanted to yell at him, to talk down to him, confront him, scare him!

But she was scared…

Eli was still scared, scared speechless. Her mouth was dry, eyes prickling with newly forming tears as the man on the other end continued to call out. His voice echoing.

The blonde could still hear it, her fathers voice screaming at her in his bedroom, his large strong hands imprinting her pale skin with bruises as she struggled to get away. The smell of his cologne, of blood, the garbage.

Removing the phone from her ear she sucked in a breath, thumb hitting the red end call button. She tossed the phone onto the couch, hands coming up covering her face. Silent tears trekking down her face as she crouched down.

She wasn't ready, not yet, not now, not when the scar on the back of her head burned like this, the ache in her heart was still too much. Hopefully Alyssa would forgive her, it would take a little more time, just a little more time.


	37. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "To a new beginning!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER HAS GRAPHIC CONTENT! I've made a note where it begins within the chapter and where it ends, so if you'd like to skip it please look for those. This chapter is kinda a roller coaster but its necessary to set things up for later. I hope you guys can get something out of this chapter and the next chapter will have more NicoMaki :3
> 
> Please excuse all my mistakes and errors and stay safe guys <3

Eli sipped on the cup of black coffee, her hand was turning red where her skin touched the container but she couldn't feel it, not that she cared. Feeling things had been a set back her entire life, this was much better, not feeling anything was so much better. The passed three weeks she did nothing but cling onto those stupid feelings, crying in private in the bathroom of someone who hated her. It was pathetic, pathetic but she would learn to smother those feelings till there was nothing there.

She turned the car heater panel towards herself, one thing she did always feel was cold.

Her fingers thrummed on the steering wheel as she watched the two figures enter the black car.

Strange, the new routine her family was taking wasn't similar in the slightest to what it had been. When Eli was living with them it was almost the same thing everyday, monday through Thursday her father would get up at seven, finish dressing by eight, and out the door by nine. Her mother would sleep in till eight make her father breakfast, shower, pretty herself up and leave by eleven. Fridays and Saterday's were her fathers days off, her mother would either stay home those days or go do her rounds at various clubs she was in. Sunday's they attended mass at ten thirty, went for brunch after and then her father would depart for the standard weekly meeting, her mother would take that time to secretly go off, probably to a lovers house.

But everything was different now, except for Alyssa's routine, when she wasn't at school she would be at home, except for tuesdays and wednesdays, she had club activities after school and wouldnt get home till six thirty. Her parents on the other hand, didn't seem to ever be home now, her mother spent more time at the large house than her husband but that wasn't saying much. Between the hours of eleven to ten her mother was absent, only home on sundays and mondays, her father was gone from nine to twelve his new off days thursdays and fridays but he left often during the two. 

It felt a large amount of time that the two weren't home, a lot of time that her little sister was alone. It was perfect, finally something right had gone her way. This window of time would be their saving grace.

The other cars engine came to life, leaving the long driveway, quickly she turned her head to the side smiling, avoiding having either of her parents identify her face, although the look of pure astonishment on their old faces would be entertaining to see. Her father would probably have a heart attack, oh how great that would be..if only he would just drop dead that would be even better. 

The blonde waited till the offending vehicle was a good ways out of her sight before peeling out of behind the shrubs of her neighbors yard. This was it, her new beginning was almost in reach.

\-----------------

"To a new beginning!" The clink of glass cups filled the kitchen, Nozomi quickly setting the cold glass against her lips and chugging the bitter red wine. 

The girl in front of her loudly set her glass on the table, her lips smacking for dramatic effect. "God I needed that." Honoka laughed leaning back into her seat. Nozomi could see the twinkle in those deep blue eyes. The baker had been restless, it was obvious to everyone that she had been worried about Nico. Maki on numerous occasions had shoved the girl out of the door declaring that the noirette wasn't well enough yet. 

Today though was different. Instead of kicking the lively girl out of the apartment the redhead welcomed her in. She was in an oddly good mood, probably due to all the progress Nico made in the three weeks. She was still bedridden, and under her roommates ever constant watchful eyes, but she was making small steps. Drinking and eating small portions with help, without the use of a tube for the most part. And despite her scratchy feeble voice she was able to speak a few words at a time.

Nozomi didn't know the state of her mental abilities but it was better to look on the bright side instead of pondering the 'what ifs'. She was recovering, and nothing was going to soil the celebration.

Fondly, the shorter ruffled Honoka's hair, the blue eyed girl giggling and leaning into the touch. She was already wasted. "Nozomi-chan, let me live with you guys c'mon."

Pulling her chair out Nozomi sat down, swishing around the wine that she couldn't swallow the first go around. "Don't ask me ask Maki."

Honoka perked up slinging her arm over the back of her chair to look at the scowling redhead who was doubled over scanning through the fridge. "Maaakiii-chan."

"Hell no."

"Aw you didn't even let me ask!" 

Maki straightened up, popping a small cherry tomato in her mouth from the plastic container in her hand. "Don't care, you're a loud ass drunk and I've still got a thesis to write. Besides you and Nozomi's pervertedness combined," her free hand moved between the two girls as she swallowed," no thanks."

A sly grin settled on Nozomi's face, "Don't try to act so innocent, you enjoy the attention, we all know you're so pent recently."

She willed down the urge to laugh by pressing the glass to her lips again, the younger girl's face was beet red, the slightest tinge of pink reaching the tip of her ears. Maki had nearly choked on another tomato, much to Honoka's amusement, the drunk had her face against her arm laughing to the point of tears.

Her roommate turned towards them, her arms drawn in defensively as she did her best to look angry. Oh messing with her was just too fun. "That-that's not true! Besides it's not like either of you have any room to talk! Especially you Honoka!"

Honoka placed a hand over her heart, small bouts of laughter coming out between her words. "Ouch man way to remind me I haven't gotten laid in forever."

Nozomi leaned over the table, rubbing the girls arm. "There, there, you'll be fine."

Honoka laughed, the last few chuckles coming out halfheartedly. Her blue gaze fell to the empty wine glass in her hand, an in genuine smile crumbling into stoicism for a couple seconds. Nozomi was about to ask her what was wrong when she suddenly perked up, smile back on her face as she stood up. "Nozomi-chan you got any whiskey? I'm a little tired of wine after the holidays."

Maki, now less red than before, walked past her pointing in the general direction of their alcohol cabinet. "Most left, top shelf."

The taller girl nodded in thanks as Maki excused herself, leaving back to her room most likely. She must've been able to sense the mood change, and did her best at helping their friend feel better. It was nice in an indirect way, but letting Honoka drink away all of her problems wouldn't be healthy.

The said girl had reached the cabinet with ease bringing out a large bottle, setting her wine glass down in the sink in favor for one of Nozomi's hand me down classic whiskey glasses. She watched pitifully as Honoka filled it to the brim some spilling over the edge. "Fuck!" She whispered to herself angrily sipping the contents before more could spill. With a grunt she set the glass down on the counter top unrolling a couple sheets of paper towels and setting to pick up her mess.

Honoka may have thought they didn't notice and she couldn't speak for Maki but Nozomi surely did take note of the nuisances in her behavior. Even before the situation with Nico. Honoka was a bubbly girl, she liked to have fun, that was a constant, but she never drank this much, not since a year ago when her relationship started becoming rocky. 

Nozomi loved her friends dearly but it made her upset. She was mad at Kotori for ignoring Honoka and their relationship, but she was also maddened by Honoka's reaction to being neglected. It clearly wasn't working out and just causing more tension between the two.

Sliding her glass to the side Nozomi propped her elbow on the table resting her head. "Honoka, how are things between you guys? Have you made up?"

The younger girl stiffened for a moment before going back to mopping up the spilt whiskey. "I can't complain too much."

"That's not what I asked," the corner of her mouth twitched, " how are things between you and Kotori? Really, tell me the truth."

Honaka leaned back, sitting on her haunches, the paper towels in her hands being crushed in her grip. She shrugged, eyes still focused on the floor, "I don't..I don't know anymore."

"What do you mean?" Nozomi sat up folding her hands in her lap. She was sincerely worried about Honoka, she was slowly changing. Usually Nozomi would have minded her own business but she couldn't, not when it caused her friend to make bad habits.

The blue eyed girl sighed, slowly maneuvering to sit on the floor one leg sprawled out while the other was tucked against her chest. "I mean she hasn't talked to me since before Christmas." She paused wrapping an arm around her leg, "No, we talked after just, I don't think it counts as talking."

Nozomi leaned forward, her head subconsciously tilting to the side. "What happened?"

"Well.."Honoka balled up the paper towels tossing them behind her, stalling, before reaching up and grabbing the drink above her head. "It was when the stuff happened to Nico, when you went home... I don't know I was just really lost, and having a bad time. Not as bad as you guys obviously but I..I wanted to talk to somebody."

She took a large swig of the whiskey, her face scrunching up momentarily, Honoka was always a fan of sweets, the alcohol being anything but that. She moved her eyes to the personally made oven mitts hanging against the stove. "I wanted to talk to her, she was always able to make me feel better ya' know?" Nozomis heart sunk at the sad smile across her friends face. "She's always been so sweet, no matter what dumb shit I was on she'd help me through it..so I called."

The smile fell from her lips, "She didn't answer, not even after eight times, and I thought she wouldn't. It prob'ly woulda been better if she didn't pick up. But she did." Another swig. "And ya know what she told me? She said 'You're so clingy, quite calling me already', and she hung up."

It felt like her brain short circuited. There was no way, nO WAY, that the girl she had gone to school with, had been friends with, would ever say something like that. Right?

The pained look across Honoka's face said otherwise, the way she downed the whiskey deemed so as well.

What the hell?

"Oh...oh Honoka-chan." Nozomi got up from her seat when she noticed a couple of tears run down Honoka's red cheeks.

She shook her head, arms coming up to wipe away the tears on her blue long sleeve. "Nah it's alright. Nothin' a little bit of Nicocchii's love can't fix."

"Honoka." Carefully the older girl kneeled down taking one of Honoka's slightly bigger hands in her own, rubbing the soft skin. "It's ok to be sad."

The other girls mouthed gaped, lost for words as a few more tears escaped rolling down. "But I-I don't have the right to be- I...let's celebrate yah? It's what-" Her eyes moved to Nozomi's hand, her elder cupping her cheek. "It's what we're supposed to do.." The last bit came out weakly, Honoka's lip trembling as her eyes watered.

It was a sorrowful sight, seeing Honoka try to push down her own feelings and feign happiness made her chest ache. She had been her friend for a handful of years now, she was like a little sister, at one point the light of her lonely life. She couldn't stand it anymore, Honoka's stubbornness of never letting anyone see her down. 

Slowly the older girl pulled her close, not satisfied until she was practically holding Honoka in her lap. They probably looked awkward, Honoka far too big for her to hold properly. It didn't matter though, she was lonely, it was Nozomi's time to repay her for all those years back. 

She was becoming accustomed to this sort of thing. Honoka, gripping her in a too tight embrace, snot and tears wetting her neck and shoulder. It was all fine though, she would sit here with her until the girl stopped trembling. The rest of the celebration could wait till later.

\---------------

Eli opened the door to the apartment stepping in quietly. Even now she was still too embarrassed? Prideful? To say a greeting out loud, it was rude but she couldn't will herself to do it. 

Her entrance didn't go unannounced, "Welcome back Ayase-san."

She finished kicking off her shoes before turning her head to look at her greeter. Nozomi was sitting on the couch, her fingers running through Kosaka's hair as she rested her head in smallers lap while she slept. Seeing the girl in the apartment put her slightly on edge. Kosaka was a nice enough girl, she seemed sweet, but she was far too eccentric, and well..gay.

The blonde cleared her throat, "Hey." She gave her a small wave, turning away from the two and wandering towards the kitchen. She'd just hang out in there or in the room till Nozomi's friend left.

"There's some cake on the table, I saved you a slice." Nozomi's voice strained, she was obviously trying to speak up but not be too loud because of the sleeping girl. She tried not to sneer, how considerate. 

Eli sat down in her normal seat at the end of the table. It was weird, she practically lived here now, it wasn't something she wanted, but again something Nozomi had insisted on. The smaller girl had brought out a futon and placed it in her room, even emptied two of her drawers and bought some clothes for Eli, even after she told her, her plans of not staying. 

It was tedious, she didn't like it.

Picking up a leftover fork the blonde chipped a piece away from the cake. German chocolate, not that bad. She watched the wall in front of her idly, scanning over the pictures hung up on the cork board while the tv in the livingroom droned.

"As the tournament draws closer how are you feeling Ms. Sonoda?"

More of this again? Didn't the reporters already have enough of this girl?

"I'm feeling very confident, I've only been improving since entering."

"You aren't worried about all of the negative talk of you from this years opponents?"

"No, I'm not so worried about trivial matters, they're all bark and no bite. If anything it only shows how scared they are to compete against me, I take it as a compliment."

"You really are the steel beauty everyone makes you out to be."

The pictures were getting boring. Eating another bite of cake Eli peered passed the island till she could see the TV. The sake evening news lady was laughing, the archer next to her blushing profusely.

"Please don't say such things." 

Nozomi's cooing could be heard in the kitchen, the girl absolutely pouring her heart out as quietly as she could. She was usually able to stand this sort of thing but recently the girls harmless banter was grating her ears. She was in a house full of what she was trying to avoid, it drove her crazy. 

Picking up what was left of the cake Eli stood up, it was time to retreat to the room already. 

"Well Ms. Sonoda we can't wait to see you the next time you drop by Uchiura."

\----------------

(WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT)

The music playing was far too upbeat for what was happening, the beat of light piano keys and snares being matched by the pace of Hanayo bobbing her head. Well she wasn't exactly moving her head, he was.

Aki's blunt fingernails dug into her scalp, picking up his pace as he fucked into her mouth mercilessly. The tip of his dick was forcing itself into her throat, it hurt so bad, each movement made her gag. Tears had started falling from her eyes, it was almost impossible to breath, she was choking, snot coming from her nose and making things messier.

Hanayo closed her eyes, the smell was overwhelming, her nose practically buried in the older man's crotch. She hated the way it smelled, the way the dark hair brushed up against her nose and cheeks, the way the slobber and boogers smeared all over. 

God she wanted it to be over already! For the bastard to just cum and leave her alone! That was really too much to ask for... A whimper escaped her lips as her head was forced off her managers length. Her lungs burned sucking in deep breathes, choking on repressed coughs.

Glazed over mauve eyes looked up, Aki was smirking, a wolfish grin on his face as his hand moved from her hair to her cheek. She trembled underneath his touch like a scared dog, the look in his eyes was terrifying, he was practically devouring her alive with just his gaze. "Oh Hanayo," he clicked his tongue rubbing his thumb on her cheek before removing his hand from her face, "You just aren't getting better at any of this." 

No! No, no! "I-! I'll do better! I promise!" Her words came out roughly, she didn't want that! Anything but that!

"No, I don't think you will." She yelped as his hand found it's way back to her hair, pulling her up from her knees forcefully. 

Hanayo's hands reached up, slender fingers attempting to dislodge the hand from her hair. "Please! Please no! Please I don't want to! I don't-"

"It doesn't matter what you want!" She could suddenly feel her body hit the bed, face shoved into the sheets, Aki's breath was labored his free hand tracing shapes onto her butt, roughly squeezing it. "Listen Hanayo-chan, whatever I say goes, you wouldn't want to lose your new position would you? I mean group leader is a big deal you should be thankful."

The dirty blonde sucked in a breath at the feeling of her underwear being yanked down. It was happening..oh god it was happening!

She couldn't stop herself from crying out, fat tears wetting the bedding under her as she felt him press up against her. The fact she couldn't see him made her panic even more, he could be getting ready to kill her and she wouldnt even know.

"Aw c'mon Hanayo-chan, that's not very cute."

Her body thrashed trying to get the man off of her but he wouldnt let go, the pressure on her head just increased till she could barely breath, her nose smushed uncomfortably hard into the bed. 

She could feel the tip pressing against her entrance, "Now, now, relax." Hanayo could hear the smile in his voice, his hand in a bruising grip on her hip. 

No..no! No! No! No! 

"Wait! Wait please! Please stop! Please! You-" A sharp pain seared through her abdomen as he pushed in quickly, "you...you c-cant…"

The man leaned down, his large body draping over her, she could feel his lips graze against her ear, the hand on her hip rubbing circles onto her skin. "Oh, I think I can." 

A sharp thrust sent her crying out, the man above her laughing at her reaction. It felt awful! It hurt! Every thrust sending a sharp pain, he didn't even give her time, the dryness made it even worse, the burn of skin on skin didn't seem to bother Aki though, the man was moving without abandon completely ignoring the cries of pain coming out of her mouth.

She was being used, she was always being used but this was the worst. Her body wasn't even hers anymore, everything she was and had belonged to Aki now. She had sold her soul for her dream which turned into nothing but a living nightmare. 

A particularly hard thrust hit her deep, his dick pressing up against her insides so uncomfortably she was sure she would have some internal damage. 

He did it again and again and again. The building pain causing her to scream.

A momentary feeling of relief coursed through Hanayo as he pulled out, the feeling leaving as soon as her shoulder was yanked, her body forcefully being turned so she was on her back. 

Those burning black eyes stared down eyeing up her body like a full course meal. The man licking his lip as he dragged her down closer by her thighs, till she pressed up against him snuggly. 

This was worse! Looking at him was far worse!

She hiccuped, tears streaming down her face like a stream, hanayo subconsciously brought her arms to her chest, clenching her fists, she was a deer in the headlights. He wasn't doing anything to her, just watching like a vulture, but she couldn't move.

That hand, that damn hand cupped her face again, as he leaned in close again, their faces barely a few inches apart. "You're really bad Hanayo, after all this training,"he grunted sticking himself back inside of her", you'll never be able to keep a smile on stage if you can't do it here. Now come on, smile for me."

She didn't smile, her face still in a scared expression. He didn't seem to like that, the smile on his own face becoming a deep frown. "Fine, have it your way."

A new wave of panic filled her chest. She fucked up! Oh god she fucked up! Why didn't She just do it?! She pissed him off and now things were really going to hurt! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why was she so stupid!?

The wind was knocked out of her as he mercilessly began jack hammering into her, the friction herring her even more than before. I felt like every thrust was purposefully aimed at that exact place it hurt the most. Her body, spasming in pain every time it was penetrated hard. 

This was just terrible! She wanted to just die! Just die and not have to deal with it anymore! Not have to take this man's dick whenever he pleased! Not put up with all the pain he put her through!

No pain! 

No pain…

Hanayo's body relaxed finally, she was just so exhausted from all of it, fighting it wasn't working. She could never fight back..yah she couldn't..her body became limp, her eyes locking onto the mirrored hotel ceiling. She watched as the man thrust into her, eyes never ceasing.

A couple thrusts later she could hear him groan, his body tensing, a warm substance suddenly filling her up. She bit her lip, as he pulled out, the cum slightly spilling out and making a mess between her thighs.

(GRAPHIC CONTENT OVER)

She stayed still as Aki moved around, the man quickly putting his clothes back on and gathering his things. He didn't even say a word to her as he walked towards the door, his only goodbye being a small pink and white package. 

Hanayo sat up slightly to look at it once the hotel door closed. A plan B pill..

A trembling sigh left her lips, how did things even get like this? How did she end up being the chosen one? Why did she have to go through this and not those other girls? It wasn't fair.

Nothing was fair. Absolutely nothing.

The dirt blonde moved to lay on her side, her knees tucked against her chest as she held herself. Ugly sobs poured out of her, her throat hurt but her body hurt even more. She was such a crybaby, such a coward, she couldn't even stand up for herself. 

The purse next to her caught her eye. Hanayo sniffled pulling the purse closer to her by its strap till she could put her hand in it. It took her awhile to finally find what she was looking for. Pulling out the phone with a shaky hand she swallowed hard, bringing the screen to her face to open the phone. Her fingers trembled typing in the number she memorized easily over the past few weeks. 

It didn't even take two rings for the other end to pick up, just that fact alone sending a slight warmth into her heart. "Hello? Kayochin? What's up? You're calling really late, is something wrong?"

Rin sounded worried, it was understandable, Hanayo's eyes moved lazily to the clock on the dresser, it was almost two in the morning after all. She tried to rub away the tears with the back of her hand, "Rin-chan I...it happened again."

"Again?!" She could hear the other girl clamor about, the sound of rummaging coming loudly from her end. "Kayochin I told you to text me when things were getting bad!"

She didn't sound mad, just worried, she really didn't deserve to have run as a friend. "I couldn't, I didn't have time, it-it just happened so fast." Her voice wavered and the noise on Rin's end stopped for a moment.

"Where are you?"

"That new hotel in Odaiba." She stared at the pamphlet next to the clock, the hotel was a grand new building, expensive and modern. It was a place she felt uncomfortable in, especially now that she was alone.

Rin hummed in acknowledgement and Hanayo could hear the sound of a door shutting. "Alright, text me the details, I'll be there as fast as I can, ok?"

"Ok.."

"M'Kay. I'll see you then."

"Rin-chan."

"Yea?"

Hanayo picked at the seam of the pillowcase, her heart clenching painfully. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

Rin hung up the phone, and Hanayo let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding in. Her hands still trembled as she typed in the address and room number and floor, but the shaking was a lot less worse now.

She sat up, the pain in her abdomen still very much there. Her hands fidgeted with the box in her hands taking the pill out and struggling to get it out of the plastic encasing. Popping the tiny pill into her mouth the dirty blonde stood up, each step aching as she walked over to the mini fridge on the other side of the room. Bending down to reach for a water bottle inside the fridge hurt even worse. A sharp pain hitting her again. She grit her teeth bearing the pain as she chugged down the cold water. The chill of it soothed her burning throat, so much so she didn't even notice she drank the entire bottle.

Hanayo dropped the plastic bottle on the floor wrapping her arms around herself. She needed to go to the bathroom, not because she had to go but she didn't want it in her anymore, that means stupid cum. It was slowly dripping down her thighs, by the time she made it to the toilet the fluid was on her foot. 

She sat on the toilet forcing herself to go, using a piece of toilet paper to clean up the mess on her legs. It was disgusting, he degraded her body in the most disgusting way. He was a pig.

Bracing herself she rose up slightly using another piece of toilet paper to wipe, her eyes going down to the paper out of paranoia..Well it wasn't really paranoia if it was real. There was some spotting of blood on the white sheet of paper. He did it again.

Hanayo whimpered, throwing the paper into the toilet. She flushed it before walking away leaning on the doorway to the restroom when the pain became too much. She wasn't sure how long she just stared at the small desk in front of her but it must've been awhile. 

There was rapid knocking on the hotel room door, and the familiar clanking of zippers. Hanayo pushed herself off the doorframe practically running to the door and swinging it open, it didn't matter that she was naked, or crying, she just didn't want to be alone.

On the other side of the door was Rin. She was in black pajama shorts, a blue off the shoulder t-shirt peeking out underneath her black windbreaker, her backpack already slipping off her shoulders. "Kayochin!"

The taller girl pushed her way in, her arms circling around her. Hanayo accepted it, nosing her face into the crook of Rin's neck, she was absolutely soaked, her short hair dripping water onto both of the girls. The hazel eyed girl was breathing hard, she must've ran the entire way there. The thought of her friend running all the way out in the ran made her feel slightly guilty, but it also filled her heart with a pleasant feeling. Someone cared about her that much, enough to even make themselves possibly become sick. 

After a moment she could feel Rin's hold loosen slightly, the girl turning around for a second to shut the door behind them. Hanayo didn't like that, she didn't want her to let go even for a second.

She pulled Rin closer, nuzzling her even further, her arms wrapping over the taller's shoulders tightly. She didn't care if she got wet, she just wanted warmth.

The other seemed to understand, her hand gently stroking Hanayo's messed up hair, the other keeping her tucked close. "It's ok, everything's ok." Rins lips pressed against the crown of her head, her hand rubbing her bare sack in soothing motions.

Rins touch felt better, it felt way better than that man's. Her hands were soft, only the faintest indentations of calluses on her palms from playing on the monkey bars too much as a kid. She was firm, but gentle, reassuring like an old friend. Rin smelled like the ramen shop and lemon citrus lotion. Like home.

As long as she had Rin she would be ok.

\-------------

Nico fumbled with the spoon in her hand, the red jello on it tumbling off and falling somewhere off the bed. She huffed eyeing the piece for a few seconds before turning to the blonde next to her, everyone else was out of the house, her two roommates were both working and that left her with Eli. 

It wasn't her preferred situation, she would've rather had Honoka stay and watch over her. At least she would give her something a little better than jello to eat. 

She looked at the blonde, the girl was avoiding her the entire day and it was kinda pissing her off. Nico wasn't usually so needy but this was her first meal all day, at four in the afternoon, the least Eli could do to make it up for her was help her out a little bit.

The blonde eyed her for a moment before looking back out the open window. "What the hell do you want?" 

"Jello." The smaller pointed to the blob of red on the floor, Elis blue eyes following the direction of her finger. 

Nico watched as the taller girl picked it up, throwing it in the bin underneath Maki's desk going back to gazing outside. The noirette scowled at her. That was not exactly what she had meant. She probably knew that but of course like the rest of the this morning she was avoiding her. 

"Ayase." It was weird saying her name, well more like it was weird hearing her voice say that name. 

Eli looked at her bored, her finger twirling her ponytail idly. "God what is it?"

She held out the jello cup in her direction, her hands shaking. It was Turing just holding them up for a little bit, her muscles nowhere near at their best. "Help me. Please?"

The taller girl groaned, muttering something to herself in a language Nico couldn't understand. She took the items from Nico roughly, jabbing the jello with the spoon haphazardly. "I cant fucking believe-" she cut herself off shaking her head and scooted closer to Nico.

The smaller girl opened her mouth expectantly, the blonde hesitantly bringing the spoon to the girls mouth. 

Despite her attitude she was surprisingly gentle, the scoops of jello were relatively small, and Eli would wait for her to swallow the first bite before placing the next in her mouth. But it was awkward, Nico noticed that she would avoid eye contact, her cheeks were a dusty pink, and she was glaring the entire time. 

Not to mention that she was so quiet, but maybe that was just how the blonde was, she was no one to talk anyway, she barely managed to speak to Honoka at all, or Maki. 

It was confusing, a lot of what happened didn't make any sense, but what made the least sense was Eli's new residency at the apartment. The last she had known before dying they had all been enemies, but all of a sudden they were on speaking terms with each other? 

She wasn't as scared of the blonde anymore, not after everything that happened to her. Especially not after seeing Eli scream during a power outage. 

They had been spending some days alone together and even though they weren't the best, it wasn't too bad. It was a new beginning she supposed, at least for them.


	38. Pick Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Run away with me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this shorter chapter, I just wanted to get something out before my inspiration drained completely. It ended up being NicoMaki and slightly HonoNico? NicoHono? Not a pairing I was expecting to write but it happened oops.
> 
> Anyhow thank you for your continued support and love for this story i appreciate it a lot :3 please excuse all my errors and mistakes and stay safe guys <3

The dumpling burned on it's way back up, the just eaten food forcing it's way back up her throat as she violently hacked into the waste basket in her lap. The feeling of cool slender fingers rubbing her back made her feel a little better. "There, there," Maki's free hand moved the stray strands of hair away from the noirettes face, "I told you, we should wait a little bit longer to get you back onto solid foods."

A whine built up in the back of Nicos throat, her body shaking as convulsions wracked her body. She didn't want to wait anymore, she wanted to eat regular food goddamnit! But this stupid body, stupid, stupid body wasn't healing fast enough. It was like she was trapped in a prison. She was sick of being in bed, sick of eating mush, sick of it! 

The last of the food emptied itself in the bin, the smell hitting her nose and making it crinkle. Disgusting. 

The redhead set the bin back on the floor, grabbing a shirt from the floor and using it to wipe the spit and vomit from her mouth and chin. It was hard, really, really hard for Nico to stay mad at her but it was like nothing she did affected her anymore. Any amount of tantrums or slurs thrown Maki's way rolled off the girls back like nothing. She would just roll her eyes, or smile at her, she didn't even try to argue. How the hell was she supposed to hate someone like this. Nico's eyes came to rest on the small white styrofoam box, two more dumplings nestled inside. Stupid.

Her body acted on it's own, picking up the box and throwing it as far as she could, the contents hitting the desk and spilling out on Maki's papers. She hadnt meant to knock them on there but maybe it'd trigger something in the taller girl.

She could feel the body behind her tense up, a deep breath hitting the back of her neck, nico chewed on the inside of her cheek anxiously. She would have to be angry now right? Those were important, at least it sounded like they were from what she gathered of Maki's earlier conversation with Honoka. She had no choice but to be angry, it was obvious. 

Nico jumped when the girl behind her rose up from the bed, not saying a word. The redhead picked up the offending food tossing it along with the vomit before gathering her papers. Oil and condensation stains covered the bottom half of the pages, it wasn't big but it smudged the neat inked handwriting. She stared at it for a few seconds, Noco thought she would place them back down but to her suprise the redhead crumpled them up tossing them off to the side. 

The noirettes mouth gaped open slightly, Maki turning back to look a her, a halfhearted smile on her face. "My closing statement was bad anyway." She walked back over, placing herself behind Nico again, arms wrapping around the smallers waist. "I'll buy you more pudding." The pressure of Maki's chin on her shoulder felt like a ton of bricks. Why didn't she just yell at her? Get angry! Do something!

Her body started shaking again, this time from frustration. It just wasn't fair! What Nico was doing to her wasn't fair, she didn't deserve it! But she couldn't stop, she wanted to push her away even more now. She had to return back to her family, she was going to when she was strong enough to but...if Maki kept it up…

Nico shook her head, hands grasping onto Maki's forearms trying to pry them off of her. Either she was really weak, or Maki was surprisingly strong, either way the redhead wasn't moving.

"Nico, Nico calm down, it's not a big deal, relax." The grip in her tightened and a feeling of absolute helplessness coursed through her, her fingernails digging into the other girls skin as she thrashed around.

"No! I hate it! I hate you!" 

Maki grunted when Nico's elbow hit her chest, her arms moving from her waist to circle around the noirettes upper body like a straight jacket. "Stop it Nico." She didn't listen, thrashing around even more violently in the girls arms, something in her side hurt, but she ignored the burn. "Nico I said stop it! You're going to hurt yourself!"

Nico stilled, the ache in her side pulsating as she gasped for air. She wasn't listening to her, no way, it wasn't because of her she stopped, it was because it hurt. If she got even more hurt she'd spend more time here. 

"Thank you." Maki huffed, releasing her grip slowly, she leaned back, propping herself up. "Don't hurt yourself like that ok? I love you, I don't like seeing you like this, it hurts me too, you know that right?"

It was like a knife plunged through her heart. Tiny hands fisted the sheets, Nico's knuckles turning to a pale white. Why did she have to say that? Why did she have to make the situation all the more real? "Shut up..."

"Nico I understand you're upset but-"

"Shut up! You don't love me! You cant! Stop it! I'm gross remember! I'm a brat! I'm awful, you cant love me!"

"Are you still hung up on that? I don't Feel that way anymore Nico I told you my real feelings why are you acting like this?" 

The worry in her voice made Nico cringe, why did she only cause people pain? Why was she acting like this? She knew why she just couldn't put it into words. "I don't know!" Tears welled up in her eyes, "I don't know just leave me alone!"

Maki's head pressed against her back. Nico couldn't see her but she could bet that the girl was sulking. "Nico...don't make me leave. I want to stay, I want to take care of you. Please let me."

"...let me get up."

\--------------------------

Maki chewed on the tip of her nails, Nico was out of bed, even though she would be relatively fine it still made her nervous. The bulky cast and brace on the girls leg dragged along the floor, Nico hobbling to the other side of the livingroom to grab the remote.

If she just wanted to watch tv they could've done that in her room. It was annoying but it was the only way to get Nico to comply. Hell she could tell her to jump in front of a car and Maki would do it if they meant Nico would just settle down and listen. Being bedridden had to be insufferable but she couldn't try to keep rushing things. 

The clank of the grace against the livingroom table caught her attention, her body immediately going rigid, "Nico-"

The red eyed girl glared at her, still limping as she sat down. She was fine, Maki was just being over protective, Nico could do this on her own, she could didn't need help with everything just getting up. She wasn't completely helpless, for fucks sake she was the one who needed to relax. 

Hesitantly, the redhead sat herself on the other opposite end of the couch. Nico wanted breathing room she would give her that, she'd give her anything she wanted. 

The channel was still on the news broadcast, some lady and paparazzi trying to speak to the newfound famous archer. Maki felt bad for her, the last few weeks she was being bombarded by the media, it felt less like basic interviews and more like harassment at this point. She couldn't catch a break. The young lady was briskly walking away from the news crew. She was doing a good job of losing them in the airport traffic. 

The channel suddenly changed, the redhead looked over to Nico. She was looking at the screen in disinterest, flipping through the channels till it landed on some reality TV show. The sound of squealing girls came loudly from the speakers, her attention snapping back to the program. 

It looked like some idol group. They were currently in a kitchen set, probably borrowed from another tv show. One group of girls were doing a terrible job of packing rice balls whole the other group was prevailing. A small dirty blonde girl smiling brightly as she won her team the lead. 

These kind of shows annoyed her, there was too much high pitched squealing and yelling but Nico seemed to be sucked right into it.

Her red eyes lit up with something akin to a mix of enjoyment and sadness. She was leaning forward, her elbows propped up on her knees as she listened intently. She looked cute like that, Maki guessed people were right when they said people look their best when they watched or talked about something they loved. Did she look like that right now?

\----------------------

The only good thing about having that drunk Kousaka around was that it was easy to slip the girls phone away from her. The blue eyed girl wouldnt notice half the time and the other half she'd blame it on the alcohol. Sure her voice was grating but the phone made up for it. 

Eli's teeth chattered the icy February wind causing strands of blonde hair to get caught on her chapstick covered lips. 

"Come on pick up, pick up." It wasn't her first time calling Alyssa, but each time made her more nervous than the last. Especially now, she had missed the afternoon call to her sister because Maki demanded she make a run to the grocery store for pudding, not only that but then Nozomi called her to come pick her and Honoka up from early dinner, which took way too long. Both girls had, had far too much to drink and convincing Kousaka to leave the bar was about as effective of trying to get a cat in the bath.

It ended up wasting the entire afternoon leaving her no time to call her till now. At two in the morning. It was a gamble of who would pick up the phone first. The dial tone on the other end of the line stopped, light breathing reaching the blondes ear. "..Onee-san?"

A sigh of relief entered her body, "Yea,its me." Eli leaned against the balcony railing eyes looking down at the empty street below. "Sorry I wasn't able to call earlier."

"No its-" A shuffling sound was accompanied by the sound of a door closing, her sister's breathing coming closer to the speaker, "it's ok you were probably busy."

She found herself shaking her head subconsciously like Alyssa could see her, "I'm never too busy when it comes to you. Now how was school? I hope you aren't slacking off just because it's last term."

"Well…"

"Alyssa?"

She could practically see the guilty expression on the younger girl's face. "I'm trying my best but I'm just no good at japanese."

Eli straightened back up, taking small steps, in the small enclosed area, it was too cold to stay still. "Are you going to the tutoring sessions?"

Quiet. 

"Aylssa you can't stop going to those they're important."

"B-But club activities are during them." The whine in her voice did strange things to her, the blonde couldn't be mad at her but she couldn't keep blowing off sessions just to attend her stupid idol fan club. Her studies should come first. 

"Listen, I know you like that club but you have to keep your grades up if you want to pass with the rest of your class."

"It doesn't matter anyway." Alyssa muttered, it was something Eli found annoying, one of her pet peeves but it was Alyssa. "It's not like I'm going to graduate here anyway." 

"What?" What was that supposed to mean? She couldn't be talking about them running away together because well..she hadn't even told her that plan yet, so what did that mean?

Her blood pressure rose as she waited for an answer, the smaller girl on the other end sighing. "Papa is moving us to Hokkaido soon.."

"How soon?" Eli could feel her chest tighten, this wasn't good, depending on what she said would determine whether or not her plan would crumble to pieces. 

"Five days."

Fuck! The blonde let out a ragged breath, a puff of vaporizing air forming in front of her. That didn't leave long, no, not long enough at all. If she was going to go through with this her plan would have to go into action now. The only problem was what she would do after. She hadn't thought that far yet. 

Her fingers thrummed against her thigh, it was the only way. "Alyssa, you love me right?"

"Mhm," there was more shuffling, probably the smaller crawling back into bed. "Of course I do."

"Good, and you would want to be with me again if you could, wouldn't you?"

"Well yah, Onee-san what's up with these questions?"

Sometimes Eli forgot that her little sister wasn't a baby anymore, she was a second year, almost a third year, it would only be obvious that this would all seem weird to her. "Look," the blue eyed girl walked over to the edge of the balcony again hand grasping the cold rail tightly, "Alyssa I'm asking you a really, really, grown up question ok?"

"Ok?"

"Run away with me."

\-----------------

"Rin I can't." 

Rin sucked in a deep breath letting her head fall a little too hard against the headboard. Hanayo was being so stubborn.

The mauve eyed girl was sitting between her legs still half naked, her back pressed against Rins chest, the apricot haired girl's arms wrapped around the idols mid section snugly. She wasn't sure exactly when they got so close so fast, all she knew was she was in love with the girl in her arms. And Hanayo supposedly was in love with her too. But she wouldn't quit. "I don't understand Kayochin, why would you want to stay there? Why would you want to? Please tell me because it doesn't make any sense!" She was exasperated, the anger building up in her chest starting to outwardly show she was agitated.

Hanayo sat up, her body twisting to look at Rin, eyes softening. "Rin," the girl smoothed her hand over the green eyed girl's arm, "I can't, I'm already this far, I'm the group leader now I have responsibilities, and-and I have a contract."

"But what about him though, are you just going to keep letting him do that to you even now? What about me? How do you think that makes ME feel?"

Wasn't she taking into how this was affecting their own relationship. Sure it was selfish of her to think about her own feelings but that didn't quell the hatred for she had for that man, he deserved to die for touching Hanayo like he did. He was scum, so why the hell wasn't she taking her offer?

"Rin.." The dirty blonde rested her forehead against her chest. "I'm sorry Rin I don't like it either but this is all I have. I don't want to burden you and I'm not good at anything else besides singing. This is my only guarantee at making money right now. And don't even say you'll talk to the old lady at the ramen shop ok? I'm not going to take advantage of you like that for a job."

"I've told you a million times that wouldn't be taking advantage of me. Taking advantage of me would be you dating me to get that job."

"Rin." The smaller girl turned herself around completely pressing herself closer without saying anything else.

She always did that when she didn't want to talk about it anymore. She'd refuse to talk, try to shift Rins attention to something else, avoid having to answer her. She couldn't keep doing that though, it wasn't healthy, none of this was healthy. Despite that Rin found herself embracing Hanayo tightly, tears of her own making her eyes glassy. "Kayochin I can't always protect you from him. I can't keep you safe in the studio or at your dorm. I can't keep meeting up with you at restaurants and hotels like this. Normal relationships aren't like this."

The girl in front of her vehemently shook her head no, hands fisting her own top that Rin had borrowed. She felt awful, it was always upsetting to see her like this, but this was reality, it wasn't some tv show that Hanayo was starring in, it was real, everything happening to her was real she needed to see that.

Rin moved her hands down to the girls shoulders forcing some space between them. "Hanayo listen to me. I really, really care about you ok? More than I have for anyone else, seeing you like this hurts me but it's the truth, I can't always be there..because I won't...I'm leaving to Hokkaido in five days to visit my grandparents. I'm not going to be back for two weeks."

"You're leaving…" Hanayo's voice was small and barely audible, it absolutely broke her heart.

Rin nodded, running a hand through her short hair. "This is why I want you to come with me..please Kayochin?"

A sinking feeling engulfed her when Hanayo didn't move, didn't look up at her. The feeling ebbing it's way into her bones as she heard the first few soft sobs escape her lips.

\------------------

The pudding went down a lot easier than the dumplings did. Turns out that the blonde was a lot better at picking pudding than she was jello. The sweetness of the chocolate was something that Nico had been craving. It was really odd, at times the scent of chocolate would make her want to vomit but now the taste was more bearable even enjoyable. 

Maki wiped the chocolate on her upper lip gently with a napkin. The noirette felt silly, embarrassed at having someone have to do such a mundane thing as feed her. Her motor ability was getting better. After a couple of hours she managed to master the art of limping around with a cast and brace, but holding onto things was still pretty hard. 

"No fair, no fair," Honoka suddenly appeared behind the redhead, the girl excitedly putting her hands on the back of Maki's chair, "I wanna feed Nicocchii!"

"No." The two said it at the same time, Maki's response obviously coming out a lot stronger. It was kind of funny, but the pout on Honoka's face was better.

The said girl whined moving from behind Maki to behind Nico she leaned down over the back of the chair arms circling her. She could smell the scent of sweet bean paste and bourbon on her. An odd combination that was slowly growing on her, not that she would admit anytime soon. "Nicocchii c'mon you like it when I feed you it's always so fun."

"Airplane."

"Ok that was one time I promise." Nico wanted to laugh, the memory of Honoka animatedly feeding her broth like an airplane coming to mind. It was amusing but once Eli and Nozomi walked in it had become embarrassing. If it weren't for that and the sneaking suspicion that the girl had already downed a couple drinks she would've preferred Honoka.

Things had settled down between Maki and the noirette from this morning but it was still like treading a minefield. Nico didn't even understand it herself. One minute things would be fine and the next she would be crying and kicking for no reason. She had heard Maki say something about mental stability but it had all gone in through one ear and out the other. for now she was fine, she felt fine. A little embarrassed of her outbursts but besides that the day had been tolerable. 

"Jeez Honoka find yourself a new girlfriend or a hobby." Nico ate the pudding offered to her, red eyes not leaving the sight before her.

The blue eyed girl sashayed between the two proudly placing either hands on each of her hips, eyes closed with a smirk. "Making Nicocchii into my new girlfriend is my hobby."

The noirette rolled her eyes at that swallowing the chocolate in her mouth. Maki on the other hand looked shocked, "Wh-what?!" Her face was turning almost as red as her hair, the plastic spoon in her hand clattering to the floor.

"You heard me." The smile in her voice was tangible, the taller girl opening one eye to stare down Maki sticking her tongue out at the medical student. She smiled innocently crouching down next to Nico and setting a hand on her head. "My sights are set on this cutie."

Nico's face flushed, something about the way she phrased it sending butterflies fluttering in her chest. Her eyes immediately falling onto the redhead next to her. 

Maki's face was now the color of her hair, a deep frown creasing her forehead. "You can't do that, she's my girlfriend!"

"Ah, ah, ah!" Honoka's finger waved in front of Nico's face wafting the sweeter smell of the Kousaka's bakery in the air. "You see, you two broke up remember." The sickly sweet smile on her face seemed too real. "You weren't even dating and Nicocchii hasn't said anything otherwise. So you see Maki-chan she's up for grabs. I guess that means we're rivals now."

Nico watched as the pudding cup was slammed against the table top. "Whaddya mean?! You're still dating Kotori!"

"Technically but like not really." 

Was Honoka being serious? The noirette couldn't tell anymore, but the intense stare down between the other girls was sharp enough to cut through the awkwardness of it all. Honoka had to be messing around with them right? 

Right??

The blue eyed girl hummed contentedly, pleased at getting Maki to shut up. Standing back up the taller walked over to her, a hand behind her back the other stretched out to the redhead, "So come on what do ya say, first one to swoon Nicocchii wins. And don't worry I'll play fair."

Purple eyes bore into the hand before her for a few seconds.

"Deal." Maki returned the handshake, all her force squeezing Honoka's hand, the other girl must've squeezed back by the apparent wince on Maki's face. It was stupid of her really to try something like that against a girl who works with her hands everyday. "I-I don't plan on losing."

"Me either."


	39. Naivety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My bad, I thought I'd be easier than that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright sorry it took me so long to whip this out, I was so pressed on how I should be spending my time I kinda put it on the back burner. Anyhow this chapter is all over the place really although its got more lighthearted themes which all I can say is enjoy because the road gets bumpy from here again. 
> 
> Thank you for all your continued love and support, I hope you all like this and can excuse any errors I've made. Love you guys stay safe <3

Maki sighed, hanging up her keys on the hook. Work was exhausting, her mother had directed her back to the morgue of all places. Not only was it tiring work but she couldn't help but find herself tense at the prospect of another body on the metal slab coming to life. It was a dumb thought but it had stuck with her the entire time. Still Nico and Eli were special cases, usually when someone died they'd stay dead. 

The undead blonde in front of her stretched, raising her arms above her head till she could see the girls midriff. It would be best to not say anything to her, she had been unbearably grouchy for the past two days, snapping at everything and anything. The redhead had almost been tempted to wait for the next train home, but that wouldn't come till five in the morning. She really needed to get a license..and learn to drive. 

Eli disappeared behind the corner by the time she kicked off her work shoes, her socks dampening with the rain water brought in. This sucked.

Without much finesse Maki stripped out of her jacket dumping the clothing on the floor as she passed the kitchen, someone would pick it up in the morning. Nozomi could yell at her later for being a pig, she just wanted some goddamn rest was that too much to ask for? The walk down the hall to her room felt like miles, the sweet comfort of bed so close and yet so far, when she finally reached the doorknob she could almost cry from relief.

Swinging open the door revealed her dimly lit room, the sight of Nico sleeping on her side sending a feeling of warmth throughout her, her heart skipped a beat as she looked at the noirette rest, her chest rhythmically rising and falling. Cute, with her hair splayed around her and the covers halfway off her small body she looked cute, comfortable. Like she belonged there.

What didn't belong there was the girl on the floor. 

Maki's eyes sharpened, her heavy gaze locked in place. Honoka was passed out upright, her back leaning against the edge of the bed, Nico's hand barely grazing the girls cinnamon brown hair. Why the hell was she here? 

She was definitely perky making a big deal of the girls presence but she would be lying if she didn't find it annoying since their talk. It was still a mystery if what Honoka said was true or just a joke but so far the blue eyed girl had been acting like she meant it. 

It pissed her off a lot. Work and school were the ones to blame ultimately. Her busy schedule didn't leave her a lot of time at home to begin with. Honoka had the upper hand if she was being serious and it was like the girl knew it. All she got all day was a constant feed of pictures from Nozomi of the two being cute together. Honoka feeding her, helping her with some physical therapy exercises Maki had left them with, the two playing some dumb children's game. Those were all things she should've been doing with Nico not her.

Not to mention Honoka had stopped drinking for the last two days, at least in front of everyone that is. The evidence was on her floor. 

Maki picked up the bottle of cheap vodka from the floor along with a glass, some concoction of dark amber drink in the cup, maybe coke or Pepsi. Either way it stunk up the area around them. It looked like Honoka had waited for Nico to fall asleep before filling up a cup. It was really getting out of hand, this wasn't healthy anymore. 

Nudging the brunette with her foot made the girl on the floor wake up, at least she was half awake, blue eyes squinting looking around at their surrounding before up at the redhead. 

"Oh," she yawned scratching the inside of her forearm,"y'er back, I was jus' boutta head out." Honokas legs trembled underneath her as she tried to stand up, the girl almost caving in. It was a good thing Maki had picked up the glasses, the taller girl had stumbled, her full body weight falling onto her. 

"Sorry 'bout that." The drunken words washed the smell of alcohol into her nose. Maki grunted underneath the girls weight pulling her up and off. For a second it looked like she would fall again but by some miracle the blue eyed girl managed to stay upright sending a thumbs up to Maki. "Thanks, she's all yours now, g'night."

"Yeah goodnight." Crossing her arms she watched Honoka trudge out of the room and out of sight, although the sound of her talking to herself could still be heard. She was a strange case, as much as it annoyed her, Maki could help but worry. Bets aside Honoka was a good girl, a good heartbroken girl. Unrequited love was a scary thing, a thing that plagued her mind more than shed like to admit. If Nico didn't love her would she end up like that? She didn't want to, that was a road she would rather not take but at this point it was becoming a grim possibility.

She would have to make Nico love her. It was the only option, she had done it once she could do it again, it couldn't be that hard right? 

Right?

The redhead turned back towards the bed, it had to mean something, the fact Nico let her sleep in bed with her had to mean something. There had to still be something between them, but then again she maybe looking too much into it. It was better not to get her hope's up

\--------------------

Honoka's head throbbed the sound of voices slowly registering. 

"I thought Nishikino said that she didn't want her living here."

"She's not living here, but she's lonely ok. Don't you remember what it was like to be lonely?"

"I liked it better that way." 

There was a sigh, she recognized it belonged to the shrine maiden, the other tired voice being the blonde. They were both definitely talking about her. She didn't Know why but it was like the foreign girl had some sort of personal vendetta against her. The way she referred to her with venom in her tone she had to hate her. 

Well she could join the club.

The blanket that had been draped across her found itself underneath the brunette as she turned over on her side. The slightly stained cushion of the couch was more bearable to look at than the sunlight creeping in through the blinds. 

Why the hell did she have to go and get drunk, it always sucked when it got out of her system, the migraine and massive urge to pee and vomit at the same time was surely worse than dealing with her problem right? Nah who the hell was she kidding, drinking was a lot easier. If she was drunk she wouldn't have to think about anything. Not about the past, or the future, not about how she failed college, or was stuck in the same place in life. She didn't have to think about Kotori..

God just thinking about her now made her head spin. What the hell was her deal? She tried to drill it into her brain, ignore her, block her, delete her, focus on something else. Focus on the cute mysterious girl, focus on how happy she made her feel, how good of a distraction she was but..no matter what those brown eyes always came to mind. 

It was those same brown eyes that kept her from sending that stupid message because well, if there was a chance, one small sliver of hope the girl would contact her back, she couldn't do it.

Honoka found herself slipping her phone from her pocket, it was actually still there this time. The brightness of the screen made her squint, the pain behind her eyes building. She ignored it, swiping the lockscreen away to reveal a years old picture. It had been around the summer before Kotori's departure, the two of them laying in a hammock, she had been passed out, her cheek smooshed against the brown eyed girl's chest. Kotori's soft smile directed straight at the camera as she snapped the selfie. 

How was it that this girl, this beautiful sweet angel, the girl who had brought up that she would marry her if she could, be the same girl who hadn't talked to her weeks. Not a single hello, no merry christmas, no happy new year, nothing. Did she forget about her? Was she that unlikable? Was she really too much, too clingy? She had to be.

The phone screen went to black and Honoka found herself staring straight into her own reflection. 

Sleep.

It was too early for booze, the next best thing was to sleep it off, maybe it was a blessing in disguise that her ability to dream had suddenly vanished this year, but thanks to it at least she had one escape from reality.

\---------------

Nozomi eyed the incubator, a lingering feeling of sadness creeping in. She didn't know what to say, not when Dia was crying her eyes out. The small girl helplessly holding onto her white robe, tears staining the material. There was only so much praying could do it almost seemed pointless. 

She let her fingers thread through the silky strands of black hair soothingly. "Shh, don't cry anymore," the crack in Dia's voice as she sobbed sent a physical pain through her chest," we shouldn't cry in front of her, Ruby can't get better if we're sad around her."

"But-but she's not getting better Tojo-san! You promised!" Small fists pulled at her robe angrily, but Nozomi couldn't find it in herself to care, it was her fault for promising things she didn't know the outcome to, it was her fault for getting the girls hope's up. 

"I know." Leaning down she picked up the noirette with little difficulty, the child letting go of her robe as soon as she felt hands pick her up off the floor. She trembled, arms wrapping around her neck, Nozomi could feel tears and snot collect on her collar. "She'll get better soon I promise."

She needed to stop promising things.

\---------------------

Nico suppressed down a laugh at the look on the redhead's face as she jumped around the kitchen.

Maki was as red as the tomatoes she loved so much, out of breath spinning in circles like a dog as she chased Eli, the other holding the remote over their heads. The sadistic grin on the blonde's face widened as Maki leaped for it, failing again, the student hitting herself on the edge of the couch while Eli gracefully jumped over the back of it. She landed next to the noirette and Nico felt herself tilt on the cushions as the taller girl walked over the seats putting more space between the two.

"Its my day off give me a break!" Maki seemed to have caught her breath again clambering over the back of the couch in pursuit. 

"Like I should care!" Eli stuck her tongue out at her, the action only spurring Maki into further agitation.

Nico couldn't help herself, it was payback for dropping broth on her legs this morning. Smilingly, innocently she grasped onto the redhead's foot with as much strength as she could muster, the younger girl's leap for the blonde halted. A squeak of surprise ringing throughout the room as she fell forward off the couch with a loud thud.

"What the hell?!"

Eli erupted into laughter, it was a surprisingly girly laugh by Nico's standards, not something she would expect to come out of THAT. She almost looked normal, her features lit up in the natural light of the apartment. 

Maki on the other hand looked pissed, her glare boring into Eli as she propped herself up onto her hands and knees before turning her attention to Nico.

Nico's innocent smile didn't falter, her gaze looking away from the eyes on her. It served her right, what was she gonna do? Do the same to her, she seriously doubted it. 

"Traitor!" An accusing finger was pointed at her.

It took all her willpower not to collapse into a fit of giggles right then and there. "Who me?" The noirette bat her lashes coyly, her hand coming up to gesture towards herself. "I would never."

"Looks like I've won, we're watching the HGTV network." Eli stepped off the couch walking back over taking a seat next to Nico, the cushion bouncing her with the newly added weight.

The girl below them groaned letting herself collapse back onto the floor. "Why? I don't understand, what are you guy's middle aged?" 

"I'm not old!" Nico huffed, her boot brace coming down on the redhead's back the girl letting out a whimper. "You wouldn't understand since you're just a baby." 

"Yea, go to your crib and take a nap or something." Eli flicked on the tv, already inputting the channel number into the remote. 

A surge of accomplishment surged in Nico as she watched Maki pull herself up from the floor once again. The pout on her face was priceless. "Jeez you find out my real age and you suddenly think I'm a fetus. It's literally a two year age difference. I'm not a baby!"

"Huh what was that?" Nico cupped her ear leaning in towards the taller girl theatrically.

Eli seemed to get the hint, snorting as she raised the volume up higher. "I don't know, I can't hear anything over the sound of Janet's terrible backsplash decisions."

"You two are terrible. I wish you still hated each other sometimes." 

"We do." The blonde chimed in, Maki moving to sit dejectedly on the other end of the couch. 

It was weird, Nico couldn't really say that she hated Eli, the girl had a mean streak for sure, she was cold a lot of the time and wasn't the best at socializing. But it wasn't like she was awful, she wasn't anything like the girl who had stabbed her, or the girl she bashed with a wine bottle. She was different now, more docile, those blue eyes didn't look at her with hatred anymore, although sometimes she could swear that she could see the smallest tinge of sadness in her gaze. Who knows she may be reading way too much into it but Nico wasn't mad at her. If Eli felt guilty for what she did to her, she didn't need to anymore. 

She wasn't mad at Eli, she was mad whatever this was. Whatever was dragging her back into pain. Nico was mad at herself. But it's not like she could admit that outloud.

\--------------------

The afternoon passed without much realization. They must have been watching TV for a few hours now if the darkness surrounding the room had anything to say about it. Eli looked at the two roommates both fast asleep next to her. Nico had fallen asleep first, once the noirette was out Mako had decided it was safe for her to come closer. Somehow they had managed to get into an odd position. Maki halfway leaning against the arm of the couch Nico half sitting half lying down on the younger girl's chest. 

It looked uncomfortable to say the least but if they had back pain later it wasn't going to be on her. The blonde didn't take much care leaning over to lower down the volume on the remote, those girls slept like the dead. She wasn't even sure why she was lowering the volume in the first place, she was just raised to be considerate.

Her stomach rumbled loudly, had she eaten today? Thinking back she couldn't remember if she ate. She had coffee this morning when she dropped Nozomi off at work, and she finished what little broth Nico hadn't but that didn't really count as a meal. She needed to keep herself in check, she was distracted by the upcoming events, but if anything that was just more of a reason for her to eat. 

Sighing, she forced herself up from the couch squeezing by the mess of entangled leg's and the coffee table. The apartment was getting warmer lately, even with her dolled senses she could tell, the coldness of the kitchen tile under her feet was a relief. 

She scratched the back of her leg with her foot as she scanned the contents of the fridge. Of course there was nothing but mushy food; pudding cups, jello, applesauce, mashed potatoes, lots of juice. Nothing filling at all. 

The blonde frowned picking up a cinnamon apple sauce, it was better than nothing for now, and if she was lucky Nozomi would want dinner when she picked the girl up. It was going to be one thing that she missed, eating out was usually a treat when she lived with her parents, having it almost every other night had been unadulterated bliss. When she left with Alyssa she wouldn't have the money to eat out. She'd have to start saving up, well really first she needed to land a job wherever they went. 

Nozomi would probably give her enough money to take a train somewhere and stay in a hotel for a little while, she was too nice of a girl it was almost convenient. Although technically she'd be taking advantage of her hospitality.

She pushed the thought to the back of her head choosing instead to open the applesauce, the sweet aroma filling her nose. It reminded her of the brunette when she showed up at the apartment straight after work smelling of sweets and fresh bread. It was a homely scent, something that reminded her of what home would smell like, a motherly scent. Too bad the girl was anything but that.

Tilting her head up she poured the contents into her mouth, the entire cup gone in less than a minute. The blonde frowned in annoyance, that was a disappointing serving size. With a sigh she tossed the empty container into the trash eyes falling onto the clock. It was almost eight, she might as well go start up the car and try to warm it up.

It was way too cold.

Eli stretched, grabbing the lanyard off the island separating the rooms, the keys bouncing off her leg as she walked to the door. A movement in the dark caught her attention, Maki's head lifted up from the cushions, a confused expression on her face. She didn't seem to realize the jingling of the keys had woken her up at all, her hazy attention had shifted quickly to the girl laying against her chest. Her features had softened, the corner of her mouth twitching up into a fond smile. A dainty hand played with the black hair held back in twin tails, Eli watched as the redhead let her head fall back against the arm of the couch, eyes closing again.

Did she already fall back asleep? Well then. She let out a sigh she didn't know she was holding in, slipping on a pair of Maki's slippers, she didn't feel like dealing with shoe laces right now. Putting on Nozomi's old sweater the blonde slipped out of the apartment. This stupid weather needed to warm up soon

\---------------------

"I still can't believe I twisted my ankle like that. Jeez traveling gonna be such a pain now." The short haired girl, Hoshizora laughed halfheartedly. Nozomi chuckled along with her. The green eyed girl had been having trouble with her crutches, it was almost laughable.

"Next time don't go running out in the rain." She patted the girl's shoulder, a million watt smile being cast her way.

"Yea will do, thanks by the way you didn't have to help me down." 

"Well maybe don't take the stairs hm?" 

Hoshizora winked at her, the small gesture making her heart flutter. She really was too weak when it came to cute girls, it would be the death of her. "My bad, I thought I'd be easier than that."

They reached the front entrance, a couple nurses coming in through the electric doors for night shift. The rain was still pelting down…"Are you sure that there's no one who can pick you up? Anyone I can call?"

"Nah, it's ok I'll be fine." The apricot haired girl let go of one of her crutches, pulling the hood of her windbreaker over her head, the crutch almost falling if Nozomi hadn't reached for it.

Nozomi sent her a soft smile placing the crutch back under her arm. "Are you sure? My ride will be here soon if you want we could take you home." She felt bad, Hoshizora showed up here alone, sopping wet and limping to the front desk. The younger girl had caught her eye, the slow night meaning she was able to stick by the girl throughout her visit. And now here she was bandaged up and unable to walk normally yet she was still smiling, still willing to go back alone in the rain.

A hand patted the small of her back briefly, Hoshizora hobbled forward, the zippers on her backpack jingling. "Don't worry about it, I got enough money for the train, I know better than to walk all the way back. I gotta keep myself in good shape if I wanna get back into shape after all." 

"I know but-"

The sound of the girl's phone going beeping cut her off. "Ah sorry." She smiled awkwardly pulling the decorated phone from her pocket, a brief moment of silence passing as her green eyes scanned the message she received. "Aw crap, I really gotta go sorry Tojo-sama. Thanks for the company, have a good night!"

The younger girl had pocketed her phone with record speed already clumsily making her way outside. 

"G-goodnight stay safe!" The shrine maiden internally sighed, she hoped that Hoshizora would listen to her.

"Nozomi-chan can we go yet?" Honoka came up from behind her arms still crossed in a childlike way. "I'm bored."

"If you were so bored why didn't you go home." Nozomi chidded, she loved Honoka dearly but the girl was just too impatient sometimes, not to mention pouty if no one paid attention to her. She was a young adult now and yet here she was still following at her heels like a lost puppy. At least she was a cute puppy. 

The brunette clasped onto her arm whining. "No way I don't wanna go back home, it's so lonely there."

"Then don't complain." 

Was this what motherhood felt like? It seems like it would be this way. So far life felt like she had three children thrown at her suddenly. Triplets must be hard. 

The two girls waited by the doors in relative silence. Honoka was still pouting, she probably wouldn't stop until they got something to eat. "Beef, chicken or pork?" 

"Milkshake?"

"Beef chicken or pork Honoka?" 

She looked down at the taller girl who was currently doubled over, head butting at her side while the girl's hands played with the cuff of Nozomi's robe. "...Pork."

With a huff she patted the light brown locks, why was she so, so weak? "I'll buy you a strawberry one but you only get it if you eat at least a couple bites of bell pepper alright?"

Blue eyes looked up at her sparkling, if she hadn't known better she would think that Honoka had been told the best news in her life. "Really? Just a couple bites?" 

"Yes really, but I mean it Honoka. No hiding them from me, if I find out you fed them two Nico when I wasn't looking again I'll give it to Maki."

Arms wrapped around her waist squeezing incredibly tight. Nozomi grunted as her feet left the floor for a couple seconds, a mix between a giggle and a squeal hitting her ear loudly. "I promise I won't! I want a large one 'kay! Extra whipped cream!"

She couldn't help it, Honoka's giddy happiness was infectious. The green eyed girl giggled as Honoka continued to squeeze her rocking the two as she hummed loudly in triumph. The stares of others in the lobby were cast aside, who the hell cared if anyone looked at them funny.

Two honks caught their attention, the arms around her slowly letting go as they looked to where the noise came from. Outside was a very annoyed looking Eli, the blonde waving at them Like she was flagging down a taxi. "Oops." One last giggle escaped her lips as she waved back to her. "C'mon let's go now." 

She never really gave it much attention ever, holding hands with Honoka was a normal thing they did all the time, but the look at Eli's face made her second guess herself. The grip on the blue eyed girl's hand faltering for a second before gripping it firmly.

It wasn't Like she hadn't noticed the dirty looks that the Russian girl had been giving all of them when they did something remotely touchy. But the glare in her eyes looked especially full of hatred right now. It was unsettling to a degree but maybe she was just being over dramatic.

Honoka didn't seem to notice the girl taking off her own jacket to wrap around Nozomi's shoulders. She was about to say something when the taller girl's lips pressed against her forehead effectively shutting her up "Let's go." 

The energetic girl tugged her along outside, she didn't even bother trying to shield herself from some of the rain, instead shoving her elder into the front seat before running into the back. And who said chivalry was dead? 

"About time you guys noticed I was here." 

The temperature in the car was sweltering hot, the girl in the back's hand getting swatted away when she leaned forward to turn it off. Nozomi gave the blonde a halfhearted smile. "Sorry we got a little distracted."

The car lurched forward as they pulled out of the hospital lot. "Mhm, save it. I'm starving, where are we heading?"

"The chinese place downtown by the icecream shop."

The taller girl raised an eyebrow. "Again?" 

"Look there's five of us that's not cheap, do you want food or not?" The smaller watched amused as the blonde puffed up her chest in defense, the slightest hint of a pout on her face. 

A curt "Whatever," was all she got in response. For the next block and a half the only sound besides regular traffic being the back window being rolled down by Honoma and back up by Eli. They could both be so childish, although right now she was on Honoka's side, the car was just too damn hot.

"Could you knock it off?"

"But it's so hot, what're you tryna do, sweat us to death?"

"It's cold as hell what are you talking about."

"You're crazy it's like a bajillion degrees in here my shirt's starting to stick to my back."

"Oh shut up no it's not."

"You wanna bet, come touch it then!"

"You're disgusting! Sit the hell back down!"

"No c'mon touch it! You don't believe me so feel it for yourself!"

"Kousaka I swear you're going to get us pulled over! Sit back-OH MY GOD! That's disgusting!"

"Told you!"

"My ear though really?!" Nozomi giggled watching as Eli tried in vain to wipe Honoka's sweat off her ear. The girl in the back just shrugged before sitting back in her seat arms crossed. 

She had to admit it, life since Nico and Eli showed up hadn't been as bad as she previously thought it would be. Times like this made her kind of happy things ended up the way they did, they were an odd bunch for sure but there was almost never a dull moment with them. Imagining life without her two newest friends was almost..impossible now. She wanted to live in these moments forever.

And, moment ruined.

The jacket Honoka had draped over her shoulders buzzed loudly. An obnoxiously loud girl idol group song blasting out of the speakers. The girl in the back leaned forward to pull it out, a confused look on her face. It was obvious that she didn't know the number by the way she hesitantly answered the call.

"Onee-san! It-it's too late!"


	40. Sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was like the second season of her dramatic life was coming in full force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my brain decided to give this chapter one later hoorah before it drained of creativity. Watching sad animes really gets me in the mood to work on this it seems. Anyhow things are going to get a lot crazier from now on, also   
THIS CHAPTER HAS OFFENSIVE HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE   
Please get whatever you can out of this and excuse all my mistakes, thank for all your continued support it means a lot to me! Stay safe guys <3

Nico was jolted awake, the loud sound of the door being thrown open and the thudding of footsteps slowly registering in mind. Her body hurt as she rose up to sit, when had she fallen asleep? 

The bleary figure of Nozomi scittering after the figure she missed was followed by Honoka who was complaining, an evident pout on her face as she held a plastic bag in her hands. They all looked upset, and for once Nico didn't know what it was about. Leaning over the noirette placed her hand down trying to peer after her disappearing roommates, the couch beneath her felt more squishy than she had remembered.

Wait.

Maki.

The girl below her groaned still somehow asleep after all the commotion, her hand swatting at Nico's arm to get off her gut. Nico watched as the redhead slowly came to, her eyes hazy looking around the room before landing on the smaller, a smile stretching across her lips. 

"Mm Nico come back to sleep." 

Her cheeks flushed watching Maki hold out her arms beckoning her to come lay back down in them. No, no, even with the way the med student was she would never say that kind of thing fully awake. Either way it wasn't Like she was going to listen to her anyway. 

Shaking her head Nico stumbled up onto her feet, a short spark of pain lighting up her leg that she ignored. "Somethings wrong." Something about the atmosphere around them was chilling, and it wasn't just the slightly ajar front door. Nozomi hadnt greeted her with the normal kiss on the forehead like she always would, that alone was unsettling but the fact Honoka ignored her too was another thing.

Walking with the brace was hard, she was already building up a small sweat just from walking to the kitchen. Looking over her shoulder Maki was still on the couch, seemingly trying to wake herself up more. 

Where had they gone off to? The plastic bag Honoka was carrying was now left on the kitchen table, contents half spilling out from her haste. There was voices coming from down the hall, muffled but loud. Nozomis voice was clear and distraught, but was slowly being overcome by Eli's the further Nico trudged down the hall.

"Can you just quit it?! Just stop!" The sound of something being thrown at the door sent Nico jolting back, her body teetering back. Her hands found the wall, pressing her body closer to the flat surface in fear. She didn't like when Eli used that voice. "Just stop asking me questions I'm busy, get out!" 

"Eli we're just worried!"

"Worry about your own business you fucking useless faggot!" 

"I'm sorry you're-!"

"Eli!"

Nico's eyes widened at the sound of Honoka yell, a large thump accompanied by glass. 

Oh no..oh god no..no! No! No! No! No! No! 

Her body moved on it's own, images of that night Eli had barged into the apartment flashing through her head. There was more sounds of distress, grunts and crashing. Nozomi, she needed to make sure Nozomi was ok, she had to be there for her. Even though the churning on her stomache was nauseating, Nozomi was in trouble! 

The pain in her leg flared up to an excruciating burn as she stumbled forward into Nozomi's room.

She couldn't keep her body from trembling, the blood in her body pulsating. It was like time had stopped, but the scene in front of her wasn't what she had been expecting.

Thank god.

The room in front of her was a mess, the medium sized black bookshelf had fallen over, various books and items scattered all over the floor. The purple lava lamp laid broken at her feet, the liquid quickly dampening her sock. And in the middle of the room was Honoka, the brunettes hands shoving Eli's head harshly into the carpet. The blonde was struggling underneath both her arms being kept in place behind her back by the brunettes free hand.

The look on Honoka's face was one that Nico never thought she'd see the bubbly girl wear. It was scary, scarier than Eli's, the anger she wore was eerily calm. Even as the taller girl thrashed and cussed, throwing insults she didn't waver. The only acknowledgement being her adding more pressure to the hand on the blonde's head, the girls hands doing a good job at something other than kneading dough.

Tearing her eyes away from them she turned her head, Nozomi was not even a foot away from her, hands clasped and pressed against her chest. Silent tears falling down her cheeks. Between Nico and Nozomi was a divet in the wall. 

That's where it was thrown..it almost hit her.

Nico's concerns for her roommate we pushed aside as she was. A force from behind her casting her out of the way, her elbow hitting the door frame with a loud smack. The redhead who entered the room didn't even address it, her sharp eyes trained onto the other girls. It took her long enough to get over here!

For a brief moment she remembered that night again, the way Maki stood there as she watched Nozomi pleadingly cry for help..the way she didn't move..at least she made it here, she'll give her that much.

"What the hell is going on here?!" Her voice made the entire room shake, Nozomi curling in further on herself. She wanted to go over to her elder, to hug her, but those cold blue eyes locking with her kept her stuck in place. Why was she looking at her like that? What had happened? Everything was fine this afternoon why was she suddenly looking at her like that?

Nozomi was shaking her head, lips parted but no words coming out, instead Honoka spoke up. "Ayase's been acting crazy, she nearly killed us on the way here, and then she started throwing shit at Nozomi." The brunette words were emphasized by her fingers digging into blonde locks. No matter the steady calmness in her voice it was obvious to see she was pissed. "I don't know what the hell is going on but I'm not stupid, she's been the one taking my phone, I know that now. She's keeping secrets from us."

"You don't know shit! Get the hell off me you stupid fucking bi-!" Nico gasped as Honoka forcibly yanked Eli's head to the side smooshing her mouth and nose into the carpet in a way that made her cringe. It had to hurt but it was effective in shutting her up.

The scowl on Maki's face grew in disgust and for a moment Nico though that she would lash out. "I don't care about her keeping secrets that's none of my business as long as it's not putting us in danger but," stepping over the broken lamp she approached them, "the fact I let Nozomi talk me into housing you only for you to try and hurt her is where I've had it. For a minute I thought you changed. Thanks for proving me wrong. Let her talk Honoka, shes going to explain what the hell this is all about before her ass get kicked out in the rain. She owes us that much." 

The air of the entire room had turned hostile, without much thought Nico hobbled over to where Nozomi stood, the glass sitting uncomfortably under her feet, pieces poking at the sole of her socked foot, it was a good thing that she had a high pain tolerance now. She didn't Even have to say a word to the elder. Nozomi's arms wrapped around her, the noirette letting her head fall atop her chest, her own smaller arms slinking around her waist.

Honoka looked hesitant but she did as she was told, yanking Eli's face up from the floor only to press her back down so her cheek was being squished against the carpet. In a way Honoka's reminded Nico of a dog, a hunting dog that was holding down a catch.

The blonde didn't say anything, it was odd. During arguments she was usually the one to voice her opinion, and now that she had the entire room to herself she wasn't taking it. A look flashed through those ice blue eyes, and now Nico could see a wet glaze cover them. The taller biting her cheek as she stared at nothing in particular, she looked cornered. A deep feeling of sympathy bubbled up to the surface, dissipating again as the blonde thrashed, a sneer escaping her lips directed at Honoka when the girl gave her an encouraging tug to her hair.

"Talk." 

"Get off me first you stupid lesbian!"

Nico turned away as Honoka yanked her hair again, more aggressively. She didn't want to watch them hurt each other. "Not happening, spill it. Why the hell were you taking my phone? Who the fuck is Alyssa?"

I don't have time for this bullshit, get off!" Even with her face buried in Nozomi's chest her ears were still uncovered, the grunts and pants of Eli's struggle to get out from underneath Honoka were clear. She really was like an animal caught in a trap. The thudding of her legs against the floor reminded Nico of her own heartbeat, or maybe it was just her heart thudding so loudly. 

She chanced a look, red eyes falling on the other three. Maki was hovering above the two but now she was shaking. It was hard to tell if it was because of how angry she was or if her cowardicey was creeping back in. Hopefully it was just because she was angry. "No! No, you're not going to keep acting like you have run of the mill here, this is my apartment. You've taken advantage of us for weeks now, explain this shit to me." 

Nico cringed, the cracking in Maki's voice made it clear. The adrenaline was slowly going away, the tough facade was just that, a facade and it was audibly cracking. 

"Maki-chan...Honoka-chan..please stop." Nozomi's voice was hoarse, the noirette looked up at her, tears forming in those beautiful green eyes, the arms around her tightened. "Please stop this, I'm sure Eli-..I crossed a boundary line please don't let her take all the blame!"

The pulse against her head quickened, it sounded like the elders heart was going to pop out of her chest. A couple wet droplets falling into Nico's hair. 

God what had happened? What the fuck had happened? 

"She threw the lamp at you Nozomi." Honoka's voice was indifferent despite her friend now crying.

"Because I made her mad it was my fault! I kept asking questions!"

Nico watched as the redhead's hands turned into fists, hair whipping around her head in a fiery tornado as she looked back at them. He couldn't help but swallow the saliva stuck in her throat, her eyes were narrowed, even though she trembled like a dog it was still unsettling. "Asking a question isn't a crime!" Her voice didn't crack this time, "Throwing a heavy object like that is! She could have seriously hurt you Nozomi look at the damn wall next to you that could have been your head!" Her statement was emphasized by her pointing. Nico's gaze directly falling into the large hole she saw before, from this close though it was more concerning

The lamp hadnt just broken through the drywall but made it's way into the fiberglass padding, a small hole peeking into the dark empty filled space between the wall and the bathroom. It was deep, Eli had to have thrown it hard. If it was just an inch closer it would have hit Nozomi's head...she could've killed her…

She did it before she could do it again.

The thought popped up in Nico's mind before she could even process it, the words lingering in her brain. She could do it again, she could, Maki might be right..she could've not changed. Even though it might've seemed that way for a little bit.. to think Nico had been sitting right next to her this afternoon on the same couch. So close to the same girl who killed her..it was nauseating. 

Nico covered her mouth moving quickly away from Nozomi's front to hide behind her arm. She didn't want to be in the same room as them anymore but she was going to leave the shrine maidens side. 

"Maki please I don't-"

"Alyssa's my sister.."

The room went deadly silent, all eyes moving back to the blonde on the floor, even the bakers hold on the girl faltered for a second in surprise. Her eyes were wet with tears and it occurred to Nico that this was the only time she had ever seen the girl cry. Even after being told she had died Eli never once shed a tear, not in front of them at least. And now, here she was, pressed forcefully against her roommates floor, silent tears falling from unfocused eyes. 

"She's my little sister the one I told you about a long time ago." Snot was running down her lip and Eli sniffled to try to get it to stop to no avail. "I've been using Kousaka's phone to call her, because I'm worried for her." 

Pitifully the girl looked up to Maki. "I'm really worried, my parents aren't good people. I'm afraid they're going to hurt her... Look you may not understand Nishikino because you're an only child but I would rather die again than have them hurt her."

The seriousness in her voice shook Nico to her core..she understood what Eli was talking about, it made her heart physically hurt. She knew that feeling too well, Nico would gladly give up everything if it meant that her three little siblings were ok, she would walk out in front of a train for their happiness. 

She wasn't the only one who had been affected. Honoka's grip on her hair was softened until she slowly drew her hand out of the blonde locks to her sides. 

Honoka had Yukiho, and despite how much the younger always talked about wanting a better older sister it was apparent that the only older sister fit for her was the brunette. Even with the teasing and calling out they were close, two complete opposites that made them a whole.

"Listen I understand what I did was wrong but I really don't have a lot of time!" Eli's voice was high pitched and desperate her eyes now flicking from one person to the next. "I overreacted but if I don't hurry up I'll lose her! They're taking her away tonight! I had always planned to go after her but my plan was cut short! Please! Please just let me go! Let me go and I'll leave you all alone for the rest of my life! You'll never have to see me again! Please!" 

The noirette felt uncomfortable, Eli was bawling, her eyes slowly becoming more red and puffy. It was her sister, she wanted to be with her sister, she wanted to take care of her sister and..they were stopping her. 

Letting go of her elder Nico slowly hobbled over towards the girls, she was too exhausted letting the casted leg drag along behind her. She pushed passed Maki who just looked at her stunned as she placed her small hands on Honokas shirt. She tugged lightly on the material, the force not even being enough to normally budge anyone but the girl next to her slid off slowly, a guilty expression written on her face.

Eli looked up and their eyes met, a silence settling in the room once again, "Go."

\-----------------------

Cellphone, charger, keys, wallet, ticket? Uhm ticket, ticket? Where was the damn-oh there.

Rin picked up the paper ticket to Hokkaido from underneath the kitten patterned pencil pouch. It was a pain but she had managed to get all her homework mostly done and pack. It was such short notice, and her ankle didn't make it any better but she finally did it. She was set to go, with a bit of time to spare.

Plopping down on the bed she took the plane ticked shoving it haphazardly in into her wallet. She mentally crossed thing off her list in her head as she stuffed the items from her bed into her backpack. It was getting packed, the pins stuck to the front pockets bulging out. She might've over packed just a little bit but it was always good to be prepared. 

This trip was going to be a breath of fresh air, just her and her grandparents and the nice quiet farmland. No more busy city life, at least for awhile, no more worries, no more drama.

The runner jumped as the phone in her rang loudly, vibrating with enough force to shake her hand. Looking over the caller ID she sighed. It was Hanayo again, she had been calling all day long. Setting the phone down on the dresser, guilt crept up in her chest. She wasn't normally like this, she wouldnt ignore Hanayo like this usually, she'd always answer her straight away, but it was becoming such a pain. Keeping up with the idol was hard, not physically of course, but emotionally. Nothing was changing, everything was the same and to be frank, Rin hated it.

She hated how Hanayo avoided all her questions, how she ignored everything that was wrong. She wasn't just her consolation pillow, Rin had feelings too. It was selfish and stupid, she knew she should just suck it up and help her girlfriend out till she could finally help herself but it was just so difficult.

One night, all she wanted was one night. She had given the dirty blonde a warning, she was leaving for a long time. It wasn't Just something she had said to make her scared it was the truth and..and Hanayo would have to face it. 

God she really was doing this..shes a terrible girlfriend. 

The guilt didn't go away ten minutes after the call, or after she finished her soup, or even after an hour of writing an apology in her phones notes.

\-------------

Maki breathed in deeply, a couple of droplets of water getting into her nose. They stung but she made no noise. This was all crazy, everything happening was like some sort of tv drama that she somehow got wrapped up in. 

It was almost laughable, a college students takes in a revived murder victim and falls in love with her, another revived woman breaks in and everything goes to shit, relationships are ruined and her "lover" kills herself but comes back again. That in of it's own was dramatic enough. It was like the second season of her dramatic life was coming in full force. 

God was a normal life just too much to ask for? What the hell did she do to deserve this anyway? Sighing she finished washing out the conditioner from her hair. She must've been a terrible person in her past life to deserve karma like this.

"Honoka, stop moving so much." 

She didn't even get privacy now. 

"Sorry, sorry, it just stings a lot."

They were supposed to have been done minutes ago. "I told you guys to go do that somewhere else, I need to get out."

"The lights in the apartment suck, buy different lightbulbs." Nico was quick to quip, at least her speech was better. 

Maki groaned, turning the water off, the lack of scolding water hitting her back made her instantly cold. "Still I get you want to do more Nico but you're taking more time. Nozomi could have finished up with her sooner."

"Don't care." 

Go figures, sometimes she really had to keep telling herself that her love for the noirette was strong enough to hold her tongue. Rolling her eyes the redhead peeked out through the shower curtain, an arm stretching out to grab one of the towels hanging. 

Her back popped loudly as she grabbed the material...falling asleep like that on the couch wasn't the best. Sighing she straightened up her back popping again. She would need Nozomi to massage her later. For now whatever uncomfortable back pain the water didn't wash away would have to wait. Maki wrapped the towel firmly around her body before stepping out paying little mind the the other two girls in the room, choosing to instead get another dry towel or her hair.

"Fuck!" 

Maki almost dropped her towel. "Honoka, I said stay still."

The redhead turned to face the duo, the brunette whimpering. Honoka was sitting on the toilet facing the wall, her bare back exposed to Nico. It wasn't the most gruesome wound she had seen but it was still bad, it was a wonder no one had noticed the blood before, but with how quiet Honoka had been during the argument it was impressive how well she was able to mask the pain. 

A long gash ran down the girl's shoulder blades down to the small of her back, it was slightly diagonal and almost a centimeter deep. Apparently the large wooden bookshelf in Nozomi's room had managed to scrape its edge across her back when two had pushed against it causing it to almost fall on top of them. It had to have hurt like absolute hell. The shirt she had been wearing had been discarded on the floor, blood had completely soaked through the jagged rip on the back of it. 

The sight of the puffy bruising flesh and blood didn't seem to deter Nico though. The small girl was now rubbing antiseptic cream up and down the wound with her finger, the yellowish cream turning into a red hue. It wasn't a surprise, after everything they had went through this was nothing. A simple bump in the road...hopefully it would stay that way. That things would plateau from here, if they didn't Maki would start prematurely graying.

The redhead bent over rubbing her hair between the black towel in her hands, the whining and crying was drowned out easily with the blood rushing to her head, she almost hadn't heard Honoka ask

"Huh?" Maki turned towards the two again slowly straightening back up.

"I asked who's gonna go with her?" The brunette groaned at the small touch Nico placed against her lower back, the older girl biting her lip in obvious pain.

"Its obvious you cant go," she hung the towel up on the bar eyeing the hairdryer. No time. "I'm not letting Nico or Nozomi go either." If she got sick because of this she was going to be pissed. 

Honoka's warm blue eyes went wide, her expression changing in an instant to shock and once again pain. "Dammit!" The two girls recoiled. "Sorry, just you can't be serious Maki? I don't mean to be rude or anything but, you? If something happened you wouldn't be able to-" 

"I can do it just fine." God why did she have to bring that up?? A small bubble of anger bloomed in her chest, she wasn't sure why. It was because it was an insult wasn't It? A little jab? Maki cant do shit? Maki cant take care of the people she loves? Maki doesn't deserve Nico..wait no. Those weren't Honoka's words, those were her own. But still it was irritating, partially because it was true, and partially because she said that in front of Nico. "Besides you're not in any better position than I am with that nasty gash."

"Oh c'mon I could totally do it it doesn't even-" the brunette's words died out as she held back a cry, a half assed smile still on her face, "it doesn't even hurt." 

"That's a lie, let her go." Nico chimed in.

It was still jarrying to hear the smaller talk so seriously, and abrupt. Everything she said after the incident had been short sweet and to the point. It scared her a little bit if she was being honest. Remembering those times when Nico was a mute...they were nostalgic but so saddening. She wanted to hear her talk more, to sound happy, to have that certain spark of life back in her eyes. 

It was too much to ask for right now though. That would take time, lots of time, she had nothing but it.

"Its settled then, I'm the one going."

Something flickered across Honoka's face, too fast for her to decipher, oh well, she was always bad at reading people anyway. "Good luck man, bring me back a strawberry milkshake will you? Nozomi still owes me one."

\--------------

Eli tried focusing on the food, on the tv static, on the way the balcony blinks clanked together with the heating on. The sound of ticking was drowning out her senses. Why the fuck was she still here? What the hell was she doing? She should've left an hour ago, why was she still here?? 

In frustration the blonde threw the fork across the table, it bounces around loudly a couple times before stilling at the other end, teetering precariously over the edge. 

She wasn't hungry, she didn't want to eat, she didn't want to be here. But for some damn reason she ended up listening to that stupid shrine maiden like she always did! It was so goddamn annoying! That girl was annoying! Even after what happened the she had come up to Eli after having given the girl some space, and with a sickly sweet pitiful smile she had led her to the kitchen and sat her down in front of a plate of heated up takeout. After that she had just excused herself to her room leaving the blonde at the table by herself. 

This was so dumb, she already had everything that she needed, all the things she had collected these passed weeks thrown into a black trash bag at her feet. 

Sure she could leave now and sit at the airport for awhile but that was preferable than sitting here in anxiety. The feeling in her gut was telling her that it was wrong, she shouldn't be here but the keys had been confiscated from her. 

But what was she expecting, she had pushed herself all the back to square one, not that she was trying to be on the good side of the group but it did have its perks. Perks like driving the car, but that was out of the question as soon as she had thrown the lamp, and it was cemented at the sight of the brunettes back. She really hadnt meant to cause such a big scene but the questions were just so aggravating.

This wasn't the way she was planning her reunion with Alyssa at all. Life truly had a grudge against her. Maybe that's just what murderers deserved.


	41. Earthquake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You'll be okay,"..."it won't feel good for a while but you'll get used to it." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh it's been so long please forgive me, I'm going through a bit of a rough patch but hopefully I'll get over it. Be ready for this chapter guys and I apologize in advance for the weird shifts in writing I wrote this over a period of like a couple weeks.
> 
> Lots of cussing because of Eli and some deep personal moments for some characters and uh a rival ship? Lmao see yah guys in the bottom notes.

The ride hasnt been anything other than nerve wracking so far. What was supposed to be a twenty minute drive to the airport has turned into an almost forty five minute drive of absolute hell. Maki knew that there was bound to be some tension as she drove Ayase, some resentment of awkwardness. But she hadn't accounted for the sudden construction work. 

Her fingers thrummed against the steering wheel anxiously, the blonde tsking in annoyance in what felt like every few seconds. This was awful, absolutely terrible. But it was still early morning, this was the time of day construction work took place, this was a common thing but god if she wasn't pissed off right now. Why were they even deciding to fix the roads now? It was still winter for fucks sake!

"Ah come on!" Makis eyes immediately turned to look at Eli, the elder hitting the doors side panel with enough force to make the entire car shake. 

Briefly she thought if this had been a good idea, the courage she had mustered from before was fading. Nico wasn't here to make Maki feel like she needed to puff her chest and act big. The sinking lead weight feeling was settling into her arms. 

Looking back at the traffic ahead the redhead swallowed hard. She just needed to tough it out, a little bit longer, just make sure the girl gets to her sister, help them to the nearest on route train or bus and send them on their way. After that she could go back to her peaceful life. Well her semi peaceful life, the one she had before Nico knew everything. Although, that was probably too much to ask for, she should just be fine with Nico in her life, and all of them safe, and no more insanely high water bills. 

Eli's face twisted up into a snarl Maki could catch out of the corner of her eye, a wet boot coming up and hitting the dash. "Can't we go any faster?! This is ridiculous!

Maki bit down the urge to scold her, partially out of fear and because it wouldn't lead her anywhere. The car in front of them moved forward the tiniest bit. They couldn't move even if she really wanted to, not until that car ahead of them got out of the way enough to make a turn onto a different road. "Yelling isn't going to make this go by any faster."

Blue eyes glared into her skin and the younger could feel a shiver of cold run up her spine. "You think I don't already know that?!" Eli moved jerkily, moving so fast that it shook the car slightly, her back halfway leaning against the door, an elbow resting on the door panel, hand tangled in her blonde fringe. She looked stressed as hell, and she most likely was. Maki was aware that time was running out the longer they took, that's why she was so frustrated but the blonde being frustrated was making her uneasy and frustrated! 

"There's no point in worrying over something that hasn't happened yet." She couldn't think of anything else to say, it was something Nozomi would tell her all the time, especially when the redhead was stressing over having to present something for school, she could practically hear the shrine maiden chastising her for being such a hypocrite. 

"Don't tell me that shit, you don't understand at all what this is like! You're just some rich spoiled only child!"

For some reason that stung.

Maki clenched her jaw, something about that made her angry. Sure she was an only child, and yes she was well off, she could have anything she wanted yea but it just felt wrong. Eli jabbing her with that statement left a sour taste in her mouth. She didn't only care about herself she had Nozomi and Nico.

Nico…

She had Nico, sweet, delicate, sick Nico. She had slaved over the girls injuries for months, worried over her condition. Did her best to nurture her back to health without knowing if she'd even make it or not, and this girl was really going to tell her she didn't understand? Not even in the slightest?

It made her blood boil.

Her hands gripped onto the steering wheel so tight her knuckles blaunched as white as the lingering snow outside. "Shut up or get out of my car. I'll leave you to walk on your own, I don't need to help you."

That seemed to work well enough, the blonde huffing turned to look outside her window. Thank god, Maki wasn't made for shit like this.

Maki lurched the car forward a couple of feet as the traffic moved, not by much but better than nothing. They were a little over halfway there, stopped just on the outer campus of Maki's old highschool. It looked way different in the early morning dawn, if you could even call it that it was still dark out. Seeing the old building filled her with some semblance of comfort. She had made her best friends there, Nozomi, Kotori, and Honoka. Time's sure had changed from then...where had Nico gone to school?

The fantasy of somehow having gone to school with the smaller girl filled her thoughts. If she did, how had they never met? What would it have been like if they had? What kind of girl would she have been, would Maki still have the adoration for her like now? Would they link pinkies in the hall and steal kisses when no one was watching? Eat lunch together on the roof or join a club together? Gift each other chocolates and go to school festivals? Would Nico cry before graduation when she'd leave her kouhai? Would they wait for each other? Would Nico love her back? 

It was a bittersweet thought, that maybe things would be different if they had met sooner, maybe for the better or for the worse, she was just happy to have Nico now, even if she was cold and distant, it was better than not having the noirette there at all. 

Her thoughts were halted, a cold hand smacking her upper arm a little too hard for her liking. "We can turn now, go."

Maki nodded, clumsily turning the car onto a different street, she wasn't sure why her cheeks heated up, it wasn't like Eli was able to read her thoughts, besides it's not like she was thinking about anything dirty. Whatever, she was reading way too much into it, besides, there were other important things to do. Like get to the airport as quickly as possible, before those cold blue eyes could kill her.

\--------------

"Ah fuck!" Honoka groaned out, the comforter underneath her body had been too rough on her back but turning over onto her stomach hurt just as bad, a sharp sting taking over her upper body. She whimpered pitifully, extending her hand out to Nico to hold, the throbbing pain beginning to fade away.

The Noirette was by her side in an instant, a small action that made her chest warm pleasantly, holding her hand she watched Nico, placing the other girls hand against her sweaty cheek. She had said she was fine earlier but the pain was excruciatingly hot, without the prior adrenaline it felt like she had just ran miles.

"Careful," Nico whispered gently, "it's gonna hurt if you move too much." Honoka didn't say anything, she didn't need to. She felt her body settle into its new position. It hurt a hell of a lot more than she expected but it wasn't too unbearable. Every now and again a sharp pain would flare up but nothing like what it had been before when it was being cleaned. 

"I thought it was gonna be worse," a hint of a smile played on her lips, the atmosphere was already dampered from Ayase's melt down, but it couldn't hurt to try. Besides it would make her feel better to see the smaller girl smile.

Nico nodded, humming in acknowledgement, "You'll be okay," her voice was so quiet and sweet, so angelic Honoka would believe her even if what she was saying was a lie, "it won't feel good for a while but you'll get used to it." 

Those words were comforting but Honoka knew she was speaking from experience, from her own pain. It was gut wrenching to think about how such a small delicate girl could go through so many things. Nico had told her a thousand countless times she didn't want pity, but it was hard not to, especially after looking her up. 

Yazawa Nico, 21 year old debuté, stabbed 7 times outside of Emstar Productions building dies from injuries. It was brutal, Honoka had made the mistake of clicking the pictures attached to the article, she hadn't been ready to see so much blood, it was too much, pooled together like a puddle of water. It was just the crime scene photos, Nicos body nowhere in the frame but if it was she had a suspicion that her stomach couldn't have handled it.

That combined with the memories of the stormy night Nico had died for the second time...it was hard not to pity. 

"Come here." Warm blue eyes met red, the taller girl tugging on Nico's hand gently

A look of uncertainty flashed on the noirettes face momentarily, her eyes averting from Honoka's gaze, "I'm right here," that stung.

"Nico please, it hurts. I don't want to lay down here by myself."

Nico wasn't saying anything, she could feel the noirettes sweaty palm, maybe she took it too far. She was probably uncomfortable now. Honoka's heart seized up in pain expecting rejection yet again. "I'm not going anywhere," the brunette couldn't help but smile at the sincere tone in her voice. Nico squeezed the younger's hand tightly, eyes moving back onto Honoka. "Let's just lay down here together." 

Honoka immediately relaxed and buried her head further into Maki's pillow. She was so glad to have Nico by her side, her company made her feel so much better than any drink ever could. Her hand felt cold when she slipped it out of hers, but was quickly replaced by the subtle warmth of Nico's small frame next to hers. 

Honoka couldn't help but admire the way the girl's long lashes fluttered against her cheek, or the look in her eyes. She was so perfect, so small and so pretty, so comfortable sleeping in Maki's bed..so unreachable that it hurt. "Thanks Nico." 

"Don't thank me," Nico bit her bottom lip, brushing the sudden tears from Honoka's face with her thumb. "Just take your time getting better okay?" 

"Okay." That was going to be so much harder said than done. She would heal from her injury, she wasn't crying over that, or that it would scar, or that she couldn't go to work. God she was crying because she felt so awful, what she was doing was bad. It was so wrong, Maki had liked her first, she had been there for her first, helped her in so many ways, but here she was, trying so hard to out do her good friend to get with Nico when she didn't deserve it. It was still so plainly obvious that Nico despite her action and words wasn't over the redhead yet either. 

She was terrible, so goddamn shitty. But she couldn't help it. "Thank you," Honoka wrapped her arm around the elders waist with an affectionate smile, tears still falling off her cheeks and soaking the pillow sheet. Ignoring the pain Honoka scooted closer till their noses brushed against each other, hand creeping into the noirettes entwining their fingers together. She smelled like strawberries. "I mean it, I love you so much." The last bit came out shaky and hoarse, Honoka let out a uneven sigh pushing her wet lips against Nico's plush pink ones. She tasted like strawberries too.

Nico didn't push her away, she didn't pull back, but she wasn't kissing her back either. At least she was letting it happen, she's letting it happen, all her thoughts of betraying her friend were cast aside at the feeling of Nicos lips willingly touching hers. Her body flooded with warmth, a spark of joy lighting in her chest. The brunette continued kissing her, savoring the sweet taste of strawberries, her thumb rubbing small circles on the other girl's hand. 

Slowly Nico started to kiss back.

\-------------

Hanayo felt like dying, tonight had been the worst night of her life so far. She sobbed holding the small phone in her trembling hands. Rin wasn't answering her calls.

Not a single one of them, she wasn't sure how long she'd been calling, two hours maybe three, ever since her manager left the hotel room. But now they were all going unanswered or straight to voicemail. What did she do wrong?! Why did she hate her?!

Without thinking about it the idol threw her phone, the device hitting the bottom corner of the wall before bouncing down to the carpet.

Rin left her! Rin was leaving! She knew Rin was leaving but she never thought that it would actually happen, she thought Rin would cave in, stay with her, protect her, but now she was all alone in a hotel room sitting in the cum of a man she absolutely hated crying, while her girlfriend was about to lift off on a plane to somewhere far away.

There was nothing she could do about it, Rin was probably gone, and she didn't even get to tell her goodbye In person.

Hanayo hugged herself and sat there alone on the bed, everything she had done in the past few weeks knocking violently in her head. How she had kept her secret from Rin, even though it made her girlfriend suffer, well it wouldn't really be called a secret since the citrus haired girl knew, but they had only spoken about it twice or so since Hanayo avoided the topic like the plague.

But now all she wanted was to be hugged by the girl, to be coddled and cooed at, to be out of this stupid hotel room she knew too much about. To confess everything she felt for her, but now it was too late, Rin had left, maybe forever. 

If she had said the right thing, maybe Rin would have stayed, maybe she would still be with her.

But she had said nothing. So now she was alone, the only reason she hadn't left back to the dorm was because of the guilt that was consuming her. She laid back down on the hotel bed and stared up at the ceiling, her reflection in the mirrors above the bed mocking her. The girl staring back at her full of regret and emptiness.

\------------

Despite not being able to feel things ever since she was shot, Eli was sweating bullets. The construction had slowed them down for a good chunk of time, time that was critical, she was supposed to be in the airport by now goddammit not just barely outside! 

The blonde quickly undid her seatbelt pulling on the door handle. 

"W-wait! Eli-!"

The car jerked to a stop as Elis feet touched the ground, the car door cutting off whatever bullshit Nishikino was going to spew at her. Did she not understand she didn't have time to sit around and look for a parking spot? She had to go now!

The cold rain splashed against her face as she ran towards the airport. As if things couldn't get any worse she had no way in knowing what terminal Alyssa was boarding at, all she had to go off of was Hokkaido, and that alone was pretty vague. 

Her heart felt like it was going to burst as she entered the front entrance of the airport. For it being so early in the morning there was a surprising amount of people there. Too many people in her opinion. 

The blonde whipped her head around walking, eyes scanning the electric boards hanging from the ceiling; Fukuoka, Okinawa, Seoul, Hong Kong, Busan, Gaum, Nagasaki, Hanoi, Kagoshima, Rome.

Where the hell was Hokkaido?!

A harsh bump against her shoulder drew her attention away from the signs. "Hey watch where the hell you're going!" The blonde backed up slightly looking at the man she had accidentally bumped into. The man loomed over angrily clenching a cup of coffee in his hand, the other holding onto a small girls. Eli watched as the little girl let go of presumably her fathers hand choosing to hide behind a well dressed woman that must've been her mother judging by the same red hair and amber eyes. 

"Honey please," the woman sighed, despite her words she glared at the man, placing a hand on her daughter's hair before turning to look at Eli with a sympathetic smile, "please forgive us it's been a long morning."

No grown adult had ever apologized to her. Ever.

The blonde nodded, a slight blush flushing her face, or maybe that was just from running around. "It was my fault." She bowed curtly eyes once again scanning the area for any familiar faces. 

"Is something wrong?"

Looking back at the mother a look of concern was etched onto her pale face. Did she look that troubled? Well it's not like she wasn't, this lady still had some nerve to try to pry though. No, no that wasn't right she was trying to help.

Help..

Shit! "Do you by chance know where the terminal for Hokkaido is?" The words came out of her mouth a bit too fast, Eli cringed, god she was really losing it. Keep it together. Keep it together. 

The woman hummed, obviously thinking back. She was taking too long. The blondes hands clenched into fists at her sides, why was everyone so damn slo-"Im sure I saw the sign for it down by the Starbucks." A dainty finger pointed in the general direction of the shop.

That was all she needed!

"Thank you!" 

Her feet were moving before she could even finish talking, running down and passed the waiting area dodging people who were waiting in lines and nearly tripping over someones rolling suitcase. She just had to get there soon she had to! 

Eli turned the slightly rounded corner, and there it was! Eli had never been so happy to see that stupid green mermaid in her llife. She stopped in front of it, the smell of coffee grounds wafting into her nose as she tried to calm down her erratic breathing and heartbeat. She was here, she could see the sign on the other side of the cafe with the large orange words 'HOKKAIDO' written on them but where was her family?

All the people at the front desk looked nothing like her parents. Turning around she scanned the seats behind her in the waiting area. There was more than a handful of people, each minding their own business or talking amongst eachother some walking towards the hallway disappearing to board their flight. But there was no familiar blonde hair. No bright blue eyes. No Alyssa. Nowhere.

Eli swallowed hard. Did she already miss it? Her entire chest seized up in pain just at the thought of being late. Oh god what if she had missed her?

No. No, no. Shaking her head the blonde walled closer to the line, eyes reading the flight departure time. 4:30, the flight was supposed to take off at four thirty, according to the giant clock on the wall it was barely turning 3:41 so they still had to be here, although they could have technically already boarded the plane. If they did she was screwed. A knot nestled into the pit of her stomach. She was completely helpless in this situation, all she could really do is wait, wait and hopefully see her baby sister soon and hope that she wasn't too late.

The longer time passed the more the knot grew, sure it has only been five minutes but they felt like an eternity. Scanning over everyone that came close to the terminal and checkout there was still no sign of Alyssa anywhere. Eli wanted to vomit, she wiped her palms against the rough fabric of her jeans. "Come on..come on."

Pacing, she looked around the area once more. No one new had stepped in within her range of sight. The same families coming and going disappearing into the same hall. God she was too late, too late alyssa was probably already on the plane

She was on the plane and Eli would never see her again, ever. She would never...

A pitiful whine escaped her mouth, appalled the blonde but her bottom lip willing it not to waver. It felt like she was being punched in the stomach with reality, tears prickling in her eyes and an uncomfortable tight feeling constricting her throat. Alyssa, god she just wanted to hug her, to just see her, see that beautiful smile and big blue eyes. Hey baby sister, her everything, her only purpose for even continuing to live. Where was-

"Onee-san!"

Eli's head snapped at the familiar voice, looking over her shoulder. "Alyssa." She breathlessly murmured her sister's name. The said girl loudly dropping her luggage, the suitcase causing a loud echo to ring throughout the area. 

Alyssa wasn't gone yet!

The smaller girl bounded towards Eli, Eli pushing passed the few people roughly shoving a business woman out of the way. The angry shouts and yelling didn't register, it was like all she could hear was static, aside from her sister's chants of her name. The two siblings crashed into each other, the elder's arms wrapping tightly around Alyssa's delicate frame. She nestled her nose in the crown of blonde locks breathing in the smell of expensive shampoo. Fingers fisted her sweater like a vice and all Eli could do was hold her sister head close to her chest, letting the resounding heartbeat be the proof her older sister was still there, still alive. "I'm here, it's alright." 

"Nee-san," Alyssa was trembling in her arms, her voice wavering, "Nee-san don't let them take me! I don't want to go with them!"

Oh right..

It had dawned on her reality setting in again that this wasn't going to be some normal tearful reunion. She could vaguely hear the yelling around her, it felt like she had been pulled out from water, the drowned out noses becoming far too loud around them and she became all too aware of the demanding voice of her father.

"Alyssa what the hell do you think you are doing?!" Eli eyes shot up to her father, the man looked as angry as ever, the vein on his forehead sticking out like it always did. But it wasn't till their eyes met that the look on his face turned from something mad to surprised and then furious. "You! What are you doing here?!"

Instinctively the blonde tugged Alyssa behind her, the younger girl's fingers holding onto the hem of her sister's sweater tightly.

He's not even acknowledging it out loud. 'What are you doing here'? Really? Like he hadn't killed her, like she hadn't died at his hands. Oh well, her father was smart, he wouldn't out himself like that in public.

Eli tsked, "I'm here for my sister."

Suddenly her mother was there, dressed way too formally for someone at an airport in the early morning. The frown on her face made her age 10 years, it made her want to laugh. 

"And who the hell said you have that kind of authority?!" A dainty ringed hand reached for Alyssa before a loud smack echoed in the now partially empty waiting area. "You!"

That felt good, that felt way too good. The look on the hags face, her wide eyes and slacked jaw, the pained yelp that followed. It was amazing, being on the opposite end, dealing out the hits instead of receiving them was pure bliss. Her palm tingled where it had made contact with her mother's reddening cheek, only tingled, there was no pain.

Her satisfaction was short lived, a fist hooked her on the opposite cheek sending Eli teetering back. "Elichi!" Her vision was hazy but she could tell it was her sister keeping her upright. 

"Goddamn whore!"

She shook her head, till the ground in front of her wasn't moving anymore. That didn't hurt, but it was time consuming, in the amount of time it took for her to recover her sibling had been pulled away. Their fathers large hand yanking Alyssa back by the strap of her small baby blue backpack. "Get the hell out of here! You're trash! Garbage! Alyssa doesn't need someone as worthless as you in her life!"

Eli could feel her face heat up, this was all too familiar, she had heard these insults before they rolled like water off her back but she couldn't help notice more stares her way. Gritting her teeth the blonde let out something almost like a snarl, she hated causing a scene.

For once in a long time Eli was glad she took ballet . Bringing her knee up to her chest, she kicked outward, boot hitting her father's stomach hard enough to send the man reeling backwards, hands letting go of her sister to wrap around his stomach.

Now! They have to move now!

"Run!" The work come out as a breathless whisper. She didn't give the girl long enough to reply, taking her hand Eli bolted. 

She was doing this? This was happening?? Oh lord focus! Focus! One foot after the other! Keep going, keep-

"Help! Help! That woman is stealing my daughter! Please! Help me!"

"Keep up!" Alyssa stumbled at her sister harsh tug, almost tripping over. The older sister grunted, keeping up the pace, she felt bad, Alysa was struggling but they had to make it out of there. 

Movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention, blue eyes bolting from side to side, they were coming. Her mother stupid banshee fucking screaming alerted the airport security. Faster! Move faster!

She just had to press on, focus, don't Look around just focus on the door, focus and they can make it! They could make it! 

They were almost there!

Almost.

Eli felt the shift in weight pull her back, turning around the blonde's eyes widened, a security guard held onto the same strap on the back back her father had, sending the girls back. "Let go! Stop it let me go! Onee-san!" Alyssas voice cracked, tears streaking down the girls pale cheeks like the rain outside. 

"Let her go!" She tugged her sisters hand, the sweat on their palms not helping at all, with each passing second their hands were being slowly unlaced. 

Then there was a presence behind her, grabbing Eli by the waist and pulling her backwards so forcibly the younger yelped out at the force their hands had been spread apart by. 

No! No! No! No! This wasn't happening! They were so close! So fucking close!

Eli thrashed around, her nails finding purchase in the guard behind hers arms clawing and scratching, she was sure to leave blood. 

"Fuck!" The voice of the man behind her yelled in her ear, "Go take the girl back to her family and come help me with this one will you!"

"Got it boss!"

No! No! No! "Aylssa!" Eli practically screeched, watching as her little sister struggled against the guard that was pulling her away. She could see the tears in her frightened bambi eyes, could hear the crying sobs from her sister's lips, her name being yelled out painfully. Yet Eli could do nothing but fight in vain to squirm free.

Was this what it was like to feel your heart break? Was this what mothers felt when they heard their babies crying? Was this what it felt like to be branded by a hot rod, was this true pain, true heartache?

"Ayase!" The voice coming from the redhead panting at her side didn't register, nor did the many other times the girl said her name. All she could hear was the deafening cries of her little sisters pleading. It was too late. 

\------------------------

"Would you like a drink?" 

"No thank you, but some headphones would be nice please."

"Of course Ms. Sonoda I'll be right back with that." The stewardess beamed a smile and bowed, the over politeness of the younger womans actions made her slightly uncomfortable. At least she wasnt making a big deal out of it. 

She wasnt like those news tabloids asking so many pesky and personal questions that made her head spin, and for that she was thankful. The blunette was always thankful for public acknowledgement but at some times it was just too much for her. She would flush bright red and studder when the questions got too personal or heat up and get angry when they took her words out of content.

It was a pain. But at least the plane was quiet. First class usually was, but even then the frantic typing of the business woman next to her was drowning all her thoughts. All Umi wanted was rest, pure rest, no noise, no problems and no stress

She leaned her head against the window, it was cold, and the pitter patter of the rain hitting it was a comforting rhythm. It would be so easy to fall asleep. When was the last time she actually got a full night's rest? Not since before her running statement? Too long ago. Her entire body ached, training was vigorous more so now than ever before, she knew she was pushing her body past her limits, the ache in her forearms and biceps was a testament to that. But it was important, she had to win this, she had to, she had to feel something again. 

Frowning Umi closed her eyes. Was it always like this? This feeling of emptiness? Was it always there? It felt like it had always been apart of her but she knew it couldn't have. 

When did it begin? Middle school? She had definitely felt this way by then. It was exhausting, stressful, empty. Running and chasing after goals, striving to be the best, claiming titles and winning prizes didn't feel the same. Winning used to make her feel good, full, like she had a purpose. But now? Now what?

Why did she strive for it now, working towards her goals didn't bring joy anymore, just stress. Winning felt like a hollow victory, happiness and fulfillment would surge for a split moment before being smothered down by an empty feeling. What her next goal would be, and the process would loop, never ending.

It was torment.

The clicking of heel caught her attention and Umi opened her eyes sitting up straight in her seat once again. "Here you go Ms. Sonoda." The woman held her hands out, a pair of blue headphones stretched out towards her. They looked new, she hoped they were. 

Nodding, the blunette gingerly picked up the headphones, "Thank you," she glanced at the stewardess' name tag, "Fumiko."

The young women smiled, "It's no problem please be sure to call if you need anything. The Auburn haired girl bowed again before leaving, walking over a few seats over to ask an elderly couple if they needed anything. 

It was still relatively quiet in the cabin, but she still slipped the headphones into place attaching it to her phone, the ear pieces were a little too big but she could deal with it. It wouldn't be that long of a flight anyway, just long enough to take a good nap. She was burning on empty. 

Again, she let herself slouch further down in the seat, hitting shuffle on her playlist before pressing her head to the window, the coolness of the glass really did feel good. Sleep, just sleep, once they landed it would be another hit and go day all day. 

Even just thinking about it gave her a headache.

She needed to stop thinking,stop everything, just sleep. 

"Let me go! Let me go, I don't want to go with you! I don't want to! I hate you! I hate you!" 

The cabin suddenly bursted with noise, Umi sat up, taking one headphone out, her and the woman next to her reflexively turned their heads towards the commotion behind them. 

A young girl, probably just starting her teens was kicking and screaming, trying to pull herself away from a man, presumably her father. Her golden hair was whipping around everywhere and clinging to her tear soaked cheeks.

Something about the girls guttural cries and yells created a pit of unease in the bluenette. 

The blonde was tugged forward and forcefully placed in her seat, the girl's mother shaking her head with disgust. The woman had leaned over her voicetoo hushed to hear, bit whatever she had said sent the girl into another fit. "I want Eli! I don't want to go with you! I just want my sister!" 

The girls English was just basic enough for Umi to be able to understand, and it sent another wave of uneasiness. It was clear by the looks of the rest of the passengers that they could feel it too. But no one was doing anything, none of the businessmen near the screaming girl were even moving. Most of them casting their gaze elsewhere. 

What is wrong with people? 

Standing up the archer wrapped her headphones around her phone a brief "Excuse me" slipping from her lips as she scooted passed the woman next to her. Her pace quickened from a walk to a jog till she reached the family in the back of class. 

The mother caught her gaze first, the older woman pursing her overly reddened lips, before opening them, gaping like a fish, she had to have been surprised.

"What is going on here?" Umi's voice was low and steady, eyes trained on the mother for a moment before realizing she wasn't going to speak. Sharply brown eyes found the ice cold stare of the girl's father. 

"It's none of your concern." The man's look was enough to put most into submission, but it didn't intimidate her in the slightest. Years of harsh training in dance, archery and many other subjects had left Umi as hardened as any man.

"It is, she's obviously distressed," She glanced away from him looking down at the crying girl in the middle seat voice immediately taking a softer pitch, "are you alright?" 

The small girl looked up at her, she didn't immediately react, eyes widening up and more tears flowing. Before any of them knew it the girl had bound up out of her seat. 

"Alyssa!"  
Umi stumbled back against the empty seat behind her, the sudden weight against her body squeezing her midsection, she could feel the material of her white shirt becoming damp. In the center. The blonde had buried her face in her chest, small body still shaking as she cried. 

This wasn't normal, something was going on. She placed a protective arm around the girl turning her body so that her body was between the young blonde and her father. The brown eyed girl became aware of a flash of light and shudder coming from somewhere around them, there would no doubt be an article written about her by sometime tomorrow now. Her manager would chew her out for getting involved but she couldn't bring herself to care. Being a good person came before the public's image of her. If they shifted the story, who cares? She'd know the truth.

"Alyssa get back in your seat this instant!" The older blonde shrieked, her attempt to stand was shut down by her husband, a large hand halting her. 

He sighed, features softening, his other hand rubbing his aged face, "I'm sorry about this Ms. but if you'd listen, you'd find my daughter is simply acting up. She isn't pleased about our sudden move and the fact she won't see her sister as often." 

Umi's frown deepened. Something about the man's complete behavioral change, his too pleasant of voice didn't sit well with her. She worked in business with plenty of fake individuals, TV show hosts that changed character as soon as the cameras rolled and sponsors that were personally spiteful but acted too kind in hopes of promotion. He sounded exactly like everyone of them.

"I understand a child being upset and please excuse me for prying but it didn't seem as simple as that. Children don't cry like they're hurt for no reason." The girl, Alyssa? Had lifted her head from her chest, blue eyes still dewy and red, small body shaking like a leaf. Her small fingers rolled the fabric of Umis first between them, probably a nervous habit the girl had. 

Something was off 

"She had a very deep bond with her sister and overreacted, it's really nothing." The girls mother chimed in, a sweet smile on her face now. 

Two faced, these people weren't trust worthy. But really what could she do? The blunette's mind raced as she tried to think of anything she could actually do to help. There was nothing though, there was no evidence against what her parents were saying. They could in fact be telling the truth, or not, either way she had no authoritative power. Nothing. 

Only the gratification of knowing she tried.

"I see.." Umi glanced down once more at the blonde next to her, the girls blue eyes looking at her pleadingly. She wished she could do more, "then I suppose I'll head back to my seat."

Alyssa let out a small whine, barely audible to anyone besides Umi and the elders lungs constricted in guilt. The archer moved her hand to pat the small girls head. "It's alright, I'm sure you'll see your sister again soon so settle down. There's no point in crying over things you have no control over." She wasn't Usually one for any sort of affection especially towards stranger but this was a child. Softly Umi brushed away some of the wetness from Alyssa's cheek. "I'll be in the front row but I'll keep my eye on you Alright?"

She nodded, blonde hair bouncing. "I'm pretty famous for my archery so I have a good eye, no need for worries."

"I know." The small smile gracing her lips surprised Umi slightly, "You're Sonoda Umi, the new Olympic archer. I've watched all your videos and interviews. You're really talented a-and cool."

Warmth spread across the bluenettes. "Oh, thank you." The warmth in her chest from looking at Alyssa's bright blue eyes sparkle sent a feeling a warmth into her chest as well..

It was always hard to remember she influenced young girls like her, and that maybe just maybe she still served some purpose.

\----------------

Maki grumbled one arm linked around Ayase's, security had surprisingly let Eli go, only because of the redhead though. It was a complete nightmare trying to talk over the blonde and speak with the officer while the other girl was shouting at the top of her lungs. A simple "I'm sorry she's my patient, she isn't doing well I need to take her back immediately" had sufficed. 

Taking in a deep breath she chanced a look at the other girl. Eli had gone completely silent, her frustrated yelling had stopped, she wasn't crying but it didn't take a specialist to know that the girl wasn't ok. God this was awkward. 

"Uhm," Maki looked back into the small convenience store, nestled between the Starbucks and another terminal, a small boy coming out with probably hot chocolate and a sweet bean bun. As if on cue her stomach grumbled. "Want to get something to eat."

"I'm fine."

"How about a drink, after all that I'm sure you at least want a water or something."

The blonde stopped staring at both places in silence and for a moment the student didn't think she would answer. "A coffee."

"Which place?"

"I don't fucking care, whichever." Ah there it was, the bite in her was back, at least there was that.

The redhead pulled her wallet from her back pocket. "Alright, fine, I'll be back go sit."

She didn't wait for Eli to sit down, making her way to the small shop, it was better than spending way too much on an overpriced drink.

The shop was almost empty save for herself, a young couple and the cashier. For some reason it was even colder in here than in the main building. Maki zipped the front of her jacket up higher heading to the station in the back with all the beverages lined up against the wall. She pulled out two medium cups, it had been a long day, way to long but at least all the drama had died down. When they got back home she could crawl into bed with Nico and sleep the rest if the day. She didn't have work till tomorrow anyway and classes were in the evening. 

The redhead stared at the machine debating, Eli hadnt told her what kind of coffee she wanted or how sweet...fuck it she'd get it black, and if she didn't like it, served her right for causing so much trouble. Taking turns she filled the two cups of coffee to the brim, covering either of them with a lot and slipping the cardboard heat protectors on each. 

The tune of some foreign american song played, and for a second nostalgia washed over her, she missed the christmas songs. Time moved too fast.

Oh well.

Carefully Maki picked up a sweet bun from on of the heated display racks, it wouldnt be as good as Honokas but it would suffice. Although she was definently going to make the baker whip something up when she got better. Hopefully soon. 

The couple in front of her finished paying as soon as she stepped up to the register, and thank god they did, the little cardboard holders were doing little to keep the head from the scalding coffee at bay. For a brief break from it she set the coffees on the counter, the teenager behind it didn't even attempt small talk. They yawned scanning the items on speaking up to say the price while he bagged her sweet bun.

Wordlessly Maki handed him the cash, getting a couple pennies back in exchange. She pocketed them cursing her awkwardness for making her feel rushed even though there was no one in line behind her. It was dumb, you'd think someone her age would grow out of something like that. 

She inwardly sighed picking up the two hot coffees again, the smell alone waking her up a little, she had to admit that maybe she was getting addicted to the beverage but every college kid needed to stay awake somehow and this was better than drugs..maybe. 

Maki readjusted one of the beverages in her hand just before an a loud sound ripped throughout the area. Eyes wide the redhead looked at the racks around her shake, the cashier in just as a shocked state. The shaking didn't last long, only a few seconds at most.

An earthquake?Maybe but what the hell was that sound?

Wearily she walked out of the store, the airport was disturbingly loud, a lot of commotion was going on near the large glass windows as crowds of people made there way over. 

This was strange, what happened? Was it the earthquake? 

As Maki neared the wall of glass cracks in it became visable, large cracks running all throughout the framework. 

"Someone call the police!" 

"Oh my god..oh my god."

"Holy shit."

"Is anyone calling the police we need an ambulance immediately!"

It suddenly registered when Maki was able to find a spot clear enough to get through to the glass. The screaming and the yelling, the crying it suddenly hit her in the face. The people suddenly milling about like bees pacing and freaking out.

It wasn't an earthquake.

She could feel her knees shake, arms going numb. The two coffees fell from her hands and onto the floor the hot liquid splashing up at her pants.

The heat of the flames could practically be felt, the smoke was already finding it's way into the airport.

Not an earthquake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...yah this is the beginning of the second arc so theres an incoming shit storm. But ayyyy finally a different POV this time from Umi! 
> 
> Now that things are picking up maybe I'll be more motivated to write but again thanks for all the support thus far I really appreciate it 
> 
> Please excuse all my errors this isnt edited and as always please stay safe out there and look after yourselves love you guys <3


	42. Read

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It didn't sound like a nice story at all, the synopsis of it sounded so gritty and pessimistic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya guys I'm back earlier than expected! This chapter contains some graphic descriptions of injuries? In my opinion are pretty tame for now. 
> 
> Anyhow thank you for all your continued support and I'll see yah in the notes after the chap!

She sighed, people always thought she was a lot younger than she really was, everyone always treated her like a little kid but she was in highschool. But everyone seemed to forget that, the person most guilty of doing so being her big sister.

Alyssa watched her older sibling out of the corner of her eye as she balanced a pencil on her upper lip. She was supposed to be studying japanese but the subject was always so hard it stressed her out. 

"Stop that."

The pencil fell from above her lip onto the study at the sudden words. 

She was watching her. Eli was always so vigilant, nothing got passed her sister. "Heh sorry."

"How much have you finished?"

"Uhh.." Looking down at her mostly blank paper she gulped, "almost.."

"Almost?"

"A-almost.. uhmmm." 

She couldn't even feel the elders presence until the girl was right next to her mouth level to her ear bending down looking over her shoulder. Eli tsked, "Almost nothing, what's wrong Alyssa? I've gone over these symbols with you a thousand times."

The smaller whined, dragging her feet up onto the rolling chair. "Kanji is hard, I get it when it's just the symbols by themselves but when you start putting them together and stuff my brain just can't process it. It all looks the same."

Alyssa couldn't help feeling bad, she wanted to make her big sister proud she really did but it was hard. It was so hard to try and live up to her sister's legacy of honor roll, school president. Especially when she was nowhere near as good at schoolwork. It was really inconvenient the way her mind worked. Throw any trivia on idols and celebrities, ask her what any lyrics to a song were, and she could tell you. But the kanji spelling for 'juice' she couldn't tell you. 

Eli sighed leaning back up and placing her hands on her hips, a stance that normally would make her feel intimated if it weren't for the endearing smile on the blondes face. "Ah I see, we'll just have to find some sort of way for you to memorize it. Come up with some connotations maybe. I'll look into it later." 

She was already walking back to the velvet seat at the other end of the room, the smaller taking notice of a book with various sticky notes attached. Alyssa hummed,"Thanks." She turned her chair to face her, "What is that, you've got it all marked up."

"Oh this?" Eli picked up the book, the faded red cover with bold black lettering becoming slightly visible. "It's my book for this semester."

"What's it about?" Alyssa moved her paperwork to the side, she'd ask anything to get out of homework.

Her sister paused briefly, thinking, she always thought too much. "Its about a man who plans to kill a pawn broker because he lives in poverty, it drives him crazy and well..he does end up killing her. It's not a pretty story but it's a lesson on morals and mental health and how bad situations can lead you to make bad choices." Another brief pause, "Not a book for a little girl like you."

Alyssa nodded, biting the tip of her nail. It didn't sound like a nice story at all, the synopsis of it sounded so gritty and pessimistic.

"Do you like it?"

Eli folded her long legs under her in the chair, the yellow light of the lamp next to her catching on the silken nightgown, her older sister was always so breathtaking, so much so you could almost overlook the bruises, almost.

She opened the book bringing the black frames down from atop her head and back onto the bridge of her nose. "I do, I don't know why but I feel like in some way I can relate to him."

That was something, "What?" 

The younger tilted her head confused, but she just shook her head, a small chuckle filling the silent space. "Nothing, nothing. Now quit trying to distract me and finish your worksheet before it's time to sleep alright."

It was more of a demand than a question.

Groaning Alyssa swiveled back to face her paper, bringing the damn thing back over to her and picking up the mechanical pencil. This worksheet was going to take her all night…

What was kanji for night again?

\-----------

Umi wasn't sure what was happening, her mind couldn't begin to process what was wrong, the only thing she knew was her gut was telling her this was extremely bad. 

Her stomach flip flopped as another bought of turbulence rocked the cabin, a glass of water across the aisle spilling, the liquid rolling till it puddled next to her black sneakers. Instinctively the bluenette turned in her seat, eyes roaming until they came upon the blonde girl and her family. They looked startled but ok.

But still, her feeling wasn't subsiding. 

Suddenly her chin made impact with the top of her headrest, the unsuspecting pain causing her to reel back headphones falling out of her ears as yet another wave of turbulence passed. 

This wasn't normal, Umi had been on countless planes, she'd experience turbulence before but never like this. The vibrations made her body shake so hard she could practically feel what felt like her brain hitting against her skull. 

Without thinking the archer sunk back into her seat, her arms scrambling for purchase, one against the window and the other gripping tightly to the armrest. 

It's fine, this is fine!

It's just turbulence! Just a little rough patch and then it would be smooth sailing! Just hold on! Wait it out! Wai-

The cabin filled with screams, a sharp force pushing everyone to the right. The woman next to her in particular screamed out the loudest her ringed finger accidentally hitting Umi right on the cheek. It was accompanied shortly by an oxygen mask that bumped against her head a couple times, the lights flickering shortly.

Oh god! Oh god!

The ringed hand was on her again, well manicured nails digging into the cuff of her hoodie she'd put on. Umi's eyes frantically followed the hand to the woman beside her, pure fear and panic on the woman's face. She was crying, mascara smudging under slate blue eyes, chest rising and falling quickly.

"We're going to die! We're all going to die!"

The words echoed in her head for what felt like minutes and no at the same time like no time at all. 

Die.

They wouldn't die.

They couldn't.

No.

But they could…

Her doubts were only amplified by the ear piercing grating sound of metal against metal and another rocking.

Shit!

Shit! Shit! 

Where was the staff?! What the hell was going on?!

This wasn't happening! She wasn't going to let this happen!

Umi grabbed the hand of the business woman next to her giving it a firm squeeze. The feeling of absolute helplessness bloomed in her chest as the woman looked into her eyes. She had to do all she could to keep her voice from cracking.

"We're fine! It's going to be ok we're-

"We're going to die! I don't want to die! Oh god Ms. I don't want to die like this!" The woman shrieked sobbing, hand tightening around her own painful as the rocking grew immensely stronger. 

She felt queasy, discouraged even, but thinking like that would get them nowhere.

"No! No! It's ok! Everything's ok! We just need to put these on! "The bluenette's other hand grabbed for her oxygen mask, "We need to put it on and breathe ok? Nice deep breathes!"

It felt like she was talking to a child, the woman next to her didn't make any move to put on her mask.

There wasn't time for this! She usually had manners but this wasn't the time!

The archer grabbed onto the others mask, fumbling for it a couple times before getting a good grip. "I'm going to put it on you!" She didn't give the woman enough time to reply sliding the mask over her nose and mouth and securing it into place.

Her fingers worked nimbly on her own mask, her brain was running on autopilot. 

The stewardess from before Fumiko stumbled into the cabin, she nearly fell onto a passenger tripping in her high heels. Umi couldn't hear what she was saying over the noise of metal that seemingly increased to grow in sound but she could guess what the woman was saying.

Fasten your seat belts, put your mask on, don't waste time putting on your child's and put on your own, assume the brace position.

This was happening.

Everyone in the cabin had listened for the most part, people's heads disappearing around Umi as they ducked down. Even the woman next to her was doing it, although her hand still held onto hers, and she was still sobbing. Gut wrenching desperate sobs that made her want to cry too.

She should duck down, do what she's told like everyone else but her gut was telling her not to. That it would make it worse. And in a sickening way..if it was going to happen she wanted to see it. It was morbid but akin to the feeling of not wanting to go under during a surgery. She wanted to be able to know, to see, to anticipate. Not cower and not know when.

That and her gut feeling was screaming not to.

The bluenette's grip tightened watching as Fumiko fell, the young lady desperately trying to pull herself into a chair as they were thrashed around. Her stomach felt like it was going into her chest at a new sudden feeling.

Falling.

The plane was falling, they were losing altitude!

Her eyes darted to the window on her right, the ground below zooming close to them at a rapid pace.

This was it.

This was the end.

The intercom hadn't even gone off once, but it didn't need to, nothing needed to be said. They were going to die.

It felt like she was being doused in warm water, a calmness washing over her, was this acceptance? That she was going to die, they were going to crash. Yah..acceptance. There was nothing she could do, crying wouldn't help, screaming wouldn't help, it was inevitable.

Taking a deep breath Umi leaned back against her seat, eyes keeping track of the very so nearing ground even as the smell of smoke still somehow managed to make it's way into her lungs. There had to be a lot of it then. The smoke. Those poor people in the other classes. They had it worse didn't they? She remembered hearing something about the end of the plane taking most of the brunt force turbulence. 

Help them all.

Make it quick.

Time felt like it was slowing down. The cabin was hot, too hot, and she could practically see the lines of the road, see the masses of people all around.

She couldn't help it. It was only human nature to try and protect oneself.

Umi ripped her hand away from the woman next to her. She didn't even know her name. And wrapped both arms around her head protectively. Her eyes screwed tight as soon as the first sounds of crushing metal met her ears.

And then it was quiet.

Then there was a buzzing in her ears, a loud thrum that overpowered the crackling flames and groaning metal. 

Plane.

Plane?

Hot.

Dizzy.

Numb.

It felt like her entire body was in a similar state to cotton mouth. Thoughts on the tip of her tongue but not fully coherent. She had woken up? Passed out? Time had to have gone by maybe. She wasn't sure, wasn't sure about anything just that something was wrong.

Something.

She watched as her hand twitched in front of her, she couldn't still move it, that was good? Right? Yah, no definitely yah.

Umi shook her head numbly, taking off the mask before searching for the restraint she felt around her waist. The buckle unlatched easier than she expected it to, and the archer moved to pull it back across her lap.

That was blood wasn't It? Her blood. On the seat belt? 

Suddenly her hands were shaking, brown eyes going wide, Umi became acutely aware of all the blood around her, eyes flickering from the seatbelt in her lap to the seat in front of her splattered with blood, the liquid dripping everywhere on the floor. Slowly her gaze reached the woman who had been sat next to her.

"Gh-hmm!" A terrible noise ripped through her throat that felt just too congested. The lady who had been sitting next to her was doubled over on herself, eyes wide open and bulging, her neck obviously broken, pieces of the woman's bone threatening to poke out of her neck. Blood was running from her nose and her mouth steadily falling to the ground.

Look away!

Stop looking!

Stop it Sonoda! Stop it!

Forcing herself to look away the bluenette looked back down at her own lap. Move, move come on move. It's not that hard it's nothing, this is nothing,move it! 

Her eyes burned, tears building up in the corners as her hand shakily moved back down to her seat belt grabbing it by the shiny buckle. She had to do this, suck it up and get it over with, she was an athlete she could do this simple task. 

Slowly, the archer moved her arm tugging on the belt, there was blood coming out, blood was staining the belt a deep red, and she could feel an odd warmth pooling in her lap.

It had cut into her. Oh my god..

Umi kept pulling, watching bleary eyed as the rest was pulled out of her abdomen. When she had finally gotten the damn thing off she let it drop, the metal buckle clanging against the floor loudly.

Move, keep moving, it might explode, keep moving.

Despite all the blood dripping down, and the large wound covering her mid section she couldn't feel anything, besides the fact she couldn't get enough air in. Her breathing was labored as she stood up from her seat almost stumbling forward at the steep angle. The plane was tilted sideways on it's right, the nose, or what had been the nose angled downwards. 

The bluenette looked towards the first emergency exit that had been shown, it was a couple rows in front of her, or at least it had been.

The overwhelming heat was coming from that direction, flames licking at the feet a mère five feet in front of her. Black smoke starting to fill the upper cabin at an alarming rate. She couldn't use that exit, she had to find another one.

Sparing one more regretful look at the woman Umi limped her way up the aisle. Breathing was getting harder by the second and the brown eyed girl used her sleeve to cover her nose and mouth. 

Everywhere she looked was still, nothing moving besides shrapnel of plane, and oxygen bags, the people that were all in the cabin with her were still, dreading still. Her eyes burned even more now, from on onslaught of tears? Or perhaps just more smoke but the archer kept pushing forward trying to ignore all the vacant bodies filling the seats.

As she neared the back of the cabin a familiar head of blonde hair caught her eye. 

That's right.

The girl alyssa, she was supposed to be watching over her.Umi heaved, rapidly coughing, a splatter of blood covering her sleeve. 

The little girl was still, the blood that was covering her was alarming but she wasn't Sure if it was the little girls or not. The mother who was on the girls right pieced of glass lodged into the back of her neck and hands and the father like the lady before looked to have a snapped neck. They were both dead, Alyssa was most likely dead, but it bothered her...leaving the girl there bothered her.

Maybe it was just because she was a fan, or a child, but knowing that she would burn in there with the rest of the bodies left her uneasy.

She couldn't.

With whatever effort she could muster Umi set on getting to Alyssa. She had to move the father out of the way to get to her. Removing the man's seat belt was fairly easy, looking at him he didn't seem to be hurt as much besides for his neck. 

Wrapping her arms around the man's shoulder she grunted pulling him haphazardly up, breathing in too much smoke she momentarily felt too dizzy again. She groaned loudly, using as much force to toss him off of her, the man crumpling to the floor by her feet taking notice of the audible crack

Air.

Fresh air.

Fresh air or she was going to pass put and die.

Hurry up Sonoda come on! Your coach would be laughing at how long you're taking!

Forcing her legs to move she stepped over the father's legs pushing her body between the two rows of seats till she could get to the girl. Deftly she moved the girls upper body up reaching for the belt that was securely wrapped around her waist. It was less of a hassle, Alyssa barely weighed anything, getting it off of her was fairly simple.

Umi did her best turning her back towards the blood and kneeling down in the cramped space. Her arm reached blindly behind her till her fingers caught onto the familiar material of the girl's small backpack. Thank god she hadn't taken it off.

Desperately, I pulled on the bag, the girl slowly being dragged forwards onto Umi, She pulled until she could grab hold of the girls sweater using it as leverage to yank until Alyssa was unceremoniously draped across her back limply. As carefully as she could the brown eyed girl stood up, hand on the back of the others thighs, she would have to stay hunched forward slightly or the weight of the limp body would fall over. 

She let out a deep shaky sigh. In the time it took for her to grab the girl the flames had reached just a row behind them. 

Keep going. It's just like practice, test your limits and keep pushing forward. The next goal, the next goal: get out of there alive.

Choking back another cough the bluenette took the next unsure steps. The next emergency exit was in between the two cabins, just a bit further away. 

Umi focused on her black sneakers, shiny and wet with fresh blood still dripping out from her injury. Surely it was really bad to bleed this much right? But she was still moving, still breathing, she was the best after all, something like this couldn't take her down, she refused to. 

Thoughts of triumphing over the next goal sent a surge of motivation through the archer, her strides becoming larger. She was aware she was exerting her body to its limits, there was too much smoke, too much blood, but damn it all she was Sonoda Umi! Renown archer, dancer, a martial arts prodigy! She-!

Umi stilled, sneaker hitting tender flesh.

Her body shook, eyes unable to tear away from the body in front of her. On the floor next to the bathroom was the young girl Fumiko, her body splayed out, limbs bent in a way that was unnatural, mouth and eyes blown wide. Blood poured from her nose and the girls head, a good portion of skin missing from the girls temple.

She hadn't made it. She hadn't buckled down fast enough..she was too busy instructing everyone else to do that she had been thrown around like a ragdoll..

The air felt caught in her lungs, throat stinging painfully. 

Fumiko had been kind, so kind and young..but she couldn't carry two bodies.

With a heavy heart Umi stepped over the stewardess' body, mindful not to even accidentally step on her hair. She had pretty hair, Umi should have complimented her when she had the chance. 

You can't take back what's already happened, keep going. 

The archer managed to reach the small area between cabins, almost slipping at the increasing steep angle. The emergency exit was right there, the glimmering sign above it illuminating the dark plane. 

Fresh air.

Escape.

Win.

Win. Win. Win.

Stumbling forward she hit the door with a grunt forehead hitting the door with a smack. She was losing it.

Losing her head. Losing her thoughts.

Smoke. All smoke. And hot, too hot.

Swallowing the large mass in her throat Umi removed one hand from around the girl's thigh to the hand. She tried desperately shaking it harshly a few times but it wouldn't budge. But this was it, they didn't Have any other choice she had to do this, had to make this work, had to get fresh air. 

With the last remaining force in her body Umi twisted the handle throwing herself against the exit. 

Falling.

Cold.

The air was so cold.

Something crunched. 

A sudden pang of agony ran throughout her head, vision doubling. 

What was she doing again? 

Her unstable gaze landing on the little blonde girl next to her, unmoving, small body being pelted with rain, the smell of kerosene mixing in with the smoke. 

Oh yeah, her goal, getting them out..

Fresh air.

Living.

Umi's senses seemed to dull all at once, a euphoric warmth cascading over her body even with the relentless rain. It was hard to breathe but she wasn't scared, not scared at all, just disappointed.

For once, Sonoda Umi could not finish her goal.

\---------

Nozomi stared at the black tv screen, complete darkness had encompassed the room but she couldn't bring herself to turn on the lights. She felt awful. Maybe it was because she lost a friend, if she could even call Eli that but something wa6snt sitting well in her chest, so much so she couldn't even sleep.

It's not like she could really sleep, in her room at least. She'd given up trying to pick up everything a long time ago, there was too many things and she was just tired? Something was wrong, she hadn't felt this way in a long time. Like her chest was being constricted by solemnity.

Why was she feeling this way, it's not like anyone had died.

\---------

Maki couldn't move, her mouth gaped open as she watched the flames steadily rise from the cockpit of the plane. This was real? This...this plane..it crashed.

People were hurt.

Hurt and she couldn't move.

"Oh my god there you are!" 

The redhead turned away from the cracked glass, Ayase's larger frame barreling towards her. The blondes hand wrapped too tightly against her arm. "Let go! We have to go! That was her!"

She was being pulled before she could even process what the other girl was even talking about. 

Go? As in get closer? That was dangerous right? And why did she want to go? Her sister was that 'her'? "My god you're moving so slow come on!" 

The next harsh tug made her shoulder pop audibly, a spark of pain running through her arm. It snapped some sense into her at least. Maki was a medical student, no matter Elis motives, Maki was trained for this kind of thing. Sort of. At least to some degree and any help was good help.

Shaking her head of the present fogginess the younger quickened her pace almost equally matching the blonde, the said girl busting through an emergency exit. The bright red siren above rang out loudly as the two girls made it outside. It was cold, rain stinging her cheeks and getting into her eyes, cold air burning her lungs. 

Holy shit…

Holy shit this was bad..this was so bad…

It got harder to suppress the shakiness of her legs and the pit of nausea growing in her stomach the closer they got to the crashed plane. It hadn't crashed far from the airport, it was maybe a mile or two away. It was surprising, how fast they were getting there. The redhead chalked it up to adrenaline, people could pull off crazy feats when they got a high, especially in situations like this. She could remember the stories her mother and father would tell eachother about mothers being able to lift cars off their children, a boy running miles after a little girl who had been kidnapped by a car. The human body really was incredible.

She just hoped it was incredible enough for there to be survivors. 

The grip on her arm had disappeared, a head full of blonde hair whizzing ahead of her straight towards the clump of metal and flame. Maki could feel the flames now, burning hot and wild, a certain smell drifted into her nose, it smelled close to gasoline and sent another pang of hesitations through her chest.

Don't be so useless keep going.

It was an odd feeling to say the least. To be sweaty and wet, cold but hot, to not be able to breath but breathing so heavily. 

She slowed down, the plane had to be a couple hundred feet in front of her.

This shit really was the stuff of nightmares

A terrifying creak of metal was ringing out, the plane groaning and moaning as it tried to settle but the raging fire in front was causing pieces to collapse. Maki could see, see inside the windows of the upper plane...completely in flames..everyone in the front had to be dead by now there was just no way. No way anyone could ever survive that.

"My god…" Her body was shaking, any thoughts stalled. How was she even supposed to go about this? How was she supposed to help? What could she do? It seemed useless, all of it seemed so useless. Teeth chattering and legs moving she didn't notice how close she was getting, lilac eyes wide and lit up with orange flames, a few embers carried by the wind stinging her beneath her eye.

"F-fuck." Maki's voice came out weak, a clammy hand cradling where the ember had landed.

"Nishikino! Nishikino god dammit listen to me!" 

The redhead turned towards the voice.

"Get over here for fucks sake!" Eli was near the middle of the plane, crouched right beneath the lifted exit and...next to bodies?.."Maki! You bitch get over here please!"

Subconsciously she nodded, "coming."

Forcing her legs to move closer she noticed the outline more clearly, two bodies. There was two bodies right near Ayase laying on the ground..lying eerily still in the fire light. 

"This can't be real this can't be real! Alyssa please! Alyssa please wake up! Wake up this isn't funny!" 

Maki watched as Eli picked up the small body from its place next to the other still corpse, the blonde pulling it into her lap. She could hardly hear the approaching sirens or flashing lights, not over the guttural crying of the girl she had known to be so stoic and put together most of the time.

Her crying was hard to listen to, so desperate and full of anguish...it reminded her too much of..that day..

She had looked like that right? Holding Nico in the middle of the sidewalk as she died..this was almost the same, no it was the same. It was..it was a lot. Too much so, she knew this feeling, the heart sinking soul crushing experience of holding the lifeless body of a loved one…

Bile rose up before she could will it down, Maki registered trying to stop it when it pooled into her mouth, but the throw up forced it's way out through her fingers and down her sleeve onto the ground underneath her, mixing in with kerosene and rain washed blood.

She dry heaved, vision blurring a little bit before coming back, an ugly feeling in her chest she just wanted to claw out. The redhead didn't want to be here anymore, she wanted to be at home, to be laying in Nicos arms and holding her tight. To verify she was there, there and alive and ok and that this wasn't happening. 

Her eyes couldn't help but wander to the other body beside them. Long black? Hair cover splayed all over covering most of the persons pale face. The slightest bit of blood was dried next to their mouth, but a large stream of blood was being carried away by the rain from the persons abdomen. It was hard to see much else, the position they had fallen from the exit from made it impossible to see the front of the body.

That didn't make it any less worse.

"Lets-..let's go." Her attention shifted, now back on Eli, the girl was sniffling, eyes blinking to try and get the rain or tears away. The small body was being cradled against her chest, the pitter patter of the rain ringing off the small backpack. 

"Eli.." Sirens, "Eli you can't, she..that's-"

"Shut up!" The redhead shifted back at the aggressiveness coming off the other girl. An absolutely feral unforgiving aura surrounding her that made her uncomfortable? Scared? "You shut the hell up! When you do it is fine but if I want to it's not?! She's fine! She's alive! She doesn't need-! We don't-! She's fine, let's get the hell out of here!"

The blue and red lights cascaded off the blonde's sharp features. "But what about the others?" She was quiet, meek, back to the side of herself she absolutely hated, the side nico hated.

"They're not my problem." 

Not her problem…

The words ringed out in her head, bouncing against the sirens and crackling and groaning. Not her problem..not her problem..this wasn't her..

Glancing back over to the solitary corpse Maki couldn't help the whine that escaped her, guilt flooding her chest as she walked after the blonde who was already jogging away.

She needed Nico.

\-----------

Honoka's warm breath fanned over her face, a mix between years old grape flavored pain relief and strawberry chapstick wafting a smell that she couldn't quite place. Something nostalgic.

The brunette had refused to take any regular pain relief tablet before bed, the only thing she'd take willingly being Nozomi's old medicine. Probably not a healthy or safe choice but it was amusing nonetheless, although Nico wasn't a big fan of the taste of purple, that stuff didn't taste like grape at all.

Her fingers traced over the curve of her bottom lip, the flesh tender and possibly bruised. Honoka's gentle timid kisses had turned into something desperate and rough, nothing like any kisses she shared with Maki...but hell the kisses she shared with the redhead were far and few between and as chaste as a childish peck. This was an entirely different thing, a different feeling. 

Nico's cheeks heated up thinking back at it, the way Honoka's back curved as she sat up slightly, the way she held back a pained groan during their kiss, taking her pain out on her bottom lip swiping her tongue and nibbling until the noirette got the hint to open her mouth. It had been a sloppy kiss, partially due to the angle and Nico's own inexperience.

She was so inexperienced…

It hadn't occurred to her how much she didn't know, Nico could even be considered naive and innocent. She couldn't decipher the odd feelings, on one hand she had felt warm, tingly, but on the other hand something had kept her from enjoying it too much. It was probably just her self confidence, her inexperience it was that. It had to be that. She felt off because Honoka had touched her right?

Honoka had ran her hand under Nico's shirt, she had felt her scars, that's what it was.

The briefest scent of coffee drafted by.

The noirettes hand fisted at the red pillowcase, the scent of Maki making her irrationally angry...but she felt bad. 

Why the hell did this room have to smell like her? Why did it linger even with Honoka right there. Honoka who smelled like sweet bread, bad medicine and too waxy chapstick. Just why? Why was she always in the back of her mind? 

It wasn't fair.

Letting go of the pillowcase, her hand drifted to the baker's face, a dainty finger tracing the younger girl's pronounced cheekbones. There was no doubt about it, Honoka was pretty, Nico couldn't help her heart's small flutter when her blue eyes opened, half lidded and tired, rubbing her smooth cheek against the noirettes hand. She mumbled something incoherent before her eyes closed again, her breathing evened out. 

It was late wasn't it? No light peeked through the blinds so it still had to be. Even if she wasn't tired she still needed to sleep. Honoka wouldn't mind her staying right? She had told her to, hell made out with her too so it wouldn't hurt to cuddle? Or maybe she could convince Honoka to stay up and distract her some more.

God what was she thinking? that was selfish. She'd just have to make do, wait until she fell asleep next to Kousaka while trying to ignore the smell of coffee grounds and the way it made her stomach hurt.

\-------

Kayochin<3: Rin I'm so sorry that I didn't listen to you, can we please talk?

Read

Kayochin<3: Please Rin I'm sorry, please answer me

Read

Kayochin<3: I can see you're reading these please answer

Read

Kayochin<3: I'm willing to change just please come back

Read

Kayochin<3: I'll do anything for you nyannyan 

Read

Kayochin<3: I love you please say something

Read

Kayochin<3: I get that your mad I would be too but don't ignore me 

Read

Kayochin<3: once the contracts over I'll stop

Read

Kayochin<3: We can move somewhere just the two of us 

Read

Kayochin<3: we'll be happy I promise

Read

Kayochin<3: please, please don't hate me I love you

Read

Kayochin<3: rin?

Read

Kayochin<3: Rin you're starting to scare me 

Read

Kayochin<3: say anything please

Read

Kayochin<3: you can say you hate me just please tell me something I'm worried 

Read

Kayochin<3: I know I don't deserve this but please at least give me some peace of mind

Read

Kayochin<3: rin???

Read

Kayochin<3: Rin please I'm begging you it's been hours

Read

Kayochin<3: I'm really scared right now rin please respond

Read

Kayochin<3: Rin please

Read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao ok so looks like I might have to make start 4 document because the google app crashed on me like six times while I tried transferring my writing here.
> 
> Anyhow I hope you got some enjoyment outta this really I'm just itching to get to a certain part in this story already but theres still some more drama to ensue! 
> 
> Sorry for the erratic uploads and tha ks you for everything I hope my spelling errors weren't too bad. You all are amazing and thanks for the motivation!
> 
> Have a good day everyone and stay safe and take care of yourself <3


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